Hello. Long-time Muppet fan, first time poster. I'll introduce myself with a story. Hopefully I'm doing this right; if I make a mistake, feel free to swat my onna nose with a rolled-up paper.
I wrote this after realizing that Camilla was missing from
Muppets from Space. A film about Gonzo that leaves out his lady love? What the heck? So here's my stab at an explanation and resolution of that issue. I hope you enjoy it.
*****
Bein’ Blue
By Kim McFarland
It was early afternoon, and Gonzo was finishing breakfast. He wasn’t the only one; some of the others who lived at the boarding house hadn’t even awakened yet.
It had been an exciting night. Gonzo had been kidnapped by a secret government agency and nearly de-brained by their resident mad scientist. Then he had been shot out of a cannon, and had come close to leaving Earth on his long-lost alien family’s spaceship. He had made it through the experience unscathed, but otherwise it had been a perfect day.
Almost perfect, Gonzo thought as he gazed at the framed photos on the shelves next to the table. Kermit and a few of his frog family. Fozzie and his mother. Miss Piggy and her two nephews. Himself... alone in the distance on a beach on a cloudy day. It was a sad, melodramatic picture. And, Gonzo realized, it wasn’t right for him, not anymore. He wasn’t alone. He had
two families. One had come across space for him, and the other had rescued him when his desperation to find his origin had led him into peril. Lonely? Not with Kermit, Rizzo, Fozzie, Animal... Camilla.
Ouch.
Gonzo and Camilla had been together for years. She was the hen of his heart. But recently they had somehow drifted apart. It amazed him to realize that he had lost interest in her during his identity crisis, just as he had lost interest in performance art. Without his art and his chicken, what was he? A melancholy, lonely weirdo. Last night’s revelations had been a powerful catharsis and, he decided, he was finished with being lonely and depressed!
*
Later that day, Sam the Eagle–whose eyes looked a little red, as if he had not gotten enough sleep; there was an epidemic of that today–was leading a trio of hens in their daily workout. Gonzo watched appreciatively from the stairway. One of them was Camilla. He could recognize her voice, though from the back he couldn’t tell which one she was. Even after all these years, chickens still all looked alike; he recognized her by her voice and the way she acted. All three were lovely, poultry in motion.
When they finished they filed up the staircase. Gonzo smiled and said, “Hello, ladies!”
All three stared at him briefly. Then they exchanged looks and filed past him. They went to the balcony in which they roosted and settled into their boxes to rest and preen, and pointedly did not give him a second glance.
“That could have gone better,” he murmured to himself.
*
Gonzo tapped on the door of the balcony. “Can I come in?” He heard a grumbling cluck, and opened the door. “Thanks.”
The three hens were in their boxes, looking at him silently. He sat down so he could see them eye to eye. “I hope you don’t mind, girls. I need someone to talk to.”
Two of them looked at him hard. The third closed her eyes and scrunched down, her feathers puffing out as if she was going to take a nap. He said, “For the past, I don’t know, coupla months I’ve been feeling kinda down. Not kinda -
really down. I felt crummy and I didn’t know why. I guess I still don’t know what started it. I never minded being a ‘whatever’ before. I always figured, I’m me, same as anyone else. But somewhere along the line I guess I lost track of that.” He shook his head. “I felt rotten and I didn’t know what to do about it, so I didn’t do anything. I got depressed and didn’t want to talk to anybody about it ’cause I thought they’d laugh. So I shut up and felt worse and worse.” He sighed.
None of the chickens said anything. He continued, “I guess that was my big mistake. I felt all alone, but I wouldn’t have been alone if I hadn’t been the one pulling away. I mean, where’d I be without all my friends?” He chucked softly. “I’m The Great Gonzo, stunt artiste extraordinaire. How could I let myself get so messed up I forgot about the things that make life worth living? Where would I be without a stunt to do, friends to call an ambulance afterwards, and the most beautiful chicken in the world by my side?”
Two of the chickens looked at the third, whose expression had softened. Gonzo leaned back against the balcony, looking upward at the side of the building and clasping his hands around his knees. “When I think about it, I guess it seems kinda crazy. Not the kind of craziness people expect from me, either. But... you know, it turned out okay. At least now I know what I am. I’d rather be an alien from outer space than an almost-extinct freak. There are lots of others just like me. It’s nice to know that, you know, even though I couldn’t go back with ’em ’cause this is my real home. Maybe it’s just so I can stop worrying about it and think about what’s really important. And, well, wherever I came from, I’m still me. You’re still you, Camilla... and I hope we’re still us,” he finished softly. He held a three-fingered hand, palm up, out to the hen who had feigned disinterest.
She looked at it, then up at his face. He met her gaze. “Camilla? What do you say?”
She clucked softly and touched his hand with her wing.
“Aw, thanks, honey. C’mere,” he said, holding his arms out to her. With a flutter of her wings she hopped out of her nest and over to him. He hugged her, his fingers running through her warm feathers, and whispered, “I’m sorry, babe. I love you. I’ll never shut you out again.”
The other two chickens exchanged glances and said together, “Awww.”
She answered him by rubbing her beak against his blue-furred cheek. Then she drew back and pecked him. He startled and exclaimed “Hey!”
She pecked him several more times on the shoulder and chest. He flinched and held up his hands as if to defend himself, but did not try to push her away. Grinning, he said, “Hey, save it for later!”
She clucked agreement, causing the other two hens to exchange glances again. Gonzo asked, “Why don’t we go out now, just you and me?” She nodded. He got up and held the balcony door open for her.
*
Gonzo and Camilla were not seen at dinner that day. By the time they came back people had settled into their usual evening activities: playing poker, watching TV, jamming on various musical instruments, and causing minor explosions in the basement. When Rizzo the Rat saw Gonzo he said, “Where you two been? On a hot date, hey-hey?”
“Something like that,” Gonzo said amiably. Camilla fluttered up the stairs, and Gonzo went into the dining room. While the card players made their bets he took the back off of the beach picture and slid a strip of film in front of it. It showed a sequence of four pictures, taken in a photo booth, of him and Camilla mugging for the camera. With a nod of satisfaction he put it back in place.
*****
Gonzo, Camilla, Rizzo, and all other characters mentioned are copyright © The Muppets Studio, LLC and are used without permission but with much respect and affection. This story is copyright © Kim McFarland. Permission is given by the author to copy it for personal use only.
anywhoo great fanfic!
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