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Sam and Friends BookMarkFraggle
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Um. Hi. Don't mind me, I'm just the new guy you ordered.
Right. Soooo. Here's the opener of my story:
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The story launches some time in the undetermined future. After their stint with Muppets Tonight, the Muppets have decided to return to their roots. They are currently back in the Muppet Theater, putting on a weekly live variety show.
------------------------------------------------
Chapter One
Kermit was hurrying around backstage, attempting to get everything prepared for the night's show, which went live in just over an hour. He consulted his checklist to see what else needed his attention, but before he could read even one line, he felt a furry hand tug nervously on his elbow. He turned to find his old friend Fozzie Bear looking worried and a bit bashful.
"Um ... Kermit," began Fozzie. "Could I talk to you in private for a minute?"
"Does it have to be now, Fozzie? We've got a show soon."
Fozzie's eyes welled up with tears which he tried unsuccessfully to hide from the frog. "Oh, no, Kermit. It can wait. I'm sorry I interrupted you. You're so busy taking care of everything, and I just ... I just wanted to taaaaalk."
"Sheesh," muttered Kermit under his breath, but his kind froggy heart couldn't stand to see one of his best friends looking so glum. "It's okay, Fozzie," said Kermit out loud. "Sure we can talk. I'll get Clifford to look over things."
"You .. you mean it?" stammered Fozzie. "Are you sure you don't mind?"
"I'm sure, Fozzie. After all, what good is making millions of people happy if you can't make your closest friends happy?"
Fozzie hugged Kermit gratefully as he once again attempted to fight back tears. Kermit shook his head and lead his bear friend to a relatively secluded corner of the theater. He was a bit curious, but mostly afraid, to learn what had Fozzie acting like he was. He didn't have to wait long to find out, as Fozzie's words came tumbling out as soon as they sat down.
"I know it is silly, Kermit, but I've been really lonely lately," Fozzie explained.
"Lonely?" asked a befuddled Kermit. "But we're surrounded by all sorts of frogs and dogs and pigs and chickens and things. More friends than we've ever had before. How can you be lonely?"
"Fozzie blushed -- a tricky feat for a bear covered in fur. "Weeell," he explained, "it's just that, you know ... you've got Piggy, and Gonzo has Camilla, and even Animal is always chasing after some lady, and ..."
"And Pepe's got thousands of ladies, hokay?"
"Yeah," continued Fozzie, rolling on at full steam. "And Pepe's got thousands of ladies!"
"Pepe!" exclaimed Kermit. "What're you doing here? Why were you under that old curtain? You should know better than to eavesdrop!"
"But I was not eavesdropping, Kermin. I was accidentally listening to you while you could not see me. This is very different, hokay? It is not my fault you chose to talk where I was on siesta. Pepe did not want to hear about Mr. Pink Bowtie's problems with the womens, trust me on this, hokay?"
"Kermiiiiiit," wailed Fozzie, his ego deflating yet further as he realized that a king prawn was mocking his love life.
Kermit patted Fozzie on the back in what he hoped was a reassuring way as he turned a stern glare on Pepe. "You're right, Pepe. It isn't your fault we woke you up. But you could have let us know you were here right away, instead of listening in. Fozzie is your friend," he gently but forcefully reminded the typically thoughtless prawn.
"Yes, yes. I forget I heard anything, hokay? I am sorry my success with the ladies makes you feel bad about yourself, Fozzie. This is a cross I bear, hokay? Not everyone can be a sexy king prawn like me." Pepe held his arms out to both sides and shook his tiny body back and forth to demonstrate. "If you ever need help from your friend Pepe, I know a lot of hot clubs and even more hot ladies, hokay? You and Pepe can cruise, and Pepe will teach you how to impress the ladies! But only if you promise to change that tie ... even Pepe's reputation could not survive a tie like this, hokay?"
Fozzie fingered his tie defensively. "But I love my tie. You can't be a comedian without a good stand-up tie."
"And you can't get the ladies if you are a stand-up comedian, hokay?" Pepe retorted. "I go now, and I remember nothing! But think about Pepe's offer, hokay? Thousands of ladies. Thousands of hot, sexy ladies ... " And with that Pepe stumbled off, lost in his own dreams.
Fozzie turned his attention back to Kermit, who immediately made an effort to repair Fozzie's damaged sense of self worth. Pepe's distraction had given him time to formulate a new tact to try on his long-time friend.
"But Fozzie, you aren't the only single guy here. Look around," Kermit waved his hand vaguely in the direction of the main part of the theater." There's Sam, and Nigel, and Mahna Mahna, and Lubbuck Lou, and Crazy Harry, and ... and ... well a whole lot of people, really. Probably most of the gang."
"Yeah, I know," muttered Fozzie. "But Kermit ..." Fozzie glanced around and lowered his voice conspiratorially.
"Yeah Fozzie?"
"They're all weirdos," Fozzie whispered as if this explained everything.
"But Fozzie, Gonzo's the biggest weirdo of us all!"
"And even HE has somebody!" wailed Fozzie as he dropped back into full fledged sorrow.
Kermit wrinkled his nose in amazement at Fozzie's incredibly circular reasoning, but experience had taught him there was no use correcting Fozzie's logic. It generally only resulted in making the poor bear even more confused. He struggled to think of a new approach to take with Fozzie, but Scooter flew over and interrupted them before he could rally his thoughts.
"We got a big problem boss," Scooter declared matter-of-factly.
"How big?" asked Kermit defeatedly, already fearing the answer.
"Probably at least Sweetums big," said Scooter after giving it a few seconds' thought.
"Well ask Clifford to deal with it. Tell him I'm busy right now and need the help."
"Clifford is under it, boss."
"Under it?"
"Yeah, boss. And so are Droop, Rizzo, Beauregard, Beaker, Zoot,"-- Scooter ticked the names off on his fingers as he listed them -- "Miss Mousey, I think Andy and Randy, Gonzo -- but I'm pretty sure he enjoys it, Bobo, and Timmy Monster."
"Good grief, Bobo and Timmy Monster? That sounds bigger than a Sweetums sized problem, Scooter."
"Yeah, you're probably right boss. Oh, and we haven't been able to line up a guest for tonight. And the Muppaphone caught a cold. And Miss Piggy says she can't perform tonight because the dress for her act doesn't sparkle enough."
"Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" shouted Kermit in an attempt to silence Scooter. "So what you are telling me," panted the harried frog, "is that in addition to whatever problem you mentioned just previously, most of the acts for our show, which starts in ..."
"Forty-five minutes, boss," offered Scooter helpfully.
"... starts in forty-five minutes, thank you. Most of our acts are not ready to go on stage."
"None of our acts except Fozzie, boss," confirmed Scooter.
"Right, well maybe Fozzie can do a longer bit," suggested Kermit as his thoughts spun wildly into damage control. "That'll make up for at least one act."
Kermit and Scooter turned back towards Fozzie for his approval, only to discover their old friend was gone.
Right. Soooo. Here's the opener of my story:
------------------------------------------------
The story launches some time in the undetermined future. After their stint with Muppets Tonight, the Muppets have decided to return to their roots. They are currently back in the Muppet Theater, putting on a weekly live variety show.
------------------------------------------------
Chapter One
Kermit was hurrying around backstage, attempting to get everything prepared for the night's show, which went live in just over an hour. He consulted his checklist to see what else needed his attention, but before he could read even one line, he felt a furry hand tug nervously on his elbow. He turned to find his old friend Fozzie Bear looking worried and a bit bashful.
"Um ... Kermit," began Fozzie. "Could I talk to you in private for a minute?"
"Does it have to be now, Fozzie? We've got a show soon."
Fozzie's eyes welled up with tears which he tried unsuccessfully to hide from the frog. "Oh, no, Kermit. It can wait. I'm sorry I interrupted you. You're so busy taking care of everything, and I just ... I just wanted to taaaaalk."
"Sheesh," muttered Kermit under his breath, but his kind froggy heart couldn't stand to see one of his best friends looking so glum. "It's okay, Fozzie," said Kermit out loud. "Sure we can talk. I'll get Clifford to look over things."
"You .. you mean it?" stammered Fozzie. "Are you sure you don't mind?"
"I'm sure, Fozzie. After all, what good is making millions of people happy if you can't make your closest friends happy?"
Fozzie hugged Kermit gratefully as he once again attempted to fight back tears. Kermit shook his head and lead his bear friend to a relatively secluded corner of the theater. He was a bit curious, but mostly afraid, to learn what had Fozzie acting like he was. He didn't have to wait long to find out, as Fozzie's words came tumbling out as soon as they sat down.
"I know it is silly, Kermit, but I've been really lonely lately," Fozzie explained.
"Lonely?" asked a befuddled Kermit. "But we're surrounded by all sorts of frogs and dogs and pigs and chickens and things. More friends than we've ever had before. How can you be lonely?"
"Fozzie blushed -- a tricky feat for a bear covered in fur. "Weeell," he explained, "it's just that, you know ... you've got Piggy, and Gonzo has Camilla, and even Animal is always chasing after some lady, and ..."
"And Pepe's got thousands of ladies, hokay?"
"Yeah," continued Fozzie, rolling on at full steam. "And Pepe's got thousands of ladies!"
"Pepe!" exclaimed Kermit. "What're you doing here? Why were you under that old curtain? You should know better than to eavesdrop!"
"But I was not eavesdropping, Kermin. I was accidentally listening to you while you could not see me. This is very different, hokay? It is not my fault you chose to talk where I was on siesta. Pepe did not want to hear about Mr. Pink Bowtie's problems with the womens, trust me on this, hokay?"
"Kermiiiiiit," wailed Fozzie, his ego deflating yet further as he realized that a king prawn was mocking his love life.
Kermit patted Fozzie on the back in what he hoped was a reassuring way as he turned a stern glare on Pepe. "You're right, Pepe. It isn't your fault we woke you up. But you could have let us know you were here right away, instead of listening in. Fozzie is your friend," he gently but forcefully reminded the typically thoughtless prawn.
"Yes, yes. I forget I heard anything, hokay? I am sorry my success with the ladies makes you feel bad about yourself, Fozzie. This is a cross I bear, hokay? Not everyone can be a sexy king prawn like me." Pepe held his arms out to both sides and shook his tiny body back and forth to demonstrate. "If you ever need help from your friend Pepe, I know a lot of hot clubs and even more hot ladies, hokay? You and Pepe can cruise, and Pepe will teach you how to impress the ladies! But only if you promise to change that tie ... even Pepe's reputation could not survive a tie like this, hokay?"
Fozzie fingered his tie defensively. "But I love my tie. You can't be a comedian without a good stand-up tie."
"And you can't get the ladies if you are a stand-up comedian, hokay?" Pepe retorted. "I go now, and I remember nothing! But think about Pepe's offer, hokay? Thousands of ladies. Thousands of hot, sexy ladies ... " And with that Pepe stumbled off, lost in his own dreams.
Fozzie turned his attention back to Kermit, who immediately made an effort to repair Fozzie's damaged sense of self worth. Pepe's distraction had given him time to formulate a new tact to try on his long-time friend.
"But Fozzie, you aren't the only single guy here. Look around," Kermit waved his hand vaguely in the direction of the main part of the theater." There's Sam, and Nigel, and Mahna Mahna, and Lubbuck Lou, and Crazy Harry, and ... and ... well a whole lot of people, really. Probably most of the gang."
"Yeah, I know," muttered Fozzie. "But Kermit ..." Fozzie glanced around and lowered his voice conspiratorially.
"Yeah Fozzie?"
"They're all weirdos," Fozzie whispered as if this explained everything.
"But Fozzie, Gonzo's the biggest weirdo of us all!"
"And even HE has somebody!" wailed Fozzie as he dropped back into full fledged sorrow.
Kermit wrinkled his nose in amazement at Fozzie's incredibly circular reasoning, but experience had taught him there was no use correcting Fozzie's logic. It generally only resulted in making the poor bear even more confused. He struggled to think of a new approach to take with Fozzie, but Scooter flew over and interrupted them before he could rally his thoughts.
"We got a big problem boss," Scooter declared matter-of-factly.
"How big?" asked Kermit defeatedly, already fearing the answer.
"Probably at least Sweetums big," said Scooter after giving it a few seconds' thought.
"Well ask Clifford to deal with it. Tell him I'm busy right now and need the help."
"Clifford is under it, boss."
"Under it?"
"Yeah, boss. And so are Droop, Rizzo, Beauregard, Beaker, Zoot,"-- Scooter ticked the names off on his fingers as he listed them -- "Miss Mousey, I think Andy and Randy, Gonzo -- but I'm pretty sure he enjoys it, Bobo, and Timmy Monster."
"Good grief, Bobo and Timmy Monster? That sounds bigger than a Sweetums sized problem, Scooter."
"Yeah, you're probably right boss. Oh, and we haven't been able to line up a guest for tonight. And the Muppaphone caught a cold. And Miss Piggy says she can't perform tonight because the dress for her act doesn't sparkle enough."
"Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" shouted Kermit in an attempt to silence Scooter. "So what you are telling me," panted the harried frog, "is that in addition to whatever problem you mentioned just previously, most of the acts for our show, which starts in ..."
"Forty-five minutes, boss," offered Scooter helpfully.
"... starts in forty-five minutes, thank you. Most of our acts are not ready to go on stage."
"None of our acts except Fozzie, boss," confirmed Scooter.
"Right, well maybe Fozzie can do a longer bit," suggested Kermit as his thoughts spun wildly into damage control. "That'll make up for at least one act."
Kermit and Scooter turned back towards Fozzie for his approval, only to discover their old friend was gone.
