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newsmanfan
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Part Four (the Last)
Gina tickled Newsie’s foot. “Better watch out. There are ticklebugs on the rise this spring, I hear.”
He yanked it away from her, grimacing. “Gina...”
She tried again, one hand creeping like a spider across the sofa toward his midsection. “Uh-oh. I think we need an exterminator.”
He leaned away, then scrunched himself into the far corner of the sofa, shooting her an unhappy glance before returning his tired stare to the TV. Gina frowned. Her Muppet, she’d discovered months ago, was actually a wicked sharp tickle-fighter, adept at wriggling out of holds and counterattacking anyplace she hadn’t protected...and fuzzy felted fingers were vicious implements of tickle torture, much to both of their delight. Man. He is REALLY down. She sighed, unsure how to get him out of this funk. She slid closer to him, and he allowed her arm over his shoulders; she felt his whole body rise and fall slowly in a sigh of his own. “Sweetie...you did great work. Sounds like tracking down the culprit was a ridiculous goose chase, but you did it.”
“So did Kermit.”
“Well, okay, but he used to do reporting too, right?” she asked; Newsie shrugged. “You’re not jealous of Kermit. You’re upset that he’s using someone else to deliver the news.”
“I told him to!”
“But it still bothers you,” she pointed out. Newsie gave a grudging nod. Gina hugged him; he remained unyielding at first, then sighed and hugged her back. “You did good work. Mystery solved.”
“But no one will even know that I...” he stopped, blushing. Gina caught his chin, lifting it gently, forcing him to look into tender grey eyes.
“I do. And Kermit does. And I’m sure word travels fast around the theatre, right?” He nodded, ashamed. Gina continued, “Aloysius...there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be recognized for something good you did. That’s not egotistical.”
“There’s...there are so many new fans,” he murmured, sinking down more within his new bathrobe; Gina had given him one of his Easter gifts early in hopes that it would cheer him a little. All it did was provide jellybean-printed cover for him to frump inside. “Young people, parents, people rediscovering us after years without a single thought...how are they going to know who...” He swallowed, and gruffly continued, “Who Link Hogthrob is? Why that couple kissing in the dark was humorous? The name of the monster who thought Jack Black had good dental habits?”
“Who you are,” Gina said quietly.
Newsie closed his eyes, hands clutching his robe tightly a moment. He forced himself to calm. “The reporter is not as important as the story,” he insisted.
“This one is,” Gina said, and caught him up in a kiss. When he broke, she held him, and stroked his hair, and kept kissing his cheeks, his prominent nose, giving him sanctuary to let it all out. Finally, he settled back again, wiping his eyes, embarrassed. She helped him polish his glasses and placed them back on his nose, and smiled at him.
“Thank you,” he muttered. He couldn’t meet her gaze.
She ran her fingers lightly over his soft auburn hair once more, and rose. “You should eat something. Wind down. Kermit will make sure the full story gets out to the public. Maybe he’ll place ads in the major papers or something.”
“Yes...yes, of course,” Newsie agreed, feeling ridiculous. Here he was, acting like a prima donna anchorman, when all he’d done was perform a few silly lines in a film, and then insist on the right of everyone who worked in that film to be credited for what they’d done. It isn’t as though you broke open a major cover-up, or went on location in a war zone, or even braved falling cows! Stop being such a wimp about it! So what if they don’t know your name! What of it? The news is about the news, not the reporter – if you start thinking otherwise, you’re no better than – than – that canned hairpiece Bart Fargo, that’s who! Angry at himself, he scowled.
“I was thinking soup and sandwich,” Gina offered, heading for the kitchen. “Something simple.”
“Sure. Thank you,” Newsie replied. He glared at the TV; a game show wherein contestants answering a pop culture question correctly were permitted to take a swing with a boxing glove at the other’s padded head, and all the questions seemed to involve celebrity scandals or reality shows. Geez. I bet this is where they got the idea for ‘Punch Teacher!’ Isn’t there anything worthwhile on? He began flipping channels, irritated and needing something to involve his brain with in order to smother the still-simmering thoughts of self-disgust.
The phone rang. Gina answered. “Hello? Uh...yes...yes he does. Wow. Um. Yes I am. Thank you! You’re, uh, you’re my second favorite anchor. After him, right. Hang on one sec.” She giggled; Newsie turned, puzzled. Who on earth could she be talking to? With a huge smile, Gina walked to the couch, muted the remote, and handed Newsie the phone. “It’s for you.”
Uncertainly, he cleared his throat and accepted the call. “Ahem...er...hello?”
“Is this the Muppet Newsman?”
“Uh...yes?”
“You’re sure about that. Because I need to talk to him.”
“Yes,” Newsie replied more firmly, curiosity aroused. The voice sounded vaguely familiar but he couldn’t place it.
“Good. Newsman, this is Brian Williams, from –“
“I know,” Newsie gulped, sitting up straight. Gina was beaming at him, standing just to the side of the sofa, soup spoon forgotten in her hand. “I...er...to what do I owe the honor, sir?”
“I understand you broke an important story recently concerning the incomplete accrediting of Muppets in the last film?”
“Er...yes?”
“Well, would you be willing to come on Block Center and deliver your report nationally? With the surge of Muppet mania sweeping the nation, it seemed like a great topic to cover on our next show. Could you be available –“
“I’ll be there! 30 Block Center! Yes, I know the building!” Excited, Newsie nearly fell off the sofa, beginning to pace the length of the living room. Gina gave him a happy, quiet round of applause.
The network anchor laughed. “You haven’t even heard when we’re taping yet.”
“I’ll be there,” Newsie promised, panicking a moment when he couldn’t locate his notepad around the couch or the coffee table. Gina smacked the grocery list in front of him along with a pen, and he quickly began writing. “When? What floor? I...I’m surprised you even knew about –“
“Hey, come on! I’ve been a Muppet fan for years!” Williams protested good-naturedly. “They even let me on Sesame Street a while back! Am I the first one to reach you?”
“Are you...what?”
“Conan hasn’t called yet? Or Hoda? Or Anderson?”
“I...er...no.” Baffled, Newsie blinked up at Gina; she just kept smiling at him. “Uh...why would they?”
“Are you kidding? A scoop about the Muppets, presented by the Muppet Newsman? Thank you for letting me be the first! Now...do you want us to work up some graphics for you, or did you already have something prepared for your report?”
They ironed out details quickly. When the famous anchor said goodbye and hung up, Newsie stood there, still holding the phone, stunned. Gina knelt and hugged him tight. “Congrats, cutie! This is fantastic!”
“I...I can’t believe it,” Newsie mumbled. “He wants me on his show! His show! Not even the nightly news...his special-reports show next Wednesday!” Amazement turned to panic. “Oh my frog – I need to call Rhonda! I need to pick out a good coat! I need to finish that list!”
“You need to set the phone down before you destroy it.”
“Oh...sorry.” Sheepishly he set it on the table, then recommenced wild arm-waving. “Gina! This is big! This is huge! This is –“
She shut him up with a deep kiss. “I love you,” she whispered.
He hugged her with all his strength, and she laughed. “I love you! Oh frog, oh frog, I have to get that report finished! I have to – I should get back to the theatre! I don’t know the penguins’ names! How do you tell them apart, anyway? Should we film everyone? Yes, that would be good – need a camera – need an intro –“
Gina let him go, shaking her head, simply standing back as her frantic Muppet spun around the apartment like a spring toy wound too tight. That’s the only problem with him, she thought; There’s no Off button for this. She sighed, happy and resigned, and went to finish warming the soup and build some unburnt pepper jack turkey sandwiches.
--------------------
The solemn anchorman with graying hair and wide green eyes faced the camera and spoke up as the theme music faded and the floor director cued him. “Next up tonight, someone whose face may be familiar to anyone who’s ever watched Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, or Fozzie Bear go through their comedic paces on The Muppet Show or in their new, successful comeback film. You may know his face, that is...but if he hadn’t caught a serious error in the film, you might not know his name: the Muppet Newsman.”
Newsie blinked at the second camera, doing his best to appear serious and not nervous. Not at all. Not him, the seasoned pro journalist, nope, not nervous in the least...
The third camera, a wide shot of them both sitting at either angle of the conversation corner seat on the news show’s set, caught Mr Williams gently taking the coffee cup from Newsie’s hand before his shaking could spill black liquid all over the designer upholstery. “So glad you could join us tonight, Newsman,” Williams said.
“Um. Pleasure to be here,” Newsie responded, and tried to correct the over-roughness in his voice. He coughed. “Excuse me...sorry...”
“Frog in your throat?” Williams asked, smiling.
A small brown creature went hopping off the set; Newsie glared after it. “Toad. Sorry. I have no idea how these things happen.”
“So I understand you caught a serious mistake in the last film, which had even slipped by the producers, the studio, and Kermit himself,” Williams said, and Newsie sat up straighter, feeling deeply self-conscious. Past those camera lenses, millions of people all over the country, maybe even the world, were watching him – him! – and he really, really wanted to be as professional and dignified as he could.
“Yes, Mr Williams. A number of Muppets who worked very hard on that film were somehow left out of the final credits! Not just extras, either, but people who had lines, and songs, and memorable scenes...”
“Just Brian, please. Reporter to reporter,” the famous anchor said, smiling. “So how did this happen? I thought your froggy boss had a reputation for fairness unparalleled in the movie industry.”
Newsie nodded, relaxing a little as the story took over for him. “Oh, no, it wasn’t Kermit’s fault! He’d approved a list which was to be submitted to the editor, but...” Brian nodded and listened attentively, asking small, prodding questions now and again, through the report, and then the director cued the footage Newsie had brought.
Just offset, Rhonda crossed her fingers. “Please don’t let them cut any of it...” She’d spent three days editing the numerous clips Newsie had done, personally interviewing a whole crowd of rats, chickens, penguins, and even monsters, and he’d even managed to appear relatively calm on-camera for that one. The entire clip ran, and Newsie sat, trying not to fidget, while Brian watched it again in silence, jotting down a few notes.
“Wasn’t it a little intimidating having to tell those big furry guys they’d been left out of the official credits?” Brian asked when the clip was over, and Newsie’s shoulders sagged in relief. He understood!
“Well...er...they deserve a mention the same as everyone else,” Newsie said. “Everyone worked very hard to make that film what it is.”
“Which would be, an incredible and very welcome comeback for the whole Muppet troupe. You know, I notice you left someone out of your report.”
“What?” Startled, Newsie looked at Rhonda; she gestured No, no! at him. Worried, he looked back at Brian. “I...I did?”
The anchor grinned. “You!” Newsie blinked, startled. “I’ve watched the dvd. I know you were one of the ones left out, which is really a shame, given that you deliver the last big news of the film.”
“Well I...I...it wasn’t important.”
“There you have it, folks. Fame does not actually ruin every newsman who steps in front of a camera. We’ll be back in just a minute, with a report from Harry Smith on college hoops. Stay with us.” Brian looked back at Newsie, and offered his hand. “Thanks so much for agreeing to come on! I really enjoyed having you here. Always nice to talk to someone who understands how hard just getting information out can be sometimes.”
Elated, Newsie shook his hand gladly. “Thank you! I...I really appreciate you giving us this opportunity to fix the mistake. Every single Muppet will feel vindicated seeing that. It...it airs tonight?”
“In just a few hours, yes. And I’ll plug it on the nightly news.” Gratefully, Newsie nodded, thanked him again, and hopped off the comfy corner seat to make room for the veteran journalist coming in for the next segment. A hand on Newsie’s arm stopped him. “Listen, uh...have you ever considered doing your Muppet News for a wider audience? I mean, I catch your bit on KRAK every night, but –“
“You...you watch my station?” Newsie was astonished that the man even had time for such trivialities.
“Best local news in the Big Apple, since you got rid of that Fargo guy, anyway. So how about it? Would you be willing to deliver a Muppet News recap here every week?”
“Here? Y-you mean, uh, send you a clip?”
“I mean you, on this show, every week. We’d only be able to cover a couple of items on the broadcast, unfortunately; but we could make the full report available online. We have a lot of online viewers,” Brian said, looking hopeful.
“He’d be delighted,” Rhonda said, grabbing the yellow felt hand which, like the rest of him, seemed in danger of total collapse any second. “Come on, clear the set, Jimmy Olsen. Thank you, Mr Williams. We’ll be in touch. Tomorrow. Move it, Sunshine, and close your jaw before that toad climbs back in.”
“He wants me back on,” Newsie muttered, dazed, as Rhonda led him back toward the ready room, where Gina waited for him, having seen the filming on a monitor there. “A regular contributor! Me!”
His phone hummed, startling him; he’d forgot it was even in his pocket. He fumbled it out, but Rhonda grabbed it, checked the number, and answered. “The Newsman’s private line; may I ask who’s calling?”
“Give me that,” he growled, but she darted out of his reach easily.
“Uh huh. Sure. Yes, it’ll air tonight. Nah, ya been scooped, sorry. Well, yeah...I don’t see why not...how does he...? Uh, I’ll ask, hold on.” She grinned up at Newsie, one paw over the receiver.
“Stop grabbing my phone! Who is it?” he asked.
“It’s Colbert. He’d like to have you on tomorrow, he says, but...uh...he wants your take on kind of a weird issue...”
“Colbert? Let me have that,” Newsie grumbled, certain the rat was pranking him. He took the phone back. “Hello, very funny –“
“Thanks, I try,” said the mellow, deep voice on the other end.
“Uh – Mr Colbert! Oh. Um. Hi?”
“Listen, Newsie, I hear that liberal commie rat-******* Williams beat me to your story,” the comedian-anchor said, “But I’d like you to come on my show and, you know, let’s look at the whole Muppet phenomenon from my point of view.”
“Uh...sure!” Newsie wasn’t certain that particular show was really legitimate journalism, but he felt too overwhelmed at the moment to object to anything. “Uh, when should I...”
“Great, fabulous, but I gotta ask you something first.”
“Er. Okay?” Rhonda clambered uninvited onto his shoulder, pressing her ear to the other side of the phone to eavesdrop. He tried shrugging hard to shake her off, but she clung fast.
“Well, I’m a little concerned about where you actually stand on one of the worst threats facing our great country today, so I want to clear that up first, all right?”
“Uh...sure?”
The man’s voice was firm, challenging, and practiced: “I know there’s at least one of these menaces in the Muppet troupe, so I feel I really must ask you: how do you feel about bears?”
Newsie stared at Rhonda. She stared back.
--------------------
Gina tickled Newsie’s foot. “Better watch out. There are ticklebugs on the rise this spring, I hear.”
He yanked it away from her, grimacing. “Gina...”
She tried again, one hand creeping like a spider across the sofa toward his midsection. “Uh-oh. I think we need an exterminator.”
He leaned away, then scrunched himself into the far corner of the sofa, shooting her an unhappy glance before returning his tired stare to the TV. Gina frowned. Her Muppet, she’d discovered months ago, was actually a wicked sharp tickle-fighter, adept at wriggling out of holds and counterattacking anyplace she hadn’t protected...and fuzzy felted fingers were vicious implements of tickle torture, much to both of their delight. Man. He is REALLY down. She sighed, unsure how to get him out of this funk. She slid closer to him, and he allowed her arm over his shoulders; she felt his whole body rise and fall slowly in a sigh of his own. “Sweetie...you did great work. Sounds like tracking down the culprit was a ridiculous goose chase, but you did it.”
“So did Kermit.”
“Well, okay, but he used to do reporting too, right?” she asked; Newsie shrugged. “You’re not jealous of Kermit. You’re upset that he’s using someone else to deliver the news.”
“I told him to!”
“But it still bothers you,” she pointed out. Newsie gave a grudging nod. Gina hugged him; he remained unyielding at first, then sighed and hugged her back. “You did good work. Mystery solved.”
“But no one will even know that I...” he stopped, blushing. Gina caught his chin, lifting it gently, forcing him to look into tender grey eyes.
“I do. And Kermit does. And I’m sure word travels fast around the theatre, right?” He nodded, ashamed. Gina continued, “Aloysius...there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be recognized for something good you did. That’s not egotistical.”
“There’s...there are so many new fans,” he murmured, sinking down more within his new bathrobe; Gina had given him one of his Easter gifts early in hopes that it would cheer him a little. All it did was provide jellybean-printed cover for him to frump inside. “Young people, parents, people rediscovering us after years without a single thought...how are they going to know who...” He swallowed, and gruffly continued, “Who Link Hogthrob is? Why that couple kissing in the dark was humorous? The name of the monster who thought Jack Black had good dental habits?”
“Who you are,” Gina said quietly.
Newsie closed his eyes, hands clutching his robe tightly a moment. He forced himself to calm. “The reporter is not as important as the story,” he insisted.
“This one is,” Gina said, and caught him up in a kiss. When he broke, she held him, and stroked his hair, and kept kissing his cheeks, his prominent nose, giving him sanctuary to let it all out. Finally, he settled back again, wiping his eyes, embarrassed. She helped him polish his glasses and placed them back on his nose, and smiled at him.
“Thank you,” he muttered. He couldn’t meet her gaze.
She ran her fingers lightly over his soft auburn hair once more, and rose. “You should eat something. Wind down. Kermit will make sure the full story gets out to the public. Maybe he’ll place ads in the major papers or something.”
“Yes...yes, of course,” Newsie agreed, feeling ridiculous. Here he was, acting like a prima donna anchorman, when all he’d done was perform a few silly lines in a film, and then insist on the right of everyone who worked in that film to be credited for what they’d done. It isn’t as though you broke open a major cover-up, or went on location in a war zone, or even braved falling cows! Stop being such a wimp about it! So what if they don’t know your name! What of it? The news is about the news, not the reporter – if you start thinking otherwise, you’re no better than – than – that canned hairpiece Bart Fargo, that’s who! Angry at himself, he scowled.
“I was thinking soup and sandwich,” Gina offered, heading for the kitchen. “Something simple.”
“Sure. Thank you,” Newsie replied. He glared at the TV; a game show wherein contestants answering a pop culture question correctly were permitted to take a swing with a boxing glove at the other’s padded head, and all the questions seemed to involve celebrity scandals or reality shows. Geez. I bet this is where they got the idea for ‘Punch Teacher!’ Isn’t there anything worthwhile on? He began flipping channels, irritated and needing something to involve his brain with in order to smother the still-simmering thoughts of self-disgust.
The phone rang. Gina answered. “Hello? Uh...yes...yes he does. Wow. Um. Yes I am. Thank you! You’re, uh, you’re my second favorite anchor. After him, right. Hang on one sec.” She giggled; Newsie turned, puzzled. Who on earth could she be talking to? With a huge smile, Gina walked to the couch, muted the remote, and handed Newsie the phone. “It’s for you.”
Uncertainly, he cleared his throat and accepted the call. “Ahem...er...hello?”
“Is this the Muppet Newsman?”
“Uh...yes?”
“You’re sure about that. Because I need to talk to him.”
“Yes,” Newsie replied more firmly, curiosity aroused. The voice sounded vaguely familiar but he couldn’t place it.
“Good. Newsman, this is Brian Williams, from –“
“I know,” Newsie gulped, sitting up straight. Gina was beaming at him, standing just to the side of the sofa, soup spoon forgotten in her hand. “I...er...to what do I owe the honor, sir?”
“I understand you broke an important story recently concerning the incomplete accrediting of Muppets in the last film?”
“Er...yes?”
“Well, would you be willing to come on Block Center and deliver your report nationally? With the surge of Muppet mania sweeping the nation, it seemed like a great topic to cover on our next show. Could you be available –“
“I’ll be there! 30 Block Center! Yes, I know the building!” Excited, Newsie nearly fell off the sofa, beginning to pace the length of the living room. Gina gave him a happy, quiet round of applause.
The network anchor laughed. “You haven’t even heard when we’re taping yet.”
“I’ll be there,” Newsie promised, panicking a moment when he couldn’t locate his notepad around the couch or the coffee table. Gina smacked the grocery list in front of him along with a pen, and he quickly began writing. “When? What floor? I...I’m surprised you even knew about –“
“Hey, come on! I’ve been a Muppet fan for years!” Williams protested good-naturedly. “They even let me on Sesame Street a while back! Am I the first one to reach you?”
“Are you...what?”
“Conan hasn’t called yet? Or Hoda? Or Anderson?”
“I...er...no.” Baffled, Newsie blinked up at Gina; she just kept smiling at him. “Uh...why would they?”
“Are you kidding? A scoop about the Muppets, presented by the Muppet Newsman? Thank you for letting me be the first! Now...do you want us to work up some graphics for you, or did you already have something prepared for your report?”
They ironed out details quickly. When the famous anchor said goodbye and hung up, Newsie stood there, still holding the phone, stunned. Gina knelt and hugged him tight. “Congrats, cutie! This is fantastic!”
“I...I can’t believe it,” Newsie mumbled. “He wants me on his show! His show! Not even the nightly news...his special-reports show next Wednesday!” Amazement turned to panic. “Oh my frog – I need to call Rhonda! I need to pick out a good coat! I need to finish that list!”
“You need to set the phone down before you destroy it.”
“Oh...sorry.” Sheepishly he set it on the table, then recommenced wild arm-waving. “Gina! This is big! This is huge! This is –“
She shut him up with a deep kiss. “I love you,” she whispered.
He hugged her with all his strength, and she laughed. “I love you! Oh frog, oh frog, I have to get that report finished! I have to – I should get back to the theatre! I don’t know the penguins’ names! How do you tell them apart, anyway? Should we film everyone? Yes, that would be good – need a camera – need an intro –“
Gina let him go, shaking her head, simply standing back as her frantic Muppet spun around the apartment like a spring toy wound too tight. That’s the only problem with him, she thought; There’s no Off button for this. She sighed, happy and resigned, and went to finish warming the soup and build some unburnt pepper jack turkey sandwiches.
--------------------
The solemn anchorman with graying hair and wide green eyes faced the camera and spoke up as the theme music faded and the floor director cued him. “Next up tonight, someone whose face may be familiar to anyone who’s ever watched Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, or Fozzie Bear go through their comedic paces on The Muppet Show or in their new, successful comeback film. You may know his face, that is...but if he hadn’t caught a serious error in the film, you might not know his name: the Muppet Newsman.”
Newsie blinked at the second camera, doing his best to appear serious and not nervous. Not at all. Not him, the seasoned pro journalist, nope, not nervous in the least...
The third camera, a wide shot of them both sitting at either angle of the conversation corner seat on the news show’s set, caught Mr Williams gently taking the coffee cup from Newsie’s hand before his shaking could spill black liquid all over the designer upholstery. “So glad you could join us tonight, Newsman,” Williams said.
“Um. Pleasure to be here,” Newsie responded, and tried to correct the over-roughness in his voice. He coughed. “Excuse me...sorry...”
“Frog in your throat?” Williams asked, smiling.
A small brown creature went hopping off the set; Newsie glared after it. “Toad. Sorry. I have no idea how these things happen.”
“So I understand you caught a serious mistake in the last film, which had even slipped by the producers, the studio, and Kermit himself,” Williams said, and Newsie sat up straighter, feeling deeply self-conscious. Past those camera lenses, millions of people all over the country, maybe even the world, were watching him – him! – and he really, really wanted to be as professional and dignified as he could.
“Yes, Mr Williams. A number of Muppets who worked very hard on that film were somehow left out of the final credits! Not just extras, either, but people who had lines, and songs, and memorable scenes...”
“Just Brian, please. Reporter to reporter,” the famous anchor said, smiling. “So how did this happen? I thought your froggy boss had a reputation for fairness unparalleled in the movie industry.”
Newsie nodded, relaxing a little as the story took over for him. “Oh, no, it wasn’t Kermit’s fault! He’d approved a list which was to be submitted to the editor, but...” Brian nodded and listened attentively, asking small, prodding questions now and again, through the report, and then the director cued the footage Newsie had brought.
Just offset, Rhonda crossed her fingers. “Please don’t let them cut any of it...” She’d spent three days editing the numerous clips Newsie had done, personally interviewing a whole crowd of rats, chickens, penguins, and even monsters, and he’d even managed to appear relatively calm on-camera for that one. The entire clip ran, and Newsie sat, trying not to fidget, while Brian watched it again in silence, jotting down a few notes.
“Wasn’t it a little intimidating having to tell those big furry guys they’d been left out of the official credits?” Brian asked when the clip was over, and Newsie’s shoulders sagged in relief. He understood!
“Well...er...they deserve a mention the same as everyone else,” Newsie said. “Everyone worked very hard to make that film what it is.”
“Which would be, an incredible and very welcome comeback for the whole Muppet troupe. You know, I notice you left someone out of your report.”
“What?” Startled, Newsie looked at Rhonda; she gestured No, no! at him. Worried, he looked back at Brian. “I...I did?”
The anchor grinned. “You!” Newsie blinked, startled. “I’ve watched the dvd. I know you were one of the ones left out, which is really a shame, given that you deliver the last big news of the film.”
“Well I...I...it wasn’t important.”
“There you have it, folks. Fame does not actually ruin every newsman who steps in front of a camera. We’ll be back in just a minute, with a report from Harry Smith on college hoops. Stay with us.” Brian looked back at Newsie, and offered his hand. “Thanks so much for agreeing to come on! I really enjoyed having you here. Always nice to talk to someone who understands how hard just getting information out can be sometimes.”
Elated, Newsie shook his hand gladly. “Thank you! I...I really appreciate you giving us this opportunity to fix the mistake. Every single Muppet will feel vindicated seeing that. It...it airs tonight?”
“In just a few hours, yes. And I’ll plug it on the nightly news.” Gratefully, Newsie nodded, thanked him again, and hopped off the comfy corner seat to make room for the veteran journalist coming in for the next segment. A hand on Newsie’s arm stopped him. “Listen, uh...have you ever considered doing your Muppet News for a wider audience? I mean, I catch your bit on KRAK every night, but –“
“You...you watch my station?” Newsie was astonished that the man even had time for such trivialities.
“Best local news in the Big Apple, since you got rid of that Fargo guy, anyway. So how about it? Would you be willing to deliver a Muppet News recap here every week?”
“Here? Y-you mean, uh, send you a clip?”
“I mean you, on this show, every week. We’d only be able to cover a couple of items on the broadcast, unfortunately; but we could make the full report available online. We have a lot of online viewers,” Brian said, looking hopeful.
“He’d be delighted,” Rhonda said, grabbing the yellow felt hand which, like the rest of him, seemed in danger of total collapse any second. “Come on, clear the set, Jimmy Olsen. Thank you, Mr Williams. We’ll be in touch. Tomorrow. Move it, Sunshine, and close your jaw before that toad climbs back in.”
“He wants me back on,” Newsie muttered, dazed, as Rhonda led him back toward the ready room, where Gina waited for him, having seen the filming on a monitor there. “A regular contributor! Me!”
His phone hummed, startling him; he’d forgot it was even in his pocket. He fumbled it out, but Rhonda grabbed it, checked the number, and answered. “The Newsman’s private line; may I ask who’s calling?”
“Give me that,” he growled, but she darted out of his reach easily.
“Uh huh. Sure. Yes, it’ll air tonight. Nah, ya been scooped, sorry. Well, yeah...I don’t see why not...how does he...? Uh, I’ll ask, hold on.” She grinned up at Newsie, one paw over the receiver.
“Stop grabbing my phone! Who is it?” he asked.
“It’s Colbert. He’d like to have you on tomorrow, he says, but...uh...he wants your take on kind of a weird issue...”
“Colbert? Let me have that,” Newsie grumbled, certain the rat was pranking him. He took the phone back. “Hello, very funny –“
“Thanks, I try,” said the mellow, deep voice on the other end.
“Uh – Mr Colbert! Oh. Um. Hi?”
“Listen, Newsie, I hear that liberal commie rat-******* Williams beat me to your story,” the comedian-anchor said, “But I’d like you to come on my show and, you know, let’s look at the whole Muppet phenomenon from my point of view.”
“Uh...sure!” Newsie wasn’t certain that particular show was really legitimate journalism, but he felt too overwhelmed at the moment to object to anything. “Uh, when should I...”
“Great, fabulous, but I gotta ask you something first.”
“Er. Okay?” Rhonda clambered uninvited onto his shoulder, pressing her ear to the other side of the phone to eavesdrop. He tried shrugging hard to shake her off, but she clung fast.
“Well, I’m a little concerned about where you actually stand on one of the worst threats facing our great country today, so I want to clear that up first, all right?”
“Uh...sure?”
The man’s voice was firm, challenging, and practiced: “I know there’s at least one of these menaces in the Muppet troupe, so I feel I really must ask you: how do you feel about bears?”
Newsie stared at Rhonda. She stared back.
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and 
being given the runaround concerning the checking of who botched up the list of credited Muppets. How the heck is it I didn't get a notification to this story last night when it was posted?! 
