TMS outline - Suzanne Pleshette!

Gorgon Heap

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Apr 15, 2002
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Looking back over my catalog of TMS outlines, I find that I've written far too few with female guest stars, so I'm resolving to remedy that and even it out by writing more female guest star centered fanfics. I'm also going to do some more that, in my imagination, bridge the gap between episodes that don't seem to visually match. Here's the first. Submitted for your approval, "It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Miss Suzanne Pleshette!"


STYLE: MID-LATE SEASON ONE (circa Avery Schreiber, Ben Vereen)

FOZZIE: “I finally found a psychiatrist who'll give me a deal on my split personality: with one personality at full price, the rest are half off!”
SUZANNE PLESHETTE: in the closing # set (brownstone stoop) with Fozzie, Gonzo, Rowlf, Scooter, Animal, Hilda, George, and the Guru
GONZO: The 'O' is filled with jam, as in a pie.

Gonzo: "Mm, raspberry!"

OPENING NUMBER: “Supermarket in Old Peking” – lead vocal by Shaky Sanchez, with Whatnots, the Guru, and a cymbal clanging Animal

Statler: “What would you buy from the supermarket in Old Peking?”

Waldorf: “How about a nice case of Muppet repellant?”

BACKSTAGE: Animal continues to clang cymbals backstage, which gives Kermit a headache. Returning from the stage, the Guru notices Kermit’s stress and offers to give him tips on relaxation and meditation.

Guru: "After all, that is my job around here."

Kermit: "I wasn't aware I was paying someone for that."

Guru: "Well, technically you're not. I'm still on the payroll as a chorus girl."

(Kermit reacts, dumbfounded.)

Kermit: "How did YOU get hired as a chorus girl?!"

Guru: "A very clever disguise and a very nearsighted choreographer."

CURTAIN: Kermit enters.

Kermit: “Ladies and gentlemen, our guest star tonight is renowned for her beauty, wit, and intelligence, and right now, she and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew are about to examine the first creatures brought back from the planet Koozebane. Ladies and gentlemen, Suzanne Pleshette.”

SKETCH: Suzanne & Dr. Bunsen Honeydew are scientists examining the first creatures brought back from Koozebane (The Fazoobs).

Drumhead Fazoob eats or destroys anything they put near him.

Birdlike Fazoob wonders aloud what Bunsen & Suzanne are, in increasingly insulting terms (pets, livestock). He runs his mitt across Bunsen’s head, and tastes. “I’m getting a hint of melon.”

They put him back in the cell and retrieve Trumpet Nose Fazoob, who flirts with Suzanne.

TN: "You'll have to excuse him. Last week he said the same thing to his reflection."
(To Bunsen)
"I think you're okay, Doc.
(Brushes him aside, then to Suzanne)
"And you! Gasp! Wowee!"
(He flings himself at her.)
"Hey, Baby! You are my kinda carbon-based life form! How about finding ourselves a quiet little planet somewhere and making some beautiful music together?"

(He plays a tune on his nose. She tries to put him back in the cell.)

TN: "Wait! I thought we had something! I've seen the heavenly bodies, and you're --"

Suzanne: "-- Yes, I've heard that old line, too."

Fishface Fazoob wants to eat Bunsen and Suzanne.

Each alien cautions, "you'd better watch out when our big brother gets here."

Timmy Monster (with his googly eyes and antennas) bursts in. He frees the aliens, who grab Bunsen and carry him off to the barbecue. Timmy grabs Suzanne, exclaiming "Dessert!" and carries her off.

Waldorf: “I don’t care for Dr. Honeydew, but why did they carry Suzanne Pleshette off to the barbecue?”

Statler: “Well, she’s quite a dish.”

(Waldorf nods.)

TALKING HOUSES: Theme music plays. Camera shifts to the two houses on the right.

House #3: “My sister has come down with hay fever.”

House #4: “How bad can it be?”

House #3: “For a greenhouse?”

(Theme music plays again, out to full shot, houses close their eyes.)

PANEL DISCUSSION: Theme music plays. Seated from screen left to right are Gonzo, Baskerville, Kermit, Suzanne Pleshette, and Sam the Eagle.

Kermit: “Time once again friends to RAISE the intellectual level of our program. Our panel tonight consists of Sam the Eagle, Baskerville the Hound, Gonzo the Great, and our special guest panelist Miss Suzanne Pleshette.”

Suzanne: “It’s a pleasure to be here, Kermit.”

Kermit: “And our topic for discussion is ecology. Suzanne, why don’t you start us off?”

Suzanne: “Well, I think we should be willing to make industrial sacrifices for the good of nature.”

Sam: “Now wait just a minute, Miss Pleshette. You honestly believe we should stop the march of progress just for the sake of a few trees?”

Suzanne: “Well, Sam, I would think you of all people would have a vested interest in this issue. After all, without trees, where would an eagle perch? Speaking of which, Sam, I've always wondered, can you fly?”

Sam: “Of course, but who can afford the airfare?”

Suzanne: “I meant with your wings.”

Sam: “Oh. Well, personally I prefer to take the train.”

Baskerville: “Oh, I agree, Sam; I’ve been trained for years. Say, can you do this one?"
(Turning to Gonzo)
(They shake hands.)

Sam: “Now hold on, why is this dog on the panel?”

Baskerville: “I too have a personal stake in ecology. If all those trees go, we dogs are in big trouble!”

Sam: “That is disgusting. I refuse to continue this discussion with a DOG on the panel.”

Baskerville: “Oh, but I hardly ever get a featured part in the show! OWWOO!”

(He starts howling. Gonzo tears up.)

Gonzo: “I know what you mean! OWWOO!”

(Gonzo starts howling along with him. Muppy pops up, howling. Gonzo pets him.)

Kermit: “Uh, would someone please get Muppy out of here?”

(Muppy comes up and licks Kermit’s face.)

Kermit: “Yeech!”

(Muppy moves on to Suzanne.)

Suzanne: “Hello, uh, Muppy.

(Muppy sniffs at her hand, licking it in approval. She pets and scratches him.)

Sam: “Miss Pleshette, really! We are supposed to be having a serious discussion, and all you can do is play with a dog. Hmmph!”

Suzanne: “... Sic ‘em.”

(Muppy attacks Sam, who screams. Suzanne laughs.)

Suzanne: “I’m surprised that worked.”

Baskerville: “No wonder. After all, he is a bird dog!”

Kermit: “Yes, well, that about wraps up the discussion for this week. Tune in next week when we'll discuss the existence of life on other planets or lack thereof."

(Bird-like Fazoob pops up.)

Fazoob: "You called?"

(End theme music.)


BACKSTAGE: Guru teaches meditation using "moh" instead of "ohm". Kermit's "moh" sounds like "moo" and attracts a lovesick cow.

Kermit: "Guru, what went wrong?"

Guru: "I think it's your accent."

Cow: “I’ll say, but I just LOVE Frenchmen!”

(Kermit grimaces.)

AT THE DANCE: open on the two pigs dancing.

Female pig: “My sister just quit her waitressing job at the diner.”

Male pig: “How come? She was only there a week!”

Female pig: “That’s just it. Three days in and they started printing new menus with a bacon and eggs special.”

Male pig: “Oh.”

(Cut to two frogs dancing.)

Male frog: “I’m tired of this ballroom always playing a fox trot I’d rather do the swim.”

Female frog: “Personally, I’d rather go to the hop.”

(Crocodile pops up.)

Crocodile: “I’m partial to the swim, too, though I only come here for the food.”

(He chuckles and smacks his jaws. The frogs hop away with the crocodile chasing them. Cut to Zoot & Janice dancing.)

Zoot: “My eccentric uncle just bought a herd of elephants. They’re all named Gerald, even the girls!”

Janice: “Why’s that?”

Zoot: “Well, surely you’ve heard of the famous ‘Elephants Gerald’.”

(Cut to the duck dancing with T.R. the Rooster.)

T.R.: "Hey baby, you are one cute chick!"

Duck: "I'm not a chicken, I'm a duck!"

T.R.: "Well, nobody's perfect!"

(Cut to George & Mildred.)

Mildred: “I’d like to start looking for another ballroom. I’m starting to feel like we’re the only human beings here.”

George: “Aw, that’s blowing it out of proportion. After all, it’s a show, not a zoo.”

(Crocodile pops up.)

Crocodile (to Mildred): “Howdy, ma’am!”

Mildred (to George): “You were saying?”

Crocodile: “ROAR!”

(He chases them away. Coda. Fade out.)

UK SPOT: “I’ll Be a Song and Dance Man” – Fozzie duets with Rowlf, who accompanies on his grand piano (in front of a dark blue lit background).

TALK SPOT: The Guru interrupts, trying to convince Kermit that doing the Talk Spot is too stressful, but stressing him out in the process. When he’s finally taken enough needling, Kermit exits with a scream. Once he’s gone, the Guru takes over the Talk Spot and tries to flirt with Suzanne, who grimaces.

Waldorf: "Oh, I wish hadn't had that coffee with dessert."

Statler: "Why?"

Waldorf: "The caffeine has kept me awake through the whole show."

BACKSTAGE: Guru has Kermit relax by holding a deep breath, but before he can tell him to release it, he gets distracted by a phone call and Kermit passes out.

Guru: “Why, Mr. Kermit, you’re looking more relaxed already!”

VET’S HOSPITAL: the patient is an Eel. Dr. Bob sings “That’s a Moray!”

BLACKOUT: Suzanne and Droop enter from opposite directions, with Droop moaning in pain.

Suzanne: "Droop! What's the matter?"

Droop: "Oh. You know how they say "keep your ear to the ground and you might learn something"?"

Suzanne: "Yeah."

Droop: "Well, I learned that if you're not careful, someone will trip and fall on you. Ohhhh..."

Suzanne: "I'm glad you're not keeping your nose to the grindstone. In your case it could be fatal!"

(She laughs. Droop glowers at her. She stops abruptly, and fidgets nervously.)

WAYNE & WANDA: “Be a Clown” – they get interrupted by (Whatnot) clowns; one sprays Wanda in the face with seltzer and the other pushes a pie in Wayne’s face.

BACKSTAGE: Guru makes Kermit lie on a railing while balancing oranges. He falls.

Guru: "Did the oranges get squashed?"

Kermit (O.S.): "Yes!"

Guru: "Well then, make yourself useful!"

(He throws down a juicer.)

MUPPET NEWS: The Newsman enters.

Newsman: “Here is a Muppet Newsflash! Dateline: Green Briar, NY. An 8-year-old boy named Milhouse McIlhenny was named Honorary Mayor for the day after winning an essay contest. At his swearing in ceremony young McIlhenny, who prefers the informal moniker 'Sparky', promised to goof off and eat candy. Impressed by his forthrightness and honesty, the citizens of Green Briar voted to keep Sparky on as mayor permanently. Unfortunately, Sparky's tenure as mayor came to a crashing end when he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar.”

(The Newsman exits, grimacing and shaking his head.)

CLOSING NUMBER: “Picture a World” – Suzanne sings with the Muppets (Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Rowlf, Scooter, Hilda, George, and the Guru) on the stoop of a brownstone building in the evening.

GOODNIGHTS: Suzanne enters.

Suzanne: "Thank you, Kermit. It's been great, I loved working with all of you."

(Trumpet Nose bursts in.)

TN: "Hiya, toots!"

Suzanne: “Most of you.”

(She tries to get rid of him by blowing hard on his trumpet.)

TN: "WHOA! Now that's my kinda woman! Oh, play it again, Susie! Put some soul into it!"

(Suzanne protests.)

Kermit: “Uh, we’ll see you next time on The Muppet Show!”

(Suzanne tries to dissuade the amorous Koozebanian while Kermit, Fozzie, Scooter, Bunsen, Hilda, the Guru, and Shaky Sanchez look on.)

Statler: “Do you think that Guru could help us relax?

(The Guru pops up.)

Guru: “Of course! My latest technique is guaranteed to provide you a restful experience.”

Waldorf: “Well, let’s have it!”

(The Guru knocks Waldorf on the head with a mallet. Waldorf groans and slides to the floor, unconscious, while Statler laughs. The Guru knocks Statler on the head with a mallet, who groans and slides to the floor, unconscious.)

Guru: “Nighty night!”

(He looks at the camera. His eyes widen.)

Comments encouraged.

David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
Last edited:

Gorgon Heap

Well-Known Member
Apr 15, 2002
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When the Guru has Kermit hold his breath and then answers a phone call, it should be long distance call he's been expecting from his sister. Maybe she's calling to get a recipe, and forgot to grab a pencil to write it down. All the while Kermit is (metaphorically) turning blue.

Gorgon Heap

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Apr 15, 2002
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The cast List for this please
Forgot I had it:

Cast list:
Jim Henson: Kermit, Waldorf, Rowlf, Timmy
Frank Oz: Piggy, Fozzie, George, Mildred, Fishface Fazoob, Talking House #3
Jerry Nelson: Baskerville, Droop, T.R. the Rooster, Trumpet Nose Fazoob
Richard Hunt: Scooter, Statler, Wayne, Cow, Crococile, Drumhead Fazoob
Dave Goelz: Gonzo, Bunsen, the Guru, Zoot
Eren Ozker: Janice, Wanda, Hilda, Birdlike Fazoob, Duck, Talking House #4
John Lovelady: Frogs