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Gorgon Heap
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From his appearances with them on SNL (one of more upbeat later ones written by him) and his cameo in "Follow That Bird", it would be reasonable to say that Mr. Chase likes the Muppets. Submitted for your approval: "It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Chevy Chase! YAAAAAYY!"
SPECIAL GUEST STAR: CHEVY CHASE
STYLE: MID SEASON THREE (circa Marisa Berenson, Raquel Welch)
COLD OPENING: Scooter tells Chevy it’s 15 seconds to curtain, and leaves. The land shark pretends to be Scooter, telling Chevy he has a welcome basket for him, a gift from the show, and asks him to get the door. Land Shark grabs Chevy by the arm and pulls him out of frame.
OPENING THEME:
CANTEEN: Gladys's back is turned while various Muppets relax and chat, having finished their food. Kermit's voice comes on over the loudspeaker.
Kermit (O.S.): "Everybody on stage!"
(They all rush off.)
Gladys (turning around): "I got your bills! Who's --"
(sees they've gone, hollers)
"Hey! Come back here!"
GONZO: Gonzo’s pants come out of the trumpet. Gonzo looks down, lowers the pants to cover himself, and slinks away.
OPENING NUMBER: "Chain of Fools" – Annie Sue & Sherpa pigs on Mt. Everest
Statler: “Sherpa pigs?”
Waldorf: “Sherpa ‘nuff!”
S & W: “Ha ha ha ha ha!”
BACKSTAGE: Scooter is worried about rumors of a land shark loose in the theater, but Kermit doesn’t believe him. After Kermit leaves, the shark sneaks up behind Scooter.
Land Shark: “Tough break, huh kid?”
(Scooter turns around.)
Scooter: “Yeah, I can never seem to – WHOA!”
(Land Shark eats Scooter.)
SONG: "Kansas City Star" - Chevy in a low-grade TV studio set with kids
Statler: “Hmm, what a weird name: Chevy Chase.”
Waldorf: “You should meet his two brothers: Ford and Chrysler!”
(S & W laugh.)
ANNIE SUE’S DRESSING ROOM: land shark gains entry by pretending to be a candygram, then eats Annie Sue.
GONZO’S ACT: Gonzo rides a jetpack while playing “Ode to Joy” on the theremin, but can’t control the former, flying over the heads of the audience.
WINGS: Kermit watches with Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.
Kermit: “Bunsen, what’s the matter with that crazy jetpack of yours?! It’s out of control!”
Bunsen: “Well, I did specify it was just a prototype.”
(Kermit groans and rushes to the stage.)
CURTAIN: Kermit enters.
Kermit (hollering offstage): "Bo, grab the net! Uh, ladies and gentlemen, there'll be a slight delay before we start the next act."
(Bo enters, carrying a large fishing net on a pole.)
Bo: "What did you say?"
Kermit: "Start the next act."
Bo: "Okay! Hit it, boys!"
Kermit: "No no no! Don't --"
(The band starts up, the curtain opens, and Gonzo flies onto the stage.)
AT THE DANCE: Kermit and Bo chase him around trying to catch him while the dancers comment.
Woman: "Is that what they call a shooting star?"
Man: "It must be, I've never heard of a shooting nobody!"
(Gonzo’s jetpack finally runs out, and he falls to the floor with a loud crash. Cut back to the same couple.)
Woman: “Now THAT wasn’t a shooting star, right?”
Man: “No, that was a FALLING star!”
(Laughter.)
Woman: “More like a flop.”
Man: “Yeah, a BELLY flop!”
(A woman is dancing with the land shark.)
Woman: "Boy, this is place is getting so dangerous lately."
Shark: "Yeah. Better stick close to me, where it's safe."
UK SPOT: "Travelin' Band" - Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem in a hotel room
MUPPET NEWS: Chevy and the Newsman share ridiculous stories.
Chevy: “This just in: shock waves went through the television news community today with the discovery of the original birth certificate for the Muppet Newsman.”
Newsman: “What?!”
Chevy: “He was born Fred Barton Willoughby Jr. in Akron, Ohio, but later had his name legally changed to Spanky McNeuterhound."
Newsman: “No, it’s not. That’s a lie!”
Chevy: "And now for what's new in sports, over to you, Fred."
(Newsman collects himself and goes into the story, which attacks him. Chevy relates various stories, all of which attack the Newsman, culminating in a story about a land shark sighting. While Chevy dismisses the story as ridiculous, the land shark gets the Newsman.)
MISS PIGGY'S DRESSING ROOM: land shark attempts to gain entry posing as a plumber, a telegram delivery, and a flower delivery, but Piggy isn’t fooled… until the land shark says it’s just as well, there’s a note attached from Kermit and it’s too racy. Piggy quivers with delight and lunges to open the door… and gets eaten by the land shark.
SWEDISH CHEF: The Chef is making bouillabaisse, and summons “fishies” -- the Gills Brothers enter and croon a barbershop rendition of “School Days” while the Chef seasons them. Then the Chef drops a net on them, and they cry out for help. While the Chef puts in the pot, the land shark sneaks up behind him and starts giving him suggestions.
Land Shark: "How about some potatoes?"
(The Chef agrees, without looking up.)
Land Shark: "And some onions?"
(The Chef agrees.)
Land Shark: “Maybe some cheese?”
(The Chef blanches at the suggestions, looks up and gets eaten by the Land Shark. The Land Shark lifts up the next and the Gills Brothers cheer. Then the Land Shark lunges at them, and they run away in a panic.)
CHEVY’S DRESSING ROOM: Sam the Eagle lectures Chevy while Chevy makes faces behind his back.
CANTEEN: The land shark is sitting in the canteen in plain sight. Gladys hollers from the counter.
Gladys: “Who ordered the Manwich?”
(Kermit sends Bo after the land shark with a net, but the shark chases him off.)
CLOSING NUMBER: “Green Tambourine” - Chevy as a busker on a street corner (also singing his own echoes) with the Electric Mayhem and Muppet passersby
GOODNIGHTS: Chevy is revealed to be the land shark. All are relieved that there’s nothing to be afraid of and no such thing as a land shark... until a suspicious fin starts chasing them around. Chevy, Kermit, Piggy, Scooter, Annie Sue, the Swedish Chef, Bo, and the Newsman all run back and forth, being chased by the shark.
Statler: “Do you believe that the land shark is real?”
Waldorf: “Of course not! Just another fish story!”
(S & W laugh. As they finish laughing, the land shark pops up behind them.)
Comments encouraged.
David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
SPECIAL GUEST STAR: CHEVY CHASE
STYLE: MID SEASON THREE (circa Marisa Berenson, Raquel Welch)
COLD OPENING: Scooter tells Chevy it’s 15 seconds to curtain, and leaves. The land shark pretends to be Scooter, telling Chevy he has a welcome basket for him, a gift from the show, and asks him to get the door. Land Shark grabs Chevy by the arm and pulls him out of frame.
OPENING THEME:
CANTEEN: Gladys's back is turned while various Muppets relax and chat, having finished their food. Kermit's voice comes on over the loudspeaker.
Kermit (O.S.): "Everybody on stage!"
(They all rush off.)
Gladys (turning around): "I got your bills! Who's --"
(sees they've gone, hollers)
"Hey! Come back here!"
GONZO: Gonzo’s pants come out of the trumpet. Gonzo looks down, lowers the pants to cover himself, and slinks away.
OPENING NUMBER: "Chain of Fools" – Annie Sue & Sherpa pigs on Mt. Everest
Statler: “Sherpa pigs?”
Waldorf: “Sherpa ‘nuff!”
S & W: “Ha ha ha ha ha!”
BACKSTAGE: Scooter is worried about rumors of a land shark loose in the theater, but Kermit doesn’t believe him. After Kermit leaves, the shark sneaks up behind Scooter.
Land Shark: “Tough break, huh kid?”
(Scooter turns around.)
Scooter: “Yeah, I can never seem to – WHOA!”
(Land Shark eats Scooter.)
SONG: "Kansas City Star" - Chevy in a low-grade TV studio set with kids
Statler: “Hmm, what a weird name: Chevy Chase.”
Waldorf: “You should meet his two brothers: Ford and Chrysler!”
(S & W laugh.)
ANNIE SUE’S DRESSING ROOM: land shark gains entry by pretending to be a candygram, then eats Annie Sue.
GONZO’S ACT: Gonzo rides a jetpack while playing “Ode to Joy” on the theremin, but can’t control the former, flying over the heads of the audience.
WINGS: Kermit watches with Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.
Kermit: “Bunsen, what’s the matter with that crazy jetpack of yours?! It’s out of control!”
Bunsen: “Well, I did specify it was just a prototype.”
(Kermit groans and rushes to the stage.)
CURTAIN: Kermit enters.
Kermit (hollering offstage): "Bo, grab the net! Uh, ladies and gentlemen, there'll be a slight delay before we start the next act."
(Bo enters, carrying a large fishing net on a pole.)
Bo: "What did you say?"
Kermit: "Start the next act."
Bo: "Okay! Hit it, boys!"
Kermit: "No no no! Don't --"
(The band starts up, the curtain opens, and Gonzo flies onto the stage.)
AT THE DANCE: Kermit and Bo chase him around trying to catch him while the dancers comment.
Woman: "Is that what they call a shooting star?"
Man: "It must be, I've never heard of a shooting nobody!"
(Gonzo’s jetpack finally runs out, and he falls to the floor with a loud crash. Cut back to the same couple.)
Woman: “Now THAT wasn’t a shooting star, right?”
Man: “No, that was a FALLING star!”
(Laughter.)
Woman: “More like a flop.”
Man: “Yeah, a BELLY flop!”
(A woman is dancing with the land shark.)
Woman: "Boy, this is place is getting so dangerous lately."
Shark: "Yeah. Better stick close to me, where it's safe."
UK SPOT: "Travelin' Band" - Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem in a hotel room
MUPPET NEWS: Chevy and the Newsman share ridiculous stories.
Chevy: “This just in: shock waves went through the television news community today with the discovery of the original birth certificate for the Muppet Newsman.”
Newsman: “What?!”
Chevy: “He was born Fred Barton Willoughby Jr. in Akron, Ohio, but later had his name legally changed to Spanky McNeuterhound."
Newsman: “No, it’s not. That’s a lie!”
Chevy: "And now for what's new in sports, over to you, Fred."
(Newsman collects himself and goes into the story, which attacks him. Chevy relates various stories, all of which attack the Newsman, culminating in a story about a land shark sighting. While Chevy dismisses the story as ridiculous, the land shark gets the Newsman.)
MISS PIGGY'S DRESSING ROOM: land shark attempts to gain entry posing as a plumber, a telegram delivery, and a flower delivery, but Piggy isn’t fooled… until the land shark says it’s just as well, there’s a note attached from Kermit and it’s too racy. Piggy quivers with delight and lunges to open the door… and gets eaten by the land shark.
SWEDISH CHEF: The Chef is making bouillabaisse, and summons “fishies” -- the Gills Brothers enter and croon a barbershop rendition of “School Days” while the Chef seasons them. Then the Chef drops a net on them, and they cry out for help. While the Chef puts in the pot, the land shark sneaks up behind him and starts giving him suggestions.
Land Shark: "How about some potatoes?"
(The Chef agrees, without looking up.)
Land Shark: "And some onions?"
(The Chef agrees.)
Land Shark: “Maybe some cheese?”
(The Chef blanches at the suggestions, looks up and gets eaten by the Land Shark. The Land Shark lifts up the next and the Gills Brothers cheer. Then the Land Shark lunges at them, and they run away in a panic.)
CHEVY’S DRESSING ROOM: Sam the Eagle lectures Chevy while Chevy makes faces behind his back.
CANTEEN: The land shark is sitting in the canteen in plain sight. Gladys hollers from the counter.
Gladys: “Who ordered the Manwich?”
(Kermit sends Bo after the land shark with a net, but the shark chases him off.)
CLOSING NUMBER: “Green Tambourine” - Chevy as a busker on a street corner (also singing his own echoes) with the Electric Mayhem and Muppet passersby
GOODNIGHTS: Chevy is revealed to be the land shark. All are relieved that there’s nothing to be afraid of and no such thing as a land shark... until a suspicious fin starts chasing them around. Chevy, Kermit, Piggy, Scooter, Annie Sue, the Swedish Chef, Bo, and the Newsman all run back and forth, being chased by the shark.
Statler: “Do you believe that the land shark is real?”
Waldorf: “Of course not! Just another fish story!”
(S & W laugh. As they finish laughing, the land shark pops up behind them.)
Comments encouraged.
David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
