TMS outline - Bonnie Franklin (and Grover from "Sesame Street")!

[Gorgon Heap]

Before she was the Emmy-nominated star of "One Day at a Time", Bonnie Franklin was also a Tony-nominated Broadway musical actress for "Applause", and would go on to appear in the first season of "Shalom Sesame". Thanks to @groverandgrapes for the crossover idea!


SPECIAL GUEST STAR: BONNIE FRANKLIN

STYLE: EARLY SEASON THREE (circa Pearl Bailey, Jean Stapleton)

COLD OPENING: Scooter knocks and enters.

Scooter: “Bonnie Franklin! Bonnie Franklin? Fifteen seconds to curtain, Ms. Franklin.”

Bonnie: “Thank you, Scooter! Say, is it true that Grover from “Sesame Street” is on the show tonight?”

Scooter: “That’s right!”

Bonnie: “Well, I must say I’m looking forward to working with a cute, furry monster, and not just the ugly ones.”

Monsters: “UGLY?!”

(Blue, Green, LCM, Chopped Liver & Heaps pop up.)

Bonnie: “Present company excepted. I can honestly say I've never seen such a handsome group of monsters!”

(They snuggle up, she smiles nervously at them, then grimaces, terrified, at the camera.)

OPENING THEME:
S & W: They’re playing checkers, but Waldorf knocks the board out of the balcony.

Statler: “Nice going, now you’ve spoiled our night!”

GONZO TRUMPET GAG: Gonzo shrinks as he plays the trumpet.

CURTAIN: Grover interrupts Kermit’s introduction with a “Hello there, Froggie!” Kermit tells him he’s trying to make an introduction and asks him to wait backstage.

Kermit: “Well, we’d like to give you 1001 Arabian nights, but since we don’t have the time, here’s one to start with!”

OPENING NUMBER: “You Should Be Dancing” - in an Arabian palace courtyard, Annie Sue leads two girl pig belly dancers in song and dance for the benefit of sultan Hoggie Marsh.

Waldorf: “What did you think of THAT?”

Statler: “Awful! I’ve seen belly dancers before, but pork belly dancers?!”

BACKSTAGE: The pigs return from the stage as Grover enters.

Kermit: “Now Grover, what exactly are you doing here?”

Grover: “Oh! Well, you see, my mommy is busy tonight -- it is her bowling night, you see -- so she bought me a ticket to the show and dropped me off at the theater. But I could not find which door to enter, so I came in the stage door, over there.”

Kermit: “I see.”

Grover: “She said, “Do not worry, the frog will look after you”.”

Kermit: “Uh, Grover, I’m trying to put on a show. I don’t have time to keep an eye on you.”

Grover: “Oh, dear. Where shall I go?! What will I DO?!”

(Grover starts to sob.)

Kermit: “Uh, Grover, Grover hold it! Hold it! Stop the waterworks. You can stay, Grover. You can stay.”

Grover: “Oh! You mean it, Froggie?”

Kermit: “Yes, you can watch the show from backstage here. Just don’t get into any trouble.”

Grover: “Ha, do not worry. I never get into ANY trouble!”

Kermit: “That’s the trouble I was afraid of.”

(Kermit exits as Grover does a double take.)

SONG: “Me and My Shadow” – on a city street set at nighttime, Bonnie dances with Sweetums, Thog, and DogLion, who take turns being her shadow but keep bumping into her because they're too close.

Waldorf: “Do you think you could move like a shadow?”

Statler: “Of course! I have professional experience!”

Waldorf: “Really?! How?”

Statler: “Well, I once worked with a groundhog.”

(They laugh.)

BACKSTAGE: Grover sees the big monsters returning from the stage.

Grover: “Oh, boy! Those monsters are very big and very scary. I must try not to attract attention.”

(Sweetums, Thog, and DogLion enter, immediately spotting Grover.)

Sweetums: “Hey kid, come here!”

Grover: “Who, me? That is, who, me, sir?”

Sweetums: “Yeah, you!”

(Grover nervously approaches them.)

Grover: “Yes, well, uh, what can I do for you gentlemen?”

DogLion: “You’re not from around here, are you?”

Grover: “No, actually, I’m from, uh... Sesame Street.”

Sweetums: “Oh, Sesame Street!”

(The big monsters laugh. Grover covers his face with his arm.)

Thog: “Are you up past your bedtime?”

Grover: “Actually, no! No, my bedtime is way, way, WAY --”
(faltering)
“...way off.”
(Beat)
“Okay, an hour or two.”

Sweetums (menacingly): “Then I have one question for you!”

Grover: “GULP! What is that?”

Sweetums: “We’re going down to the canteen for some ice cream. You wanna join us?”

Grover: “Oh! I would like that very much, sir.”

(They make their way out.)

Sweetums: “There’s always room for another monster on
“The Muppet Show”! Anyway, I’m Sweetums, and this is Thog and DogLion.”

Grover: “My name is Grover.”

Sweetums: “Well, Grover...”

(Their voices trail off as they exit.)

MELODRAMA: Piggy is sinking into quicksand.

Uncle Deadly: “Now, for the last time, my beauty, will you marry me?”

Piggy: “GO POUND SAND!”

Uncle Deadly: “You might choose your words more carefully, my dear!”

(Wayne enters, and sees that the quicksand.)

Wayne: “Uh-oh! You should put up a barrier. I learned that at my first job out of college at Cranewell’s Construction.”

Uncle Deadly: “You worked for Cranewell’s Construction, too?!”

(They sing the jingle.)

Piggy: “Hey, guys! Hey! Do something!”

(They put up a “Danger” sign, and run off to find construction barrels and yellow tape, as Piggy sinks under.)

BACKSTAGE: Piggy huffs past Grover, who is scared upon seeing Uncle Deadly approach.

Grover: “Who-who are you?”

Uncle Deadly: “I... am Uncle Deadly.”

Grover: “Wait a moment. If you are UNCLE Deadly, does that mean I, cute, furry, little Grover, am your nephew?”

Uncle Deadly: “...if you like.”

Grover: “Oh, UNCLE!”

(Grover hugs Uncle Deadly... too hard.)

Grover: “I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER FIND YOU! OH, IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN!”

(Grover sobs into Uncle Deadly’s shoulder.)

Uncle Deadly: “Curses!”

Grover: “Come, let us go to the canteen for a cup of tea and a long talk.”

Uncle Deadly: “Wait a moment!”

(Grover drags Uncle Deadly to the canteen, oblivious to his protests.)

Grover: “Now, I want you to tell me everything! Where have you BEEN all these years?!”

AT THE DANCE: open on the Witch Doctor dancing with a Whatnot woman.

Witch Doctor: “Oo! Ee! Oo! Ah! Ah!”

Woman: “Say, are you singing your theme song?”

Witch Doctor: “No, you're standing on my foot!”

(Cut to the Avocado dancing with an unseen partner.)

Avocado: “You know, you are one cute tomato!”

(Turns to reveal he's dancing with a Tomato.)

Tomato: “Eh, I get that all the time.”

(Cut to a fish dancing with a blonde Whatnot woman.)

Blonde: “I just CAN’T marry you, Jerry! I mean, me, a blonde, and you, a salmon -– what would the kids look like?”

Fish: “Goldie lox?”

(Cut to the Avocado and Tomato.)

Avocado: “We could make something great together.”

Tomato: “Yeah, tacos.”

(Cut to two male Whatnot prisoners dancing together.)

Prisoner 1: “Think we'll make our escape across the border?”

Prisoner 2: “Don't look at me, you're the one who wanted to go dancing!”

(Cut to the Avocado and Tomato.)

Avocado: “So, will you have dinner with me?”

Tomato: “Maybe. Where?”

Avocado: “How does Mexican sound?”

(She does a take to the camera, then addresses the Avocado.)

Tomato: “You like to live dangerously, don't you?”

UK SPOT; CANTEEN: Annie Sue approaches the Swedish Chef at the counter.

Annie Sue: “Chef! I’ve just learned a new Swedish number!”

(Chef responds in surprise and delight.)

Annie Sue: “Would you like me to sing it for you?”

(The Chef nods and exclaims ‘yes’.)

(The music swells and Annie Sue breaks into): SONG: “The Hut-Sut Song” – Annie Sue sings, with the Chef joining in.

SONG: “Wonder Child” - in front of a red-lit background, Grover sits on Bonnie’s lap and relates his experiences on the show. Bonnie loves getting to see things through his perspective and sings to him.

PIGS IN SPACE: The crew has captured a Koozebanian Phoob, who turns into Link Hogthrob and gives countermanding orders, leaving Piggy and Strangepork wondering who’s who. Piggy figures it out when she announces she’s not doing anything Saturday night –- Link snuggles up to her and asks for a date, and the Phoob asks her to dinner... because she looks delicious. She karate chops them both.

BACKSTAGE: Grover cries when he finds out he’s not in the closing number, to which Kermit relents, earning a tearful (and overly tight) hug from Grover.

CLOSING NUMBER: Bonnie enters a ski lodge, passing a male Whatnot with a broken leg.

Bonnie: “I can see by your leg the slopes are tough here.”

Skier: “What slope? I got this from stepping on the cat!”

(Bonnie gives a look, then heads over to reception, where desk clerk Rowlf points out the ‘Avalanche Area’ sign and urges her to): SONG: “Keep it Down” - Rowlf and Bonnie lead a chorus of Gonzo, Scooter, Annie Sue, and Lubbock Lou & his Jug Huggers (in winter flannel), and the ersatz skier, with frequent loud interruptions from Grover. The chorus builds to a roar, which shakes the building, sending then into a whisper, interrupted by:
- a phrase of "Sweet Adeline" by Rowlf
- a trumpet riff by Gonzo
- Animal drumming and laughing in the corner
- Crazy Harry laughing and about to set off a dynamite plunger before Bonnie grabs him & shushes him, sending him away

The song ends, and Grover pops into frame with a musical “OHHHHH, YEAAAAHHHH!”, which causes an avalanche to pour through the building, piling everyone in snow.

Grover: “Oh, I am so EMBARRASSED!”

CURTAIN: Kermit enters.

Kermit: “Well, here we are at the end of a very special snow -- uh, show! So, let us have a warm thank you for our very special guest star, Bonnie Franklin!”

(Bonnie enters.)

Bonnie: “Thank you, Kermit, but I did want to give a special thanks to Grover.”

(Grover enters.)

Grover: “Ah, thank you! Thank you! You know, this evening has been a life-changing experience.”

Bonnie: “Really? Why’s that?”

Grover: “Because I have been reunited with my long-lost uncle!”

(He pulls in Uncle Deadly, who glowers.)

Grover: “Uncle, you always have a place on Sesame Street. Maybe you could stay with the Count.”

Uncle Deadly:
(aside, to the audience/camera)
“Could anyone out there us a spare nephew?”

(Bonnie, Kermit, Grover, and Uncle Deadly are joined by Rowlf, Annie Sue, the Koozebanian Phoob and the ersatz Skier, whose injured foot Grover promptly steps on.)

(Grover pops up in S&W's box.)

Grover: “KEEP IT UP! KEEP IT UP!”

S&W: “CUT IT OUT! CUT IT OUT!”

(An avalanche buries Grover.)

Waldorf: “Well, there's no business like snow business!”

(S & W laugh while Grover pops his head out of the snow and sputters.)



Jim: Kermit, Rowlf, Waldorf, Swedish Chef, Link, DogLion
Frank: Grover, Piggy, Prisoner 2, Animal
Jerry: Thog, Uncle Deadly, Witch Doctor. Witch Doctor’s dance partner, Dr. Strangepork, Crazy Harry
Richard: Scooter, Statler, Sweetums, Wayne, Prisoner 1
Dave: Gonzo, Avocado, Koozebanian Phoob
Louise: Annie Sue, pig background vocals, Tomato
Peter Friedman: Blonde, Fish, ersatz Skier
Non-speaking parts: Hoggie Marsh, Lubbock Lou & his Jug Huggers


Comments encouraged.

David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole