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Jim Henson Idea Man
Back to the Rock Season 2
Bear arrives on Disney+
Sam and Friends BookCold opening (Ben and Jerry enter the Muppet theater, to see Pops)
Pops: Welcome to the Muppet theater, Stillers.
Ben: It’s a pleasure to be here.
Jerry: But do we rerally have to share one dressing room?
Pops: We’ve got a space shoprtage. The Lion and the Antelope didn’t complain.
(A well fed Lion approaches, picking his teeth)
Pops: So, did you settle you’re space problems?
Lion (BUUURP!!) I’d say it’s over!
Kermit: It’s the Muppet Show, featuring Ben and Jerry Stiller! YEEEEEAAAAAAAAYY!!!
(Opening theme song. Durning the middle, Animal breaks a drum stick, and sharpenss it in his mouth like a pencil. The “O” comes down, Gonzo isn’t in it. There’s an out to lunch sign instead)
Opening Number: Oscar the Grouch sings a Grouch version of Singing in the rain
(I’m singing in the rain
just singing in the rain
What a miserable feeling
It’s yucky out there again)
Statler: There goes another great American grouch!
(Both stand and salute)
Backstage
Kermit: That was a lovely number, Oscar.
Oscar: Are you kidding, fly breath! It was horrible! Haven’t been in top form in years
(Telly monster enters through the back. )
Oscar: I thought I told you to stay in the car.
Telly: Well, I want to be in the show to! Can I? Please?\
(Oscar, Telly and Kermit argue, Oscar is thrilled at arguing, but not thrilled at the outcome)
Kermit: Okay, okay! You can be in tonights show!
Telly: OOH BOY! When do I go on?
Kermit: We’ll tell you.
(Ben and Jerry enter, Kermit tells them they’re on in a few seconds. Telly asks if he’s going to be in that sketch, Kermit tells him again that he’ll know)
Veternarian’s Hospital. (Nurse Piggy and Dr. Bob are without Janice)
Piggy: What happened to nurse Janice?
(Jnice is in a gurney, andd wheeled buy by two nondiscript characters)
Janice: Like, it’s a RULLY funny story….
(Dr. Bob tells Piggy that he’s got a temp nurse, played by Ben Stiller. Ben enters, shaking. He’s nervous that he has never even finished med school)
Bob: that’s okay! Neither have I. Send in the next patient!
(Jerry is wheeled in! He was a great surgeon, and he yells at them everytime they make a mistake. He then tries to get up and operate on himself)
Announcer: Tune in next time as Jerry will say.
Jerry: That’s it! I’m, not a just a doctor, but I’m a lawyer. I’ll see you all in court for malpractice…..
Dr. Bob: Nurse… give me 50 cc’s of… ANYTHING!!!
Statler: Well, you got to admit something…
Waldorf: What’s that?
Statler: Life imitates art. (picks up cell phone and starts yelling at his doctor)
Wayne and Wanda: (Accompanied by the Jug Band, they sing Peaches)
Wayne: Going to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches..
(All of the sudden, the orchard peaches fall off the trees directly on the band and the singers)
Statler: What do you think of Canned peaches?
Waldorf: It’s not so much the canned peaches as the canned laughter that bothers me!
Backstage: (Jerry and Ben get into an argument, Oscar not present, and Kermit tries to restore the peace, bbut in vain. Jerry leaves to get ready for his comic skit with Fozzie. Ben starts telling Kermit that his father has been acting A LOT like the characters in the shows he plays now [i.e. George Costanza’s dad] and he’s hard to work with. Telly comes back to ask what he’s going to do, and he’s worried he won’t be in the show. Kermit tells him to relax and reminds him that he’ll know when he’s on)
Skit: (Jerry and Fozzie are vaudvillian performers, and they tell jokes back and forth. Statler and Waldorf interrupt them, causing an argument. Jerry says he remember those two heckiling him from the old days. Oscar peeks out from back stage)
Oscar: Wow! You miss a minute, you miss a lot! What a rotten way to break down the show… I wish I had my video camera!
Skit: Houses
House 1: My son! All it is with him is food food food! He’s a resteraunt.
House 2: OH yeah? My son is worse. He’s completely filled with food. He’s huuuge! He’s a supermarket!
House 3: AAAHHH I should be so lucky! My son’s a bargain food warehouse!!!!
Skit: Muppet News flash (The Newsman interviews this angst ridden, oppressed, miserable artist who’s works are all of ugly cats with huge eyes. He’s portrayed by Ben, and his name is Angelo Fergazelli. Just as he’s about to explain the symbolism behind the cats he paints, there’s a video feed of his father, porteayed by Jerry.)
Jerry: THAT BUM!!!! All this time he makes with the ugly art works when he should be painting with me!
Newsman: Come again?
Jerry: he works for me! I’m his father, Tony Fergazelli! We’re the Fergazelli and sons house painting company. GET BACK TO WORK YOU MISERABLE SLACKER!!!!!!!
(It falls apart from there)
UK Skit: Bruce Stringbean and the Sesam E-street band (with the electric mayheim) Play Born in the USA (the joke here is that a song about AMERICA is used in the UK!)
Skit: The great Gonzo. Gonzo will balance white wall tires while riding a 1:15th scale unicylce, juggling grandfather clocks, while bouncing on a trampline, while Ben sings “What’s New ***** cat” in German.
Ben: I don’t know a word of german! Where’d you get that idea I knew German?
Gonzo: My favorite Web site. Www.really-made-up-facts-about -celebrities.com.
(Ben agrees to sing Mock German. Gonzo tries the stunt, but breaks the trampoline before even starting, and falls through the stage holding the tires and clocks…)
Skit: Muppet Labs. Bunsen invents a pancake flipper, that won’t stop firing at Beaker. Bunsen offers him a squeaze of Maple Syrup.
Backstage: (Jerry tells Kermit that lately, ben’s been distant, and he’s acting too much like his movie characters, angst ridden. He admits to getting overboard and acting like George’s dad, but he still loves him. He leaves, Ben says he still loves his old man. Telly asks, vert worried, if he’s going to play yet. Not yet, he’ll know when. Ben wants to do something special for the closing Number)
Closing number: Ben and the Muppet Monster sing “Oh my papa” Jerry is touched and goes out and sings with them.
Statler: I wish I could talk to my father.
Waldorf: need a Phone?
Statler: No a Ouiji board.
Kermit: Well, that brings us to the end of another exciting( or an emotion like it) Muppet show. We want to thank our guests Ben and Jerry Stiller.
Jerry: Glad to be here
Statler: They’re glad to have anybody
Both: DWOAH HO HO HO!!!
End theme
(instead of going to Statler and Waldorf for the ending, Ben and Jerry are peeking from behind the curtain with Kermit)
Ben: So when’s Telly supposed to perform?
Kermit: You’ll see.
(Florish to end… instead of going to Zoot we see Telly, plaing the Triangle for the ending. He is elated and laughs!)
The end
Pops: Welcome to the Muppet theater, Stillers.
Ben: It’s a pleasure to be here.
Jerry: But do we rerally have to share one dressing room?
Pops: We’ve got a space shoprtage. The Lion and the Antelope didn’t complain.
(A well fed Lion approaches, picking his teeth)
Pops: So, did you settle you’re space problems?
Lion (BUUURP!!) I’d say it’s over!
Kermit: It’s the Muppet Show, featuring Ben and Jerry Stiller! YEEEEEAAAAAAAAYY!!!
(Opening theme song. Durning the middle, Animal breaks a drum stick, and sharpenss it in his mouth like a pencil. The “O” comes down, Gonzo isn’t in it. There’s an out to lunch sign instead)
Opening Number: Oscar the Grouch sings a Grouch version of Singing in the rain
(I’m singing in the rain
just singing in the rain
What a miserable feeling
It’s yucky out there again)
Statler: There goes another great American grouch!
(Both stand and salute)
Backstage
Kermit: That was a lovely number, Oscar.
Oscar: Are you kidding, fly breath! It was horrible! Haven’t been in top form in years
(Telly monster enters through the back. )
Oscar: I thought I told you to stay in the car.
Telly: Well, I want to be in the show to! Can I? Please?\
(Oscar, Telly and Kermit argue, Oscar is thrilled at arguing, but not thrilled at the outcome)
Kermit: Okay, okay! You can be in tonights show!
Telly: OOH BOY! When do I go on?
Kermit: We’ll tell you.
(Ben and Jerry enter, Kermit tells them they’re on in a few seconds. Telly asks if he’s going to be in that sketch, Kermit tells him again that he’ll know)
Veternarian’s Hospital. (Nurse Piggy and Dr. Bob are without Janice)
Piggy: What happened to nurse Janice?
(Jnice is in a gurney, andd wheeled buy by two nondiscript characters)
Janice: Like, it’s a RULLY funny story….
(Dr. Bob tells Piggy that he’s got a temp nurse, played by Ben Stiller. Ben enters, shaking. He’s nervous that he has never even finished med school)
Bob: that’s okay! Neither have I. Send in the next patient!
(Jerry is wheeled in! He was a great surgeon, and he yells at them everytime they make a mistake. He then tries to get up and operate on himself)
Announcer: Tune in next time as Jerry will say.
Jerry: That’s it! I’m, not a just a doctor, but I’m a lawyer. I’ll see you all in court for malpractice…..
Dr. Bob: Nurse… give me 50 cc’s of… ANYTHING!!!
Statler: Well, you got to admit something…
Waldorf: What’s that?
Statler: Life imitates art. (picks up cell phone and starts yelling at his doctor)
Wayne and Wanda: (Accompanied by the Jug Band, they sing Peaches)
Wayne: Going to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches..
(All of the sudden, the orchard peaches fall off the trees directly on the band and the singers)
Statler: What do you think of Canned peaches?
Waldorf: It’s not so much the canned peaches as the canned laughter that bothers me!
Backstage: (Jerry and Ben get into an argument, Oscar not present, and Kermit tries to restore the peace, bbut in vain. Jerry leaves to get ready for his comic skit with Fozzie. Ben starts telling Kermit that his father has been acting A LOT like the characters in the shows he plays now [i.e. George Costanza’s dad] and he’s hard to work with. Telly comes back to ask what he’s going to do, and he’s worried he won’t be in the show. Kermit tells him to relax and reminds him that he’ll know when he’s on)
Skit: (Jerry and Fozzie are vaudvillian performers, and they tell jokes back and forth. Statler and Waldorf interrupt them, causing an argument. Jerry says he remember those two heckiling him from the old days. Oscar peeks out from back stage)
Oscar: Wow! You miss a minute, you miss a lot! What a rotten way to break down the show… I wish I had my video camera!
Skit: Houses
House 1: My son! All it is with him is food food food! He’s a resteraunt.
House 2: OH yeah? My son is worse. He’s completely filled with food. He’s huuuge! He’s a supermarket!
House 3: AAAHHH I should be so lucky! My son’s a bargain food warehouse!!!!
Skit: Muppet News flash (The Newsman interviews this angst ridden, oppressed, miserable artist who’s works are all of ugly cats with huge eyes. He’s portrayed by Ben, and his name is Angelo Fergazelli. Just as he’s about to explain the symbolism behind the cats he paints, there’s a video feed of his father, porteayed by Jerry.)
Jerry: THAT BUM!!!! All this time he makes with the ugly art works when he should be painting with me!
Newsman: Come again?
Jerry: he works for me! I’m his father, Tony Fergazelli! We’re the Fergazelli and sons house painting company. GET BACK TO WORK YOU MISERABLE SLACKER!!!!!!!
(It falls apart from there)
UK Skit: Bruce Stringbean and the Sesam E-street band (with the electric mayheim) Play Born in the USA (the joke here is that a song about AMERICA is used in the UK!)
Skit: The great Gonzo. Gonzo will balance white wall tires while riding a 1:15th scale unicylce, juggling grandfather clocks, while bouncing on a trampline, while Ben sings “What’s New ***** cat” in German.
Ben: I don’t know a word of german! Where’d you get that idea I knew German?
Gonzo: My favorite Web site. Www.really-made-up-facts-about -celebrities.com.
(Ben agrees to sing Mock German. Gonzo tries the stunt, but breaks the trampoline before even starting, and falls through the stage holding the tires and clocks…)
Skit: Muppet Labs. Bunsen invents a pancake flipper, that won’t stop firing at Beaker. Bunsen offers him a squeaze of Maple Syrup.
Backstage: (Jerry tells Kermit that lately, ben’s been distant, and he’s acting too much like his movie characters, angst ridden. He admits to getting overboard and acting like George’s dad, but he still loves him. He leaves, Ben says he still loves his old man. Telly asks, vert worried, if he’s going to play yet. Not yet, he’ll know when. Ben wants to do something special for the closing Number)
Closing number: Ben and the Muppet Monster sing “Oh my papa” Jerry is touched and goes out and sings with them.
Statler: I wish I could talk to my father.
Waldorf: need a Phone?
Statler: No a Ouiji board.
Kermit: Well, that brings us to the end of another exciting( or an emotion like it) Muppet show. We want to thank our guests Ben and Jerry Stiller.
Jerry: Glad to be here
Statler: They’re glad to have anybody
Both: DWOAH HO HO HO!!!
End theme
(instead of going to Statler and Waldorf for the ending, Ben and Jerry are peeking from behind the curtain with Kermit)
Ben: So when’s Telly supposed to perform?
Kermit: You’ll see.
(Florish to end… instead of going to Zoot we see Telly, plaing the Triangle for the ending. He is elated and laughs!)
The end
