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Growing Together
Part 2: I Just Called to Say...
by Kim McFarland
*****
It was later the same day, and the Muppets had done all they could do to rehearse, prepare props, and otherwise get ready for the upcoming show, and were ready to finish up and leave. As sometimes happened, they had been there so long that they were hungry now. Gladys, who ran the canteen, knew them well enough to anticipate this and open up.
Kermit sat down with a sandwich. He would have liked some flies with it, but it'd be a week or so before the population built up enough for him to begin culling it. A moment later Miss Piggy put down a plate with a burger, fries, and a soda, and sat opposite him. Kermit had expected that; she always sat with him unless she was miffed. She took several bites of her burger, then, the edge taken off her hunger, she told him, "I've been picking my costume for my song with Mr. Yankovitch."
"What'd you settle on?" he asked, then took a bite of his sandwich.
"Moi is not sure. I have so many lovely things. I want to be stunning, but not too stunning. One mustn't overshadow one's partner, after all."
"How about the red strapless dress?"
That dress was a knockout, all right. But the last time she had worn it onstage, a seam in the front had popped. Only because she had just happened to be holding Kermit in her arms at that moment had she escaped extreme indignity. Wardrobe had repaired it with stronger thread, but still... "I don't trust that one," she said with a hint of regret.
"Oh, yeah. Have you read the lyrics?"
"Not yet. Scooter told me all about it. A man sings about the woman who broke his heart, and how he cannot bear to live without her. Trés, trés romantique."
"Ah, Piggy, the song isn't quite what you think it is. He's called 'Weird Al' for a reason."
Piggy smiled sweetly. "Why, Kermit, are you jealous? Don't worry, no matter what happens onstage, you are the only man for me. I will give it my all—as I always do—but it will only be an act." She kissed his cheek, then wiped a dab of ketchup off with her napkin.
"I believe you," Kermit replied with a faint grin.
"Not that anyone could truly believe that there was anything between me and Mr. Yanka-something. You and I are, after all, inseparable." She gazed into his eyes. Transfixed, he looked back. He knew better than to glance away.
Fozzie sat at the table next to them and asked, "Hey, Kermit, did you get a phone call the other day asking things about you?"
Thank you, Fozzie. "No, why?"
"I did," he said. "Where was I born, where I worked before I met you, things like that. I thought maybe she was calling all us Muppets."
Worried, Kermit asked, "Did she ask for your social security or credit card numbers? Mother's maiden name?"
"No, nothing like that. In fact, she knew all the answers already. She said she was just checking to make sure she had it right."
"That's kind of weird," Kermit said. "But if you didn't tell her anything new, I guess it's all right."
"So, you didn't get called?"
"Nope. You, Piggy?"
"Moi does interviews in person. How else are they to take pictures?"
Camilla and Gonzo claimed another table. Each had a sandwich. Lacking hands, Camilla couldn't pick hers up, but she could peck at the ingredients. Billie had a fruit salad, and as soon as she was seated in Gonzo's lap she began eating pineapple and pear chunks.
Gonzo picked up his sandwich. It said, "Hi. Remember me?"
Startled, Gonzo said, "Brian?"
"Who else possess your sandwiches? Say, you sound funny. You have a cold?"
"No. I just bronzed my nose."
The sandwich had no face, but it still projected bewilderment. "You...bronzed your nose?"
"Yeah. It's part of my new act."
Billie, wide-eyed, said "Sannich talk!"
"Hey, is that Billie?" The sandwich asked.
"Me!" The chick declared.
Gonzo said, "It's been a few years. What's going on, Brian?"
"The ship's back in range, so I thought I'd say hi. And I have some news for you. It's kind of personal, though. Is now a good time?"
Gonzo glanced around the cafeteria. All of the other Muppets were staring curiously at him and his sandwich. He answered, "Maybe not right now."
"No problem. We'll be in the solar system for a few days. How about lunch tomorrow?"
"Sure. Oh, and don't worry. It's not bad news. Matter of fact, it's pretty good. Talk to you later."
"Bye."
Gonzo waited a moment. When the sandwich didn't speak again, he began eating it. Billie watched for a minute longer, then, deciding the show was over, went back to her fruit salad.
A half hour later the canteen was still open, and the atmosphere had gotten raucous. Scooter said to Janken, "I'm gonna go. I want to get back to the house while it's still quiet."
Janken nodded. They carried their plates back. Then they walked through the backstage area to the back exit. Both of their bicycles were by the door. Scooter had planned to leave early rather than ride back home in the Electric Mayhem's bus with the other Muppets. He had final exams next week—the last exams before graduation—and, with the show taking up most of his time, he had to snatch study time when he could get it.
They wheeled their bikes out to the alley. Janken said, "See you tomorrow."
"Yeah," Scooter replied.
They kissed, then got on their bikes and pedaled down the alley. When they got to the street they rode off in opposite directions.
*
The house was silent when Scooter arrived. He went back to his room. It was small and cluttered, which suited him just fine. He kept things more or less in line at the theater, but at home he could relax.
He sat on his bed—the one place he could sit; the rooms in the boarding house were small—and took out one of his textbooks. Inwardly he sighed as he started reading. He didn't regret going to college. He had wanted to get a degree, mostly because he felt the need to go out and do something on his own rather than coasting along forever in the job that his uncle had gotten for him years ago. But he'd been a student for four years now, during the last two of which he had also been stage managing the Muppet Show, and he was ready for his college career to be over with!
His cell phone rang. Had he left something at the theater? He hoped he wouldn't have to go back tonight. But he didn't recognize the name and number on the phone's screen. He pressed a button and said, "Hello."
A pleasant voice said, "Hello. This is Yvonne René. Am I speaking to Scooter Grosse?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"I'd like to verify some information, if you don't mind. This will only take a few minutes."
Scooter had overheard Fozzie telling Kermit about the phone call he had received. Warily he asked, "What is this for?"
"I'm fact checking an article before publication. I simply want to make sure we have the biographical information straight. You don't have to tell me anything more, but feel free to correct me if you wish."
Scooter turned the page in a spiral bound notebook and propped it up on his legs. He wrote the phone number and name on a sheet of paper, then, pen ready, said, "Okay, shoot."
"You were hired at the Muppet Theater at age fourteen with the help of your late uncle, J.P. Morgan. You initially were a go-fer, but became a stage manager after several years."
"Yeah, that's right," Scooter replied.
"You are currently studying theater arts at the University of Lower East Side, and plan to graduate after this semester?"
"Yep."
"Thank you. I just wanted to verify those facts. I appreciate your time."
"That's all? Huh," he said, surprised. "I thought everybody knew how I got my job."
"Yes, but much of what we know about the Muppets comes from the original Muppet Show. We don't want to print anything that we aren't certain is true. The legal department wouldn't be too happy about that."
"Yeah. So when's this coming out?"
"It'll be on magazine stands in a few days. I'd be pleased to send some copies for all of the Muppets."
"Sure, that'd be fine."
"Shall I send them to 1146 Biltmore Drive?"
That was the boarding house's address. Not that that was a secret—anyone could look it up online—but it still surprised him that she had not suggested the theater instead. Still, he thought, six of one, half a dozen of the other. "That's fine."
"Thank you. If you want to contact me, my name is Yvonne René, and my phone number is 555-0199."
That matched what he had already written. "Okay. 'Bye."
"Goodbye."
He closed his phone and put it back in his jacket pocket. So the mysterious caller was just checking facts for a magazine article. Odd that they'd want to know about him, as he wasn't one of the big stars. But they hadn't asked about anything personal. He'd tell Kermit and Fozzie that it wasn't anything to worry about.
He looked at the open textbook on his bed for a moment. Then he sighed, "Oh, yeah," and picked it up again.
*****
All characters except Janken and Billie are copyright © The Muppets Studio, LLC and are used without permission but with much respect and affection. Janken and Billie are copyright © Kim McFarland negaduck9@aol.com), as is the overall story. Permission is given by the author to copy it for personal use only.
