The 'What Song Are You Currently Listening To?' Thread

[Sgt Floyd]

One Good Scare-Phineas and Ferb XD

The scariest thing known to man really is a failed math test

 

[dwmckim]

(warning: long post below and one that's probably a lot more serious and a "downer" than what people usually expect from this thread)

Wrong by Depeche Mode

You ever come across a song that just so elequently captures musically and lyrically everything about you, your life, your feelings, your mentality that you could swear someone else somehow managed to sneak into your head to write it - and can't get it out of your head and can't help but just listen to it over and over like it's your best friend you can't bear to part with?

Lately, Wrong's been that song for me. I'm a lifelong Depeche fan (i've seen them more times in concert than any other band...though that's also because of the infrequency that the few bands i like more have played Phoenix) and unlike a lot of DM fans out there, i'm not partial to a particular era - i love them all about equally. There's been a large number of songs that have touched me so deeply that they penetrate my very soul (such as Blasphemous Rumors, World In My Eyes, and Walking In My Shoes) but the way Wrong just seems to capture everything is almost scary. Here's the lyrics:

wrong

I was born with the wrong sign
In the wrong house
With the wrong ascendancy
I took the wrong road
That led to the wrong tendencies
I was in the wrong place at the wrong time
For the wrong reason and the wrong rhyme
On the wrong day of the wrong week
I used the wrong method with the wrong technique

There's something wrong with me chemically
Something wrong with me inherently
The wrong mix in the wrong genes
I reached the wrong ends by the wrong means
It was the wrong plan
In the wrong hands
The wrong theory for the wrong man
The wrong eyes on the wrong prize
The wrong questions with the wrong replies

I was marching to the wrong drum
With the wrong scum
******* out the wrong energy
Using all the wrong lines
And the wrong signs
With the wrong intensity
I was on the wrong page of the wrong book
With the wrong rendition of the wrong look
With the wrong moon, every wrong night
With the wrong tune playing till it sounded right yeah

Wrong

(Too long)
-------------------
Simply brilliant.

From the moment i was born, it was a cosmic mistake. I know i wasn't planned. I was born eight years after my youngest older brother and my parents' being together was a desperate attempt to cling to something not working. All things considered, i never should have been born in the first place and the vast majority of my life and days lived have been with the knowledge that i don't belong here in the forefront.

Everything about my existence has been "wrong" - wrong gender, wrong sexual orientation, wrong surroundings. A lot of my childhood had been spent trying to be "right" - the perfect boy (as i saw perfection - if "perfect boy" meant the star athlete, boy was i *really* wrong!) Always trying to be on my best behavior - avoiding all those things that were "bad" - cheating, violence, smoking, drinking, drugs. Spent all that time as a devout perfectionist getting the best grades, being a star student and being the best i could be in my artistic goals from puppetry to acting to singing to writing. Whether it was kindergarden to final year in college, any of my peers would have thought i was the "most likely to succeed" Destined for greatness. Despite the obstacles always lurking in the background - always being financially challenged, not being able to have a car til i was in my mid 20's - to this day not having a computer (accessing the internet via a webtv), and as i approach 40 i look back at it all and wonder "what for?" and "what was the point?"

Half my life has been as a starry-eyed student with hopes of a bright future ahead. The other half has been the ugly realities of adulthood and "once a have-not, always a have-not". There were a couple of good post-college years where i seemed to be on the road to the life i was supposed to have despite outside forces trying to keep me down. Heavily involved with the local underground arts scene with a great group of artistic friends, having a decent job, a junky bought-for-a-few-hundred-dollars car that at least got me where i needed to be, constantly going from theatre or music project to project usually doing several at once. Also coming to terms with my sexuality which wasn't too much of a struggle since i studied psychology and knew it was no big deal and was out to my friends as soon as i really knew myself. To say i was 100% happy would be misleading as i've struggled my entire life with depression and always had that self-loathing streak that was hyper critical and never seemed like i would never be "good enough". But still all in all i would still describe that first half of my life as "happy" and "hopeful"

But then it was like some cosmic force of nature decided that this wasn't supposed to happen to The Accident Who Never Should Have Even Been Born. And all at once i was placed under some curse that i couldn't escape and from that moment on, everything would go wrong and never let up unless it was some kind of tease of something to soon be taken away. I picked the wrong boyfriends who in their own way played me for a fool for the thrill of it and between my caution, my healing, my strict moral code when it came to relationships (friendship rather than sex based) and the constant nagging in the back of my mind that i would never be good enough for someone i felt strongly towards, i've spent pretty much my entire life single and alone. And despite my being the least "active" a gay person could be i faced every kind of form of bigotry and harassment there is (with the thankful exception of phsysical violence) - i was fired for being gay from a place i worked for for ten years, i was thrown out of my family's house and essentially disowned by most of my family for being gay, car vandalised, theft, harassment.

The last decade and a half is a blur of struggling to survive, largely on my own, trying to find a decent job and means of supporting myself - and occasionally finding something that closed or went out of business or otherwise changed from how it started.

I was born with the wrong skills
With the wrong desire
In the wrong time
In the wrong place
With the wrong family
With the wrong income
With the wrong support
With the wrong dreams

1999. Severe bronchitis. Destroyed my voice. Thought i'd never sing again. For someone who's rarely drank, never smoked or done drugs, that was my major form of release. The thing that made me happy. When i sang and did so to the best of my ability, i somehow slipped into a whole other realm or plane of esistence that was pure bliss. Now i was a bird with clipped wings. It took two years but i eventually did regain my singing ability. Then i got bronchitis again and learned it was chronic. It would always be a part of my life.

Caught the wrong illness
With the wrong symptoms
With the wrong result
For the wrong dream

2004-2009. Often had to work two jobs to survive and get by. Had to give up any form of creative expression/performing. No time. Yet another company closed. Gone from part time job to part time job trying to keep my head above water. 2010: chose the wrong job with the wrong boss with the wrong ethics - worked for a company that initially paid well though with constant threat of being fired because it was a sadistic form of sport on the part of the owner. Guy was a professional crook. Lied to us about payroll problems and kept feeding us lies as the ship sank. Once again, a closed company, this time owing me thousands of dollars in back pay. If you've read my Emergency - Selling My Entire Muppet/Henson Collection thread, you know the rest of the story. Can't find a steady good paying job and still looking while collecting an insulting amount of unemployment money that doesn't even come close to covering the cost of living much less regular bills which all runs out in a few weeks.

Had the wrong dreams
With the wrong ending
And the wrong car
In the wrong town
Doing the wrong things to get by. Hardly ever eating and eating the wrong things from the wrong places to get by so what little money i do have pays the bills and covers that month's rent - doing the wrong things with the wrong people when i have a bill i can't otherwise pay unless i do the wrong thing.

Every day the "To Be Or Not To Be" question plagues my mind and i make the wrong choice living the wrong life with the wrong past and the wrong present and the wrong future with any chance of ever living any of the wrong dreams of my younger days pretty much dashed. I live the wrong life for the wrong reason - struggling to hang on with the wrong answers to why i'm bothering to hold on when there really isn't anything to hold onto. The wrong ending no matter which way i look. Prayers to the wrong gods had the wrong faith and the wrong paths, I know that i really have nothing left to really hold onto or wish for - they're all the wrong dreams for the wrong person born under the wrong star with the wrong life. Everything surrounding me seems obsolete - the wrong goals and dreams with no chance of ever coming true with the wrong webtv that keeps me from doing some of the basic things online in modern society that all seems to have wristwatch sized computers and phones that do everything but windows none of which i can afford because i've had the wrong jobs in the wrong town with the wrong economy. I know i'm only living day by day waiting for it to end. Filling in time struggling to survive for what? Whatever it is is wrong, has always been wrong, will only ever be wrong.

Except for those moments when i can lose myself to a song that embraces my soul and holds my hand and says i understand. Music's always been "my drug" - even if i can't sing, when i hear a song i dearly love, it can still take me to those places emotionally i don't otherwise experience. Sometimes when i listen to a song like Wrong, for that three to four minutes, it's Right. Then the music ends and i'm back to the wrong life. Then it's time to hit Play again and spend at least another four minutes of a misery-filled 23 hour, 52 minute day somewhere else until i can sleep and hopefully have a good dream (or even a bad one that's still better than actual reality) until that lucky day when i don't wake up to everything that's Wrong.

 

[Fragglemuppet]

Libana - Good Friend

 

[beatnikchick300]

Ne-Yo- Never Knew I Needed

 

[unclematt]

Born This Way - Lady Gaga

 

[beatnikchick300]

"When You Believe" -Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey

 

[ilovemusic]

Stars--Destine
But only because op we're playing it in the schoolband AND MY STUPID BASS NOTES AREN'T WHAT THEY BELONG TO BE!

 

[Gelfling Girl]

Right now the Music Choice channel "Stage and Screen" is playing the theme to Doogie Howser, M.D.

And now they're playing the Sesame Street theme!

 

[Fragglemuppet]

Heather Dale - Come and Be Welcome

 

[Kiki]

"Tame"
-Pixies.