The Muppets At Sea - (Unfinished)

[We Got Us]

Here is more, including (among other things) the first useless cameo

In a few moments they were in their quarters getting unpacked- at least quarter, for the sleeping space was one large, long room with bunks along the walls. "Just like a submarine!" Gonzo said excitedly as he checked the beds to see which one was most likely to fall off, "Great" said Kermit, but honestly he was rather impressed with both captain and ship, much better than the kind of transportation they usually got. In fact, at this point Kermit was just about as excited about the vacation as everybody else was ( not counting Miss Piggy, who couldn't get over the look of the boat ). And the rest of the week was spent enjoying the vacation- what they didn't know at the time would be the most relaxing part of it. Miss Piggy and Janice sun tanned on deck, Fozzie dipped in the on-deck pool ( with water wings for safety, of course ), Gonzo and Animal took turns jumping off the side of the boat and having the thoroughly annoyed first mate fish them out, Scooter tried his hand at surfing ( and lost his glasses, fell into the water, drifted out to sea...etc. ), Rowlf relaxed on deck while Beauregard mopped up around him ( and on him ), and Dr. Teeth, Floyd, Zoot, and Lips practiced on the prow ( with the assistance of Nigel, who claimed he was H2O intolerant ). Kermit enjoyed it all- especially the swimming. It wasn't until about a week later, when Janice had a beautiful sun tan and Miss Piggy had an awful sun burn, and the deck and Rowlf were shiny and clean, that the sky began to cloud over and the wind began to rise.
Sprocket was the first to get worried, as usual, and Gonzo was the first to notice, as Sprocket usually followed him around, trying (unsuccessfully) to keep him from jumping off the edge. So when Sprocket went whining and barking into the captain's cabin, Gonzo was the one to follow. Doc was listening to the radio, or at least trying to- all that came out of the speakers was static. "Hey Doc, think it's gonna storm?" Gonzo said loudly, then noticing the radio, "Hey, you know how to get one of those things to work? I'll tell ya, you have to wrap yourself in aluminum foil and stand somewhere high- believe me I've done it before, it works." Doc shook his head and flipped the radio off, "I can't get the weather report on this thing, we must be too far out. Oh, I hope it isn't getting ready to storm." "Well I think it'd be neat to be out in a sea storm, especially if you tied yourself to the mast- I always wanted to try that." Doc ran a hand through his gray hair, " Well, just talking to you worries me...do me favor please, find your friend the frog and tell him I'd like to talk to him." Kermit was sitting out on deck, the water was too cold for swimming, which committed him to laying in a beach chair and listening to Fozzie's terrible act rehearsal. He was more than happy when Gonzo found him and told him he was needed. "Sorry Fozzie, I think your act might need a little work, I used to own that joke book." He then ran off before Fozzie could retort. He met Nigel and the band halfway, they were carrying all the Electric Mayhem's equipment. "Well, where are you guys going?" asked Kermit, as if there was somewhere to go other then the cabin. "Were packin' it." Answered Dr. Teeth, "Gotta get the music stuff in before it rains." "Yeah, and I can't be out in the rain-I'll have a reaction." Put in Nigel, Kermit gave him a look. "Huh, I guess it does look cloudy, where's Scooter and Piggy and the others?" He asked, Dr. Teeth only shrugged. "Probably out on deck playing shuffleboard or something." He turned back to Nigel, "And I told you already man, you couldn't possibly be allergic to water. That's ridiculous." Kermit walked off with their argument in the background, "I'm telling you, It's true - My mother had the same problem. She was killed in a drink accident..." "Oh, wow. Like, he's totally makin' it up now." "I am not!" "Hey, leave him alone, he's lost his mother!" "MOMMA..?!?!"
Miss Piggy wasn't the one Kermit found playing shuffleboard, Rowlf and Beauregard were, in the loosest sense of the word. In fact, it looked more like ice hockey, or bowling. "Hey, guys, do you know were I can find Doc?" Kermit asked, Beau took a golf-style swing at the puck, before replying. "Nope."
"Thanks." said Kermit sarcastically. "He's probably in the cabin." Rowlf said, as he dodged a flying bucket Beauregard had smacked at. "Why, you think it's gonna storm?" "It might, but that's not what I wanted to see him about, he asked for me. Uh, say you wouldn't happen to know where Scooter and Miss Piggy got too, would you?" "Oh, I saw them." Said Beau, "They went to see the captain about lunch, I think." "OK, well you guys might want to get indoors, in case it starts to storm." "Aww, and I was just starting to get the hang of this." Beau said, as he took another Tiger Woods swing, this time at Rowlf. Kermit left them and headed for the cabin, were he found Doc, who was peering out the window looking out at sea. Behind him Miss Piggy was desperately trying to get her wet, tangled hair into some sort of order. Scooter was seated next to her in the captains chair, with a towel draped over him. He was trying to make the radio work. Doc looked up at Kermit as he came in, "Oh, thank goodness your here, I'm starting to get worried about that storm, we can't seem to get the radio reports-it could be a hurricane for all we know!" "Hello?" Scooter pulled the headphones off, "Hey Kermit I think I've got something!" He put them back on and tried to hold the signal, "Hello, can you hear me? This is the S.S.Traveling Matt, and were...what? No this isn't the prince of Wales, this Scooter and...huh? No, I'm on a ship...who is this? The Queen of where? Oh, well sorry, wrong number." He shrugged and turned the dial, Kermit just shook his head and looked back at Doc, "Do you think we'll be able to ride out the storm?" "Well, we should as long as it doesn't get to bad- the only problem is, were kind of short on crew, it's just Scott Frawley, Stephen Rockman and me..." Sprocket raised his head up and whined, "And of course, Sprocket, but that's still a lot of battening down to do, you don't think you and your friends could be of any assistance?" Kermit nodded, "Well, of course we'll help, but we don't know anything about sailing..." "That's OK, neither does the captain." Noted Scott Frawely, who had just come in, soaking wet, "Oh, and by the way, two things-it's raining, and your little blue friend has tied himself to the mast." "Great, well I'll just go and gather the rest of us, and you can tell us what were supposed to do." Miss Piggy, who had redoubled her efforts at maintaining her perm since Kermit had come in, looked up from her work, "Kermie, Mon capi~tan, what *are* you talking about?" She asked sweetly, but Kermit knew better, "Well, Piggy, I was just telling the captain here how much we all wanted to help." He said innocently, "Mm-hmm, well Kermie dear?" She said, then her voice sank to a growl "Speak for yourself!" Kermit gulped and then went about his work finding the rest of the Muppets and herding them into Doc's cabin. It wasn't hard, since most of them were already below deck ( with the exception of Gonzo, who was still tied to the mast ) Soon they were all in the captain's quarters, being given their assignments. "Fozzie? I want you to check the hatches and make sure there all secured down, we only want to leave one entrance open for us when we go below deck, you can take Rowlf and Dr. whats-his-name with you." Fozzie shuffled off obediently, with Rowlf and Dr. Teeth comforting him ( he was afraid of thunder storms ) "Scooter, are you getting anything on that phone?" "Nothing yet captain, I..." suddenly deep, slow machine-like breathing seemed to come through the phone, before a deep, menacing voice answered, "Hello?" the rest of the cabin fell into hush as Scooter tried to get through, "Hello? This is the S.S. Traveling Matt, and were somewhere in the Atlantic ocean and..." "How did you dial this phone?" the voice said threateningly, "Uhh, well I couldn't get a hold of 911 so I just started dialing random numbers..." "You can't dial this phone! This phone is restricted!" The voice seemed to be losing some of it's menace, suddenly it paused "Do you work for the Emperor?" "The who?" asked Scooter sheepishly "I thought not, now! Behold the power of the dark side! You will hang up this phone immediately and throw it into the water!" "I will hang up this phone and throw it into the water." Echoed Scooter, and before any one could stop him their last hope for rescue was bobbing on a wave. "Boy, that was weird." said Scooter "Haven't I heard that voice before somewhere?" Doc and Kermit exchanged glances, "Never mind." said Doc, "Scooter, I want you and Nigel to go around deck and find all the ropes you can." He looked around the cabin, "Were is Nigel?" "Oh, he wouldn't come. He's below deck, says he's breaking out in a rash from being too close to the rain." Said Floyd. "Then take Rowlf. Floyd, Janice, Zoot and...the other one who's name I can't remember...I want you all to search the cabins for any other radios or satellite phones." "All right, an inside job!" "Rully!" "Beauregard and Animal? You two are the strongest so I would like you to go below below deck and plug up any leaks you might find." "Rrright!" was Beauregard's enthusiastic reply, Animal merely shrugged. "Who does that leave? Oh, Kermit- I want your help supervising, and Miss Piggy..." "Yes?" Miss Piggy growled, Kermit was amazed at her ability to make one word sound threatening, "I... I want you too help Kermit." Stuttered Doc, "Of course" said Piggy sweetly.

 

[bouncingbabyfig]

hehe! Captured Piggy perfectly! That was Darth Vador, wasn't it? Very nice, though the part sbout Fozzie's jokes to Kermit, I don't think Fozzie has the capability to retort, maybe answer would be a better word? Anyhoo very well done!

 

[We Got Us]

Yes, that was Darth. Like I said, my nerdy cousins were not quite satisfied with one franchise of characters, lol. That one worked out a little better than the other ones. Your point about Fozzie is in good taste, I once had a grammar teacher that wouldn't let me use simple words like 'reply' and 'said' and made me spice it up with something new each time. It was for the most part a good lesson but a habit I have a hard time breaking. 'Reply' probably would have been simpler, 'retort' sounds like he's smarting off, which is an extremely rare Fozzie occurrence, but I digress...

 

[We Got Us]

This is the next bit: Chapter two, part 1. Here is one of the worst cameos in the book, Jack Sparrow. My 8-year-old pirate obsessed thoroughly adorable and hard to resist cousin begged and I obeyed. Oh well, that's why it's up for critical review...

CHAPTER TWO
Out on deck, lightening flashed, thunder roared, torrents of rain fell, and waves threatened to carry the ship under. From his perch on the mast Gonzo was entertaining himself by trying to yell louder than then the storm, down on deck, Fozzie thought he was calling for help. “Gonzo?!! Are you alright?! Can...can you hear me?!” He was about to run for Kermit when Gonzo's reply came to him through the storm, “Fozzie...?!” “Yes Gonzo?!” Yelled Fozzie, so scared he was on the verge of tears, “You've...got...to...” “Got to what?!” Fozzie nearly screamed, thinking it was his friend's last moment, “You've.....got.....to try this!!” Fozzie raised his head out of his hands, put his hat back on, shook his head, and walked off sullenly. Kermit was trying hard to keep order, and yelling at everybody in the process, “Rowlf!! That's the anchor chain! Put it back! Dr. Teeth? Could you please hurry with that, it's...what?! No I don't want to do it myself! I'm your boss! Scooter!? What do you think your doing?!” He turned to see Miss Piggy leaning over the rail at the prowl end of the ship. “Piggy? Are you all right?!” Suddenly the boom of a cannon echoed through the rain. “What in the world?” Kermit was about to ask when suddenly two things happened; a cannon boomed again and a man was thrown into the rigging amidst a fiery explosion, at the same time, about twenty odd men swung onto the ship with drawn swords at the ready. “Oi! Throw down your weapons! This ship has been commandeered!” Yelled the man in the rigging. He tried to free himself, but found that his foot had become tangled in the sail. He kicked around, and only succeeded in losing his grip on the mast and hanging upside down. By his foot. “Wow! What an entrance!” Noted Gonzo enthusiastically, “But your flight pattern needs work.” “Cut the gab mate, how do I get down?” Asked the man, quietly. And then, to the people below on deck, “Cut me down you bilge rats! This is your captain speaking!! Kermit shook his head and turned back to the pirates that were menacing him with swords, “Good grief, is there anything that won't happen in this book?!” The pirate captain, who had by now managed to free his dagger, hacked at the rigging until he finally fell to the deck with a less-than-manly-yell. Quickly regaining his composer, he jumped to his feet and grabbed a sword from one of the pirates. “What book?” He asked, as though Kermit's fourth-wall-breaking reference had just occurred to him. “Never mind” said Kermit in a flustered voice, “Can we help you with anything?” The pirate captain looked surprised, “Well, actually...” Suddenly, behind him, a huge, old style ship with tattered black sails loomed out of the fog and waves. A tall man with a scraggly beard and a huge feathery hat was standing on the rail waving a rusty rapier at them. “Ahoy Jack! Looks like I've got your ship!” Jack Sparrow turned back to Kermit, “Hold that thought mate, men! Back to the ship!!” the other pirates clambered up onto the rails and swung off into the night, but Jack Sparrow waited until they were all gone before he grabbed a rope, struck a grand pose on the rail, and in a proud voice declared, “Goodbye frog! You will always remember this as the day Captain Jack Sparrow almost made guacamole out of you!” Kermit scrunched his face in disgust, as the captain swung off towards the other ship, swinging his sword, missed entirely, and fell into the water. Kermit and Miss Piggy peered over the railing as the sounds of a raging sea battle slowly died away into the storm. “Kermie? That didn't just happen did it?” asked Miss Piggy, Kermit shook his head slowly, “Let's hope not, for the writer's sake.”

 

[bouncingbabyfig]

Hehe. Captain was sure in character(Acting like a fool)
Statler: Yeah so what else is new?
Statler&Waldorf: Dohohoho!
Beautiful, your still keeping everyone in character which his good!
Who will make a cameo appearence next?!

 

[We Got Us]

Ok--there's a lot in this one, so I'll just recap my thoughts as I wrote it in the dim-dear past: "Ok, the Johnny Depp thing is over, thank the Lord, and we're on to Gonzo...well, guess I'd better make it stop storming soon, can't write the whole book that way....oh good gravy, the kids want Aragon in the book? How am I..? >sigh< ok fine, that's it....back to important things...like ending the chapter."

Kermit was heading back to the front of the boat when he saw a dark-cloaked figure heading towards him. “What now, black riders?” he thought to himself, as he got closer, he was surprised to discover the figure was Nigel.

“Nigel? What are you doing up here? I thought were hiding out...uh...I mean waiting out the storm below deck, because of your allergies?” “I was, but there is more water down there then there is up here.” “Huh? What does that mean?” “It means we've sprung a leak.” “What?! I thought I put Beauregard and Animal in charge of leaks!” “Well, that was your first mistake.” Kermit ran below deck, were, sure enough, at least two feet of water was on the floor. Beauregard came wading up to him, and saluted proudly, “Uh, no leaks here boss!” Kermit pushed passed him and went into the cabin were a large piece of driftwood was stuck in the wall, with water pouring all around it. “Hey Kermit?” Floyd stopped in the doorway, “Oh, man-not good.” “Floyd, we need something to plug up this hole.” “Great, I'll get Gonzo!” Floyd joked, but Kermit was relieved, “Floyd, your a genius! You and Fozzie get him down and bring him here, tell him I've got something even more crazy for him to try!” Floyd shook his head and walked off, “Sometimes I just don't get amphibians.” Floyd wasn't gone long, at the prospect of something more dangerous, nay, more artistic than hanging from a mast, ( Floyd knew how to talk to people ) Gonzo was instantly thrilled at the prospect. That is- until he found what the mystery act was... “You want me to plug up a hole!” “Well, sure Gonzo- I thought it'd be right up your ally- right up there with tire eating.” “Tire eating is one thing- tire eating to “Flight of the Bumblebee”, now that is art! Were is the art in plugging a hole?!” “uhm, Gonzo...were is the art in any of your acts?” Gonzo took a step back, with wide opened eyes, and prepared to give Kermit the dressing-down of a lifetime, luckily, Kermit knew this was coming out of experience. “Look, Gonzo- what I meant was, this is a very dangerous...uhm...undertaking.” Gonzo sighed, “Alright Kermit, but you must realize that there is art in the things I do, not just danger...although the danger helps!


Gonzo was in the process of being packed in the hole, when Scooter came running into the cabin. “Hey Kermit? You better get up on deck, Doc's looking for you. He says we've been blown of course!” Kermit rushed onto the deck, the storm had died down somewhat, but the ship was still keeling badly back and forth. Fozzie was leaning over the railing, he looked sick. Nigel was huddled next to the mast under a pile of ropes and tarps, Dr. Teeth and Rowlf were hanging on for dear life to the mast. Doc, who looked as though he had never been on a ship by the way was being thrown around, finally made his way over to Kermit, “I heard there was a leak?!” He managed to yell over the storm, “Taken care of.” Scooter piped up. “Oh, thank goodness,” said Doc, relieved, “But that's only number one on a whole list of problems, I just checked the map and it looks like we've been blown entirely of course! Were heading for the wrong side of the island!” “If we make it to land at all, I'll be happy!” Came Fozzie's feeble voice, “If we make it to land without another cameo, I'll be happy.” Was Kermit's sarcastic remark, but he should have known better, for at that moment a huge long-tailed dragon flew overhead through the storm, perched upon it's back was a middle-aged lad with sandy colored blonde hair in medieval-era clothing. A few chapters back Kermit might have been surprised to see them, but in this case he merely shook his head as he watched them ride away into the night. “Was that Aragon or did I just start having hallucinations? Asked Rowlf, “Probably, with my luck,” Stated Kermit, before turning back to Doc, “What's so wrong with the other side of the island? I mean, as long as there's a port we should be able to stock up and come around the other side, or just find a place to stay over there.” “Well, that's just the problem, there are no ports on that side of the island, it's only inhabited by the island's natives- and their very strict about their property.” “Natives? As in...cannibals?” Asked Miss Piggy shakily, “No, I doubt that but...still, I don't think they'd be very friendly if we trespassed. See, I heard the agreement between the man who owns the island...” “My uncle.” Piped up Scooter again, Doc looked at him in amazement, “Your...uncle owns the island?” Kermit made a face, “Yeah, just like he owns the theater, and my apartment building, and probably this ship too.” Doc shook his head (this happens a lot) and continued, “Well anyway, he made an agreement with the natives that if he could use one half of the island for commercialism, he would insure that they be left completely in peace on the other side. So not only is it dangerous to land on that side-it's illegal too.” “Well, let's just try not to do that shall we? Kermit said drily, Doc nodded, and ran off to find the other members of the crew. The rest of the storm was spent trying to pump out the water from below deck, witch was a pretty futile effort, since more kept coming in from the open hatch. But whether it helped or not, at least it took their minds off the storm for awhile, and before they knew it, it was morning, and the sky was clear.

P.S. Sorry it's in one big chunk like that, formatting is not my friend today.

 

[We Got Us]

Beautiful, your still keeping everyone in character which his good!

Thanks! That is the main struggle, because I hate it when people do un-muppety things with my wonderful felt friends. As you can tell, I did take a lot of liberties with the character of Nigel, but since he never really got much of an established personality I figured no one would mind. Anyway, it gave me something to run with.

 

[bouncingbabyfig]

That's good! I'm still trying to figure out who Nigel is.....

 

[We Got Us]

That's good! I'm still trying to figure out who Nigel is.....

Ha! Here's a pic:

Nigel was the original host Jim Henson had intended for the Muppet Show, but people felt he didn't have as much charisma as Kermit and he was scrapped after the pilot episode. In the Muppet show's long run (and in the recent movie) he was demoted to the conductor. I heard this and my girly mind felt bad for him, so I decided it would be fun to throw him as one of the gang. I may as well have done Wayne and Wanda, but besides...he's kinda cute, isn't he?

 

[bouncingbabyfig]

Adorable! Now I remember! Awsome sauce! More story soon 'kay, then I'll write more!