The Muppets After The Muppets - Episode 9: Getting Steve Carrel

[minor muppetz]

Enjoy this newest episode of "The Muppets After The Muppets".

Act 1
It was a somewhat busy day at Muppet Studios. Beauregard was dusting the shelves…

“Good job, Bo”, said Kermit.

“Oh, thanks”, said Beauregard.

“But this is the fifth time you did this today”.

Beauregard squinted, “Oh, right.”

Mildred was taking calls…

“Thank you for calling Muppet Studios. If you are calling for tickets, press one. If you are calling to make a complaint, press 2. If you are calling for any other reason, press 3.”

And Walter was going through the archives, selecting many master tapes.

“Hey, Scooter”, said Walter, “where’s the VCR?”

“We don’t have one anymore”, said Scooter.

“Oh, rats”, said Walter.

“You called?”, said Rizzo.

“No”, said Walter, “I just wanted to watch these vintage Muppet Meeting Films and unaired Little Muppet Monsters.”

“I’ll see if Bunsen can convert them to discs”, said Scooter.

“Hey, everyone”, said Kermit, “I’d like you to meet our new intern, Kevin.”

“Hi, Kevin”, said everyone who was in the archives room a the time.

“Oh, hi, everyone”, said Kevin.

“Walter”, said Kermit, “since you know everything about us, why don’t you show Kevin around and answer any questions he may have?”

“Okay, Kermit”, said Walter, “Come, Kevin. You’ve got lots to learn.”

Walter started showing Kevin around.

“You see, it all started back in 1955…”

“Uh, Walter”, said Kevin, “Is there a list of upcoming guest stars?”

“Oh, yeah”, said Walter, pointing to a desk, “over there on that desk!”

Kevin went to the desk.

“Hmm”, said Kevin, going over the list, “like him, like her, sort of like him, hate her, never heard of him…
Wait a minute!”

“What’s wrong, Kevin?”, asked Walter.

“Why isn’t Steve Carrel on the guest star list?”

“Well, I guess because he’s not scheduled to be a guest star anytime soon”, said Walter, “Say, are there any Muppets you’d like me to tell you the name of? Like the conductor, the old janitor, the Solid Foam drummer…”

“I just want to know why Steve Carrel isn’t a scheduled guest star!”, said an angered Kevin, who angrily marched off, “Kermit!”

“Oh, yes, Kevin?”

“I can’t believe that Steve Carrel is not on the list of upcoming guest stars!”

“Well, we could call and ask him.”

“You do that, Kermit, you do that RIGHT NOW!”

Kermit gulped a bit but wasn’t too worried.

“Uh, okay”, said Kermit, who hit his desk buzzer, “Mildred, get Steve Carrel on the phone.”

“Say, Kevin”, said Walter, “would you like to know the lyrics to Mahna Mahna?”

“No, I wouldn’t”, said Kevin.

Kermit was on the phone.

“Hello, Steve Carrel, this is Kermit the Frog, and I have an intern who’d like for you to be on The Muppet Show. Uh-huh? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay, bye.”

“So, what did he say?”, said Walter.

“He said ‘nuh-uh’”, said Kermit.

“Well, get him to change his mind”, said Kevin, “Steve Carrel is the greatest!”

“Well, he’s okay”, said Walter, “but he doesn’t measure up to any of the Muppets…”

“Oh, shut up!”, said Kevin, who then pointed a gun to Walter.

“Kevin! What are you doing?”, asked Kermit.

“I’ve got a gun, and it’s a dangerous weapon! It’s not as safe as an explosion or being crushed by heavy objects… This gun can actually KILL YOU!”

“Oh, my…”, said Kermit.

“Now give me the phone”, said Kevin.

“O… Okay…”, said Kermit.

“I’m calling up my brother Devon”, said Kevin.

Kevin got the phone, “Hello, Devon. Steve Carrel is making a movie in your town. Go find him and make him appear on The Muppet Show. Thank you, bye!”

Kevin hung up and then pointed his gun at all the Muppets.

“You’re all staying here until Steve Carrel does the show”, said Kevin.

At the location of the film Steve Carrel is working on…

“Mr. Carrel”, said a production assistant, “There’s somebody here to talk to you.”

“Okay, bring him in”, said Steve.

It was Kevin’s brother Devon, who looked just like Kevin, except he was dressed like a cowboy. And he pointed a gun at Steve.

“Steve Carrel, I hate your guts”, said Devon, “But my brother Kevin is a fan of you, and he wants you to be on The Muppet Show. Come with me, and you won’t be hurt!”

“And if I refuse?”, said Steve, bravely.

Devon promptly threw a lasso over his neck and pulled him away.

“You had your chance!”, said Devon.

“Help! Help!”, cried Steve.

 

[Beauregard]

I guess you should say he was 'corralled'...Pahahaha!

 

[minor muppetz]

Act 2

Steve Carrel was brought to the theater.

"Wow! I can;t beleive you're actually here!", said Kevin.

"Neither can I", said Steve.

Devon was pointing his gun at Steve, while Kevinw as pointing his gun at the Muppets.

"Will you please let me go?", said Steve, "I'm working on a movie. It's a remake of a movie made 40 years ago, though I suppose fans will prefer the original, the 40-year-old version."

"That's what SHE said!", said Kevin.

"I said no such thing", said Miss Piggy, who proceeded to give Kevin a karate-chop... But then a third brother, also identical-looking and holding a gun but dressed as a pirate, showed up, pointing his gun at Miss Piggy.

"Don't even think about it", said the other brother.

"There's three of you?", said Steve.

"Yes, I'm Evan, Evan Triplett."

"The Triplett tripletts?", said Rowlf.

"Evan", said Devon, "Will you go outside the theater and make sure nobody tries to stop us?"

"Will do!", said Evan.

"And don't bother calling the cops", said Kevin, "just don't!"

"Uh... Okay", said Pepe.

"Mr. Carrel", said Kevin, "we must begin rehearsals."

"But I don't want to", said Steve, "I don't even want to be on this third-rate variety show!"

"Third rate?", questioned Walter.

"Come on, you will make this the best Muppet Show episode EVER!", said Kevin.

"I don't know how he can top the one with Harry Belafonte", said Walter.

Soon it was time for the next show. Brad Pitt walked in.

"Who are you?", asked Pops.

"I'm Brad Pitt. I'm tonight's guest star."

"Really?", said Pops, "I thought whats-his-name was our guest star."

Brad Pitt just laughed it off.

In the dressing room...

"Steve Carrel! Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Carrel!", said Scooter.

Kevin was pointing a gun at Steve.

"I can't believe this is happening", said Steve.

"That's what she said", said Kevin, "Oh, and will you please autograph my gun?"

The show started.

"Welcome to The Muppet Show", said Kermit, "I know we announced Brad Pitt as our guest star, but he's been replaced with Steve Carrel..."

Some members of the audience got up and left, mumbling.

"Do you think we should leave, too?", said Waldorf.

"We should have left earlier!", said Statler.

The two laughed.

Kevin followed Steve backstage, where they encountered Brad Pitt.

"What are you doing here?", asked Steve.

"I'm the guest star", said Brad.

"Well, you've been replaced", said Kevin.

"Now you know how I feel", said Steve.

Back on-stage...

"And now here's our very special guest star, Steve Carrel!"

"I don't want to do this", said Steve.

"Do you want to live to do another Muppet Show?", said Kevin.

"I have to do another one after this?", said an outraged Steve.

The curtains raised, and Bobby Benson's Baby Band performed "Can't Touch This", though Steve replaced the title lyrics with "That's what she said!" (the scene cut backstage before more song could be sung)

"He's great!", said Kevin.

"He's wonderful!", said Devon.

"I sure wish the monsters didn't all go on vacation", said Fozzie.

"That's what she said!", laughed Kevin and Devon.

Most of the audience applauded.

"That's the dumbest guest star act EVER!", said Statler.

"That's what SHE said!", said Waldorf.

The two laughed.

Next was Muppet Labs...

"Welcome again to Muppet Labs where the future is being made today", said Bunsen, "and here it is, the Health Inspector Machine."

"Mee mee", said Beaker.

"Yes, how often have you gotten sick because your food wasn't as healthy as it appeared? Well, this machine will determine if your food is healthy enough to eat."

"Meep!"

"Beaker, put your dirty hands on that sandwich, and put it into the machine."

Beaker did so, and a loud alarm sound went off.

"That means that the food is too unhealthy. Now, Beaker, wash your hands and put some grapes in the machine."

Beaker did so, and a pleaseant "ding" sound went off.

"That means that the grapes are clean and healthy to eat."

Beaker started to eat some grapes.

"That's all today from Muppet Labs".

Bunsen and Beaker went backstage.

"Wow, that's the first Muppet Labs sketch I saw that DIDN'T have a funny ending", said Walter.

"Well, our endings are never supposed to be funny", said Bunsen, "all ending humor comes by accident. This is just the first time no such accident occured."

"Mee mee", said Beaker, whose body then started glowing a radiation green.

"Uh-oh!", said Beaker.

 

[minor muppetz]

Act 3

"It's time now for Piiiiiigs iiiiiin Spaaaaaaaaaaace.... When we last left our heroes, they were wondering if there'd ever be another installment...."

"Oh no!", worried Link, "The enemies are attacking us!"

"I never thought it would happen!", said Dr. Strangepork.

"Given the intellegence of you all I did", said Miss Piggy.

Doors opened and in came Steve Carrel and the Triplett tripletts, all wearing pig snouts and ears. Steve carred an obviously-fake gun, while the tripletts carried their real guns.

"Okay, everyone, you're all surrounded!", said Steve, "Oink oink! Oink oink!"

"Uh, why are you oinking at us?", said Miss Piggy.

"Yeah, we are too intelligent for such language", said Dr. Strangepork.

"It's part of the sketch!", said Evan.

"Surrendor, or be doomed!", said Kevin.

"Uh, that's my line", said Steve.

In the wings...

"They seem to be dying out there", said Kermit.

"Maybe we can use them in Vets Hospital", said Rowlf, in his Dr. Bob outfit.

"We must find a way to notify the authorities", said Sam.

"For once I agree with you", said Kermit.

"Me, too", said Floyd.

"Yeah, agree!", said Animal.

Everybody left the stage.

"That was a good performance, Kevin", said Devon.

"I'm not Kevin, I'm Devon"

"I thought I was Devon"

"Which one's which, again?", said Steve.

"And I thought my nephews were dumb", said Miss Piggy.

They all then pointed their guns at Miss Piggy.

"You want to take that back?", said Kevin.

The Swedish Chef walked by.

"Hey, Chef", said Devon, "I think you should make some pork or ham."

"Ohkuy", said Swedish Chef, who then picked up Dr. Strangepork.

"Help! Help!", said Strangepork.

"Not him, her!", said Kevin.

Miss Piggy then karate chopped the guns out of their hands and karate chopped them.

"A-ha!", said Piggy.

The guns all hit the floor and started shooting off like crazy. Everybody ducked. But then the Triplett tripletts picked up their guns and got up.

"We're in charge again", said Devon.

But then the green radiation glowing from Beaker started to cause him problems, and he suddenly uncontrollably shot out rays of radiation at the Tripletts, trapping them in a green radiation bubble.

"We're all trapped! Help!", cried Kevin.

"Let's shoot out guns", said Evan.

They did, but the bullets just bounced all over the inside of the radiation bubble, they all kept running and ducking in their limited space.

"Hey, Bo", said Kermit, "Get some safety gloves and carry them off to the local detention center."

"Right", said Beauregard.

"Well, Mr. Carrel, I guess your free to go", said Kermit.

"Are you kidding?", said Steve, "As much as I didn't want to be on this show, there is a song I've always wanted to sing on stage."

"Well, let's go!", said Kermit.

They all went on stage, and Steve led them into a performance of It's All About the Benjamins.

After the performance, Beauregard went on-stage, carrying the Triplett's while wearign safety gloves.

"I'm ready to take them to the detention center", said Beaurgeard.

"Oh, great", said Kermit, "follow me!"

"You know, Steve", said Miss Piggy, "I can;t beleive you always wanted to sing THAT song."

"That's what she said!"

"Well, I guess those tripletts won't be anywhere near a stage for a long time", said Scooter.

"Not exactly", said Floyd, "I know where they're going, and they do allow their prisioners to do live performances."

Cut to them at the detention center...

"Ladies and gentlement, here are teh Triplett tripletts!", said an announcer.

And the Tripletts sang "I'm Not a Juvinile Delinquint".

The End

 

[Misskermie]

LOL!

I can't believe you put Brad Pitt in this, and Piggy didn't make Kermit jealous not once! LOL!

And LOL, Walter was about to go Wayyyyyyyyyyy back. "It all started in 1955..." LOL! I could tell him everything about Muppets too!

 

[Stan Davis]

Who Perform These Characters
The Tripletts

 

[minor muppetz]

Who Perform These Characters
The Tripletts

Kevin - Eric Jacobsen
Devon - Dave Goelz
Evan - Peter Linz