The Muppet Show Starring YOU!


Well-Known Member
Apr 21, 2007
Reaction score
The Muppet Show starring Peyton Jenkins!

I'm finally done!!! Here is the first part...

1) Guest Star's Dressing Room
A knock at the door.​

Scooter: "Peyton Jenkins! Calling Peyton Jenkins! Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Jenkins."​

Peyton: "Thank you, Scooter, I'll be ready."​

Peyton notices that Scooter is hesitating.​

Peyton: "Is something wrong?"​

Scooter: "Well, sir, we can't seem to locate Kermit, and it's just fifteen seconds to curtain. We were just downstairs wondering if you'd like to host the show tonight?"​

Peyton: "Scooter! I'd be honored!"​

Scooter: "Great! Ten seconds to curtain!"​

Exit Scooter. Peyton opens the door to his wardrobe to reveal Kermit bound and gagged.​

Peyton: "Sorry, frog, but I've always wanted to host The Muppet Show, and this is my big chance. That's show biz!"​

Theme music and opening, with Peyton in all of Kermit's usual places.​

2) The Stage
Enter Peyton before the curtain.​

Peyton: "Thank you, thank you, and welcome to The Muppet Show! Our very special guest tonight is that famed star of... well, nothing. But he's one swell guy and quite the snazzy dresser. It's me, Peyton Jenkins!"​

The crowd goes wild.​

Peyton: "And here to start the show off right is.... me!"​

The curtain opens to reveal a spooky graveyard overlooked by a Gothic castle. The Electric Mayhem are in position with their instruments. Janice is perched in the branch of a tree. Zoot is sitting on the ground, leaning against a tombstone. Animal's drum set is sitting on top of a crypt. Floyd is in the window of the castle. Dr. Teeth is in the balcony of the castle. Lips is standing in an open grave. Peyton takes his place and the band begins the opening chords of Haul & Oates' "Man-Eater".​

Peyton: "Whoa-oh, here she comes. Watch out, she's a man-eater!"​

As he performs the best rendition of the song ever heard, the Electric Mayhem rocks out. About midway through the song, Big Mamma appears in the castle window behind Floyd. She eats him. Peyton and the rest of the band remain oblivious as Big Mamma roams around, eating the band members one by one.​

Peyton: "Whoa-oh, here she comes. Watch out, she's a man-eater!"​

The members of the Electric Mayhem have all been eaten by the time Peyton ends the song. He notices Big Mamma for the first time, and steps aside as she leaps for him. She falls into the open grave and disappears. The curtain falls and the crowd goes wild again.​
To be continued...


Well-Known Member
Apr 21, 2007
Reaction score
The Muppet Show starring Peyton Jenkins! (part 2)

3) Muppet Labs
The lab is empty, but Beaker opens the door and starts to walk in. As he puts one foot into the room, an arm reaches through the door, grabs him by the neck, and pulls him back! The door slams.

Enter Dr. Bunsen Honeydew through another door.

Bunsen: "Now, what could possibly be keeping Beakey? He's usually so punctual."

The first door opens again, and Peyton steps into the room in a white lab coat and a red wig.

Peyton: "Mee mee me, mi mee me?"

Bunsen: "Thank you for finally showing up, Beakey. I thought I was going to have to go on without you!"

Peyton: "Mee."

Bunsen turns to the audience.

Bunsen: "And now, ladies and gentlemen, I suppose you are eager to see what we have in store for you today?" He glances at Peyton. "My lands, Beakey, have you done something different with your hair?"

Peyton: "Me mi."

Bunsen: "I can't put my finger on it, but you seem different somehow."

Peyton: "Mee mee mi me mi mi me mee. Me mi mee mee me mee mmi. Mi mi?"

Bunsen: "Yes, yes, I suppose that makes sense. Now, ladies and gentlemen, what I have here today is Muppet Labs' brand spanking new disappearing ray. What say Beakey and I here show you how it works? Beakey, you stand over there--"

Peyton takes the disappearing ray and takes a step back, pointing it at Bunsen.

Bunsen: "No, no, Beakey. I use the ray, you get to stand against the wall and show everyone how easy it is."

Peyton: "Mme mee."

He pulls the trigger and a flash of yellow light shoots out of the ray.

Bunsen: "Dear me!"

The ray hits Bunsen and knocks him backwards. His glasses fly off, but before he hits the wall, Bunsen disappears. Peyton catches the glasses in mid-air, throws off the wig, and puts on the glasses.

Peyton: "Thank you for your attention, and come again soon to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today. Mee mii?"
To be continued...


Well-Known Member
Apr 21, 2007
Reaction score
4) Veterinarian's Hospital
Backstage, Miss Piggy and Rowlf rush past in their Vet's Hospital costumes. Scooter is looking frantically around.

Scooter: "Janice? Has anybody seen Janice?"

Fozzie: "I haven't seen any of the band since the opening number."

Scooter: "What is going on tonight? First Kermit, now the band. Where is everybody?"

Fozzie: "What about Vet's Hospital?"

Scooter: "Send Annie Sue on!"

Annie Sue appears at the top of the stairs.

Annie Sue: "Here I am!"

The door at the top of the stairs flies open, hitting Annie Sue and hiding her from view. Peyton leans out of the doorway.

Peyton: "Did you say you needed someone for Vet's Hospital?"

A few moments later...

Onstage, Nurse Piggy, Dr. Bob, and Nurse... er... Peyton stand around the operating table, upon which lies a patient covered with a sheet.

Announcer: "And now, for Veterinarian's Hosptial, that stoooory of an orthopedic surgeon who's gone to the dogs."

Dr. Bob: "Is this the next patient?"

Peyton: "Fer suuure."

Nurse Piggy and Dr. Bob glare at him.

Piggy: "You're not Janice."

Peyton: "Sure I am."

Piggy (skeptically): "You've got a beard."

Peyton: "So have you, but I'm not complaining."


Dr. Bob: "You know, Nurse Piggy, now that he mentions it--"

Piggy: "Don't you daaare." :mad:

Dr. Bob: "I wouldn't think of it. Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin."


Piggy: "You're treading on thin ice, dog."

Peyton: "Well, if he was you, he'd be treading on thin pavement!"


Piggy: "I am about to lose my patience!"

Dr. Bob: "Hold it. I'm the only one who loses patients around here."

Peyton: "Speaking of which, who is your patient, Dr. Bob?"

Dr. Bob: "I don't know. Let's take a looksee."

He pulls back the covers to reveal.... nobody!

Dr. Bob: "Well what do you know."

Peyton: "What, Dr. Bob?"

Dr. Bob: "I'm on thin ice, she's on thing pavement, and the patient's in thin air!"


They stand around for a moment in silence. Nothing happens. They look up to the ceiling.

Dr. Bob: "Hello up there?"

Still nothing happens.

Peyton: "Oh, sorry. I forgot." (He clears his throat, and then talks in a booming voice) "That's it for Veterinarian's Hospital. Tune in next week to hear Nurse Piggy say..."

Piggy: "What'd ya wanna tune back into this crummy show for?"
To be continued...


Well-Known Member
Apr 21, 2007
Reaction score
The Muppet Show starring Peyton Jenkins (part 4)

5) Stage
The curtain opens to reveal Miss Piggy and Link Hogthrob dressed to the nines in a lavish mansion. They are seated at either end of a long table. Rats are scurrying about, dressed as maids, butlers, and other assorted servants, clearing the mounds of breakfast dishes from the table. The music starts, it is Carly Simon's "You're So Vain".​
Piggy (singing): "You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht..."​
Link takes the next line, and as they sing to each other, they get increasingly frustrated. By the time they get to the first chorus of "you're so vain, you probably think this song is about you", they are throwing dishes at each other and the rats are running for cover.​
With one fluid motion, Peyton jumps into the scene, scoops up Piggy and tosses her into the wings. He starts singing the song while Link continues to throw things. Fortunately for the guest star, Link is a terrible aim.​
Peyton: "You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you! You're so vain, I'll bet you think this song is about you, don't you, don't you?"​
As he gets to the "don't you"s, Link starts to sing again. Without missing a beat, Peyton waltzes over to him and stuffs an apple in his mouth.​
Peyton: "Looks natural."​
Peyton finishes the song by himself, picks up Link, and walks offstage.​

6) A Comedy Routine by Fozzie Bear
Fozzie enters the stage, hat in one hand, rubber chicken in the other.​
Fozzie: "Hiya, hiya, hiya! Here he is, that funny fuzzy, Fozzie Bear! Wocka wocka wocka!"​
Statler: "Look, Waldorf, a bear-skin rug."​
Waldorf: "That's no rug."​
Statler: "How can you tell?"​
Waldorf: "Rugs are funnier!"​
Both: "Doh-hoh-hoh-hoh!"​
Fozzie: "Oh, please don't. Please don't, I don't think I can take it."​
Enter Peyton.​
Peyton: "I'll take care of this, Fozzie."​
He turns to Statler and Waldorf.​
Peyton: "Hey, what's your problem? He's a funny guy!"​
Fozzie: "Thank you."​
Peyton: "Funny looking!"​
Statler and Waldorf: "Doh-hoh-hoh-hoh!"​
Fozzie: "You call this taking care of it?"​
Peyton: "Hey, Fozzie, does your face hurt?"​
Fozzie: "No, why?"​
Peyton, Statler, and Waldorf: "Because it's killing us!"​
Fozzie: "This is not a very funny act!"​
Statler: "That's what we've been saying for years!"​
A cane reaches out the wings. Peyton ducks, and it lands squarley around Fozzie's neck. Letting out a wail, he is pulled offstage. Statler and Waldorf cheer.​
Waldorf: "Hey, Jenkins, you can sit with us any time!"​
Peyton: "No thanks. I've already taken your place on the show, I'd hate for you to lose your seats as well."​
Statler and Waldorf glare.​
Peyton: "Wocka wocka wocka!"​
To be continued...


Well-Known Member
Apr 21, 2007
Reaction score
The Muppet Show starring Peyton Jenkins (part 5)

7) Stage
The scene is a beautiful park. Peyton is sitting on a park bench staring wistfully ahead. He waits for the music to start... but it doesn't come. He looks into the pit and sees that it is empty. He shrugs and decides to do it a capella. He begins to sing "Happiness" from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.​

Peyton: "Happiness is finding a pencil... pizza with sausage... telling the time..."​

He trails off and looks around. Statler and Waldorf's box is empty. He looks to the back of the theatre just in time to see the last patron exit and the door close. Peyton cranes his head to look backstage. Scooter is standing forlornly in the wings. Peyton begins singing to him.​

Peyton: "Happiness is learning to whistle... tying your shoe for the very first time..."​

Scooter turns to walk away. Peyton jumps to his feet.​

Peyton: "Scooter! Scooter, wait!"​

Scooter turns and walks back.​

Scooter: "Yes?"​

Peyton: "Where is everyone?"​

Scooter: "They're all gone. We still can't find Kermit or the Electric Mayhem or Beaker... Piggy locked herself in her dressing room. Fozzie and Gonzo and everyone else went home. It's just Beau and me backstage sweeping up."​

Peyton: "But- but I'm not done yet. I still have to sing this song. I still have 'Happiness'."​

Scooter: "Sorry."​

Scooter sighs and trudges back the way he came. Peyton's eyes begin to well up.​

Peyton: "Wait! Wait, Scooter, wait. I've made a big mistake."​

Scooter pauses.​

Peyton: "Kermit... Kermit's in my dressing room. He's in the wardrobe. And Beaker's in the attic. And the band is... well, wherever Big Mamma is. I... I'm sorry. Will you go get them?"​

Scooter is off like a flash. Peyton sits down on the bench and waits... and after a moment begins to cry.​

Kermit: "Now you know how we feel."​

Peyton looks up. Standing there is the frog, looking both sorrowful and sweet. Kermit sits next to him on the bench.​

Peyton: "Oh, Kermit, I'm so sorry. I got so wrapped up... so excited about being on The Muppet Show.... I wanted to do it all. I wanted to fit in, I wanted you to like me.... and... look at where that's led me. I'm so sorry."​

Kermit: "We all make mistakes."​

Peyton: "Kermit, I tied up a superstar and shoved him in a closet so I could take his job. That's not a mistake, that's a felony."​

Kermit: "You have a point."​

Peyton: "I thought 'Happiness' would be the perfect song to end the show, but it's completely wrong. Without you guys around, I don't really feel happy at all."​

Kermit: "We can fix that."​

Kermit gestures to the wings. Peyton looks up to see all of the Muppet gang standing there.​

Peyton: "Can you forgive me?"​

Fozzie: "Only on one condition."​

Peyton: "I give you your show back?"​

Piggy: "That, and a little groveling."​

Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, and Rowlf: "Piggy!"​

Kermit: "The condition is- you have to finish your song. With all of us."​

Peyton: "I'd love to."​

The band takes their place, and the rest of the Muppets gather around Peyton.​

Peyton (singing): "Happiness is being alone every now and then.​

Muppets: "And happiness is coming home again."​

ALL: "Happiness is morning and evening, day time and night time, too. For happiness is anyone and anything at all that's loved by you!"​

As their voices unite, Peyton gathers the Muppets into a big group hug, and they continue to sing even as Kermit moves to the front of the group.​

Kermit: "That's it for The Muppet Show! Thanks and come again!"​

As the credits roll, the whole group sings through "Happiness" once again. Finally, the song is over.​

Statler: "This was the best Muppet Show ever."​

Waldorf: "But there weren't many Muppets in it."​

Statler: "That's what I said!"​


Well-Known Member
Aug 21, 2005
Reaction score
hahahaha!! this was great! :big_grin: ... loved Statler & Waldorf's joke there at the end.. and poor Bunsen.. he's so.. well, Bunsen :smile:


Well-Known Member
Apr 21, 2007
Reaction score
hahahaha!! this was great! :big_grin: ... loved Statler & Waldorf's joke there at the end.. and poor Bunsen.. he's so.. well, Bunsen :smile:
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. It was harder than I thought it would be to write in character for each Muppet, but I'll assume from your post that I did pretty well with Bunsen, at least. :big_grin:


Well-Known Member
Aug 21, 2005
Reaction score
They all seemed more-or-less in character.. of course, even if they weren't, I'd have read them that way :wink: ... but I do think you captured Bunsen's essence :confused:

it may be another week, but mine's coming eventually!


Well-Known Member
Apr 21, 2007
Reaction score
So, uh... it's been about fifty-nine weeks. Is yours still coming? :wink:


Well-Known Member
Oct 27, 2011
Reaction score
Well this thread is dying Dead, and I wish to ressurect it from death.



Scooter: Jaz, Jaz, 12 seconds to curtain!

Jaz: ...12.... 12?! Every other guest star gets 15 seconds, and you give ME 12 seconds?! What? It's 'cuz I'm your youngest guest star right?

Scooter: No... You got here 3 seconds late...

Jaz: ...So, 12 seconds 'til curtain? I'll be right down!


Link: Miss Piggy, will you dance with me?
Miss Piggy: Forget it fatso! Moi has a frog to dance with.
Link: He's dancing with Annie Sue.
Miss Piggy: ...Let's tango.

Fozzie: So, have you seen the singing soda yet?
Jaz: Yeah, but they're little flat.

Link: Sorry!
Miss Piggy: OW!
Kermit: Piggy are you alright?
Miss Piggy: *leaps in Kermit's arms* No Kermie! Help Moi!
Jaz: Figures.


Fozzie:Heya Heya Heya! What path to crazy people take in the forest? The physco path! AaaaaAh!!! *STICKS BANANA IN EAR*

Jaz: Isn't he dreamy?

Statler: Huh, in your opinion, but not the audience's!

Jaz: *hurls shoe at him* QUIET YOU!

Fozzie: Ok, what do frogs do when they're mad at themselves? Ker-mit suicide! AaaaAhh!

Jaz: *laughs*

Fozzie: Thank You! Thank You! You really thought that was funneh?

Jaz: ...

Fozzie: Jaz?

Jaz: *Turns head to reveal she's on bluetooth* Ha Ha, ok, see you later! *hangs up* Fozzie, you say something?

Fozzie: I'm so lonely!