The "I'm amazed at how terrible this is" thread

[Drtooth]

I smell a Razzie nomination!

I wonder if like the Oscars, they're going to get bias on real life events. In this case, I hope so. Here's John Oliver's take on it (obviously, this has some adult language, not that much but it's still there for me to warn you)

On another subject of awful, this requires some back explanation. Disney Afternoon cartoons from the 80's and 90's were huge in Russia and classics to this day over there. The likes of Darkwing Duck and Ducktales were huge, even counting the obvious fact they were some of the first American cartoons in Russia. Apparently they had really good dubs. And while I can't attest to the system's popularity, in Russia the go to gaming system to pirate is Genisis, with unlicensed games still being made. So naturally, decades old cartoons and a decades year old gaming system collide just last year. And to be expected, most of the games are just crappy ports of Capcom's games from the NES.

But what about that show that never got a game? Well, they got you covered. The 2014 Sega Genesis unlicensed Adventures of the Gummi Bears game:

UGH! Flat graphics of a dead eyed, barely moving Cubbi in an ugly, flat crappy platformer game with no logical connection to the source material other than a pasted on character and turning the coins into Gummi Berries. Well, at least the music's not too bad...

unless you play it on the wrong hardware...

Actually... that music fits the game better.

 

[mr3urious]

I thought it was the Dendy (their equivalent of the NES) that was the go-to system for pirates.

Speaking of which, it would have been totally awesome for Capcom to make a Gummi Bears game for the system. Certainly would have preferred it over TaleSpin, which many agree is the weakest of Capcom's Disney Afternoon games.

And I think some of that music is stolen from somewhere else. I recognized the Corneria theme from Star Fox for the SNES on the title screen.

 

[Drtooth]

I respect the Capcom Talespin game for trying to be something different. It's certainly a good space shooter type game with a merciful hit bar. Especially since Sega's Talespin game was beyond unplayable. Capcom incorporated the flying concept as best they could. Sega ruined it, and the platforming levels were awful. I give them one thing over, having to pick up cargo. Even then, Sega botched it. But Darkwing Duck and Talespin could have benefited from sequels like Rescue Rangers and Ducktales did. Not saying those games were better, but they did expand on the concepts. Especially since Darkwing Duck's rouge's gallery was underutilized. And Wolfduck? Really? No Ammonia Pine? No Negaduck? That's my only beef with that game.

This music is always stolen from somewhere else. Oddly, the Darkwing Duck only uses one actual song from the game, and only on certain versions. The songs are reused in other pirate Genesis games made by them.

Still, yeah. Capcom would've done something great with the Gummis, but they fell out of fashion by the time they got the Disney license. Shame.

 

[Grimstock]

Remember Golden Films? They made a WHOLE bunch of really hilarious Disney mockbusters back in the 1990s and early 2000s. Some of them are fairly decent for what they are, but a lot of them are almost godlike in their awfulness. I actually remember seeing their version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame (released around the same time as Disney's) when I was really young. It's the most terrible thing I've ever seen, and I absolutely love it. Here's a brief clip to give you a general idea of the madness therein:

Unfortunately, at the moment, the only full version I can find online is in Spanish. You all owe it to yourselves to see it. (These Golden Films thingies pop up on Xfinity from time to time.)

 

[Drtooth]

I'm stretching a little on this one because it's not so much terrible as much as it's ...kinda indescribably strange, but something's still pretty bad about it.

So, apparently there was an episode of Q*Bert (which is a pretty dumb cartoon itself) where there's a music contest of some sort and despite being set in the 50's (said it was dumb) they somehow perform at the moment 80's pop artists. And Q*Bert sings Beat It for some reason because they presumably still had the rights to use it for television after The Chipmunks (Ruby Spears animation, after all). And it doesn't work and is the most awkward thing I've seen in animation.

I've mixed feelings about Saturday Supercade. On the one hand, I really liked the Donkey Kong series, on the other hand I'm like...oh, Captain N is the cartoon from the 80's gamers have a problem with. Not 1950's Q*Smurfs they pulled out of their butts. I can't say I outright hate the Q*Bert cartoon, but find it dumb and trying too hard to be HB's Pac-Man series without the strange charm that keeps it from being lousy. But this clip is just... awkward and wrong.

 

[JJandJanice]

Bad things like that is the reason Q'Bert was homeless in Wreck it Ralph. I'm kidding and I had to,

 

[CensoredAlso]

And Q*Bert sings Beat It for some reason because they presumably still had the rights to use it for television after The Chipmunks

Lol, wow, I hadn't seen that before. Well you know why it doesn't work? When the Chipmunks sing Beat It (or pretty much anything!), it's so obviously cute and silly, it's endearing. But this Q*Bert character seeing it just sounds like some America's Got Talent teenager whose voice hasn't changed yet. They're playing it too straight for a cartoon.

 

[Drtooth]

The whole Q*Bert cartoon was off to me. What they did with Donkey Kong was obvious enough and sort of followed the video game. They had to change Pauline's relationship because somehow a guy and his girlfriend traveling together was considered taboo for a show in the 80's somehow. Other than that, it was more or less a direct and obvious route for the cartoon to go on. Chasing Donkey Kong around and getting into trouble. Q*Bert was one of the two cartoons I swear they couldn't come up with a cohesive plot for without making something up. Frogger being the second, and they were news reporters for some reason.

There's something special about the Pac-Man cartoon that shouldn't have worked and shouldn't have been interesting or likable, but it was. I for one would love to have crapped all over that series when I first saw it online, but it was too much fun to dislike. Q*Bert on the other hand? Too much of it is painfully awkward. Like it has too much going at once, yet not enough. It's a retro 1950's world mad eup of cubes where the word "Cube" and "Q" pop into speech, but not enough to be Smurf Speak, the bad guys are greasers because 1950's, yet it's the 80's, yet the plot is generic enough to work with any characters other than a couple fleeting references to the game, the characters are all generic stereotypes but painfully so... it's a mess.

Now, I would like to see that Michael Jackson cover in episode context, but somehow I don't need to because of how flat out 1980's stock plot it is. It manages to make a still relevant in gaming circles at the time video game character desperately relevant. And it's supposed to be the 50's, too. Did Michael Jackson give them a heck of a deal with the song or something when they used it on The Chipmunks?

 

[Drtooth]

Normally I would have waited on this one, but... this is just too bad for words.

I found out about this on the TV Tropes "So Bad it's Horrible" page. They described it as terrible enough, but it has to be seen to be believed.

The adult BBC game Show Don't Scare the Hare.

Look for the other clips yourself... my brain lost too many cells with those two examples.

To quote one of the comments, "how did this demented $#** ever get commissioned?"

 

[mr3urious]

And the last episode of Don't Scare the Hare was a clip show only because the show was such an expensive flop for the BBC that they needed to get rid of it somehow!