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Sup everyone. So, I am having the worst three days ever and it's not even hump day. Because I get some joy from writing, I actually decided to work on this and I actually managed to finish it. Mr. 1 BILLION views Count Moderator guy, would you so kindly 1. place this in the Miss Piggy Adventures pile and 2. when you get a change, change the title within the thread? I swear I changed it, but Bogan needs to be Bogen (pls to change the 'a' to an 'e', por favor).
So without further waiting - our conclusion.
The Next Day
As with most summer days in California, the start of the next day was looking to be a beautiful one, with a bright blue sky, puffy clouds, and a warm sun. However, in a familiar residence in Beverly Hills, an argument was brewing.
“Just go in there.”
“No way! She’ll tear me apart!”
“Oh, she will not.”
“Hello! Have we forgotten that recent unpleasantness that resulted in my head being stuck in the wall?”
“Gonzo, that was because you shot yourself through one of the stage props.”
“Not that! After that! When I said she looked like a honey ham because you was holding that bottle of honey. It was a joke and she tried to kill me! Fozzie, you go in there.”
“What? Why?”
“Maybe you could tell her a joke or something and put her in a better mood.”
One beat later
“No way! She’ll tear me apart!”
“Scooter, you go in there. She likes you.”
“What?”
“Yeah Scooter! You and Piggy are pretty close, she’ll listen to you.”
“Absolutely not! I’ve seen this in movies before – they send in the nice one and he goes, ‘no worries. I can take care of this; they’ll respond to me.’ Next thing you know, he’s on the five o’clock news, screaming, ‘help me! They’re all insane! They’re gonna kill me!’ No way, man!”
“And what’re we all doing standing in the hall?”
That was how and where Kermit found Gonzo, Fozzie, and Scooter Grosse the next morning, standing in the hallway outside of the master bedroom. Last night’s barbeque had been a spectacular disaster – and that was saying something where they were all concerned – going downhill from the time he had to explain to Piggy that her title of Miss Bogen County wasn’t actually hers.
Piggy had been in shock for the entire evening, until her dramatic outburst which then led to her storming into the house, grabbing a set of keys, and storming back out to the garage. She then managed to pull out in the sporty little car she had actually bought for Kermit, peeling rubber from the garage to the driveway and then going 150 from the driveway to the gate, where she promptly broke down in tears behind the wheel. And that led to an hour and a half stand-off that nearly resulted in calling the police.
Kermit, who had been barely able to get Piggy from the car, decided he’d call in extra help this morning, especially knowing Piggy’s fondness for karate chopping people that angered her, and had gotten the other three to show up and keep an eye on her while he did some investigating on his own. Scooter had pointed him in the direction of their lawyer and Kermit spoke about this whole thing with him and if there was anything to be done.
He had finally gotten off the phone when he had found the trio standing in the hallway, arguing.
“Waiting for you,” Scooter replied, smiling.
“We’re a little afraid of going in there,” Fozzie said, his face lighting up in embarrassment.
“Is she still upset about that honey ham thing?” asked Gonzo.
“I can’t believe this,” Kermit huffed. “Piggy is going through a major crisis and as her friends, nay her family, we should be there for her in every sense of the word.” The frog gave them each a hard look before turning to his assistant. “Now Scooter, you get on in there.”
“No!”
“Alright this is ridiculous,” Kermit sighed, making his way towards the door. “We’ll all go in. We have to show Piggy that we support her in this and that nothing has changed what so ever. In the end, Piggy is the same sweet, loving, grandstanding diva we’ve always know her to be. And also…there’s no way she can take out the four of us with one chop.”
“You say that now…” Gonzo began, as the group went in.
The master bedroom of the Frog-Pig estate was fairly large, encompassing a large master bathroom, extended wardrobe and small patio that was situated on the other side of glass double doors. Piggy sat a vanity that was nestled against the wall and near the door, putting on her face as though this was any other day. She looked up when the door opened, revealing the quartet as they walked in.
“Bon jour, mon amies.”
“Piggy,” Kermit greeted, amicably, escorting the others inside until they were standing around her.
“Are you okay?” Fozzie asked.
“Of course I am,” was the reply. “Why?”
“Because you have a funny look on your face,” muttered Scooter.
Giving the red head a half smile, she asked, “What look?”
“Oh, you know,” the page replied. “Like you’re about a breath away from a total and complete karate chopping spree.”
Leaning slightly towards her, Gonzo asked, “Piggy…are you still upset about that recent unpleasantness involving the honey?”
“Gonzo!” Kermit hissed, slapping the weirdo on the arm. “Alright Piggy, what’s going on?”
Piggy turned to look at him, as though he had completely forgotten something very important. “Did you forget?” she asked. “I swear, unless you have the calendar in front of you…don’t you remember? We have to go down to that pageant convention today.”
“Oh!” Fozzie exclaimed, waves of relief rushing from not only his words, but his entire body. “See, last night we thought something was wrong! With the way you stormed inside and got the car keys and then peeled rubber from the garage to the gate. And then you locked yourself in, crying and screaming, and then we had to drag you out of the car and you were kicking and crying and…oh man. We thought you were upset.”
“Silly us,” Gonzo chuckled, mirthlessly.
“Yes well,” the diva replied, going back to her previous tasks. “I had a chance to sit down and think things over. Spoke to Master Woo this morning…”
“Wait a minute,” Kermit interrupted. “The same Master Woo that you studied under, one of the most dangerous martial experts in the world, and rumored to be a former member of the Yakuza?”
Piggy giggled. “Former,” she said, laughing nervously.
The quartet looked at each other before looking back at the leading lady.
“We’re going to get phone calls about this, aren’t we?” asked Scooter.
“Look,” she sighed, turning to face them. “I appreciate the concern, I do, however this is all for show. It’s not going to happen.”
“Piggy, this is ludicrous!” Kermit huffed. “Now listen - I called Teddy this morning and he basically said there's no statue of limitations on this. This is going to happen, whether you like it or not. You can’t wish for something to happen or even not happen!”
“Kermit,” she said. “Ever since I was little girl, I wanted to be famous and while I may have gotten awards in the past, Miss Bogen County was my ticket to being famous. I wanted it and I went out and got it; you even told me that.”
“And now the truth comes out,” muttered Gonzo.
“I did no such thing!”
“Yes you did!” she countered. “Don’t you remember, all those years ago when we used to sit around that little booth? You said, if there was ever anything I wanted, I could get it if I wanted it bad enough. I wanted to be a part of the Muppets and I wanted you. I want that crown on my head; so there’s no reason to even argue about it. I always go out and get what I want and I want this. And I’m going to make it happen.”
[hr]
The 10th annual National Pageant Convention was just starting when the quintet arrived. Held at the upscale Beverly Hills Hotel on Sunset Drive, the convention didn’t seem to be very large, with less than a hundred people in attendance, all who seemed to be milling about with nothing to do. The room it was being held in was one of the hotel’s conference rooms, complete with small stage, where Kermit and Piggy had disappeared behind once they had discovered that was where they needed to go.
Being left on their own, Fozzie, Gonzo, and Scooter found a nearby table to seat, each of them looking around at the décor. “Well,” Fozzie declared, taking a seat. “If Piggy had to give up her crown, they certainly picked a nice place for her to do it in.”
“How do you think this gonna happen?” asked Scooter.
Gonzo shrugged. “They’ll probably just have her hand it over or something…” The weirdo slowed his speech, as his eyes wondered to catch sight of an attractive back in the crowd. When the crowd parted, the figure was highlighted, wearing a pretty flowered dress that was partially covered by long, flowing dark brown hair. Gonzo, never one to shy away from a good looking profile, let out a small whistle.
“Check out the lady lumps on her.”
Scooter tossed him a look. “Aren’t you engaged or something?”
“There is nothing wrong with looking,” the performance artist countered. “Makes me appreciate my little chickie’s own assets, which are many.”
“But still…”
“Listen Red,” the weirdo said, elbowing the assistant. “You’re an adult now; admit it. You like it and you cannot lie.”
Scooter chuckled, though the blush on his face was a telltale sign that he did indeed enjoy the way the lady cut her figure. “I saw them before you did,” he admitted.
“Hey wait a minute…” Fozzie began, just as the woman turned. While the face was a bit older, Fozzie remembered faces; well, sometimes if that face had a particular reason for being in his memory, he’d remember it. And though it had been years – decades even – since that day he, Kermit, and Gonzo had stumbled upon a county fair that was having a beauty pageant, Fozzie still recall the scene that day.
He had spied a cotton candy machine just off to the side, which was right next to an ice cream, and both of them happened to be in front of the Ferris Wheel, and all of this was situated next to the stage, where two ladies – a blonde and a brunette – were standing off to the side and a lady pig walked out, all excited.
Fozzie hadn’t been paying attention to the names, but he did remember the faces.
“It’s her!” he exclaimed. “It’s…it’s what’s her name! Uh…uh…Debbie Sue! That’s her!”
“Are you sure?” Scooter asked.
“Oh yeah,” Gonzo drawled, giving the woman a real good look. “It is her.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Please,” the weirdo huffed. “I have an eye for the female form; I never forget a figure and I remember that one. Oh yeah, remember her alright. The contestants’ tent was next to that petting zoo…”
“Is that where you got banned from petting zoos?” the page asked.
“Not that time, no.”
“Where you going?”
Scooter had stood up and was walking away from the table, causing Fozzie and Gonzo to quickly follow him. “I wanna meet her.”
The trio quickly made their way through the crowd until they met up with the taller woman. “Excuse me,” Scooter responded, causing the brunette to turn to look at them.
“Yes?”
“I was just wondering if you were Debbie Sue Anderson.”
“Who wants to know?”
“We were there when you won runner up in the Miss Bogen County in ‘80,” Gonzo began.
“Bet you were pretty excited when you found out you actually won,” Fozzie replied.
“Found out?” the woman screeched. “I knew it that day. That little upstart slab of bacon stole my title; I had that little sow beat in every category. I should’ve been Miss Bogen County.”
“Well hey now,” Gonzo started. “Chill out there. You got runner up…”
“Which in the case the winner of Miss Bogen County is unable to fulfill her duties…”
“That never happens!” she huffed. “While Miss Piggy rode on my title to fame, I got left in Bogen County and got married to that.” Here, Debbie Sue pointed to a short, rotund man that was off talking to a passerby. Seeing his wife pointing at him, the man waddled over as quickly as his girth would allow.
“You wanted something, Sugah?” he asked, in a rather high pitched voice for someone his age.
“Yeah,” Anderson muttered. “For you to be Brad Pitt. Even Drew Carey could be a better catch.”
“Hi there,” the man replied, shaking each of the Muppets’ hands. “I’m Mason Tiddwilly, I’m Debbie Sue’s husband.”
“Must be exciting to learn your wife actually won Miss Bogen County,” Gonzo stated.
“Excited?” crowed Tiddwilly. “Excited doesn’t even cover it. We’re pretty much low-key in the BC, but finding out my Sugah was actually Miss Bogen, well…’bout to burst, I’d say. I was talking to Doc Seers the other day – he delivered Debbie Sue about -”
“Shut up, Mason!”
“Ms. Anderson?” a photographer asked, tapping the woman on the shoulder. “If we could get a couple of pictures of you and your lovely family?”
Anderson huffed, rolling her eyes in exasperation. “Alright,” she muttered. She turned and followed the photographer, while Mason dutifully followed his wife.
“I don’t remember her being so…”
“Obnoxious?” Scooter supplied. “Uppity? Irritating? Prima donna?”
“I was going to say cold,” Gonzo interrupted.
“Gee,” Fozzie frowned. “Now I really wish Piggy wasn’t giving the crown back. That lady is certainly not Miss Bogen County material.”
“well,” Scooter whispered. “As much as I’m not a believer in what the Yakuza do, I’m kinda voting for Master Woo here.”
“Me too,” Gonzo admitted. Seeing that the room was starting to get situated, he again elbowed the red head to notify him to return to their seats, grabbing Fozzie by the arm as they did.
On stage, Courtney Hallworthy was stepping up to the mic, calling for everyone’s attention in the room. “Ladies and gentlemen,” she addressed. “Thank you all for coming to this year’s National Pageant Convention. We’ll get started right away with our special talk, ‘Pageants and the State of Beauty Today’, but first we have some administrative business to clear up.”
The woman motioned for the two pageant participants to step onto the stage; where Debbie Sue walked on with her husband Mason and stood to the right, Piggy was joined by Kermit and took to the left.
“Wow,” Scooter breathed. “Look how beautiful Piggy looks.”
While Piggy had always been known to dress for any occasion, today’s ensemble – a cutting blue gown that matched her eyes – went extremely well with the crown and sash she currently wore.
Gonzo and Fozzie nodded in agreement; having been at the first Miss Bogen County affair, they had seen a very low key pageant that seemed geared to the home grown locals. In this context, of an actual national convention, the organization apparently took measures to ensure that passing of the sash and gown wasn’t home grown, but on par with that of any state or regional showing.
“Piggy always looks gorgeous,” whispered Gonzo. “She could wear a Russet potato sack and she’d still be the most gorgeous pig in the room. Granted, she’d probably be the only pig, but…”
“It came a little late,” Hallsworthy was saying. “But we are finally able to crown the true winner of Miss Bogen County 1980, Miss Debbie Sue Anderson.”
“Piggy,” Kermit whispered. “If you can hand over your crown and get through this, I will take back everything I’ve ever said about pageants and beauty queens.” Taking a hold of her hand for support and giving it a slight squeeze, he added, “Just remember that, regardless of how this turns out, you have always been and always will be a queen to me.”
Smiling slightly at the words of love and encouragement, Piggy rewarded him with a chaste kiss on the top of his head.
“The great Edgar Bergen had been the celebrity judge on that day,” Hallsworthy was saying. “However, voting had been done by a panel who sat off to the sides and while we would’ve loved to have Mr. Bergen appear with us, sadly he has passed on. But we were able to find one of the panel judges who cast his vote for Miss Bogen County, Mr. Errol Freed.”
Errol Freed was an elderly man in his seventies, who needed to be helped up on stage. Probably once a man fit to do his own farming and plowing of the fields in Iowa, Freed was now at the time of his life where he spent his time directing his younger generation of family on how to work a farm. His formerly tall form was now slightly hunched and dark hair was now turned to gray.
“Alright, quit yer yammering,” he protested, once on stage. Turning to Debbie Sue, he said, “Alright young’un, give me the crown.”
“Ah, no, Mr. Freed,” whispered Hallsworthy. “You take the crown from Miss Piggy here and give it to Debbie Sue.”
“Debbie Sue didn’t win?”
“No sir,” Hallsworthy whispered. “There was a mistake.”
“I’ll say!” Freed boomed. Reaching around and patting Debbie Sue on her behind, he replied, “This little filly knew how to show a man around the fields and stables.” Jerking a thumb towards Piggy, he muttered, “That one wouldn’t even give my tractor a second glance.”
A feather dropping would’ve made a bigger impact than that of a pin at the elderly man’s admission. As the implications sank in – that Debbie Sue had an affair with one of the pageant judges – the slow realization that Piggy would indeed hold and keep her title as Miss Bogen County was cause for celebration.
The musical entertainment, a DJ who stood off to one corner, quickly filled the shocking lull with the former theme to the Miss America pageants, “There She Is”. Once the music started, so did the celebration, at least for those who were actually there to congratulate Piggy.
And speaking of Piggy, the diva hadn’t said one word when she saw Freed approach the stage and she certainly didn’t concern the small smirk she had on her face when Freed opened his big mouth. She had never been sure, but there had always been suspicion about Debbie Sue had gotten up to with some of the judges.
Turning her sly smile towards Kermit, she watched bemusedly as his mouth continued to hang in shock, until he motioned for some of the staff behind them to bring out the red, formal robe that all pageant winners had the privilege to wear upon winning. The look he gave her, while still very much surprised by the turn of events, none the less spoke volumes about how proud he was of her, again, for winning.
And she was sure there was some latent admiration for how she won in there too.
Enjoying the applause that finally started and easily stepping around the gobsmacked Hallsworthy, the lecherous Freed, the highly embarrassed Debbie Sue, and the stunned Mason, Piggy did what she always did when in a situation that had suddenly not gone the way others had planned – she took advantage and made her presence known.
There was something about standing on that stage, looking at people who were applauding and happy for you. If she thought about it, really thought about it, it felt like she had been transported back to that little stage in Bogen County, getting her first real big pageant win, looking out at the people she had seen around town and had even grown up with out in the crowd.
In the present moment, while she wasn’t standing on a county fair platform, she could still the people she grew up with. It may have been an accident or a coincidence, but that fair and win had led her to meet Gonzo and Fozzie, who were in the crowd as well, applauding, hooting, and whistling; if she hadn’t met them, she wouldn’t have been a founding member of the Muppets.
She most certainly wouldn’t have met Scooter, who stood alongside the bear and weirdo, cheering her on as well; could she have ever picked a better protégé to mold?
And of course, there was Kermit. Despite their roller coaster like relationship, the frog seemed to have always known where her strengths and weaknesses were and even when they argued like mad, he had been the biggest creative influence she would ever have and no one, not ever, could or would replace him.
Maybe she might’ve met them eventually or even gotten to where she was without them, but she definitely liked the journey that had gotten her here.
Not that she would ever admit that, out loud, of course.
So without further waiting - our conclusion.
The Next Day
As with most summer days in California, the start of the next day was looking to be a beautiful one, with a bright blue sky, puffy clouds, and a warm sun. However, in a familiar residence in Beverly Hills, an argument was brewing.
“Just go in there.”
“No way! She’ll tear me apart!”
“Oh, she will not.”
“Hello! Have we forgotten that recent unpleasantness that resulted in my head being stuck in the wall?”
“Gonzo, that was because you shot yourself through one of the stage props.”
“Not that! After that! When I said she looked like a honey ham because you was holding that bottle of honey. It was a joke and she tried to kill me! Fozzie, you go in there.”
“What? Why?”
“Maybe you could tell her a joke or something and put her in a better mood.”
One beat later
“No way! She’ll tear me apart!”
“Scooter, you go in there. She likes you.”
“What?”
“Yeah Scooter! You and Piggy are pretty close, she’ll listen to you.”
“Absolutely not! I’ve seen this in movies before – they send in the nice one and he goes, ‘no worries. I can take care of this; they’ll respond to me.’ Next thing you know, he’s on the five o’clock news, screaming, ‘help me! They’re all insane! They’re gonna kill me!’ No way, man!”
“And what’re we all doing standing in the hall?”
That was how and where Kermit found Gonzo, Fozzie, and Scooter Grosse the next morning, standing in the hallway outside of the master bedroom. Last night’s barbeque had been a spectacular disaster – and that was saying something where they were all concerned – going downhill from the time he had to explain to Piggy that her title of Miss Bogen County wasn’t actually hers.
Piggy had been in shock for the entire evening, until her dramatic outburst which then led to her storming into the house, grabbing a set of keys, and storming back out to the garage. She then managed to pull out in the sporty little car she had actually bought for Kermit, peeling rubber from the garage to the driveway and then going 150 from the driveway to the gate, where she promptly broke down in tears behind the wheel. And that led to an hour and a half stand-off that nearly resulted in calling the police.
Kermit, who had been barely able to get Piggy from the car, decided he’d call in extra help this morning, especially knowing Piggy’s fondness for karate chopping people that angered her, and had gotten the other three to show up and keep an eye on her while he did some investigating on his own. Scooter had pointed him in the direction of their lawyer and Kermit spoke about this whole thing with him and if there was anything to be done.
He had finally gotten off the phone when he had found the trio standing in the hallway, arguing.
“Waiting for you,” Scooter replied, smiling.
“We’re a little afraid of going in there,” Fozzie said, his face lighting up in embarrassment.
“Is she still upset about that honey ham thing?” asked Gonzo.
“I can’t believe this,” Kermit huffed. “Piggy is going through a major crisis and as her friends, nay her family, we should be there for her in every sense of the word.” The frog gave them each a hard look before turning to his assistant. “Now Scooter, you get on in there.”
“No!”
“Alright this is ridiculous,” Kermit sighed, making his way towards the door. “We’ll all go in. We have to show Piggy that we support her in this and that nothing has changed what so ever. In the end, Piggy is the same sweet, loving, grandstanding diva we’ve always know her to be. And also…there’s no way she can take out the four of us with one chop.”
“You say that now…” Gonzo began, as the group went in.
The master bedroom of the Frog-Pig estate was fairly large, encompassing a large master bathroom, extended wardrobe and small patio that was situated on the other side of glass double doors. Piggy sat a vanity that was nestled against the wall and near the door, putting on her face as though this was any other day. She looked up when the door opened, revealing the quartet as they walked in.
“Bon jour, mon amies.”
“Piggy,” Kermit greeted, amicably, escorting the others inside until they were standing around her.
“Are you okay?” Fozzie asked.
“Of course I am,” was the reply. “Why?”
“Because you have a funny look on your face,” muttered Scooter.
Giving the red head a half smile, she asked, “What look?”
“Oh, you know,” the page replied. “Like you’re about a breath away from a total and complete karate chopping spree.”
Leaning slightly towards her, Gonzo asked, “Piggy…are you still upset about that recent unpleasantness involving the honey?”
“Gonzo!” Kermit hissed, slapping the weirdo on the arm. “Alright Piggy, what’s going on?”
Piggy turned to look at him, as though he had completely forgotten something very important. “Did you forget?” she asked. “I swear, unless you have the calendar in front of you…don’t you remember? We have to go down to that pageant convention today.”
“Oh!” Fozzie exclaimed, waves of relief rushing from not only his words, but his entire body. “See, last night we thought something was wrong! With the way you stormed inside and got the car keys and then peeled rubber from the garage to the gate. And then you locked yourself in, crying and screaming, and then we had to drag you out of the car and you were kicking and crying and…oh man. We thought you were upset.”
“Silly us,” Gonzo chuckled, mirthlessly.
“Yes well,” the diva replied, going back to her previous tasks. “I had a chance to sit down and think things over. Spoke to Master Woo this morning…”
“Wait a minute,” Kermit interrupted. “The same Master Woo that you studied under, one of the most dangerous martial experts in the world, and rumored to be a former member of the Yakuza?”
Piggy giggled. “Former,” she said, laughing nervously.
The quartet looked at each other before looking back at the leading lady.
“We’re going to get phone calls about this, aren’t we?” asked Scooter.
“Look,” she sighed, turning to face them. “I appreciate the concern, I do, however this is all for show. It’s not going to happen.”
“Piggy, this is ludicrous!” Kermit huffed. “Now listen - I called Teddy this morning and he basically said there's no statue of limitations on this. This is going to happen, whether you like it or not. You can’t wish for something to happen or even not happen!”
“Kermit,” she said. “Ever since I was little girl, I wanted to be famous and while I may have gotten awards in the past, Miss Bogen County was my ticket to being famous. I wanted it and I went out and got it; you even told me that.”
“And now the truth comes out,” muttered Gonzo.
“I did no such thing!”
“Yes you did!” she countered. “Don’t you remember, all those years ago when we used to sit around that little booth? You said, if there was ever anything I wanted, I could get it if I wanted it bad enough. I wanted to be a part of the Muppets and I wanted you. I want that crown on my head; so there’s no reason to even argue about it. I always go out and get what I want and I want this. And I’m going to make it happen.”
[hr]
The 10th annual National Pageant Convention was just starting when the quintet arrived. Held at the upscale Beverly Hills Hotel on Sunset Drive, the convention didn’t seem to be very large, with less than a hundred people in attendance, all who seemed to be milling about with nothing to do. The room it was being held in was one of the hotel’s conference rooms, complete with small stage, where Kermit and Piggy had disappeared behind once they had discovered that was where they needed to go.
Being left on their own, Fozzie, Gonzo, and Scooter found a nearby table to seat, each of them looking around at the décor. “Well,” Fozzie declared, taking a seat. “If Piggy had to give up her crown, they certainly picked a nice place for her to do it in.”
“How do you think this gonna happen?” asked Scooter.
Gonzo shrugged. “They’ll probably just have her hand it over or something…” The weirdo slowed his speech, as his eyes wondered to catch sight of an attractive back in the crowd. When the crowd parted, the figure was highlighted, wearing a pretty flowered dress that was partially covered by long, flowing dark brown hair. Gonzo, never one to shy away from a good looking profile, let out a small whistle.
“Check out the lady lumps on her.”
Scooter tossed him a look. “Aren’t you engaged or something?”
“There is nothing wrong with looking,” the performance artist countered. “Makes me appreciate my little chickie’s own assets, which are many.”
“But still…”
“Listen Red,” the weirdo said, elbowing the assistant. “You’re an adult now; admit it. You like it and you cannot lie.”
Scooter chuckled, though the blush on his face was a telltale sign that he did indeed enjoy the way the lady cut her figure. “I saw them before you did,” he admitted.
“Hey wait a minute…” Fozzie began, just as the woman turned. While the face was a bit older, Fozzie remembered faces; well, sometimes if that face had a particular reason for being in his memory, he’d remember it. And though it had been years – decades even – since that day he, Kermit, and Gonzo had stumbled upon a county fair that was having a beauty pageant, Fozzie still recall the scene that day.
He had spied a cotton candy machine just off to the side, which was right next to an ice cream, and both of them happened to be in front of the Ferris Wheel, and all of this was situated next to the stage, where two ladies – a blonde and a brunette – were standing off to the side and a lady pig walked out, all excited.
Fozzie hadn’t been paying attention to the names, but he did remember the faces.
“It’s her!” he exclaimed. “It’s…it’s what’s her name! Uh…uh…Debbie Sue! That’s her!”
“Are you sure?” Scooter asked.
“Oh yeah,” Gonzo drawled, giving the woman a real good look. “It is her.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Please,” the weirdo huffed. “I have an eye for the female form; I never forget a figure and I remember that one. Oh yeah, remember her alright. The contestants’ tent was next to that petting zoo…”
“Is that where you got banned from petting zoos?” the page asked.
“Not that time, no.”
“Where you going?”
Scooter had stood up and was walking away from the table, causing Fozzie and Gonzo to quickly follow him. “I wanna meet her.”
The trio quickly made their way through the crowd until they met up with the taller woman. “Excuse me,” Scooter responded, causing the brunette to turn to look at them.
“Yes?”
“I was just wondering if you were Debbie Sue Anderson.”
“Who wants to know?”
“We were there when you won runner up in the Miss Bogen County in ‘80,” Gonzo began.
“Bet you were pretty excited when you found out you actually won,” Fozzie replied.
“Found out?” the woman screeched. “I knew it that day. That little upstart slab of bacon stole my title; I had that little sow beat in every category. I should’ve been Miss Bogen County.”
“Well hey now,” Gonzo started. “Chill out there. You got runner up…”
“Which in the case the winner of Miss Bogen County is unable to fulfill her duties…”
“That never happens!” she huffed. “While Miss Piggy rode on my title to fame, I got left in Bogen County and got married to that.” Here, Debbie Sue pointed to a short, rotund man that was off talking to a passerby. Seeing his wife pointing at him, the man waddled over as quickly as his girth would allow.
“You wanted something, Sugah?” he asked, in a rather high pitched voice for someone his age.
“Yeah,” Anderson muttered. “For you to be Brad Pitt. Even Drew Carey could be a better catch.”
“Hi there,” the man replied, shaking each of the Muppets’ hands. “I’m Mason Tiddwilly, I’m Debbie Sue’s husband.”
“Must be exciting to learn your wife actually won Miss Bogen County,” Gonzo stated.
“Excited?” crowed Tiddwilly. “Excited doesn’t even cover it. We’re pretty much low-key in the BC, but finding out my Sugah was actually Miss Bogen, well…’bout to burst, I’d say. I was talking to Doc Seers the other day – he delivered Debbie Sue about -”
“Shut up, Mason!”
“Ms. Anderson?” a photographer asked, tapping the woman on the shoulder. “If we could get a couple of pictures of you and your lovely family?”
Anderson huffed, rolling her eyes in exasperation. “Alright,” she muttered. She turned and followed the photographer, while Mason dutifully followed his wife.
“I don’t remember her being so…”
“Obnoxious?” Scooter supplied. “Uppity? Irritating? Prima donna?”
“I was going to say cold,” Gonzo interrupted.
“Gee,” Fozzie frowned. “Now I really wish Piggy wasn’t giving the crown back. That lady is certainly not Miss Bogen County material.”
“well,” Scooter whispered. “As much as I’m not a believer in what the Yakuza do, I’m kinda voting for Master Woo here.”
“Me too,” Gonzo admitted. Seeing that the room was starting to get situated, he again elbowed the red head to notify him to return to their seats, grabbing Fozzie by the arm as they did.
On stage, Courtney Hallworthy was stepping up to the mic, calling for everyone’s attention in the room. “Ladies and gentlemen,” she addressed. “Thank you all for coming to this year’s National Pageant Convention. We’ll get started right away with our special talk, ‘Pageants and the State of Beauty Today’, but first we have some administrative business to clear up.”
The woman motioned for the two pageant participants to step onto the stage; where Debbie Sue walked on with her husband Mason and stood to the right, Piggy was joined by Kermit and took to the left.
“Wow,” Scooter breathed. “Look how beautiful Piggy looks.”
While Piggy had always been known to dress for any occasion, today’s ensemble – a cutting blue gown that matched her eyes – went extremely well with the crown and sash she currently wore.
Gonzo and Fozzie nodded in agreement; having been at the first Miss Bogen County affair, they had seen a very low key pageant that seemed geared to the home grown locals. In this context, of an actual national convention, the organization apparently took measures to ensure that passing of the sash and gown wasn’t home grown, but on par with that of any state or regional showing.
“Piggy always looks gorgeous,” whispered Gonzo. “She could wear a Russet potato sack and she’d still be the most gorgeous pig in the room. Granted, she’d probably be the only pig, but…”
“It came a little late,” Hallsworthy was saying. “But we are finally able to crown the true winner of Miss Bogen County 1980, Miss Debbie Sue Anderson.”
“Piggy,” Kermit whispered. “If you can hand over your crown and get through this, I will take back everything I’ve ever said about pageants and beauty queens.” Taking a hold of her hand for support and giving it a slight squeeze, he added, “Just remember that, regardless of how this turns out, you have always been and always will be a queen to me.”
Smiling slightly at the words of love and encouragement, Piggy rewarded him with a chaste kiss on the top of his head.
“The great Edgar Bergen had been the celebrity judge on that day,” Hallsworthy was saying. “However, voting had been done by a panel who sat off to the sides and while we would’ve loved to have Mr. Bergen appear with us, sadly he has passed on. But we were able to find one of the panel judges who cast his vote for Miss Bogen County, Mr. Errol Freed.”
Errol Freed was an elderly man in his seventies, who needed to be helped up on stage. Probably once a man fit to do his own farming and plowing of the fields in Iowa, Freed was now at the time of his life where he spent his time directing his younger generation of family on how to work a farm. His formerly tall form was now slightly hunched and dark hair was now turned to gray.
“Alright, quit yer yammering,” he protested, once on stage. Turning to Debbie Sue, he said, “Alright young’un, give me the crown.”
“Ah, no, Mr. Freed,” whispered Hallsworthy. “You take the crown from Miss Piggy here and give it to Debbie Sue.”
“Debbie Sue didn’t win?”
“No sir,” Hallsworthy whispered. “There was a mistake.”
“I’ll say!” Freed boomed. Reaching around and patting Debbie Sue on her behind, he replied, “This little filly knew how to show a man around the fields and stables.” Jerking a thumb towards Piggy, he muttered, “That one wouldn’t even give my tractor a second glance.”
A feather dropping would’ve made a bigger impact than that of a pin at the elderly man’s admission. As the implications sank in – that Debbie Sue had an affair with one of the pageant judges – the slow realization that Piggy would indeed hold and keep her title as Miss Bogen County was cause for celebration.
The musical entertainment, a DJ who stood off to one corner, quickly filled the shocking lull with the former theme to the Miss America pageants, “There She Is”. Once the music started, so did the celebration, at least for those who were actually there to congratulate Piggy.
And speaking of Piggy, the diva hadn’t said one word when she saw Freed approach the stage and she certainly didn’t concern the small smirk she had on her face when Freed opened his big mouth. She had never been sure, but there had always been suspicion about Debbie Sue had gotten up to with some of the judges.
Turning her sly smile towards Kermit, she watched bemusedly as his mouth continued to hang in shock, until he motioned for some of the staff behind them to bring out the red, formal robe that all pageant winners had the privilege to wear upon winning. The look he gave her, while still very much surprised by the turn of events, none the less spoke volumes about how proud he was of her, again, for winning.
And she was sure there was some latent admiration for how she won in there too.
Enjoying the applause that finally started and easily stepping around the gobsmacked Hallsworthy, the lecherous Freed, the highly embarrassed Debbie Sue, and the stunned Mason, Piggy did what she always did when in a situation that had suddenly not gone the way others had planned – she took advantage and made her presence known.
There was something about standing on that stage, looking at people who were applauding and happy for you. If she thought about it, really thought about it, it felt like she had been transported back to that little stage in Bogen County, getting her first real big pageant win, looking out at the people she had seen around town and had even grown up with out in the crowd.
In the present moment, while she wasn’t standing on a county fair platform, she could still the people she grew up with. It may have been an accident or a coincidence, but that fair and win had led her to meet Gonzo and Fozzie, who were in the crowd as well, applauding, hooting, and whistling; if she hadn’t met them, she wouldn’t have been a founding member of the Muppets.
She most certainly wouldn’t have met Scooter, who stood alongside the bear and weirdo, cheering her on as well; could she have ever picked a better protégé to mold?
And of course, there was Kermit. Despite their roller coaster like relationship, the frog seemed to have always known where her strengths and weaknesses were and even when they argued like mad, he had been the biggest creative influence she would ever have and no one, not ever, could or would replace him.
Maybe she might’ve met them eventually or even gotten to where she was without them, but she definitely liked the journey that had gotten her here.
Not that she would ever admit that, out loud, of course.
Um, the next fic will probably in the Pool Hall series - 4 Ball. Scenes come and go in that one, so not sure what I'm gonna do.
