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Sam and Friends BookOkay, okay, everyone's a critic here...
Once upon a time, there was a chicken-hearted warrior named Osnowthius.
A long time ago, Osnowthius was stranded on the Island of Sehval, an island inhabited by a number of unusual creatures, including a beautiful bespectacled princess who is an absolute doll.
"Alas, beautiful, bespectacled princess who is an absolute doll," Osnowthius said, "I must leave this island at once."
"What is troubling you, my dear friend?" The princess asked.
"Well, to tell you the truth, I can't tell you." Osnowthius told her. "But if I don't get out of here soon, something might happen."
"But this island is so perfect," the princess reminded him, "save for a few screwballs, what could possibly go wrong?"
"Again, I cannot tell you..." Osnowthius said, "so, like, can I go now? I have a feeling if I don't go soon, I might do something I would regret."
"Well..." the princess said, "I suppose if this is what you need to do. Go, my friend, go and... do whatever it is you need to do."
"Thanks... and I'm deeply sorry about this, but if you knew, you would probably agree that we shouldn't be friends anymore. Well, see ya." Without saying another word, Osnowthius ran to the shores of the island, where a big boat was waiting for him.
"Holy crap," the princess exclaimed, "I forgot to tell him something... I forgot what that something was, maybe I'll try telling him later."
Osnowthius set sail across the ocean in his boat, sailing for the land he called him; it was smooth sailing, until a monster from within the sea emerged, grabbing the sailing vesel bearing our hero.
"Oh, hello..." Osnowthius said, nervously, "look, nothing went on, I know that princess is your property, which is why I left the island before anything happened..."
The sea monster did not believe Osnowthius, and tossed his boat like a baseball.
"I BELIEVE I CAN FLY! ! !" Osnowthius sang, before he crashed on a nearby island.
"Fee, fi, fo, fum..." a booming voice called out, "something stinks!"
Osnowthius looked up, and nearly jumped out of his skin when he found a one-eyed giant approach him.
"Please don't eat me!" Osnowthius pleaded. "I'm all skin and bones," Osnowthius plopped his large belly out of his shirt and pants, "and I'm all tough and chewy, see..." Osnowthius demonstrated as he nibbled at his fingers.
The cyclops grabbed Osnowthius by the scruff of his neck to exam him.
"Bah... it's all pink!" The cyclops said. "Mommy told me to never eat undercooked meat."
With nothing more to say, the cyclops tossed Osnowthius aside, sending him into giant plastic sail boat he played with in his bubblebath.
"Perfect!" Osnowthius said. "I can escape in this!"
Osnowthius used the cyclops's toothbrush as a paddle, and began paddling away from Cyclops Island as fast as he could, not bothering to look back; poor Osnowthius's arms were growing weaker with every passing hour, but he was still determined to make it home, though there were more stumbling blocks ahead.
"Wait a minute..." Osnowthius said, "what more stumbling blocks?"
In a twist of fate, giant building blocks were dropping from the skies like bombs.
"Heads up!" Osnowthius cried out, as a block plummeted straight down, crashing through the floor of the boat he was in. "Well, isn't this an interesting development?" Osnowthius asked, as he began sinking.
Shortly later, Osnowthius hung onto a block as a floating device, as he swam across the ocean some more.
"I don't know how this could get any worse than this!" Osnowthius said to himself, until he began hearing music in the distance.
"Come on, come on, jump a little higher, come on, come on, the world's a little brighter, come on, come on, we were once upon a time in looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove. We're accidentally in looooooooooooooooooooooove" the band sang on giant rock floating in the ocean.
"Yes!" Osnowthius said. "That's exactly what happened! It was all an accident! You guys understand me!"
Osnowthius attempted to swim closer to the band of all-male sirens
eek as they sang his song, but the current he swim into swept him further and further away from the rock.
"No! Wait! They understand meeeeeeeee!" Osnowthius cried.
If that wasn't bad enough, the current Osnowthius was in swept him into a laughing whirlpool, which belongs to a multi-headed monster.
"Feeling dizzy, pinky?" One head asked.
"How dare you disturb us!" Another head said, as Osnowthius crew dizzier and dizzier. The whirlpool's spinning increased in speed and velocity, and sent Osnowthius soaring through the air.
"Did anybody get the number of that truck?" Osnowthius asked, before he was struck by lightning and killed instantly.
Five-hundred years later, when Osnowthius somehow came back to life, he awoke to find himself on the shores of the land he called home.
"I'm home..." he mumbled. "I'm finally home! Now there's only one thing left to do... I've gotta write a fantastic adventure story and called it 'The Osnowthy'! I'll make a million!"
And Osnowthius ran across the sand, into the sunset, never to be heard from again.
The end?
Once upon a time, there was a chicken-hearted warrior named Osnowthius.
A long time ago, Osnowthius was stranded on the Island of Sehval, an island inhabited by a number of unusual creatures, including a beautiful bespectacled princess who is an absolute doll.
"Alas, beautiful, bespectacled princess who is an absolute doll," Osnowthius said, "I must leave this island at once."
"What is troubling you, my dear friend?" The princess asked.
"Well, to tell you the truth, I can't tell you." Osnowthius told her. "But if I don't get out of here soon, something might happen."
"But this island is so perfect," the princess reminded him, "save for a few screwballs, what could possibly go wrong?"
"Again, I cannot tell you..." Osnowthius said, "so, like, can I go now? I have a feeling if I don't go soon, I might do something I would regret."
"Well..." the princess said, "I suppose if this is what you need to do. Go, my friend, go and... do whatever it is you need to do."
"Thanks... and I'm deeply sorry about this, but if you knew, you would probably agree that we shouldn't be friends anymore. Well, see ya." Without saying another word, Osnowthius ran to the shores of the island, where a big boat was waiting for him.
"Holy crap," the princess exclaimed, "I forgot to tell him something... I forgot what that something was, maybe I'll try telling him later."
Osnowthius set sail across the ocean in his boat, sailing for the land he called him; it was smooth sailing, until a monster from within the sea emerged, grabbing the sailing vesel bearing our hero.
"Oh, hello..." Osnowthius said, nervously, "look, nothing went on, I know that princess is your property, which is why I left the island before anything happened..."
The sea monster did not believe Osnowthius, and tossed his boat like a baseball.
"I BELIEVE I CAN FLY! ! !" Osnowthius sang, before he crashed on a nearby island.
"Fee, fi, fo, fum..." a booming voice called out, "something stinks!"
Osnowthius looked up, and nearly jumped out of his skin when he found a one-eyed giant approach him.
"Please don't eat me!" Osnowthius pleaded. "I'm all skin and bones," Osnowthius plopped his large belly out of his shirt and pants, "and I'm all tough and chewy, see..." Osnowthius demonstrated as he nibbled at his fingers.
The cyclops grabbed Osnowthius by the scruff of his neck to exam him.
"Bah... it's all pink!" The cyclops said. "Mommy told me to never eat undercooked meat."
With nothing more to say, the cyclops tossed Osnowthius aside, sending him into giant plastic sail boat he played with in his bubblebath.
"Perfect!" Osnowthius said. "I can escape in this!"
Osnowthius used the cyclops's toothbrush as a paddle, and began paddling away from Cyclops Island as fast as he could, not bothering to look back; poor Osnowthius's arms were growing weaker with every passing hour, but he was still determined to make it home, though there were more stumbling blocks ahead.
"Wait a minute..." Osnowthius said, "what more stumbling blocks?"
In a twist of fate, giant building blocks were dropping from the skies like bombs.
"Heads up!" Osnowthius cried out, as a block plummeted straight down, crashing through the floor of the boat he was in. "Well, isn't this an interesting development?" Osnowthius asked, as he began sinking.
Shortly later, Osnowthius hung onto a block as a floating device, as he swam across the ocean some more.
"I don't know how this could get any worse than this!" Osnowthius said to himself, until he began hearing music in the distance.
"Come on, come on, jump a little higher, come on, come on, the world's a little brighter, come on, come on, we were once upon a time in looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove. We're accidentally in looooooooooooooooooooooove" the band sang on giant rock floating in the ocean.
"Yes!" Osnowthius said. "That's exactly what happened! It was all an accident! You guys understand me!"
Osnowthius attempted to swim closer to the band of all-male sirens
eek as they sang his song, but the current he swim into swept him further and further away from the rock."No! Wait! They understand meeeeeeeee!" Osnowthius cried.
If that wasn't bad enough, the current Osnowthius was in swept him into a laughing whirlpool, which belongs to a multi-headed monster.
"Feeling dizzy, pinky?" One head asked.
"How dare you disturb us!" Another head said, as Osnowthius crew dizzier and dizzier. The whirlpool's spinning increased in speed and velocity, and sent Osnowthius soaring through the air.
"Did anybody get the number of that truck?" Osnowthius asked, before he was struck by lightning and killed instantly.
Five-hundred years later, when Osnowthius somehow came back to life, he awoke to find himself on the shores of the land he called home.
"I'm home..." he mumbled. "I'm finally home! Now there's only one thing left to do... I've gotta write a fantastic adventure story and called it 'The Osnowthy'! I'll make a million!"
And Osnowthius ran across the sand, into the sunset, never to be heard from again.
The end?
