Tales from the Marvelous World: "A Deadly Romance"

[muppetwriter]

This "Tale From The Marvelous World" is a little treat I wrote for Halloween. A twisted tale of romance between a girl and a ghoul. I hope Uncle Deadly fans will enjoy it.
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Time…Space…Reality. It’s more than a linear path. It’s a prism of endless possibility, where a single choice can branch out into infinite realities, creating alternate worlds from the ones you know. I am the Watcher. I am your guide through these vast new realities. Follow me, and ponder the question...What if?

Earth-M is a vastly different universe from the one we know – the one in which Captain America was frozen in ice for nearly 70 years and led a team of heroes against all odds…the one where Tony Stark sacrificed his life to save it the universe from the Mad Titan Thanos. Yes, Earth-M is different in more ways than one, specifically the unique presence of countless creatures, some of which identify as “Muppets.”

But where this universe differs greatly is in the constant of the relationship between Vision and Wanda Maximoff. In our universe, Wanda lost Vision in the Infinity War, Thanos destroying his android body to retrieve the Mind Stone. Wanda’s grief brought her to the town of Westview, New Jersey where – in a burst of uncontrolled magic – she trapped an entire community into her own fantasy world.

However, in Earth-M, Wanda Maximoff never lost Vision.

And because she never lost Vision, she never came to Westview.

So, without Wanda’s grief and pain, Westview was free of any mystical control from a powerful witch, right? Wrong.

And here is where our tale begins…in 1693 Salem, Massachusetts.

Wandering one night in the woods, Uncle Deadly recited the lines from his favorite William Shakespeare play, “Macbeth,” mostly the ones from the Weird Sisters scene:

What are these
So withered and so wild in their attire,
That look not like th' inhabitants o' th' Earth,
And yet are on 't?—Live you? Or are you aught
That man may question?
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And then he heard some commotion not far from where he held his secluded recital. Peeking through the foliage, he bore witness to an actual coven of witches that proceeded to kill one of their own. But this witch, bound to a wooden post, was anything but helpless in the moment. Her magic was much stronger than the witches that attempted to drain it from her. She reversed the spell, draining the witches of their magical energy and killing them instead – including her own mother.

Marveled by the scene, Uncle Deadly inadvertently drew the witch’s attention towards him. “Who goes there? Show yourself!” she demanded.

“Do not be alarmed,” Deadly said, emerging from the bushes with his hands held high. “For I am no danger to you.”

“Unlikely, creature!” The witch hissed. “Every witch is in danger in these times! You would be well to slay me yourself!”

“True, but I am not here to harm such a beautiful goddess.”

The witch’s guard fell as she heard these words – no one had ever described her in such an alluring way. “You…do not fear me?”

“Not at all, my dear. I have dreamt many of times to encounter a lovely witch like you, so that I can love and marry her. Only a witch’s love do I seek. For what mortal being would ever love a ghastly thing like me?”

Between his captivating words and the pity she felt for him, the witch approached Deadly, moving her blackened fingers across the tentacles from his chin like the strings on a harp. “You are right,” she told Deadly. “No mortal being could ever love you.” At first, her acknowledgment of his own claim stung at Deadly’s black heart, until the witch proclaimed, “But I am more than willing to fall in love with you.”

His black heart now swelling, Deadly took the witch’s hands into his cold grips and inquired, “To what do I call the new love of my eternal life?”

“Agatha,” the witch said. “Agatha Harkness.”

And so, the newfound lovers began an immortal (and immoral) romance, living through centuries of passion and dark magic. In the 1970s, Agatha attended every Muppet Show that would feature Uncle Deadly’s engaging performance with greats like Vincent Price and Ethel Merman (although she once turned Ethel Merman into a goat in a fit of jealousy for her duet with Deadly).

When Deadly’s days of performing at the Muppet Theatre ended, the phantom was left with nothing except for his love for Agatha. By the year 2011, the lovers agreed to settle in Westview. “Look at all the brightly-colored buildings,” Deadly noted upon their first entry.

“Ugh! Gives me a headache!” Agatha exclaimed in genuine disgust. “But look at how dismal all these people are at the same time.”

“Yes,” Deadly reveled. “That is a bonus.”

“So we’re definitely stayin’ here, right?”

“Oh, no doubt, my love.”

Unfortunately, just as the lovers settled in, they received word from the Westview citizens that the town was soon scheduled to be demolished by oil tycoon Tex Richman, who Deadly worked for as a henchman in another life.

Harkness and Deadly refused to allow Richman to destroy their new home.

And so, Agatha used her magic on the town – in just the same way a certain Scarlet Witch had in our universe…

…with a few major differences.

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Tex Richman was angry, to say the least, when he discovered the purple, lightning-laced mist that walled-off the town of Westview. It was a phenomenon strange enough to contact the only people capable of dealing with it: the organization known as S.W.O.R.D. Director Maria Rambeau responded accordingly, sending her highest-ranking operative, Tyler Hayward, to New Jersey. Rambeau also recommended Gonzo the Great, an old friend of hers by association with Captain Marvel, to accompany Hayward.

“He’s used to the weird” was Rambeau’s reasoning for recruiting the whatever.

Hayward made use of Gonzo’s impeccable resilience to hazardous atmospheres by sending him through the mist. Gonzo wore nothing more than tin foil for protection (his idea, not Hayward’s) and though it did little to protect him, he managed to make it through the mist with zero side effects…except for a bizarre tickling sensation in his liver…and a splitting headache.

What he saw on the other side baffled him.

At first, he anticipated to discover a nightmarish setting filled with zombified Westview residents – it would have certainly suited with the mist that kept it all contained.

But what Gonzo saw was something akin to Sesame Street.

Happy humans and even happier Muppets residing in one community together.

Gonzo turned to one of the seemingly enthralled residents and asked, “Hey, how do you feel right now?”

“I feel great!” the citizen answered. “Never felt better my whole life!”

“No, I mean, don’t you know what’s going on?” Gonzo elaborated. “You’re trapped in some sort of controlled environment like a guinea pig! And, while that sounds like a fun afternoon to a guy like me, it’s gotta be terrible for you!”

The Westview citizen wasn’t the least bit deterred by this information. “Yeah, I know,” he admitted.

“You do?!” the surprised Gonzo said.

“Agnes has done amazing things for our community since she and Uncle Deadly got here,” the citizen professed.

“Wait…did you say ‘Uncle Deadly’?”

Gonzo recognized the name of his former Muppet Show co-star, his curiosity piqued more than before. Asking for directions to where “Agnes” and Deadly were, Gonzo was directed to a house on the block that stood out from the rest of the suburban neighborhood. It was dark and foreboding, appearing more like a haunted house than a typical urban one.

In spite of the frightening exterior of their home, Gonzo was welcomed by the happy couple with open arms. “To what do we owe the pleasure of your presence, dear boy,” Deadly inquired of the whatever.

“Care for a chocolate chip cookie baked fresh out the oven?” Agnes offered with a tray full of the delicious delicacies. Never one to pass up a free cookie (even if there was a possibility it could be poisoned – which would’ve been a sweet additive for this weirdo), Gonzo graciously took one off the tray.

Between bites, Gonzo interrogated the couple. “What’ve you guys done to these people?”

“We simply gave them better lives than the drudgy ones they had before we got here,” Deadly explained.

“And while it was delightful to watch them roam like a bunch of sad saps for a while,” Agnes said, “when Richman threatened to tear the whole town down for an oil refinery or something, we couldn’t just sit and allow him to take away their home…our home.”

“So we compromised with the denizens of Westview,” Deadly added. “In exchange for our protection, they asked for eternal happiness. It’s all any of us want here – to be left alone and happy.”

Gonzo had to admit how good of a compromise that was between the couple and the people of Westview. But there was still one problem: “Hayward and Richman aren’t gonna accept what you all have here.”

“Then we’ll just make them accept it,” Agnes declared with her hands glowing in the same purple mist that fortified Westview.

Minutes later, Gonzo stepped out of the barrier with Deadly, Agnes, and the entire Westview community to confront the bewildered Hayward and Richman, who only had S.W.O.R.D. personnel to back them in case Deadly or Agnes attempted anything.

“Release these people and give yourselves up,” Hayward demanded.

The Westview citizens were quick to speak in defense of Deadly and Agnes:

“They’re the best thing to ever happen to us!”

“Leave them alone!”

“This is our home, Richman! Not your property!”

“Take your S.W.O.R.D. and stick it where the sun don’t shine!”

Hayward, Richman, and the S.W.O.R.D. personnel were pelted with garbage from the angry Westview mob. In the confusion, Agnes performed a spell that transformed Hayward and Richman into roosters, much to the shock of the S.W.O.R.D. personnel, who retreated in fear.

“Mr. Gonzo, I do believe you know what to do with these cocks of the walk,” Agnes said, indicating the roosters that used to be Hayward and Richman.

“I sure do,” Gonzo excitedly affirmed. “They can go on a triple date with me, Camilla, and a couple of friends of hers!” He then told his new rooster buddies, “You guys are gonna make excellent wingmen!”

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Later that night, after a successful day of defending their new home from Tex Richman and S.W.O.R.D., Uncle Deadly and Agatha “Agnes” Harkness snuggled on the couch in front of their television set.

“Oh, my,” Deadly uttered. “What an eventful day that was. We should do it again sometime, shouldn’t we?”

“Most definitely, we should,” Agatha agreed.

“You know, something just occurred to me, my love.”

“And what’s that, dear?”

“We are an unusual couple.”

“Oh, I don’t think that was ever in question.”

To say this couple lived “happily ever after” would be too cliché, even by their standards. Let’s just say that they went on to live a life happier than the one whose story they shared – a couple with a scarlet vision that turned into a nightmare. And if you ask how the witch of that reality is any different from the one of this tale…well…just think about the dream this witch had and how it blossomed from a deadly romance.

 

[The Count]

This was a nice oneshot, perfect for the Halloween section of the town's fanfic library.
FYI: The scene in question from Macbeth is Act IV, Scene 1.
Agatha "Agnes" Harkness and Uncle Deadly, a pairing not thought of, and yet it works or at least it could in the vast infinity of universes viewed by Uattu the Watcher.
For a moment I hexpected the citizens of Westview to start singing the first verse of "Life's A Happy Song" when Gonzo met that one random guy who knows he's become a living guinea pig. Not like how Beaker's a living guinea pig, but something similar.
And we get a nice simple resolution to the threat of Tex Richman different than just simply concussing him over the head with a bowling ball.

Good work buddy.

 

[muppetwriter]

This was a nice oneshot, perfect for the Halloween section of the town's fanfic library.
FYI: The scene in question from Macbeth is Act IV, Scene 1.
Agatha "Agnes" Harkness and Uncle Deadly, a pairing not thought of, and yet it works or at least it could in the vast infinity of universes viewed by Uattu the Watcher.
For a moment I hexpected the citizens of Westview to start singing the first verse of "Life's A Happy Song" when Gonzo met that one random guy who knows he's become a living guinea pig. Not like how Beaker's a living guinea pig, but something similar.
And we get a nice simple resolution to the threat of Tex Richman different than just simply concussing him over the head with a bowling ball.

Good work buddy.

Thanks! And I'm glad you caught that little detail on Macbeth. It warms my heart to see those who recognize the old literary arts.

You know, if I was really thinking, I could've included a Muppet-y song in that scene (of course, my first inclination would've leaned towards "Rainbow Connection" ).

What I love most about this story is how the pairing of Agatha Harkness and Uncle Deadly feels so natural - they're both cold-hearted individuals that aren't without redemption (I believe Agatha's will come soon - it is the MCU after all) and they both love morbid things (i.e. darkness, despair, death, etc.). I'm definitely looking forward to incorporating more of their story in future "Marvelous" tales.

I've always thought that resolution of Tex Richman in The Muppets was rather weak, which made turning him into a rooster all the more gratifying. I'm sure he'll make a great mate for one of Camilla's chicken friends.

 

[The Count]

A fiendly bump so others can find this ghoulish gem.

Also, I kind of keep up with the MCU and other shows, at least somewhat on the surface so don't ask me about in-depth trivia tidbits. But I wonder if this oneshot might be expanded with a Muppety/MCU crossover of WandaVision, Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (with better ending), or even wait until next year's Winter release of Agatha: Coven of Chaos.

 

[muppetwriter]

A fiendly bump so others can find this ghoulish gem.

Also, I kind of keep up with the MCU and other shows, at least somewhat on the surface so don't ask me about in-depth trivia tidbits. But I wonder if this oneshot might be expanded with a Muppety/MCU crossover of WandaVision, Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (with better ending), or even wait until next year's Winter release of Agatha: Coven of Chaos.

I actually have a plan for all three in Doctor Who and the Muppets of Earth-M, the sequel to "Doctor Who and the Marvelous Muppets" that I'm publishing next month. I'll be updating the rest of the first story this week (I finished it, as of last Saturday).