T*K*O-"The Unkillable Thread"

[D'Snowth]

T*K*O​

(Starring: MrsPepper, Vic Romano, That Announcer, and D’Snowth)​

Episode #: 11
Title: “The Unkillable Thread”
Original Airdate: 02-Sep-2005
Written by That Announcer
Created by MrsPepper
Guest stars: KermieBaby47, Vibs, Beauregard, Ziffel, theprawncracker, BEAR, Princeton, and G-Man
Special Muppet Guest Appearance By: Beauregard

Vibs stumbled into her office one morning late, the victim of a midnight screening of “Star Wars”. She flicked on her desk lamp, switched on the computer and headed into the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee. That Announcer was waiting at the counter.

THAT ANNOUNCER: Morning, Vibs.

VIBS: Morning, man.

THAT ANNOUNCER: So, was it a party last night?

VIBS: Naw, midnight screening of Star Wars over at the theater. Kept waking up and hearing light sabers.

THAT ANNOUCNER: Right…. Hey, the coffee’s done.

VIBS: Make mine with milk and sugar.

THAT ANNOUNCER: Right.

With that, That Announcer mixed two cups of coffee, one for him, and one for Vibs. He handed her her cup.

VIBS: (Takes the coffee) Thanks. Anyway, got to get to work.

THAT ANNOUNCER: Ditto. Now, where’s that file I had?

With that, the two left the cafeteria and headed back to their offices. Vibs sat down to her desk, drinking her coffee, and logged onto Muppet Central to find some jokes to kill.

VIBS: Well, here goes nothing. (One particular thread catches her eye.) Well, this is interesting in-DEED…

With that, Vibs slipped past D’Snowth, who was busy messing with The Kathy Greenwood Zone, to find MrsPepper, who was calmly reading Al Franken’s latest book.

VIBS: Boss, there’s a real neat thread over in Friends and Family.

MRSPEPPER: How’d you get in here?

VIBS: Uh, the thread, MrsPepper, I think you’d better take a look at it!

MRSPEPPER: (Sighs) Let’s check that out!

She flicks over to her computer and begins to browse the board. Her jaw drops.

VIBS: Yeah, real nice, isn’t he?

On MrsPepper’s computer screen is a post that looks like this:

Hey thread killers, kill this one! I’ve formed a coalition of members that are determined to make sure there’s one thread you can’t kill. Ha ha!

)

MRSPEPPER: This little pig is challenging us! Let’s get everybody on this as soon as we can. We’ve got to put this guy in his place!

VIBS: Right!

MRSPEPPER: Head to your booth and start working on it. I’ll call D’Snowth to alert everybody else.

VIBS: Hey, I thought I was a joke killer!

MRSPEPPER: You are, but in this case, we need all the help we can get, so get on it!

VIBS: Right!

Vibs left MrsPepper’s, office, as she picked up her phone.

MRSPEPPER: Better call him up now, this is a crack assignment!

MrsPepper dialed D’Snowth’s office. His phone then began to rang, as he quickly logged out of his free webs account.

D’SNOWTH: (Picks up the phone) Yello, Kramerica Industries here.

MRSPEPPER: Now would you stop joking around?

D’SNOWTH: Sorry. What can I do for ya, boss?

MRSPEPPER: There’s a little weasel tormenting us over in Friends and Family. Says he’s got himself a bunch of guys who are determined to make an unkillable thread.

D’SNOWTH: So you want me to alert all the staff to begin working double-time and make sure they kill the thread, and tell them lunch breaks are herewith cut in half until the thread is finished.

MRSPEPPER: You’re good. (Hangs up.)

D’Snowth: (Hangs up as well) Well, better call a staff meeting. (Turns on intercom.) Your attention, please. This is D’Snowth speaking.

Everyone turns and looks at the PA speakers mounted in their offices. MrsPepper switches hers off.

D’SNOWTH: There will be a mandatory staff meeting at 1:00pm today in the conference room. Bring a pencil and notepad. We need ideas. That is all. (He switches off the PA.)

Vic and TA exited their offices.

THAT ANNOUNCER: So, I wonder what this is about?

VIC ROMANO: I dunno, but it better be something good. They’re having beef stroganoff in the cafeteria today!

THAT ANNOUNCER: Who are you, Link Hogthrob?

VIC ROMANO: Hey, shut it!

THAT ANNOUNCER: Whatever…

With that, they went back into their offices.

Commercial Break

Later at 1:00pm sharp that day, everyone assembles in the conference room except for D’Snowth, who is late.

KERMIEBABY47: Where is that little nerd?

That second, D’Snowth entered the conference room just like Kramer from Seinfeld.

D’SNOWTH: Who’s calling me a nerd?

KERMIEBABY47: (Stammering) Um, it was, ah, it, ah, um…

D’SNOWTH: Never mind. (Takes his place at the head of the table.) There’s a little pest who’s created a coalition of MC members who are gonna try to keep a thread over in Friends and Family alive forever.

VIBS: How can you live forever? It’s human nature!

ALL: VIBS!

VIBS: Sorry.

D’SNOWTH: Anyway, we’ve got to kill that thread by any means necessary. You’ve got to work double time until its dead.

VIC ROMANO: Awww, but its beef sandwiches tomorrow!

D’SNOWTH: Shut up.

THAT ANNOUNCER: Yeah, who are you? Link…

Vic then covered TA’s mouth with his hand.

VIC ROMANO: Don’t make the joke. (He removes his hand.)

THAT ANNOUNCER: Sorry.

D’SNOWTH: Now get back to your offices and start killing that thread!

ALL: Right, sir!

They attempt to exit the meeting room all at the same time, causing serious doorway gridlock. They all come out clutching their sides, and eventually reach their offices.

THAT ANNOUNCER: I’m gonna kill that thread first! (He enters his office.)

VIC ROMANO: No, I’m gonna kill that thread first, and I’ll bet cash money on it!

THAT ANNOUNCER: (pokes his head out of his office) You’re on! Thirty?

VIC ROMANO: Done. (He enters his office.)

For the next three days, the workers of the T*K*O 3976 ½ worked diligently at attempting to kill the thread, each using different tactics.

KERMIEBABY47: (To himself) Think I’ll insult them so much that they can’t think of a comeback! Ha!

Yeah, I like Cheez-Its too.

Your mamma likes Cheez-Its so much that when she sits around the house, she sits A-ROUND the house.

So? Yours sold out the store!

KERMIEBABY47: Oh, heck.

VIBS: (To herself) Think I’ll attempt to derail the thread and make everyone confused! Ha!

I know, I watched ‘Revenge of the Nerds’ the other day.

That movie reminds me of the Great Chicago Fire when the house burns down.

You sicken me. What other movies have you guys watched lately?

VIBS: Better adapt and improve.

VIC ROMANO: (To himself) Think I’ll initiate an argument nobody wants to get involved with, so they’ll all go away! Ha!

I know what you mean, strawberry ice cream tastes real bad!

What do you mean, strawberry ice cream tastes bad? You’re a fool!

I don’t care what you think, bucko.

Vic Romano: Well, that didn’t work, better try something else…

THAT ANNOUNCER: Think I’ll proclaim the reign of the Thread Killers and stupefy them into not posting! Ha!

I tend to mostly go with no-name Band Aids, they’re a lot cheaper.

I don’t care what you say, the thread killers can and will get this thread down! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

Who cares about the thread killers! Hey Prawnie, when was the last time you had a dinner party?

THAT ANNOUNCER: Jeez, this is hard. (Sighs)

Over the course of five days, the thread remained unkilled, with Ziffel’s evil coalition working their butts off to keep the thread alive. Finally, the workers were exasperated. They gathered in MrsPepper’s office to explain. D’Snowth tagged along to hear them out.

VIBS: Look, boss, these guys are evil! We’ve worked our butts off for the past workweek and the thread’s not dying!

VIC ROMANO: Yeah! What are we supposed to do?

MRSPEPPER: So, you guys find this thread completely unkillable?

THAT ANNOUNCER: Yep, we do indeed.

MRSPEPPER: Well, I guess I’ll have to call in an old friend. (Picks up the phone) Hello, Pepper here. (Beat) Yes, that Pepper. Anyway, I need you to do a job for me. (Beat) No, it won’t be hard. You know where I am, right? Good. When can you be over? (Beat) Yeah, in five minutes, that’d be great. See you then. (She hangs up) Get to your offices. I’m calling in an expert.

Five minutes later, a beat-up Volvo appears in the 3976 ½’s parking lot. It backfires when the driver turns it off. He gets out and uses the back entrance to get to MrsPepper’s office.

MRSPEPPER: (seeing the door open) Ah, come in, old friend.

BEAUREGARD: (Entering) Oh, hello. Now, what is it you’re meaning by ‘unkillable thread’?

MRSPEPPER: Exactly that. I’m gonna need you to post something incredibly stupid on the thread so it’ll die.

BEAUREGARD: I think I can do that, but I’ll need a username!

MRSPEPPER: Already got one set up for you. You’re B-Boy.

BEAUREGARD: I like that name!

He sits down in MrsPepper’s chair and begins to monitor the thread. Finally, he posts something.

Yep, it was $5000 they stole. Don’t worry, the cops are gonna catch ‘em red-handed.

What color are their hands now?

Oh, boy…

Commercial Break

MRSPEPPER: Well, Beau, you killed that thread awfully fast.

BEAUREGARD: Thanks, but I don’t like to kill things, I’m just a gentle stagehand!

BEAUREGARD: (Pops in door) Talk to me about it. Hey, great to have you, you wanna go for some lunch?

BEAUREGARD: Oh, OK! (He leaves with his namesake.)

THE END​

NOTE: TA, I hope the tweaking didn't bother you...

 

[MrsPepper]

Wow hey, neat.
It's cool that TA wrote this one, to keep it fresh.
Are you looking for constructive criticism? I think it's because I'm used to the way D'Snowth writes it now, but I found the characters to be little bit off, in places. Also, running gag but no finish to it? Though the jokes, and flow of the story were excellent. ^_^ And Beau's killing was great. Typical beau line right there!

I loved this chunk , by the way:

MRSPEPPER: There’s a little weasel tormenting us over in Friends and Family. Says he’s got himself a bunch of guys who are determined to make an unkillable thread.

D’SNOWTH: So you want me to alert all the staff to begin working double-time and make sure they kill the thread, and tell them lunch breaks are herewith cut in half until the thread is finished.

MRSPEPPER: You’re good. (Hangs up.)

Wow, I sure am ruthless. ><

Hey Prawnie, when was the last time you had a dinner party?

And that was so random I laughed out loud!

So yeah, pretty cool that we have two writers now! You guys should try collaborating.

 

[That Announcer]

Sure, I'll talk to him about that.

Thanks for the criticism, Pepper. The reason the characters (specifically Vic) came out like that is that I'd just finished writing the next episode, in which the characters are meant to be angry, so I guess I fooled up in keeping several of them the same way.

But hey, thanks for the comments, glad you liked it!

NOTE: TA, I hope the tweaking didn't bother you...

Not at all, as it was fairly minor, and your new lines were great.

 

[D'Snowth]

Not at all, as it was fairly minor, and your new lines were great.

I also added a couple of lines in your other script for next week (mainly because I can't drive).

 

[That Announcer]

I also added a couple of lines in your other script for next week (mainly because I can't drive).

S'alright.

 

[Ziffel]

Well that was a lot of fun reading episode #11. I laughed many times! You guys do a great job, TA and D'Snowth. What a hilarious incorporation of me as the anti-thread killer! And the delicious irony of Mrs. Pepper calling me a little pig (since Fred Ziffel has a "son", Arnold Ziffel who is a literal pig! ). Vic's lines were great too ("I dunno, but it better be something good. They’re having beef stroganoff in the cafeteria today!").
And loved the exchange with Bear:
Quote:
Originally Posted by BEAR
I know what you mean, strawberry ice cream tastes real bad!



Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic Romano
What do you mean, strawberry ice cream tastes bad? You’re a fool!



Quote:
Originally Posted by BEAR
I don’t care what you think, bucko.


Terrific! But probably the funniest line of all was: "Your mamma likes Cheez-Its so much that when she sits around the house, she sits A-ROUND the house." Classic!


One thing I know, I will definitely be pre-ordering "T*K*O - the complete first season" from Amazon when it gets released on dvd after episode #24! I can only imagine what some of the bonus features will be!

 

[D'Snowth]

One thing I know, I will definitely be pre-ordering "T*K*O - the complete first season" from Amazon when it gets released on dvd after episode #24! I can only imagine what some of the bonus features will be!

Why are you going to wait till after episode #24?

 

[Ziffel]

Just going by the usual number of episodes released on the tv shows I have on dvd. They often have 3 discs with 8 episodes each. The Muppet Show season one has 24 episodes also but distributed on 4 discs with 6 shows each. So was just using 24 as a common benchmark.

 

[D'Snowth]

Not with the TV shows of the current generation. Usually these days, TV shows have 13 episodes per season. T*K*O is no exception, when episode 13 is posted, then you an get your "DVD"

 

[That Announcer]

Not with the TV shows of the current generation. Usually these days, TV shows have 13 episodes per season. T*K*O is no exception, when episode 13 is posted, then you an get your "DVD"

I always thought it was based on how much the distributor was willing to put up, and the number of episodes could vary ("The Jeff Foxworthy Show" had 18 episodes in its first season, Al Franken's "Lateline" had 19, etc.).