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(Starring: MrsPepper, Vic Romano, ThePrawnCracker, D’Snowth, TogetherAgain, and Vibs)
(Starring: MrsPepper, Vic Romano, ThePrawnCracker, D’Snowth, TogetherAgain, and Vibs)
Episode #: 23
Title: “Out of Sight, Out of Mind”
Original Airdate: 14-Jan-2006
Written By: Ken Levine, David Issacs, D’Snowth
Created By: MrsPepper
Guest star: Beauregard
It was another snowy day at the 3976th ½. D’Snowth was busy sneaking in the kitchen for a snack. Beauregard was onto him. As D’Snowth was opening the pickle jar…
BEAUREGARD: A-HA!
D’Snowth was shocked so bad when he opened the jar, pickle juice went flying in the air and straight into his eyes. Moments later in the conference room…
MRSPEPPER: …blind.
OTHERS: Blind?
D’SNOWTH: Blind!
D’Snowth was sitting there with his eyes patched up.
VIC ROMANO: You mean D’Snowth is blind?! That’s terrible!!!
THEPRAWNCRACKER: Does this mean he’s gonna get a discharge?
D’SNOWTH: (Excited) Could I?
MRSPEPPER: NO! Remember the doctor said this was only temporary?
D’SNOWTH: Aw…
MRSPEPPER: I am, however, relieving you of your duty until further notice, so you’ll be on your way home momentarily…
D’SNOWTH: …to think I won’t be able to see that cute face for awhile…
MRSPEPPER: Well thank you D’Snowth, that’s very nice.
D’SNOWTH: I was talking about Kathy Greenwood.
MRSPEPPER: (Disappointed) Oh. Well then, uh, back to business. With
D’Snowth off, I’m putting my third in command to temporary second in command.
TOGETHERAGAIN: Who’s third in command?
D’SNOWTH: Vic Romano.
VIC ROMANO: ME?!
MRSPEPPER: That’s right. So until further notice, Vic, you will be in charge of file keeping, making daily reports, AND you’ll even get to have lunch in our lounge.
D’SNOWTH: Aw, MrsPepper.
MRSPEPPER: Snowthers, you’re not the ONLY one around here who “deserves” special treatment.
D’SNOWTH: I don’t “deserve” special treatment.
OTHERS: No duh!
MRSPEPPER: As I said Snowthers, you’ll be on your way very shortly, and Vic, please report to my office.
And so a short time later, D’Snowth was being held a cab home, while Vic was in MrsPepper’s office.
MRSPEPPER: …Alrighty Vic, I hope I can safely assume that you’re the perfect one for temporary second in command.
VIC ROMANO: Me too.
MRSPEPPER: Yes, well. It’ll be your job to make sure everyone get daily files put together right, so before you bring them to me, you’ll have to double check to make sure that everyone has put their papers in the right order in the right pocket. The next day, you should be able to find the folders with new blank sheets in the second filing cabinet to the right in the third drawers. Before you’ll pass them out, you’ll have to make the morning announcements over the P.A. system, which I will show you how to do. Make sure you monitor everyone every minute, keep me updated on any slackers, and when it’s time for lunch, meet me in my office. Any questions?
VIC ROMANO: (Flabbergasted) Uh…
MRSPEPPER: No? Good! Well then, let’s get started!
Commercial Break.
Moments later, Vic Romano was sitting at D’Snowth’s desk. Looking around his office. It certainly was brighter than the other office, and why shouldn’t it be? It had over-head lights and a window. Vic, with nothing to do, starting going through D’Snowth’s drawers, just to see what he could find… comic books, two sketch books, a copy of “The Complete Book of M*A*S*H*, a copy of “Bewitched Forever”, a copy of “Sesame Street Unpaved”, a photo album of Elizabeth Montgomery pictures, another photo album of Kathy Greenwood pictures, Kathy Greenwood’s letter, and her resume. Vic looked around on his desk to find various knick-knacks, a pencil holder that had Courage the Cowardly Dog characters on it, little Sesame Street figurines, a stack of paper, a roll of tape, and a framed autographed photo of Kathy Greenwood.
VIC ROMANO: Why doesn’t this kid have crushes on normal people like Jessica Simpson, or Paris Hilton? THEY’RE blondes!
Vic turned on D’Snowth’s computer and was met with another picture of Kathy Greenwood as his wallpaper.
VIC ROMANO: This kid needs a life.
Vic double clicked the monitoring icon so he could monitor the other thread killers. He noticed the “last modified” message was dated June 23, 2005.
VIC ROMANO: Whoa…this kid hasn’t monitored us since the first episode?! Boy, MrsPepper’s gonna kill him for that!
As Vic continued updating D’Snowth’s monitoring system when his phone rang.
VIC ROMANO: (Answers) Uh…hello? Hello? Number One?! (Stands up and salutes) Yes sir! What can I do for you sir? D’Snowth? Uh no, he’s on temporary leave. No sir he has a temporary vision problem, he accidentally got blinded by…oh yes sir, right away, please hold…(Puts phone down) How do I connect him with MrsPepper…
Vic then knocked on MrsPepper’s door, and she let him in.
MRSPEPPER: Hello Vic, I don’t need anything right now.
VIC ROMANO: No, no, no, you have a call from Number One!
MRSPEPPER: Ah yes, I’ve been expecting it. (Picks up phone) Hello? Hello? Uh Vic, there’s no signal.
VIC ROMANO: Yes, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, I don’t know how to put calls through.
MRSPEPPER: Well neither do I, ugh, here let me pick up in Snowth’s office.
MrsPepper stepped into D’Snowth’s office and picked up the phone to Number One who is on hold.
MRSPEPPER: (Picks up) 3976th ½, T*K*O, this is C.E.O. MrsPepper speaking. Yes sir, ThePrawnCracker has been working out quite well, and how has That Announcer been doing? Wonderful, wonderful, yes ThePrawnCracker has been a fine addition to our branch, and I want to thank you for letting us have him, we were desperately searching for a new thread killer. Oh don’t worry sir, we’ll be working on that. Yes sir, and please give That Announcer our regards! Thank you. You as well. (Hangs up) I’ll give Snowthy a yell, and see what I can do. (Dials phone) Hello, this is MrsPepper, of the 3976th ½ T*K*O, may I speak with D’Snowth please? D’Snowth? You know, ______? Yes I’ll hold. D’Snowth? This is MrsPepper. Oh no, everything’s fine, look Vic and I are having problems figuring out how to put calls through to other offices, how do we do that? Uh-huh, okay, so you page the office on the intercom to alert the thread killer, then you dial the office number on your end, wait for the thread killer to pick up, then hang up? Got it! Thank you, and get well soon. (Hangs up) Well, that settles that, I’ll call you, and you try to put me through to ThePrawnCracker.
VIC ROMANO: (Sighs) Okay.
Vic sat back down to the desk, as MrsPepper walked back into her office. Seconds later the phone rang.
VIC ROMANO: (Picks up) Okay, I’ll call ThePrawnCracker…
MRSPEPPER: Vic, you’re supposed to answer the phone “3976th ½, T*K*O”.
VIC ROMANO: I’m sorry, so shall I still connect you to ThePrawnCracker? Okay, hold on.
Vic then clicked the button on the intercom that buzzes ThePrawnCracker’s office.
VIC ROMANO: (Over intercom) PrawnCracker, MrsPepper is trying to reach you…
Back in D’Snowth’s office, Vic dialed ThePrawnCracker’s office number and successfully put MrsPepper through to ThePrawnCracker. Hours later, Vic’s head was spinning as more orders came through: “Vic, sort these files”, “Vic, page that thread killer”, “Vic, fill out these forms”, “Vic, send out those forms”, “Vic, contact this branch”, “Vic, expect calls from that branch”… etc, etc, etc. Vic could hardly take it anymore.
VIC ROMANO: Good Lord, I can’t take this anymore!!!
Suddenly, another buzz came through on the intercom.
MRSPEPPER: (Over intercom) Vic…
VIC ROMANO: WHAT?!?!
MRSPEPPER: (Over intercom) ….um, Vic, I believe you need to step into my office please.
So Vic stepped into MrsPepper’s office. MrsPepper turned around in her chair and stared Vic down with an unpleasant look, as a long awkward pause followed.
MRSPEPPER: Vic Romano, you’re remark was very immature, rude, and down-right un-called for. It has become apparent to me that you are not able to handle these responsibilities, would that be correct?
VIC ROMANO: (Sadly sighs) I’m sorry MrsPepper. I’m so very sorry. You’re right that reaction was totally un-called for. But MrsPepper, I don’t know what all I’m supposed to do, I mean you suddenly select me to do this, and then you just go over every routine once without any detail, and then expect me to know what to do. You didn’t even wait for me to tell you I don’t quite know what to do, I’m at a loss here!
MRSPEPPER: (Raises eyebrow) I see. Well Vic, I must say for once, you’ve shown me the light. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be me… I guess I wasn’t thinking straight, I really should have went into more detail about what all you need to do as temporary second in command. Vic, will you please forgive me.
VIC ROMANO: Of course.
MRSPEPPER: Thank you. It’s getting pretty late, I’d hate to bug D’Snowth about all of this right now, there are some things he does around here that even I don’t understand how he does them, so first thing tomorrow morning, I’ll put him on the speaker-phone and have him walk us through all that needs to be done on a daily basis around here.
VIC ROMANO: I like the sound of that, but what about for the rest of today? We still have 2 and a half hours before we close down for the night.
MRSPEPPER: Yes, that’s right. Well, you continue with the nightly progress reports, collect everyone’s files like you do, and when you turn them in, we’ll have D’Snowth tell us how to sort and file them in the morning before we get started.
VIC ROMANO: Okay, that’ll be fine with me.
MRSPEPPER: Wonderful, is there anything else we need to discuss?
VIC ROMANO: (Thinks for a moment) Oh yeah, what did you need me for?
MRSPEPPER: Well I, uh… well how do like that, I forgot. Maybe it wasn’t all that important.
VIC ROMANO: Whatever you say MrsPepper, is that all.
MRSPEPPER: Yes, that’ll be all, Vic, you may go now, and don’t worry about a thing, you just take it easy until the report.
Vic stepped out of MrsPepper’s office, as MrsPepper started sipping her tea.
MRSPEPPER: Goodness, it’s going to be a L-O-O-O-O-O-N-G two weeks without D’Snowth…
Meanwhile, back in ThePrawnCracker’s office…
THEPRAWNCRACKER: Hello? Hello? MrsPepper? Hello? (Hangs up and dials again) Hello? Vic, what did MrsPepper want me for.
VIC ROMANO: Oh nothing, she must have dialed a wrong number. (Hangs up)
THEPRAWNCRACKER: Hello? Hello? (Hangs up) Was that supposed to be funny, or do these things happen all the time on this show?
Commercial Break.
So later that evening, the nightly progress report went underway.
VIC ROMANO: …And I believe I can safely say without fear of contradiction that tomorrow will be a much better day for thread killings. Any questions?
VIBS: Yeah, how come I wasn’t in this episode?
VIC ROMANO: You ARE! You’re in it right now!
VIBS: Well I wasn’t given a very big part this episode!
TOGETHERAGAIN: Yeah, neither was I, who writes this stuff?
BEAUREGARD: Ah, quit complaining, I was hardly in this episode anyway, but I’m used to it!
TOGETHERAGAIN: That’s because you’re a recurring character.
VIBS: Yeah, TogetherAgain and I are like, regular-ish characters!
BEAUREGARD: Well don’t forget young Vibs, you were once a recurring character last season…
VIC ROMANO: Are there any OTHER questions?
THEPRAWNCRACKER: Yeah, how come MrsPepper called my office, then hung up?
VIC ROMANO: (Sighs) Nothing, nothing, she was just testing the phone system. Anything else?
The thread killers went babbling on about things that displeased them today. Vic then quieted everyone down.
BEAUREGARD: Is MrsPepper going to hold me responsible for D’Snowth’s accident?
VIBS: Snowthy’s always accident prone, that’s why he has a squirrel body guard! (Beat)
ALL: VIBS!!!
THE END
