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(Starring: MrsPepper, Vic Romano, ThePrawnCracker, D’Snowth, TogetherAgain, and Vibs)
(Starring: MrsPepper, Vic Romano, ThePrawnCracker, D’Snowth, TogetherAgain, and Vibs)
Episode #: 25
Title: “Cracked Pepper”
Original Airdate: 28-Jan-2006
Written By: D’Snowth
Created By: MrsPepper
Guest Star: Beauregard
Special Guest Appearance by: Phillip Chapman as the Voice of Number One
Our story opens today inside the large and luxurious office of C.E.O., MrsPepper, who was on the phone with Number One of the 001st.
MRSPEPPER: (Sighs)…yes sir, I’ll try my best to do better. Yes sir. (Hangs up and starts sipping tea) Oh, I just wanna be shot and put out of my misery!
MrsPepper was having a bad day, she was tired, stressed, and grumpy. She wanted to end it all: fire the thread killers, shut down the branch, and get another job, but no such luck, she didn’t even have the energy. D’Snowth knew of MrsPepper’s bad mood, he even knew that when MrsPepper wasn’t happy, then it’s like a dark cloud of doom hovers over everyone’s heads. MrsPepper stepped out of her office, and into D’Snowth’s office.
D’SNOWTH: Hey MrsPepper, ugh, can I get you anything?
MRSPEPPER: Is that the only thing you can say today?
D’SNOWTH: Well no ma’am, I was just…
MRSPEPPER: (Grabs D’Snowth’s shirt) Look here mister… if you can’t straighten up your act, I’ll personally burn every single little thing you have that is from, reminds you, or even has to do with Kathy Greenwood, do I make myself clear?!
D’SNOWTH: (Scared) Crystal, but all I asked was…
MRSPEPPER: (Let’s go of D’Snowth’s shirt) Get back to work, and quit skiving off your duties! (Storms out of office)
D’SNOWTH: (Startled) Mrow! Maybe I should have lied and said I was still temporarily blind!
D’Snowth quickly went back to killing threads. MrsPepper stormed down the hallway, and into TogetherAgain’s office.
MRSPEPPER: You better not be writing anymore of those fanfics, I want to see work, and I want to see you working now!
TOGETHERAGAIN: MrsPepper, I’ve been working all day…I have the feeling I’ll fill my quota today!
MRSPEPPER: Well it’s about time!
MrsPepper then stormed into Vibs’s office to find her looking through another joke book. MrsPepper then snatched it away from her.
VIBS: HEY!
MRSPEPPER: If you don’t stop reading these dumb books, and don’t get back to killing threads, I’ll see to it that you’re discharged immediately!
VIBS: MrsPepper, I was using those jokes in my posts for thread killings, and believe me, they’re working, I’ve already killed…
MrsPepper started ripping up the joke book. Vibs’s eyes widened and started watering.
MRSPEPPER: No more jokes!
MrsPepper then slammed the shredded book into the trashcan.
VIBS: (Crying) “Ridiculous Riots of Riddles”…and it’s not even in print anymore-ish!
MrsPepper’s next stop was ThePrawnCracker’s office.
MRSPEPPER: Why can’t you live up to That Announcer’s name?
THEPRAWNCRACKER: Huh?
MRSPEPPER: Don’t give me that “huh”. If you don’t bring up your points, you’re fired! (Storms out of office)
THEPRAWNCRACKER: I hate That Announcer, and I never even met him!
MrsPepper then stormed into Vic Romano’s office.
MRSPEPPER: Why haven’t you been monitoring those thread killers?
VIC ROMANO: MrsPepper, half of my job is to monitor these clowns! I assure your I’ve been keeping a steady eye on them all day!
MRSPEPPER: Well you’re not doing a very good job of it, these monkeys have been goofing off all day! Writing fanfics, reading joke books, disgracing That Announcer’s name! You better keep a steadier eye on them if you want to stay chief thread killer!!!
MrsPepper then stormed into the cafeteria, where Beauregard was leaving his closet, with an empty trash can.
MRSPEPPER: This trash can is empty!
BEAUREGARD: I know, I just cleaned it out.
MRSPEPPER: Likely story mister, I want to see this trash can over flowing all sorts of dirty….oh crap! Now you’ve got me forgetting what I was talking about!
BEAUREGARD: I’m sorry MrsPepper, but I…
MRSPEPPER: Oh shut up!
BEAUREGARD: Okay.
MRSPEPPER: Go clean out the cracks in the parking lot! (Hands Beauregard a screw-driver)
BEAUREGARD: Now I know how D’Snowth feels when they make him do all the
cleaning at PBS.
Commercial Break.
It was lunch time. MrsPepper was setting up her little dining room in her office where she and D’Snowth usually eat. D’Snowth quietly entered.
D’SNOWTH: Uh, MrsPepper?
MRSPEPPER: Don’t you know how to knock pea-wad?
D’SNOWTH: Uh, can I eat in the cafeteria today?
MRSPEPPER: I wish you would! Just because you’re my lackey doesn’t give you the right to eat in my personal dining room!
D’SNOWTH: Okay, I’ll just be going now…
D’Snowth quickly made his way out of the offices, and into the cafeteria, where everyone else was sitting at the tables…without food.
D’SNOWTH: Hey, what’s for lunch?
VIC ROMANO: Nothing! MrsCrab-apple has Beauregard cleaning out the cracks in the parking lot blacktop.
D’SNOWTH: Wow. (Sits at table)
THEPRAWNCRACKER: I thought you usually ate with MrsPepper…
TOGETHERAGAIN: Yeah, what’s up with this?
D’SNOWTH: Well, let’s just say I wanted to be as faaaaaaaaar away from her as I could be today!
D’Snowth looked down the table to see Vibs sitting there and crying.
D’SNOWTH: What’s wrong with Vibs?
TOGETHERAGAIN: (Starts hugging Vibs) MrsPepper just destroyed one of her most expensive, and most hard-to-find joke book.
THEPRAWNCRACKER: She said I could never amount to That Announcer.
TOGETHERAGAIN: She accused me of writing too many fanfics, and not killing enough threads!
VIC ROMANO: She said I wasn’t doing a good job of monitoring everyone today.
D’SNOWTH: I wonder what her problem is!
Meanwhile, back in MrsPepper’s office dining room…
MRSPEPPER: (Pounding her roast) SEXIST!!! THAT’S WHAT HE IS, A LOW-DOWN, NO GOOD, DOUBLE-CROSSING SEXIST!!! HOW DARE HE SAY I’M A LOUSY COMMANDING OFFICER BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN!!! IF IT WASN’T FOR ME, THESE WEIRDOS WOULDN’T EVEN BE THE SUCCESSFUL THREAD KILLERS THEY ARE!!! I WISH I HAD NEVER TAKEN THIS JOB!!! BOY IF I HAD MY WAY, NUMBER ONE WOULD BE WORKING FOR ME AND NOT AS A THREAD KILLER!!!
Meanwhile, the thread killers were eavesdropping outside MrsPepper’s office door.
D’SNOWTH: Sounds like Number One just told MrsPepper she’s shouldn’t be a commander because she’s a woman.
VIC ROMANO: That’s just wrong.
TOGETHERAGAIN: Yeah, woman can do anything men can do: arrest dangerous criminals, save people’s lives, run countries…
VIBS: Tell jokes for a living…
TOGETHERAGAIN: Yeah!
THEPRAWNCRACKER: I say we go in there and give Number One a piece of our minds!
D’SNOWTH: How, he’s all the way at the 001st!
THEPRAWNCRACKER: MrsPepper’s speaker phone!
With that, the thread killers barged into MrsPepper’s office and straight towards her desk. MrsPepper saw this from her dining room, and was more enraged than ever.
MRSPEPPER: What the heck do you idiots think you’re doing barging into my office like that? This is no time for impersonations of Vic Romano! I want you all back to work THIS INSTANT!
MrsPepper’s speaker phone then buzzed.
NUMBER ONE: National T*K*O Headquarters, Number One, speaking, how can we kill your threads today?
VIC ROMANO: Listen here sir, we love MrsPepper, and we happen to think she’s an excellent commanding officer!
VIBS: That’s right, MrsP is an intelligent and strong woman, and she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way!
THEPRAWNCRACKER: What difference does it make if MrsPepper is a woman? She’s just as good, no, better than any other commanding officer at any other T*K*O branch in this outfit!
TOGETHERAGAIN: And if you’ve got a problem with MrsPepper, then you’ve got a problem with us!
When MrsPepper saw all of this before her, she suddenly felt a weight lifted off her shoulders.
NUMBER ONE: (Over speaker phone) Have you all finished?
VIC ROMANO: For now sir, yes.
NUMBER ONE: (Over speaker phone) Don’t call us, we’ll call you! (Hangs up)
VIC ROMANO: Well, I certainly feel better.
THEPRAWNCRACKER, TOGETHERAGAIN, VIBS, and D’SNOWTH: Me too…
MRSPEPPER: ME TOO!
Commercial Break.
Later that afternoon in the conference room…
MRSPEPPER: …And I managed to find another copy of “Ridiculous Riots of Riddles” on eBay, and I will be paying for it myself to replace your old copy Vibs, and I want to apologize to you all for my ugly behavior today, and I just want you all to know how much I really appreciate you sticking up for me, and to Number One as well!
THEPRAWNCRACKER: I never liked working with that guy anyway, I once heard him tell one of our top female thread killers that she belongs in the kitchen, and not behind a desk.
TOGETHERAGAIN: Boy, what a brute!
MRSPEPPER: Well, I just wanted to say sorry for taking my anger out on you all, how can I make it up to you all?
VIBS: Just you knowing how much we love you is enough for us.
MRSPEPPER: Yes Vibs, I know. And I love you all too! You guys are the greatest, you’re like my second family!
D’SNOWTH: GROUP HUG!
With that everyone got up from their chairs, and affectionately tackled MrsPepper.
MRSPEPPER: This is the happiest day of my life!
Meanwhile, out in the parking lot…
BEAUREGARD: (Still cleaning out the cracks) Boy, I’m going to need one heck of a strong cup of tea after this!
THE END
I love how I was completely mean, but you guys all forgave me anyway. 'Cept Beau. He was too busy. 
Hopefully he'll finish soon, so that he can comment on this!
