Spring Chicken.

[The Count]

Hi... Another short story... Sort of a thank-you to Prawny/Ryan, whoever that guy is. Enjoy.

The little blue weirdo's dressing room wasn't so little the white-feathered fowl thought to herself... Spacious enough for her and Gonzo to share a meal or two on the odd chance they stayed in for the night—and with Gonzo the chances of something odd were 100%. Momentos of past productions littered the desk as Camilla, the hen that she was, did some tidying up. Clucks of laughter came upon unearthing those old rhinestone bunny ears she wore at a performance in Las Vegas, amusement shone in her eyes glancing at the time-worn bugle and the half-eaten rubber tire, innocence and almost reverence at the baby blanket Gonzo was found in that night on the beaches of Cape Doom by Nancy Takashi. Of course there were framed photos hanging on the walls and some in picture frames... These occupied her mind as she unintentionally knocked over a bottle of pills from the wiped-down surface. Upon inspecting the contents, she was secure in the knowledge that nothing had fallen... Or so she thought before aspying one lone white medicinal oval cylinder lying on the floor. Not wanting her daredevil beau to be cross with her, she did what most guilty consciences do—try to hide it from view—and she did so by downing it past her quickly opening and closing beak. Feeling drowsy after her chore, Camilla decided to sleep it off nestling next to her black purse on the couch waiting for Gonzo to arrive. During her dormant phase, the effects of the artificial aspirin began to change Camilla as she grew to almost the size of a gargantuan girl chicken. Her feet and beak deepened in color to a sort of softened metallic melocoton tone, her crest and waddle attaining a garnet hue. Stretching out the wingflaps felt good, unusually good, as her eyes blinked open with a sort of newed allure. She thought to herself that Susan Sarandon had it right in that old movie—she felt truly awakened and ready to show it—that weirdo would definitely be in for a surprise once he reached his dressing room door.

 

[The Count]

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Gonzo waved at his co-stars as filming for the newest movie parody, Tarzanimal of Graceland, came to an end for the night and promptly clicked his heels down the polished floors off to his dressing room. Beauregard had just washed down the floors, so Gonzo derived a small measure of satisfaction in sliding all the way down the hall to the door that met him smack in his hooked nose. "Wooooooooo-hoooooooo!" could be heard all the way over in the room where Kermit was reviewing the dailies after a grueling day of shooting scenes—some of them multiple times due to Animal's persistance in chasing down the woman who had agreed to play Jane Potter, and the orange tubelike headed AM who bore a strong resemblance to that remarkable boy wizard only adding to the confusion. Kermit just shook his head and continued combing through the celluloid in hopes any of their hard work proved salvageable.

Gonzo locked the door shut behind him, his eyelids downcast a smidge as he was tired from his work on set. If he had been fully alerted to what was waiting him, he would have noticed the pumped-up piece of poultry wedging herself in front of the locked door—barring any interruptions from outside or escape from inside at the same time. The blue furry actor shuffled over to his desk and turned on the computer, deciding to do some browsing... "Heh, that Prawn Cracker guy's always good for a laugh" he chuckled to himself after reading a few posts of insanity going on in the back and forth between Ryan and someone he mentioned only as "his other half". Soft coos reached his auditive nerves, shrugging them off as nothing new. "In a minute Camilla" was all he responded, his eyes still sleepily half-shut to everything as he kept pecking away at the keyboard. The soft coos grew in number as she prodded with a delicate feathered finger thumbing down the back of his spine. "Camilla" Gonzo giggled "cut it out... Let me finish and then we'll go get some dinner." Oblivious to the fact she was now filling up the span from the floor to the ceiling and the front wall, Gonzo groggily reached his arm over to stroke her wing in reply. Finding more feathers than wing, Gonzo turned around, bewildered by why his chicky-poo's arm wasn't where it should be. His hands and gaze, eyes fully open now hit the top of the room about the same instant his jaw hit the floor. "C-C-C-Camilla?!? You've grown so big for your britches! Honey, what kind of vitamins have you been taking?" The lovebird merely batted the fluid lashes over her impious eyes at the stuntsman of the Muppets... Planning to stun her steady boyfriend into silence. She leaned her head down and whispered something that made the blue in Gonzo turn purplish with blush before she slyly laughed it off. Two massive wings scooped up the weirdo gently yet sentually—her beak meeting his—unleashing what that mad hen's naughty little mind hatched, away from prying eyes.

 

[The Count]

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The hours passed while the clock hands fiddled upon their owner's face—seconds slipping into oblivion as time steadily unswayingly marched on... Gonzo and Camilla caught in a tangled mess of fur, feathers, feet, arms, wings, thighs and um, well, chicken parts sated themselves in the seclusion of the warmth eminating from their shared quarters. When Gonzo opened his eyes following a blissful nap, he was amazed to see another change work its magic in his poulet paramour. "Camilla honey?" the weirdo softly nudged her to wake, breaking the smile on her demure brassy beak. "Uh, where did your big sister go?" The question was answered with a cluck of confusion, as she didn't know what to reply. "Well, when I got here earlier... Much earlier... You were, um, enchantingly big. And now you're back to your perfect normal size." The chicken's azure peepers blinked thinking as to what could her strange confidant be talking about. Then she remembered, and a look of concern crossed her face, besmirching her with guilt. "What did you do henny-penny?" She signed in such a rush the weirdo had to calm her nerves with another little peck on her cheek, assuring her that all would be fine if she explained what was the matter. "Oh..." comprehension dawning on Gonzo's face—comparable to any of his castmates reactions to the exposition for the daredevil's newest artistic attempt. "So you swallowed a white pill from a bottle... This bottle right here?" All she could do was nod her head in shaky self-tormenting assent while Gonzo slowly read the label. "Muppet Labs InstaGro Pills. Guaranteed to make anything giant-sized. Wears off in four hours." "Well, we'll just have to keep these handy in case we need to steal ourselves away from the pressures of the real world, whenever we just want to be alone, cooped up away from the gang in our little nest." He put his arm around Camilla, his fingers looping around her neck now that they fell where they should have... Flicking a few of the feathers around her neck airily yet smoothing them with the dot of his own furry finger. She did the same, picking one of her white feathers out from the cuffs of his shirt, but leaving one with a small smear of garnet beakstick on his collar. That guilty look quickly came back upon Camilla's face—her eyes shining happily, grander than Liza Minelli's with which they had been mistaken on more than one occasion to Gonzo's delight—snuggling deeper into Gonzo's embrace as the night enveloped all under its mysterious mystique.

The End.
Hope you liked it Ryan.

 

[green stuff]

Well, I don't know if Ryan likes it, but I do! Great story, Count!

 

[redBoobergurl]

I'm sure Ryan will love it Ed! It was great! I like the references to Sara's and Ru's works in here too. Mostly I just loved the concept. Too funny. Thanks for sharing this with all of us!

 

[The Count]

Thanks.

Nicee, if you liked this one, dig up "Be My ValennTomb", another one I wrote back in mid-February of this year.
Beth, this was inspired by a line of Muppet figure customs featured at the old Palisades website. Contact me if you want to know more, it's best talked elsewhere.
Have a great day guys. Now get to updating your own stories!

 

[theprawncracker]

OHHHHHHH!! ED! I absolutely LOVED it! Oh it was so good! And Gonzo was reading my posts!! *BOUNCES!!* (((HUGS))) Ed my friend! Thank you!!

 

[The Count]

Good... My work here is done. Well, with this story at least. Now go update your own stories!
*Waves arm off in a sort of "Go Home!" motion.

 

[newsmanfan]

Hee hee hee. VERY cute. Reminds me of the '50s "giant" films...no not the James Dean one! I mean classics like "Attack of the 50-Foot Chicken" --er, "Woman", that is. Or "War on the Colossal Poultry"...you get the drift.

Very fun, Count!

 

[The Count]

Thank you. *Goes off to pick up a schoolbus and use it as a harmonica. No, not really.