"Oh, Scooter is my go-fer
But he doesn't go for much;
I'm sure that he'd deny it,
But he hasn't got the touch.
If I sent him for a sandwich
He forgets to get the bread.
He buys a day-old pizza
And he drops it on my head.
When he should be fetching doughnuts
He decides to take a nap.
He brings me boiling coffee
And he spills it in my lap.
BUT...
His uncle owns the theater,
Every window, every door,
All the crumbling walls and ceilings,
Every inch of rotting floor,
So though Scooter hardly ever
Does the things that Scooter should,
He's my one and only go-fer
And he's got the job for good!"