I Can Show You Your Dreams …
By Kelly Masters (RedPiggy)
If you like Looney Tunes or DC Comic book characters, you head over to Six Flags. If you like Disney … well, there’s Disney parks. Marvel is over at Universal. Sesame Street has its own place and cameos in Sea World for some strange reason.
There is a terrible, nay, nearly unforgivable lack of theme park ideas. Let me suggest one….
I would like a Hensonian park.
I realize this small company (which should not be small, considering the wonderful stuff that has come out of it) will never (or at least, most likely will never) have enough money and backing to pull this off.
That’s evidence they haven’t talked to me. I had already managed to talk about this in the forums of Muppet Central, but this, in my lowly humble opinion as a fan, deserves another mention.
Universal has its Islands of Adventure. Can you imagine something similar for all things Henson? True, you won’t get the Muppets or Sesame Street, but there are a lot more franchises to play with than just those struggling characters.
Just imagine four theme parks centering around a fifth, each connecting in some form to another and the center.
Dark Crystal
This would be geared more for the family demographic as opposed to strictly kid or adult fare. Anyway, there would be an area for the village of the Mystics, a brief walkthrough of different biomes, Aughra’s observatory (which would house an IMAX theater, naturally, where one could watch Hensonian films), Gelfling ruins, and the Skeksis castle. Souvenir and refreshment stands would be found in the Mystic village. Also, one could try their hand at sand painting and Mystic language deciphering and Mystic music making. The different biomes would include mock-ups of a desert canyon leading to Aughra’s observatory and a swamp/forest that leads both to a small reference to podlings having fun and the Gelfling ruins. The Skesis castle would provide animatronic scenes and a show similar in concept to Terminator 4-D at Universal (a blend of live-action and animatronics and movies). A couple of landstriders face off against the garthim as you enter the front gate of the castle. They could be animatronic or statues. Once inside, you would have the “dark” side of the castle: decayed and filthy surroundings, strange creepy sounds, animatronic Skekses arguing or driving podling slaves, and the room that houses the Dark Crystal, with Skekses statues dutifully soaking up the light from the triple suns shining from the ceiling. This room would provide entrance to the show, where Jen and Kira must free the podlings and deliver the crystal shard to the Dark Crystal, making it the Pure Crystal, and watching as the Mystics and Skekses merge back into UrSkeks and the castle lightens up. The exit to the show would lead to a much brighter short passage through the castle as it would look like purified, with hopeful murals of happy gelflings and podlings and what-have-you.
Farscape
This would be the most “sci-fi” of all the parks. It would also be geared for family fare, though there would be adult-friendly night life. There would be restaurants/night clubs, souvenir shops, and such, but the primary centerpiece would be a large Moya, inside of which would be a rocking space battle simulation ride. The Peacekeepers would be a main threat, but other various aliens from throughout the series would also stake a claim on Moya’s precious hull. The ride would not take place in Moya, but on Talyn, her weapons-bearing son. The climax would be a distress call from Moya and the crew, forcing a climactic battle to save her as enemies are trying to pull her into an unstable wormhole which would most assuredly destroy her and everyone on board. Meanwhile, outside, each restaurant/nightclub would honor certain planets from Farscape lore. A “wormhole” gate would connect this area to the Pure Crystal castle in the Dark Crystal world.
Fraggle Rock
Certainly the kid-friendliest of all the parks, Fraggle Rock would border the Farscape area with a huge walk-through gate patterned after Doc’s workshop, the tunnel leading, naturally, to Fraggle Rock itself. A great deal of it would be “underground”, with animatronic Fraggles in their rooms just off the main winding pathway that leads to the Great Hall. The Great Hall would consist of a pool, various Fragglish sports areas, a child-friendly restaurant and first aid center (both to treat real injuries and to learn “Fraggle first aid”), and a photo/painting area (which would include 1-hr photo development … why wait ‘til you get home?). There would be a child-friendly rollercoaster with cars shaped like beanbarrows. There would also be, down one small tunnel, a simulation ride, where you travel to the Gorg’s garden to search for vegetables and missing Fraggles and even seek help from the Trash Heap and avoid getting stepped on in the Gorg’s castle before returning to Fraggle Rock.
Creative Wonder
This is more of an amalgam of different properties all lumped into one area. There would be a carnival tent from Mirrormask, a fairy tale area with monsters and characters from The Storyteller including that big mechanical dragon given life by some daydreaming kid who loves movie creatures, a stage show of The Cube and Sid the Science Kid, and references to any other random project of the Hensons (even, possibly, Tinseltown, though I doubt it’d ever see the light of day again). This would be mostly an adult to family-friendly park, geared more toward the geek than any other area. There would even be places to create your own material, be it creatures, puppets, or videos. You keep what you make. A tunnel from a version of the Travelling Matthew Fraggle room would lead to this area.
Labyrinth
In my humble opinion, this one deserves the centerpiece title. Shortened versions of the brick/stone maze, the hedge maze, the Forbidden Forest, the Bog of Eternal Stench, and the Junkyard would lead to the largest building in the entire park: Jareth’s castle. Various puzzles and riddles will be referenced, either through door choices (though, naturally, none will lead to certain death, just other places within the Labyrinth) or signs or such. In the Forbidden Forest, one would find a pyrotechnic show from the fieries. Animatronic Hoggle and Sir Didymus would argue over how to deodorize the Bog of Eternal Stench. Junkyard goblins would be seen picking at various pieces of replicas of memorabilia. There would even be a small store where such goblins would offer rotating stock of strange and unusual pieces for sale. Goblin City, naturally, would be the restaurant and souvenir and entertainment area. Goblins from the movie, manga, and other properties would be visible as walk-arounds. Small animatronic fairies would be seen in various areas, even congregating around street lights. Many humorous and pun-filled signs would abound. The castle would be for dances, conventions, and such. Rooms such as the throne room, the Escher room, the kitchen (as seen in the manga), and Jareth’s bedroom (as seen in the manga) would be visible though they would have limited accessibility. Upscale dining would be towards the top of the castle to provide a breath-taking view of the entire park. A ski-lift-like ride, with cars shaped like bubbles, would take guests from the top of the castle to the beginning of the labyrinth.
The Labyrinth would connect to each world. For the sake of ease of travel, signs would be posted leading guests to the other areas.
I feel this would make for an amazing, if you’ll excuse the pun, theme park. Admittedly, it relies more on characters and setting than it does rides, but not everyone can enjoy thrill rides. The best thing about Henson was his imagination and his technical skill. This should be honored in a place that could give more publicity to properties both cult-like and completely obscure.