Chapter One
To the best of Kermit’s estimation, it started about three and a half years before it really began. It started the day that Rowlf, after a very long phone call with his sister, came into the frog’s bedroom and announced with some confusion that he was going to be an uncle.
“Congratulations,” Kermit said as he tucked his bookmark into place and set the paperback aside. “Who’s having puppies? Your brother or your sister?”
“My sister,” Rowlf said as he sat on the foot of the bed.
“Oh, how nice!” Kermit said, and then he frowned. “…Did she get married?”
“Nope.” Rowlf shook his head. “Not dating anybody, either. She’s not pregnant yet.”
Kermit stared at him for a moment. “I… see,” he said uncertainly, starting to understand why Rowlf looked confused about his own announcement. “So… How do you know you’re gonna be an uncle?”
Rowlf cupped his chin in his paw. “Lacey said she’s tired of waiting for Mr. Right to come along before she can be a mom,” he said. “She’s going to the doctor tomorrow to see about havin’ pups without the other half of the equation.”
“…Oh,” Kermit said thoughtfully. “Well… good for her, I guess.”
“Is it?” Rowlf mused. “I mean, parenthood… that just seems like a two-person job to me.”
“Well… traditionally, I guess,” Kermit said. “But there’s plenty of single moms out there who do just fine. Some single dads, too.”
“I suppose. It just doesn’t seem like something you would choose, unless you had to,” Rowlf said.
“Maybe you or I wouldn’t,” Kermit conceded. “But different people choose different things. Do you think she’d be a good mom?”
“Sure. She’d be a great mom,” Rowlf said. “Lacey’s always wanted to be a mother, for as long as I can remember. She was always helpin’ Mom with me and Jack, and puppy-sitting…” He nodded to himself. “She’ll be a great mom.”
“Well then, don’t worry about it,” Kermit said. “She’ll be a great mom, and you get to be a terrific uncle.”
“Well, I get to try, anyway. Jack’s gonna be a lot closer, so I’d guess he’ll be the favorite uncle, if not the better one.” Rowlf scratched his ear. “Suppose I’d better be in town when they’re born. You wouldn’t mind that, would you? If I take the time off?”
Kermit grinned. “Just let me know when. How long is it for dogs, anyway? The whole pregnancy thing, I mean.”
“Nine weeks. Sometimes it’s eight, but it’s supposed to be nine.”
“Wow… not bad. Nine months for humans.”
Rowlf nodded. “How ‘bout for frogs? How long does it take for eggs to hatch?”
“Depends on the kind of frog. For my family, it’s a couple months.”
“Mm.” Rowlf gave the frog a sly look. “And how ‘bout for pigs?”
Kermit firmly scrunched his face. “I don’t know why you think I would know that,” he said pointedly, and Rowlf got a good laugh.
To Kermit’s estimate, that was when it started. It was another two months before Lacey got pregnant, and nine weeks later, Rowlf was the proud uncle of three healthy puppies. He called and sent pictures to assure the Muppets that his nieces were the most adorable dogs he’d ever seen.
From then on, whenever the Muppets took a break from doing the show, Rowlf went home to visit with his nieces—and the rest of his family, of course. He didn’t always stay there for the entire vacation; he still had some wanderlust in him, and he still loved a good road trip now and then. However, there was something to be said for making sure his nieces knew who he was. And when it was time to get back to work on the show, he would come home to the Muppet Boarding House with more pictures and stories about just how cute his little nieces were.
It wasn’t that Rowlf had changed, exactly. Like any dog, he’d always had a soft spot for puppies, but now he seemed more likely than before to stop, sniff, and chat if he saw some puppies out with their parent on the street or being sold in the window at the pet store. And when Damien the Dog Trainer and his Prancing Puppies came to audition for the show, Rowlf was right there offering to look after the puppies while Kermit and Damien sorted out details like dates and payment.
When all was settled and Kermit and Damien went to gather the puppies, they found Rowlf behaving more dog-like than Kermit had seen in quite some time. The piano player was down on all fours, pouncing after a rubber ball and nudging it with his nose to roll across the floor for the puppies to chase it. He didn’t seem to mind how the puppies tackled and jumped on him, even when one little pooch caught his ear between her teeth and tugged.
Damien called the puppies, and they reluctantly came to attention and accepted their leashes while Rowlf laughed and rolled to his feet. They walked Damien the Dog Trainer and his Prancing Puppies to the door. “See you soon, Damien,” Kermit said.
“Yeah, take care, pups,” Rowlf said, patting a puppy on the head one last time. It licked his paw and wagged its tail at him before Damien led all the puppies away. “Aw, that was nice,” Rowlf said as he watched the puppies go down the street. “Those are good pups. Did you hire ‘em?” He turned around to see Kermit leaning on a doorpost with his arms folded on his chest and a smirk on his face. “Well, what are you so smug about?”
Kermit shook his head. “I don’t mean to scare ya, my friend, but I betcha,” he sang, which promptly made Rowlf groan. “Come Father’s Day the litter bug’s gonna getcha!”
Rowlf’s groan had turned to a chuckle, and he took his line. “The urge is righteous, but the face is wrong!”
“I hope that something better comes along,” they harmonized, and they both laughed.
“Ah, they were cute little buggers, though,” Rowlf said easily as he closed the door. “Did you hire ‘em?”
“Uh-huh, they’ve got a spot in a couple weeks,” Kermit said. “You’re gettin’ soft, Rowlf.”
Rowlf gave him an overly-comical double take as they started walking back through the theater. “Well, of course I’m soft!” he said. “Nobody wants their fur all coarse and matted. A nice soft coat’s worth a bath now and then! Especially if the water’s nice and warm.”
Kermit laughed and shook his head. “You keep it up, and you’ll be settling down soon,” he teased. “Movin’ out to the suburbs, getting’ a nice house, white picket fence…”
“With a yard full of good chewing bones,” Rowlf said. “Yeah, I got the picture, frog.”
“That’s gonna be you!” Kermit said cheerfully.
“Well, there’s one flaw in your theory.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“Take a look at you and Robin,” Rowlf said with a big grin. “By that logic, you should’ve settled down years ago. Moved out to a nice swamp, have some tadpoles, spend your evenings snuggled up with your missus…”
“Serenaded by crickets and snacking on fireflies,” Kermit finished as they reached his table backstage.
“Yeah, Piggy would love that.”
“Rowlf!” Kermit whined, scrunching his face.
Rowlf chuckled. “Hey, if you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.”
“I didn’t mention any significant others,” Kermit said.
“Of course not,” Rowlf said. “I don’t have one.”
“Of course not.” Kermit smirked. “Why have one when you can have a dozen?”
“Half a dozen,” Rowlf said easily. “One for every night of the week, except show night.”
Kermit laughed and put a hand on the dog’s back. “Let’s be honest, Rowlf. We both know you don’t go out that often.”
“Nah, but I could, if I wanted to.”
“Yeah, well, so could I. I’d just be a very flat frog by the end of the week.”
“Yeah… and you really wouldn’t want that.”
“Well, I don’t know anyone who wants to be flattened—”
“Not what I meant, Kermit.”
“But we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you,” Kermit said quickly. He leaned against his table and tried to pretend the dog hadn’t said anything. “So, how ‘bout it, Rowlf? Got any saucy Irish setters on your mind? Maybe a nice classy collie caught your eye?”
“Nice alliteration.”
“Thanks.”
Rowlf shook his head. “Nobody special right now. There’s a nice little English spaniel who just moved in down the street, but—”
Both of their cell phones chose that moment to ring. Kermit gave a startled little hop, and they chuckled as they checked their phones. “Oh, it’s the swamp,” Kermit said. “Who’s calling you?”
“Saucy Irish setter,” Rowlf said, and he laughed at Kermit’s scrunched face before they both answered their phones.
Kermit had only been teasing at the time, but in hindsight, he was certain that it all started as soon as Rowlf knew he was going to be an uncle.
Rowlf, however, felt that it didn’t really begin until Lacey’s pups were three years old.
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