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theprawncracker
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Here it is everyone, my first fan-fic upon returning to MC. I hope you love it! 
Prologue
Seven years have passed since The Great Gonzo met his real family at CapeDoom. He has not seen them since that fateful day that changed his life forever.
But now, somewhere in the outermost reaches of space, a scream is heard, an alien is murdered by an arch-nemesis and a plan is made.
And now, Gonzo’s family needs his help. For he is the one. The one who can save an entire alien race, his family from destruction.
But Gonzo already has a lifestyle on Earth. Routinely he performs life threatening stunts on The Muppet Show, and normally, being propelled into space to do battle with dangerous weapons would be like heaven to the blue weirdo. But when he gives up his unique art form forever, will he still be willing to save his family?
And what of the other Muppets? What of Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear and Miss Piggy? Can they survive without Gonzo when ex-members of C.O.V.N.E.T. return to find evidence of aliens and don’t care who they hurt in the process?
All of these questions and more will be answered in this tale, the blue weirdo will discover secrets about himself that he never knew, and everyone will learn of the importance of family, close to your soul, and so far away. The Great Gonzo will be going back there today.
Chapter 1
The guns from the immense space ships fired in all directions as the laser beams lit the vast endless sky.
“All power to the port thrusters!” a captain yelled to his crew.
“Starboard flank hit captain!”
“Power falling rapidly!”
Screams of terror followed from all aboard the vessel. The captain stared silently at the massive fleet of shuttles wiping out his team, his friends, and his family.
“What are we to do?” his anxious wife said as she rushed to him carrying a small wrapped blanket.
“Take the last escape pod,” he told her as his abnormally long curved nose gently rubbed against hers. “Take my son, get him a better life than this, away from war.”
“You must come with us,” she said.
“I cannot,” he turned to the window, watching the destruction again. “A captain must always go down with his ship.”
“Then I will stay with you,” she said. “And go down with my husband.”
He wouldn’t argue with her, he knew he couldn’t win. He never could. “At least send our son, let him live.”
She nodded her head once and darted off to the escape pod hatch. There was one pod left sitting in the hatch, the others had been taken or destroyed in the carnage. The ship shook from a blast making contact. She pressed a series of numbers to open the pod door. She placed the bundle inside and pulled back the sheet. A small blue head with an abnormally long light blue nose poked out of the sheet. The furry blue creature extended it’s small blue arms up towards his mother.
“Be well, be safe, take good care of yourself my son,” she said quietly. “My Gonzo.”
She pressed another series of numbers to close the pod and sending it rocket from the hatch. She closed her eyes, and deep down she believed she heard a faint Whoopie! coming from the pod blasting away.
“Gonzo? Hey Gonzo buddy wake up,” Rizzo the Rat said shaking his best friend as he slept with his feet propped up on a seat in front of him in the Muppet Theater. “C’mon man, it’s almost time for your act!”
“No mom let me stay during the attack!” Gonzo said jolting up from his sleep. “Rizzo? I had that dream again Rizzo!”
“Aw no,” Rizzo sighed. “Noah?” Gonzo shook his head. “Goat and the dwarf and the peanut butter?” Gonzo shook his head again. “Uh...Oh, the one with the Doritos, the desk lamp and the red Ferrari?”
“No Rizzo, the one about my parents!” Gonzo explained.
“Oh, right, right,” Rizzo said. “Which one is that again?”
Gonzo sighed, Rizzo never completely understood, no one did. “Never mind Rizzo, what were you saying about my act?”
“Oh nothin’, you’re just comin’ up after Piggy practices her solo number.”
Up on the stage Miss Piggy lay on a shiny black grand piano in a seductive red dress. Rowlf the Dog sat at the front of the piano and began to let the music flow from his paws to the keys as Miss Piggy began to sing.
“Where have all the good men gone?
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules,
To fight the rising odds,” she sang seductively.
“Isn’t there a white night,
Upon a fiery steed?
Late at night, I toss and I turn,
And I dream of what I need,” Piggy held the note.
“HIT IT!” Piggy shouted, and the curtains drew back revealing Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem set up with their instruments as smoke filled the stage. Piggy jumped off the piano and began to dance. The Mayhem began to play, loudly of course.
“I need a hero!
I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night.
And he’s gotta be strong,
And he’s gotta be fast,
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight!
“I need a hero!
I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life,
Larger than life.”
At this point Scooter walked up behind Piggy clouded in smoke and hooked a rope to her dress. “Let the pig fly! Let the pig fly!” Scooter whispered into his earpiece.
“Oh no, dat’s my cue!” Rizzo said, back in the seats. The rat began to run backstage.
Gonzo watched as Miss Piggy continued singing with her arms extended as if waiting to take off.
“Somewhere after midnight,
In my wildest fantasy,
Somewhere just beyond my reach,
There’s someone reaching back for me!” Piggy sang, and began glaring backstage.
“Racing on the THUNDER,” she growled.
“And rising with the heat
It’s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet,” she scowled off stage again. “SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET YOU STUPID RAT!”
Rizzo flipped a switch backstage sending Piggy flying through the air as a machine lifted the rope (they couldn’t have a repeat of the Christmas special of ‘02).
“Cool,” Gonzo said quietly to himself.
“I need a her-oh!” Piggy sang as she spun around above the stage.
“I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the niii-ght!
GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!! MOI AM NO MARIONETTE!!”
Gonzo sighed, “And that’ll be my cue.” He hopped out of his seat and began walking up to the stage himself.
“Rizzo let her down!” Scooter said into the earpiece.
“I can’t!” Rizzo said tugging at a switch. “The switch is stuck!”
“Well then hock the ham!” Scooter said.
“You sure?”
“Do it!”
Rizzo began gnawing the rope the rope holding Piggy aloft.
“What the he-“ she began to say before she plummeted to the ground when the rope was cut. She crashed to the stage floor.
Clifford finally stood up from his front row seat. “Good thing we had those floors reinforced two fold last summer.”
Piggy sat up on the stage with her long blonde hair matted and tangled. “You’re gonna wish you had a reinforced face when I’m through with you!” she yelled at Clifford.
“Alright that’s the round back to your corners,” Rowlf said standing up from his piano. He lifted up a clipboard and made a check mark. “Good job Piggy, we’ll fix the rope and you’ll be ready for the show tomorrow night.”
“Or as ready as a porker like dat could be, hokay?” Pepe the King Prawn whispered to Floyd Pepper backstage.
“Watch yourself dude,” Floyd said. “Shrimp don’t go good with pork chops!” Floyd laughed.
Clifford glanced a look at his checklist. “Yo Gonzo! You ready?”
“Yeah, I’m ready,” Gonzo called as he prepared to go on stage wearing his yellow jumpsuit and red cape, his classic stunt uniform.
“You sure you wanna do this bud?” Rizzo asked him as he walked by.
“Come on Rizzo,” Gonzo said. “I’ve survived being shot out of an interstellar space cannon 400 feet in the air,” he said remembering his first, and still only, encounter with his family from space. “That makes being shot out of a regular cannon through thin sheet of ice and into a vat of lime green Jell-O look like eating a peanut butter and pickle sandwich!”
Rizzo grimaced, “It’s a pity Kermit ain’t here to see it,” he shook his head and handed Gonzo a helmet. “Here ya go man, good luck.”
“Thanks Rizzo,” Gonzo smiled as he put on the helmet.
The weirdo walked out on stage where Sweetums was carefully positioning a vat of lime Jello to the right of an inch thick sheet of ice slowly melting under the stage lights.
Better get started before the ice melts, Gonzo thought to himself. He climbed into the long black cannon and stuck his helmeted head out the front. “Light me!” he shouted.
Beauregard the janitor took a match to the wick at the end of the cannon and it slowly began to disintegrate under the flame.
Sweetums started to run to the left to get off the stage before the stunt began.
Gonzo was ready, he’d done more challenging stunts before. But still, deep inside he felt something, something wrong. I wish Kermit was here...
Something happened. Something no one could predict or prevent. Something that would change the life of one blue alien weirdo forever.
Sweetums slipped. The water from the melted sheet of ice on the stage sent the monster sliding down the stage. He knocked the cannon slightly, throwing it off course.
The wick dissolved fully. The cannon shot.
And in a flash, the Great Gonzo was unconscious, beaten and broken on the other side of what used to be a brick wall.
Prologue
Seven years have passed since The Great Gonzo met his real family at CapeDoom. He has not seen them since that fateful day that changed his life forever.
But now, somewhere in the outermost reaches of space, a scream is heard, an alien is murdered by an arch-nemesis and a plan is made.
And now, Gonzo’s family needs his help. For he is the one. The one who can save an entire alien race, his family from destruction.
But Gonzo already has a lifestyle on Earth. Routinely he performs life threatening stunts on The Muppet Show, and normally, being propelled into space to do battle with dangerous weapons would be like heaven to the blue weirdo. But when he gives up his unique art form forever, will he still be willing to save his family?
And what of the other Muppets? What of Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear and Miss Piggy? Can they survive without Gonzo when ex-members of C.O.V.N.E.T. return to find evidence of aliens and don’t care who they hurt in the process?
All of these questions and more will be answered in this tale, the blue weirdo will discover secrets about himself that he never knew, and everyone will learn of the importance of family, close to your soul, and so far away. The Great Gonzo will be going back there today.
Chapter 1
The guns from the immense space ships fired in all directions as the laser beams lit the vast endless sky.
“All power to the port thrusters!” a captain yelled to his crew.
“Starboard flank hit captain!”
“Power falling rapidly!”
Screams of terror followed from all aboard the vessel. The captain stared silently at the massive fleet of shuttles wiping out his team, his friends, and his family.
“What are we to do?” his anxious wife said as she rushed to him carrying a small wrapped blanket.
“Take the last escape pod,” he told her as his abnormally long curved nose gently rubbed against hers. “Take my son, get him a better life than this, away from war.”
“You must come with us,” she said.
“I cannot,” he turned to the window, watching the destruction again. “A captain must always go down with his ship.”
“Then I will stay with you,” she said. “And go down with my husband.”
He wouldn’t argue with her, he knew he couldn’t win. He never could. “At least send our son, let him live.”
She nodded her head once and darted off to the escape pod hatch. There was one pod left sitting in the hatch, the others had been taken or destroyed in the carnage. The ship shook from a blast making contact. She pressed a series of numbers to open the pod door. She placed the bundle inside and pulled back the sheet. A small blue head with an abnormally long light blue nose poked out of the sheet. The furry blue creature extended it’s small blue arms up towards his mother.
“Be well, be safe, take good care of yourself my son,” she said quietly. “My Gonzo.”
She pressed another series of numbers to close the pod and sending it rocket from the hatch. She closed her eyes, and deep down she believed she heard a faint Whoopie! coming from the pod blasting away.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“No mom let me stay during the attack!” Gonzo said jolting up from his sleep. “Rizzo? I had that dream again Rizzo!”
“Aw no,” Rizzo sighed. “Noah?” Gonzo shook his head. “Goat and the dwarf and the peanut butter?” Gonzo shook his head again. “Uh...Oh, the one with the Doritos, the desk lamp and the red Ferrari?”
“No Rizzo, the one about my parents!” Gonzo explained.
“Oh, right, right,” Rizzo said. “Which one is that again?”
Gonzo sighed, Rizzo never completely understood, no one did. “Never mind Rizzo, what were you saying about my act?”
“Oh nothin’, you’re just comin’ up after Piggy practices her solo number.”
Up on the stage Miss Piggy lay on a shiny black grand piano in a seductive red dress. Rowlf the Dog sat at the front of the piano and began to let the music flow from his paws to the keys as Miss Piggy began to sing.
“Where have all the good men gone?
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules,
To fight the rising odds,” she sang seductively.
“Isn’t there a white night,
Upon a fiery steed?
Late at night, I toss and I turn,
And I dream of what I need,” Piggy held the note.
“HIT IT!” Piggy shouted, and the curtains drew back revealing Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem set up with their instruments as smoke filled the stage. Piggy jumped off the piano and began to dance. The Mayhem began to play, loudly of course.
“I need a hero!
I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night.
And he’s gotta be strong,
And he’s gotta be fast,
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight!
“I need a hero!
I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life,
Larger than life.”
At this point Scooter walked up behind Piggy clouded in smoke and hooked a rope to her dress. “Let the pig fly! Let the pig fly!” Scooter whispered into his earpiece.
“Oh no, dat’s my cue!” Rizzo said, back in the seats. The rat began to run backstage.
Gonzo watched as Miss Piggy continued singing with her arms extended as if waiting to take off.
“Somewhere after midnight,
In my wildest fantasy,
Somewhere just beyond my reach,
There’s someone reaching back for me!” Piggy sang, and began glaring backstage.
“Racing on the THUNDER,” she growled.
“And rising with the heat
It’s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet,” she scowled off stage again. “SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET YOU STUPID RAT!”
Rizzo flipped a switch backstage sending Piggy flying through the air as a machine lifted the rope (they couldn’t have a repeat of the Christmas special of ‘02).
“Cool,” Gonzo said quietly to himself.
“I need a her-oh!” Piggy sang as she spun around above the stage.
“I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the niii-ght!
GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!! MOI AM NO MARIONETTE!!”
Gonzo sighed, “And that’ll be my cue.” He hopped out of his seat and began walking up to the stage himself.
“Rizzo let her down!” Scooter said into the earpiece.
“I can’t!” Rizzo said tugging at a switch. “The switch is stuck!”
“Well then hock the ham!” Scooter said.
“You sure?”
“Do it!”
Rizzo began gnawing the rope the rope holding Piggy aloft.
“What the he-“ she began to say before she plummeted to the ground when the rope was cut. She crashed to the stage floor.
Clifford finally stood up from his front row seat. “Good thing we had those floors reinforced two fold last summer.”
Piggy sat up on the stage with her long blonde hair matted and tangled. “You’re gonna wish you had a reinforced face when I’m through with you!” she yelled at Clifford.
“Alright that’s the round back to your corners,” Rowlf said standing up from his piano. He lifted up a clipboard and made a check mark. “Good job Piggy, we’ll fix the rope and you’ll be ready for the show tomorrow night.”
“Or as ready as a porker like dat could be, hokay?” Pepe the King Prawn whispered to Floyd Pepper backstage.
“Watch yourself dude,” Floyd said. “Shrimp don’t go good with pork chops!” Floyd laughed.
Clifford glanced a look at his checklist. “Yo Gonzo! You ready?”
“Yeah, I’m ready,” Gonzo called as he prepared to go on stage wearing his yellow jumpsuit and red cape, his classic stunt uniform.
“You sure you wanna do this bud?” Rizzo asked him as he walked by.
“Come on Rizzo,” Gonzo said. “I’ve survived being shot out of an interstellar space cannon 400 feet in the air,” he said remembering his first, and still only, encounter with his family from space. “That makes being shot out of a regular cannon through thin sheet of ice and into a vat of lime green Jell-O look like eating a peanut butter and pickle sandwich!”
Rizzo grimaced, “It’s a pity Kermit ain’t here to see it,” he shook his head and handed Gonzo a helmet. “Here ya go man, good luck.”
“Thanks Rizzo,” Gonzo smiled as he put on the helmet.
The weirdo walked out on stage where Sweetums was carefully positioning a vat of lime Jello to the right of an inch thick sheet of ice slowly melting under the stage lights.
Better get started before the ice melts, Gonzo thought to himself. He climbed into the long black cannon and stuck his helmeted head out the front. “Light me!” he shouted.
Beauregard the janitor took a match to the wick at the end of the cannon and it slowly began to disintegrate under the flame.
Sweetums started to run to the left to get off the stage before the stunt began.
Gonzo was ready, he’d done more challenging stunts before. But still, deep inside he felt something, something wrong. I wish Kermit was here...
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Sweetums slipped. The water from the melted sheet of ice on the stage sent the monster sliding down the stage. He knocked the cannon slightly, throwing it off course.
The wick dissolved fully. The cannon shot.
And in a flash, the Great Gonzo was unconscious, beaten and broken on the other side of what used to be a brick wall.
