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Sam and Friends BookGSmiley2007
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While I am still thinking up a "Part 2" to my "Musical Mix-Up" fan-fic, I'm saving time to create my first ever fan-fic of Squeal of Fortune. And it'll be a Muppet Show fan-fic:
(Kermit rushes up)
KERMIT: OK, now it's time for me to present to you a game show called "Squeal of Fortune!" Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!
MISS PIGGY: Uh, but Kermie, don't vous mean Wheel of Fortune? You know how much I love Pat Sajak...
KERMIT: (scrunches face) Sheesh...
MISS PIGGY: ...and he is the cutest human being on TV, but I think vous are cuter, Kermie! (kisses him)
KERMIT: Let's just get on with the sketch. Sheesh!
ANNOUNCER (voiced by Jerry Nelson): And now, it's time for everybody's favorite game show...
AUDIENCE: SQUEAL... OF... FORTUNE! (audience cheers)
ANNOUNCER: And now, here's America's second-favorite game show host, Pat Playjacks!
(Instead of Pat, Guy Smiley is seen struggling with the gold-colored curtains as he tries to enter the stage)
GUY: (in his ususal enthusiastic way) THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THIS IS GUY SMILEY, AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME SHOW HOST WELCOMING YOU TO--
ANNOUNCER: I said Pat Playjacks, not Guy Smiley!
GUY: (now angry) WHAT? YOU MEAN I'M NOT THE HOST OF THIS SHOW? I'LL SEND IN MY LAWYER AFTER YOU, YOU STUPID ANNOUNCER-- IS THAT A HOOK? YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWY-- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (the hook yanks Guy off the stage, and then Pat comes in through the curtains with no struggle)
PAT: Uh... sorry about that folks. I had to wait at a really long red light, so that's why my annoying TV rival came in. Anyway, I'm Pat Playjacks, happy to welcome you to (with audience) Squeal of Fortune! Now, let's meet the two contestants who are ready to play our game, first up, from the Electric Mayhem, it's Animal!
ANIMAL: PAT! PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT!
PAT: Hi, Animal! What do you like to do for a living?
ANIMAL: BEAT DRUMS! BEAT DRUMS! RAAAAAAAAAARGH!
PAT: I can see you're really excited to play our game, Animal, though I can't really understand what you mean. Do we have someone here with him?
FLOYD: What Animal is saying is is that he's the drummer of the band, man. (to Animal) Now, calm down! This is your first appearance on a game show!
ANIMAL: ANIMAL ANGRY! ANIMAL WANT TO PLAY GAME! (roars angrily)
FLOYD: (to Pat) Just be careful around Animal, man.
PAT: I see. And now, let's meet our second contestant, all the way from a place I've never heard of called Fraggle Rock, here is Matthew Fraggle!
TRAVELING MATT: Please, Pat. Refer to me as Traveling Matt.
PAT: All right. Tell us what you do for a living.
TRAVELING MATT: Well, Pat, I go exploring out into outer space, and I observe every odd thing there, like silly creatures, and I send postcards to my nephew, Gobo.
PAT: (misunderstood about "outer space") So what planets and "silly creatures" have you visited in outer space? I'm guessing you've been to Mars as an example and you saw aliens as the "silly creatures", right?
TRAVELING MATT: Oh, no. You're a silly creature, and the world I'm in is outer space.
PAT: (slightly offended by Matt's "silly creature" comment) I see. Before I can get someone to translate what you just said, let's start the game. How many times will the pig squeal?
(Miss Piggy shows up beneath the wheel)
MISS PIGGY: (angrily, to herself) Ooh... I am going to fire Bernie after this! Who are you, and where's Pat?
PAT: Uh, I'm Pat. Pat Playjacks.
MISS PIGGY: (really mad) YOU'RE JUST AN IMPERSONATOR! GIVE ME PAT SAJAK OR MOI WILL DO SOME HURTING TO YOU!
PAT: Ignoring the female pig's ranting, Matt, how many times will she squeal?
TRAVELING MATT: Uhh... I'll say seven. (A "7" appears above Matt)
PAT: Yes, seven is a very lucky number. Give the wheel a spin!
(instead of a squeal, Piggy growls angrily each time the wheel makes one revolution)
AUDIENCE: One... two... three... four... five... six!
(Buzzer sounds)
PAT: Sorry, Matt! You guessed "seven", but there were only six squeals. Too bad.
(Traveling Matt groans)
PAT: Now we move on to Animal. How many times will the pig squeal?
ANIMAL: (waits about ten seconds) FIVE! FIVE! FIIIIIIIVE! (A "5" appears over Animal)
PAT: All right, so five is your guess, now give the pig a spin!
(Now Piggy screams as she is being spun)
AUDIENCE: One... two... three... four... five!
(Bell dings five times)
PAT: Congratulations, Animal! You win!
ANIMAL: YEAH! YEAH! ANIMAL HAPPY!
FLOYD: Good job, Animal! I knew you'd win!
(confetti falls, and Pat shakes the confetti off his jacket)
PAT: Now, Animal, it's time for you to pick a prize from our wall, as shown by our lovely hostess, Miss Velma Blank!
(Velma runs on stage, smiling)
ANIMAL: (gasps) WOOOOOOOMAAAAAAAANNN!
FLOYD: Calm down, Animal! You can chase after girls later!
ANNOUNCER: For you, Animal, we have a 60-ton barrel of water, good for scuba-diving! (We happen to see adult Skeeter swimming in it!) We also have a life-size portrait of Pat Playjacks' co-host, Velma Blank, and a grand prize piano from Pulitzer! Back to you, Pat!
PAT: Now, Animal, you will pick any one of these three prizes.
(after 10 seconds, a bell sounds)
PAT: Time is up, Animal! What's your choice!
FLOYD: (to himself, timidly) He's gonna say it...
ANIMAL: WOOOO-OOO-OO-MAAAAAAA-AAAA-NNN! (He wants the actual Velma, not the portrait, but Pat misunderstands again)
PAT: OK, Animal, the portrait of Velma is all yours! I bet you're gonna hang it on your bedroom wall, right?
(Animal rushes off, and grabs Velma off the floor. She is terrified)
VELMA: Help me, Pat!
PAT: Well, that's about all the time we have for Squeal... of... Fortune! Tune in tomorrow here on WCTW!
(Skeeter emerges from the water barrel, gasping for breath)
SKEETER: Phew! The things Scooter makes me do to get me out of his hair! Although, I am doing one of my favorite activites!
MISS PIGGY: (still mad) AND I'LL SHOW YOU AN ACTIVITY MISS I'M-GOING-TO-BE-MORE-POPULAR-THAN-PIGGY-AND-I-LOOK-LIKE-SCOOTER!
SKEETER: Uh... what?
MISS PIGGY: HIIIIIIIIIII-YAAAAAAA! (She karate-chops Skeeter [screaming in a terrified manner] off the stage and back into the audience)
STATLER: I don't get about this title!
WALDORF: Yeah, like, where's the "fortune"?
S&W: Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
That's it!
(Kermit rushes up)
KERMIT: OK, now it's time for me to present to you a game show called "Squeal of Fortune!" Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!
MISS PIGGY: Uh, but Kermie, don't vous mean Wheel of Fortune? You know how much I love Pat Sajak...
KERMIT: (scrunches face) Sheesh...
MISS PIGGY: ...and he is the cutest human being on TV, but I think vous are cuter, Kermie! (kisses him)
KERMIT: Let's just get on with the sketch. Sheesh!
ANNOUNCER (voiced by Jerry Nelson): And now, it's time for everybody's favorite game show...
AUDIENCE: SQUEAL... OF... FORTUNE! (audience cheers)
ANNOUNCER: And now, here's America's second-favorite game show host, Pat Playjacks!
(Instead of Pat, Guy Smiley is seen struggling with the gold-colored curtains as he tries to enter the stage)
GUY: (in his ususal enthusiastic way) THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THIS IS GUY SMILEY, AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME SHOW HOST WELCOMING YOU TO--
ANNOUNCER: I said Pat Playjacks, not Guy Smiley!
GUY: (now angry) WHAT? YOU MEAN I'M NOT THE HOST OF THIS SHOW? I'LL SEND IN MY LAWYER AFTER YOU, YOU STUPID ANNOUNCER-- IS THAT A HOOK? YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWY-- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (the hook yanks Guy off the stage, and then Pat comes in through the curtains with no struggle)
PAT: Uh... sorry about that folks. I had to wait at a really long red light, so that's why my annoying TV rival came in. Anyway, I'm Pat Playjacks, happy to welcome you to (with audience) Squeal of Fortune! Now, let's meet the two contestants who are ready to play our game, first up, from the Electric Mayhem, it's Animal!
ANIMAL: PAT! PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT!
PAT: Hi, Animal! What do you like to do for a living?
ANIMAL: BEAT DRUMS! BEAT DRUMS! RAAAAAAAAAARGH!
PAT: I can see you're really excited to play our game, Animal, though I can't really understand what you mean. Do we have someone here with him?
FLOYD: What Animal is saying is is that he's the drummer of the band, man. (to Animal) Now, calm down! This is your first appearance on a game show!
ANIMAL: ANIMAL ANGRY! ANIMAL WANT TO PLAY GAME! (roars angrily)
FLOYD: (to Pat) Just be careful around Animal, man.
PAT: I see. And now, let's meet our second contestant, all the way from a place I've never heard of called Fraggle Rock, here is Matthew Fraggle!
TRAVELING MATT: Please, Pat. Refer to me as Traveling Matt.
PAT: All right. Tell us what you do for a living.
TRAVELING MATT: Well, Pat, I go exploring out into outer space, and I observe every odd thing there, like silly creatures, and I send postcards to my nephew, Gobo.
PAT: (misunderstood about "outer space") So what planets and "silly creatures" have you visited in outer space? I'm guessing you've been to Mars as an example and you saw aliens as the "silly creatures", right?
TRAVELING MATT: Oh, no. You're a silly creature, and the world I'm in is outer space.
PAT: (slightly offended by Matt's "silly creature" comment) I see. Before I can get someone to translate what you just said, let's start the game. How many times will the pig squeal?
(Miss Piggy shows up beneath the wheel)
MISS PIGGY: (angrily, to herself) Ooh... I am going to fire Bernie after this! Who are you, and where's Pat?
PAT: Uh, I'm Pat. Pat Playjacks.
MISS PIGGY: (really mad) YOU'RE JUST AN IMPERSONATOR! GIVE ME PAT SAJAK OR MOI WILL DO SOME HURTING TO YOU!
PAT: Ignoring the female pig's ranting, Matt, how many times will she squeal?
TRAVELING MATT: Uhh... I'll say seven. (A "7" appears above Matt)
PAT: Yes, seven is a very lucky number. Give the wheel a spin!
(instead of a squeal, Piggy growls angrily each time the wheel makes one revolution)
AUDIENCE: One... two... three... four... five... six!
(Buzzer sounds)
PAT: Sorry, Matt! You guessed "seven", but there were only six squeals. Too bad.
(Traveling Matt groans)
PAT: Now we move on to Animal. How many times will the pig squeal?
ANIMAL: (waits about ten seconds) FIVE! FIVE! FIIIIIIIVE! (A "5" appears over Animal)
PAT: All right, so five is your guess, now give the pig a spin!
(Now Piggy screams as she is being spun)
AUDIENCE: One... two... three... four... five!
(Bell dings five times)
PAT: Congratulations, Animal! You win!
ANIMAL: YEAH! YEAH! ANIMAL HAPPY!
FLOYD: Good job, Animal! I knew you'd win!
(confetti falls, and Pat shakes the confetti off his jacket)
PAT: Now, Animal, it's time for you to pick a prize from our wall, as shown by our lovely hostess, Miss Velma Blank!
(Velma runs on stage, smiling)
ANIMAL: (gasps) WOOOOOOOMAAAAAAAANNN!
FLOYD: Calm down, Animal! You can chase after girls later!
ANNOUNCER: For you, Animal, we have a 60-ton barrel of water, good for scuba-diving! (We happen to see adult Skeeter swimming in it!) We also have a life-size portrait of Pat Playjacks' co-host, Velma Blank, and a grand prize piano from Pulitzer! Back to you, Pat!
PAT: Now, Animal, you will pick any one of these three prizes.
(after 10 seconds, a bell sounds)
PAT: Time is up, Animal! What's your choice!
FLOYD: (to himself, timidly) He's gonna say it...
ANIMAL: WOOOO-OOO-OO-MAAAAAAA-AAAA-NNN! (He wants the actual Velma, not the portrait, but Pat misunderstands again)
PAT: OK, Animal, the portrait of Velma is all yours! I bet you're gonna hang it on your bedroom wall, right?
(Animal rushes off, and grabs Velma off the floor. She is terrified)
VELMA: Help me, Pat!
PAT: Well, that's about all the time we have for Squeal... of... Fortune! Tune in tomorrow here on WCTW!
(Skeeter emerges from the water barrel, gasping for breath)
SKEETER: Phew! The things Scooter makes me do to get me out of his hair! Although, I am doing one of my favorite activites!
MISS PIGGY: (still mad) AND I'LL SHOW YOU AN ACTIVITY MISS I'M-GOING-TO-BE-MORE-POPULAR-THAN-PIGGY-AND-I-LOOK-LIKE-SCOOTER!
SKEETER: Uh... what?
MISS PIGGY: HIIIIIIIIIII-YAAAAAAA! (She karate-chops Skeeter [screaming in a terrified manner] off the stage and back into the audience)
STATLER: I don't get about this title!
WALDORF: Yeah, like, where's the "fortune"?
S&W: Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
That's it!
