Muppets Visit Japan

[Xerus]

Hi everyone. Here’s another Muppet fanfic I’m coming out with. I recently took a vacation to Japan a few years ago and I thought it was a very beautiful country. So I thought what if the Muppets got to visit this neat place? And the Muppets are property of Jim Henson productions and Disney.

Muppets Visit Japan

By Cullen Pittman

Chapter 1

We see an airport in Tokyo, Japan. And out the doors come everyone’s favorite Muppets chattering away and acting all excited about being in Japan.

“Um, excuse me, everyone”, said Kermit the Frog, trying to get everyone’s attention. “Quiet down, please”, asked Kermit. But everyone was still too busy being excited.

“QUIET!" shouted Animal. Everyone behaved at Animal’s fierce voice.

“Thank you, Animal”, said Kermit as he took out a dog biscuit and tossed it to Animal who ate it happily while panting.

“Now everyone”, said Kermit, “I know you’re all excited that we’re here in Tokyo, Japan.”

“I’ll say”, said Gonzo taking out his camera and started clicking at everything he saw. “Oh look, I think I see a close up of one of those big nosed monsters you see on those Japanese monster movies.” Gonzo didn’t realize was that he had his camera aimed at Miss. Piggy’s snout.

“And I’m about to give you your first taste of Japanese culture”, growled Piggy. “HI YA!" and she whacked Gonzo across the street causing him to crash into a cart filled with square melons.

“Will you all cease with this disgusting behavior?" demanded Sam Eagle. “We are all guests here in Japan representing America. And we want to show the people here that we are decent, mature, and intelligent Americans. Can you all please do that?"

“Ya, ya, ya!" said the Swedish Chef, “Tree choors fer de reed, wit ,in boo!" and he started waving a white flag that was drawn in scattered red stars and blue stripes in crayon.

“Why they gave you American citizenship, I’ll never know!" groaned Sam.

Kermit, I am so excited”, said Fozzie. “I can’t wait to check out some Japanese joke books. I even bought a book that translates Japanese jokes into English jokes. Let’s see, the Japanese word for chicken is niwatori”

“Niwatori”, sighed Gonzo, coming back covered with melon juice and bits. “I like that word for chicken. And I bet that’ll make my sweet Camilla melt into my arms the minute I call her that.”

“And I can’t wait to try out some of that Japanese cuisine”, said Rizzo. “I’m gonna be so full that I’ll be walking around with my belt unbuckled during this whole trip.”

“What belt?" asked Pepe. “You don’t even wear pants.”

“But I plan to on this trip”, said Rizzo, taking out a hanger with a small pair of Ken Doll jeans, “Just to feel what it’s like to be a full of food human.”

“My uncle requested that I bring him back a geesha”, said Scooter, “Whatever that is.”

“Yo, Scooter”, said Clifford, “There’s a geesha over there. And Animal found her.”

We see a lady in a kimono screaming while Animal was chasing after her shouting, “GEESHA! GEESHA! GEESHA!"

“Heal, Animal!" shouted Floyd as he yanked on Animal’s chain causing him to stop.

“My uncle wants me to bring him back one of them?" asked Scooter. “He’s been alone way too long.”

“Remember, guys”, said Kermit, “The main reason we’re all here is that my old childhood friend, Koji the Frog, is starting his own version of The Muppet Show here in Japan. And I wanted to fly us all here so we can see it and also help him out.”

“Boy, Uncle Kermit”, said Robin, “It’s gonna be great to meet a frog who’s Japanese. I hope Koji is nice.”

“Koji’s a pretty good guy”, said Kermit, “I remember back when I was a tadpole in my home swamp, a Japanese kid visited and let loose a tadpole from a jar and into my pond. After that, Koji and I became good friends and I taught him about America and he taught me about Japan. And when Koji reached his frog stage, he decided he wanted to return to his home country.” Kermit had a flashback of when he was in the swamp and watched a blue frog dressed in a kimono and a straw hat, holding a walking stick, and walking off into the sunset.

“And right over there is Koji’s new Muppet theater”, said Kermit as he pointed to a huge fancy theater.”

“That sure is a pretty looking theater”, said Robin.

“Aw, Kermit, can’t we all see Japan first?" asked Fozzie. All the other Muppets started begging and pleading to Kermit.

“Okay, fine”, said Kermit as he looked at his watch, “We don’t have to meet Koji until 7 o’clock tonight. And if you all want to look around Tokyo, I insist you all use the buddy system so you won’t get lost. And remember to all meet back at that theater before 7.”

“And I shall be your buddy, buddy”, smiled Piggy as she snuggled against Kermit.

“Um, thanks for offer, Piggy”, said Kermit, “But I already agreed to go with Robin. He’s my responsibility.”

“Sorry, Piggy”, said Robin.

Piggy looked grumpily, but then smiled. “That’s quite all right my dear Robin. You go on ahead with your responsible Uncle Kermie and I’ll just spend my time going shopping. Beauregard! Front and center!"

“You called, Miss Piggy?" asked Beauregard.

“I’m in a shopping mood today and I need someone to carry the hundreds of clothes and jewelry I intend to buy. I hope you’re strong enough for the task.”

Beau started to sniff himself, “Yep, everyone keeps saying that I’m strong.”

“Eyew!" groaned Piggy as she covered her snout. “Why do we pigs have to have keen senses of smell?" She took out a can of perfume and sprayed Beau with it and sniffed him. “That’s much better”, smiled Piggy, “Now, follow moi, Beau.”

“Hey, Rowlf”, called out Floyd as he handed him Animal’s chain. “You wouldn’t mind being Animal’s buddy while I show Janice a heavy romantic time here, would you?"

“Oh, Floyd!" sighed Janice.

“Well, to tell you the truth…” stuttered Rowlf, but then he looked at Animal who was showing off his teeth saying, “Nice dog!"

“You mean nice dog as in buddy, not nice dog as in a delicious hot dog?" asked Rowlf nervously.

“Either way”, said Animal in a sincere voice.

Soon, all the Muppets were paired into groups of two and then split off in different directions.

* * * * * *

Kermit and Robin came across a museum. “Look, Uncle Kermit”, said Robin. “I’ve read on a website that this museum has a lot of ancient Japanese history and artifacts. Can we check it out?"

“Well, okay”, said Kermit. “It’s good to give little frogs new experiences.” As they went up the stairs, they were greeted by a blue frog wearing glasses, a white shirt, and black pants.

“Kermit-san?" asked the frog.

“Koji?" smiled Kermit as he suddenly recognized his old Japanese friend. “Koji, it’s you, buddy!" Robin watched as the two frogs did the traditional Japanese bow and then hugged each other in friendship.

“It is good to see you again, my friend”, smiled Koji. “And who is this young frog behind you?"

“This here’s my nephew, Robin”, said Kermit.

“Um, cold knees and cheese walls, Mr. Koji” said Robin, stuttering while bowing.

“I think the word you are looking for is konichiwa”, giggled Koji.

“Sorry”, said Robin embarrassed. “I don’t know much Japanese.”

“Don’t worry, my young friendly tourist”, smiled Koji, “I speak good English. Thanks to the time I spent in an American swamp under the kind flippers of your Uncle Kermit-san.”

“It was my pleasure, Koji”, said Kermit, “And when you phoned me and said that you were starting your own Muppet Show here in Tokyo, I just had to come and see it.”

“Yes, my very own show”, sighed Koji. “And I have assembled a group of the finest Muppet performers in all of Japan. We were all big fans of your American Muppet Show and we wanted to copy that fame and success here in Japan. Our first show premieres tonight at 8 o’clock. I hope you will attend.”

“Oh, we will”, said Kermit, “All my friends are out seeing the sights right now, but they agreed to be back here before your show starts. And I was going to take Robin into this museum.”

“A wise choice”, smiled Koji, “Robin-san, I am sure you will find this museum very educational and enlightening. I will be your tour guide.”

“Thank you, Mr. Koji”, said Robin, “Do they have actual samurai armor in there?"

“But of course”, smiled Koji, “Maybe afterwards, I can teach you the ways of the samurai.”

“Do I get a sword?" asked Robin.

Koji was about to say yes, but then looked at Kermit who was shaking his head, no. “Sorry, little one”, said Koji, “But swords are much too dangerous for someone your age. You could lose your tail.”

“But I already lost my tail”, protested Robin, “Naturally, during my tadpole stage.”

“And we don’t want you losing those little legs you’ve recently grown too”, said Kermit.

“Okay, Uncle Kermit”, sighed Robin as he followed Kermit and Koji into the museum.

* * * * * *

Rowlf and Animal were walking down the streets of Tokyo. Animal was scampering around like a wild dog wanting to bite at everything, restaurants, girls, vehicles, and people walking their dogs. “Want Japanese food! Want Japanese food!" shouted Animal.

“Heal, Animal!" said Rowlf who was tugging on Animal’s chain preventing him from attacking. “As long as I’m holding your chain, you’re under my command.”

“Excuse me, sir”, said a policeman who approached the two Muppets.

“Is there a problem, officer?" asked Rowlf as he tried to close Animal’s mouth shut.

“There is a leash law in this city”, said the policeman.

“But I have Animal on a leash”, said Rowlf, showing the policeman the chain.

“I was talking to him”, said the policeman to Animal. “Sir, you must keep that dog of yours on a leash in case he might run out of control.”

“WHAT?" gasped Rowlf.

“Here, let me help you with your dog”, said the policeman as he removed the collar and chain from Animal and attached it to Rowlf.

“Now wait just a minute”, protested Rowlf, but it was too late. Rowlf found himself wearing the chain while Animal was holding the other end, smiling sadistically.

“Now, that is much better”, said the policeman. “Make sure you clean up your dog’s messes and enjoy the rest of your stay in Tokyo.”

“Arigato”, said Animal, calmly bowing to the leaving policeman. Then turned his head to a nervous Rowlf and smiled, “You under my command now!"

“This shouldn’t happen to a dog!" groaned Rowlf and then saw a man on a motorcycle drive by.

“Japanese wheels! YUM!" shouted Animal as he started running down the street still holding onto Rowlf’s chain causing poor Rowlf to get dragged and knocked around.

“I’m reporting you to the SPCA for this!" shouted Rowlf.

* * * * *

We now see a restaurant where Gonzo and Rizzo were being pushed out the door by the headwaiter. “No rats allowed in this restaurant!" shouted the headwaiter as he closed the door.

“That’s the sixth place that won’t let in rats”, grumbled Rizzo, “What’s a rat gotta do to get some grub around here?" grumbled Rizzo.

“Hey, look!" said Gonzo as he pointed to a huge TV screen attached to a skyscraper. They saw an ad for some kind of battle monster tournament called Koozbanian. And the first prize was a year’s supply of box lunches.

“Look at all that good stuff”, said Rizzo, drooling while the people on TV showed what was in one of the boxes. “Fried shrimp, dumplings, rice balls, and there’s plenty of space in that box for me to sit inside and eat”, shouted Rizzo, “We gotta enter!"

“There’s just one problem”, said Gonzo, “We don’t have a Koozbanian to enter.”

“Oh yeah!" sighed Rizzo, “So much for box lunches.”

“I think I have an idea”, said Gonzo, studying Rizzo.

* * * * * *

Somewhere in a nearby park, we see a crowd gathered while two boys were having a Koozbanian battle. A fuzzy pink creature known as a Merdlidop had completely clobbered a short round creature known as a Fazoob. “Merdlidop, Merdlidop!" said the pink creature in a triumphant alien sounding voice while the crowd cheered. “Nice work, Merdlidop”, said the first boy as he took what looked like a small red box and sucked the creature into it. The defeated boy did the same for his Fazoob and walked away.

“So far, our resident champion known as Smash, has defeated his ninth opponent”, said an announcer who stepped into the battle ring. “Just one more victory and he will win the year’s supply of box lunches. Is anyone here brave enough and have the right Koozbanian to defeat the great champion Smash?" Everyone backed away nervously while the boy known as Smash stood there proudly.

“I’ll challenge him”, said a voice. Everyone turned to the right and saw Gonzo stepping into the ring.

“What kind of creature is that?" asked a guy in the crowd.

“I’ll bet his beak is as sharp as a katana blade”, said a girl.

“Excuse me, Koozbanian”, said the announcer as he approached Gonzo. “But if you want to compete in this contest, you’ll need a trainer to instruct you.”

“Hey, I’m no Koozbanian”, protested Gonzo, “I’m a trainer. And I got my champion right here.” And he took out what looked like a small brown paper bag.

“Aren’t trainers supposed to keep their Koozbanians inside their Kooz-cubes?" asked Smash.

“Um, uh, that technology hasn’t reached America yet”, said Gonzo. “Now, let me introduce my champ, Rizzo!" Gonzo turned the bag upside down and released Rizzo dressed in what looked like a red wrestling mask with antennas, T-shirt, and cape.

“I can’t believe you talked me into this”, grumbled Rizzo.

“You’re doing this for food, remember?" whispered Gonzo, “And Koozbanians in battle are only supposed to say their names and nothing else.”

“Oh, okay”, said Rizzo as he walked into the battlefield, “Rizzo, Rizzo, Riz.”

“Funny, I’ve never seen a Rizzo in any of the official Koozbanian catalogues”, said Smash.

“Um, Rizzo will appear in the future catalogues”, said Gonzo, “You’re all getting a special sneak peek at one the newest Koozbanians. I was lucky to get the very first one in a contest.”

“Well, okay”, said Smash as he takes out a cube, “Let’s see how your Rizzo does against my Doglion!" The cube opened up and out came a giant white furry monster that looked like a cross between a sheep dog and a lion. “DOGLION!" roared the monster as Rizzo got knocked back.

“Gonzo, you can’t be serious”, whispered Rizzo as he rushed back to Gonzo, “This ain’t a monster, he’s a mountain!"

“Don’t worry, Rizz”, said Gonzo, “I recently read on a Koozbanian website that a Doglion has one pressure point. Just jab it and you’ll paralyze him.”

“Where is that?" asked Rizzo, “On the ankle, on the toe, I hope.”

“It’s his uvula”, said Gonzo.

“Uvula?" gasped Rizzo, “What’s a uvuuuu….!" Cried Rizzo as Doglion picked up Rizzo by the tail and started swinging him like a yo-yo.

“Hold on”, said Gonzo as he took out a dictionary. “I’ll find out what a uvula is in just a second. Oh no! I can’t find a uvula in this dictionary!"

“Doglion, bite and savor attack!" shouted Smash.

“Bite and savor?" gasped Rizzo. He watched in fear as Doglion opened up his mouth, threw Rizzo in, and started making sucking noises.

“Rizzo!" cried Gonzo, but then became surprised as Doglion stood there motionless and then fainted onto the ground.

“Doglion, what has happened to you?" gasped Smash as he approached the huge beast and opened his mouth. “Eyeeew! Smells like rat breath!" groaned Smash.

“That’s Rizzo breath!" grumbled a wet Rizzo as he crawled out of Doglion’s mouth.

“Rizzo, you made it!" gasped Gonzo, “But how did you take down that monster?"

“It turns out a uvula is that dangly thing that hangs down from the inside of your mouth”, said Rizzo, “I just jabbed it while I was bouncing around this big lummox’s mouth.”

“Oh, wait. I see uvula right here”, said Gonzo looking at his dictionary. “It starts with U and I was looking in the Y section at first.”

“And the winner of the Koozbanian battle tournament is the small but mighty creature known as Rizzo”, said the announcer. “And you win the year’s supply of box lunches.” A curtain opened up and revealed a whole supply of delicious smelling box lunches.

“Oh, this rat’s nose just went to Heaven!" shouted Rizzo in a loud voice.

“Rizzo, ix-nay on the English-ay”, whispered Gonzo.

“Oh, yeah”, said Rizzo, “Rizzo, Rizzo, Rizz!"

“Wait, did that Koozbanian just talk and did he say that he was a rat?" demanded Smash.

“Wait a minute, he is a rat!" said the announcer as he pulled off Rizzo’s mask. “I’m sorry, but for using a common rat instead of a true Koozbanian, you are disqualified!"

“You mean no box lunches?" wailed Rizzo.

“No”, said the announcer, “But you’ll getting this booby prize trophy instead for your dishonesty.” And he threw a tiny trophy to Gonzo and Rizzo knocking them both on the heads while the crowd walked away in disgust.

“So much for lunch”, sighed Gonzo.

“Wait a minute”, said Rizzo as he sniffed the trophy and took a bite out of it.

“Riz, what are you doing?" asked Gonzo. “It’s usually my job to eat indigestible stuff.”

“This trophy is made out of stinky cheese”, smiled Rizzo, “It was worth all of that pain. Care to join me, buddy?"

“Sure, why not?", sighed Gonzo, “It’ll probably be the only food I’ll get on this trip. Just one moment”, Gonzo put a clothespin on his nose and started to take a nibble on the stinky cheese trophy.

* * * * * *

In an arena, we see a sumo match going on and in the top seats were Pepe the King Prawn and Angel Marie the Monster. “Yeah, slam that fatso!" shouted Angel while jumping up and down, “Show no mercy!"

“Hey, take it easy, okay?" sighed Pepe, “It’s only wrestling.”

“Hey, you’re looking at Angel Marie, the number 1 wrestling fan in the world”, said Angel.

“I’ve been wondering”, said Pepe, “How did a big guy like yourself get the name Angel Marie?"

“It’s a funny story”, said Angel. “The day I was born, my mom and dad took a good long look at me and wanted to name me Fallen Angel Marie. But the people at the hall of records accidentally smudged off the name Fallen when they were making my birth certificate. And that’s how I became the sensitive and delicate Angel Marie. Hey look, my favorite sumo is winning. Go on, cream that chump! Make him wet his loincloth!"

“Yeeech!" groaned Pepe. “I’m going down to the concession stand to get more snacks, okay?" And Pepe left the still yelling Angel Marie.

* * * * * *

As the sumos continued wrestling, Pepe walked past the ring with a grumpy face. “Can you believe that concession stand?" he grumbled, “The only food they had left are fried shrimp. Even though I am a king prawn and not a shrimp, I still find that kind of insulting!"

“A shrimp!" shouted one of the sumos as he reached over and picked up Pepe by the head.

“That’s king prawn, okay?" shouted a struggling Pepe.

“I love both shrimp and prawns”, said the first sumo, “Especially raw!"

“Me too!" said the second sumo, “What do you say we take a break and have a feast?"

“Sounds good to me”, said the first, “But first we must tenderize him.” The first sumo pressed a scared Pepe onto the mat with his thumb while the second sumo started cracking his knuckles.

“Pepe?" gasped Angel from the stands. “How did you get lucky enough to be in a wrestling match?"

“Angel Marie!" cried Pepe, “Help your buddy!"

“Cool!" shouted Angel as he made a huge jump from his seat and landed in the arena causing the two sumos to get surprised. “If you two tubbies want to eat my pal, you’ll have to take me on first.”

The two sumos growled and charged at the calm monster. Pepe covered his eyes as he heard a bunch of yelling and pounding going on and then it stopped. “Is it over?" asked Pepe as he turned his head. To his surprise, the sumos were on the floor defeated while Angel Marie was standing on their backs bowing while the crowd cheered.

“You okay, pal?" asked Angel.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay, okay?" said Pepe, “Thanks, amigo. You ought to change your name to Guardian Angel Marie.”

“Maybe later”, said Angel, “Right now I got some important business with these two.” Angel turned to the faces of the two defeated sumos. “All right you guys”, said Angel, “Now that I defeated you in battle, you’ll have to do whatever I say. And the first things I want you to do are to stick these pink panties on me and squirt me all over with Thousand Island dressing. Then you get to spank me and call me names. Hee hee hee!" The two sumos looked shocked as they saw Angel take out a bottle of dressing and a jumbo sized pair of pink panties.

“Those parents must’ve really messed up that boy bad”, said a shocked Pepe.

* * * * * *

Floyd and Janice were walking around a sidewalk enjoying the sights until Janice pointed somewhere, “Look, Floyd. A photo booth! Like, let’s take romantic and funny pictures of ourselves.”

“Anything for you, baby doll”, said Floyd as he put some money into the booth’s slot and they stepped in and closed the curtain. A lot of clicking and flashing were going on in the booth. Once it was over, Floyd and Janice stepped out of the booth and gathered up the photographs that came out of the side slot. They looked and smiled at the 6 different pictures of themselves, but then became shocked and surprised when they saw the last picture.

“Who is that tall dark guy behind us?" asked Janice. Sure enough, it looked like a shadowy phantom with red eyes was standing behind the hugging couple.

“Wait a minute!" gasped Floyd as he peeked into the booth and found it empty. “I could swear that we were the only two in that booth!"

A young Japanese man who was walking by saw the picture Janice was holding and said, “I see you Americans had the experience of meeting the legendary Photo-Phantom.”

“Photo-Phantom?" asked Floyd, “Who the heck is that?"

“It was believed that Photo-Phantom was a demon that escaped the spirit world”, said the man, “But he was only restricted to all the photo booths in Tokyo. So he spent his time waiting for unsuspecting victims to enter the booths he resides in so he can steal their souls.”

“You mean that scary dude took our souls?" cried Janice. “But I like my soul!"

“He’d better not have taken all my soul music!" said Floyd.

“Do not worry”, said the man, “You both still have your souls. They said that Photo-Phantom reformed many years ago and doesn’t steal people’s souls anymore.”

“Whew, like that’s a relief”, sighed Janice.

“He now only steals people’s wallets”, said the man.

“My wallet’s gone!" gasped Floyd as he felt his back pants pocket.

“You mean the wallet that had all of your baby pictures?" asked Janice.

* * * * * *

In another photo booth across the street, we see the dark and scary Photo-Phantom looking through Floyd’s wallet. “Nothing in here but a few American dollars and an expired driver’s license”, said the Phantom in a spooky voice. “Oh look, baby pictures!" The Phantom looked at all the pictures and suddenly became shocked and terrified. “AHHH, THE HORROR!" he cried as he dropped the wallet and started to shrink. “I’m going back to the safety of the spirit world!" the Photo-Phantom shouted as he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Floyd peeked into the booth. “Here’s my wallet”, smiled Floyd as he picked it up and searched through it. “Good, everything’s here”, said Floyd and then frowned when looked at his baby pictures. “No wonder why they wouldn’t let me be a Muppet Baby”, sighed Floyd as he left the booth.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[Fragglemuppet]

Oh my, but this is fun! It's great to see another story from you, Cullen! And wouldn't this be a fine idea, with some changes, for a TV special?
Hmmm, not really sure on the take on Pokemon, but other than that it was great!

More please!

 

[Xerus]

Oh my, but this is fun! It's great to see another story from you, Cullen! And wouldn't this be a fine idea, with some changes, for a TV special?
Hmmm, not really sure on the take on Pokemon, but other than that it was great!

More please!

Thank you, Fragglemuppet for being the first to compliment on my first chapter. I plan to bring out another chapter of Muppets Visit Japan soon. Wait till you see what happens to our Muppet travelers next.

 

[Xerus]

Muppets Go To Japan

By Cullen Pittman

Chapter 2

We see Miss Piggy walking down the streets of Tokyo while Beauregard was trying to catch up carrying a whole bunch of shopping bags. “Do you see anything else you want to buy, Miss Piggy?” panted Beau.

“Let’s see”, said Piggy, “So far, I bought a new set of barbells, a couple of cinderblocks, and some cannonballs. Ooooh, this is making my poor muscles ache.”

“I thought I was the one carrying all this stuff”, said Beau.

“I was talking about my leg muscles”, sighed Piggy, “Walking around and shopping can tire a delicate pig like moi-self out.” Just then, Piggy looked ahead and saw an onsen which is a Japanense spa. “And a nice hot sauna will help relax moi”, smiled Piggy, “Come on Beau!”

* * * * * *

Inside, we see Piggy dressed in a white towel about to enter a sauna room with Beau following behind still holding the shopping bags. “All right, Beau”, said Piggy, “I’ll only be in there for a few minutes. You just wait out here and watch my bags like a good little janitor.”

“Okay, Miss. Piggy”, said Beau as he watched Piggy open the door and close it. Beau took out his harmonica and started playing it innocently. Just then, Beau stopped playing and heard some girls giggling. He turned around and saw four Japanese girls in kimonos smiling at him while laughing. “Oh, hello ladies”, said Beau. “Did you like my music?” he asked while pointing to his harmonica while the girls nodded their heads. “Hold on, I’ll play more for you.” Without thinking, Beau pushed the heavy bags in front of the sauna door and joined the girls.

Inside the sauna, Piggy was relaxing while watching the steam dance. “It sure is a good thing we pigs don’t sweat”, sighed Piggy, but then noticed her arm was getting a little red. “But we could sizzle though”, said Piggy, I’d better leave now.” Piggy tried to push open the door, but found out she couldn’t get it open. “What’s going on out there?” she asked, “Why won’t this door open? BEAUREGARD!”

Beau was busy talking to the girls. “After a hard day’s work, I always seem to find the greatest treasures hidden in my mop”, explained Beau. “Like bottlecaps, old dental floss, yo-yo strings, and grape bubble gum.”

The girls started giggling for they couldn’t understand English, but they thought Beau’s innocent sounding babbling was cute. Each girl kissed Beau on the cheeks, handed him pieces of paper, and walked away while waving goodbye. Beau waved back and looked at all the papers. They had names and phone numbers written on them.

“I thought those girls liked me”, sighed Beau. “But instead they want me do their math homework for them. And they didn’t even leave any plus or equal signs.”

“BEAU! GET ME OUT OF HERE!” screamed Piggy. A shocked Beau turned around and saw the heavy shopping bags blocking the sauna door.

“Oopsie! I’m coming Miss. Piggy!” cried Beau as he rushed over and pushed away the bags. He tried to pull open the door, but he ended up pulling off the doorknob causing Piggy to get permanently stuck in there. “Double oopsie!” said Beau. “Is my face red!”

“You’re face is red?” shouted a burning Piggy from inside the sauna, trying to turn the doorknob from her side, but was now too broken to be turned. “If you don’t get me out of here soon, I’m gonna stuff you like a turkey and lock you in this hot torture chamber!”

“Don’t worry, Piggy”, said Beau, “I’ll find a way to get you out of there. I’ll be right back.”

“Can you at least turn off the heat first?” gasped Piggy, “I think I remember seeing a dial on the side of the door before going in.”

“I see it right there”, said Beau. He looked at the dial, but the writing was in Japanese. “Now which way do I turn to make it cooler?” asked Beau. “I’ll just trust my instincts. Piggy always said I stink.” Beau turned the dial to the right and rushed off to find help.

Unfortunately, Beau had turned it the wrong way and more steam started to blast into the sauna causing Piggy to get ever hotter. “THAT’S IT!” she shouted. “No one cooks this pig! HYAAAH!” Piggy tried to punch the door down, but with no success. Piggy quickly pulled off her purple glove and found that her hand was shriveled up like bacon. “Oh great!” groaned Piggy, “My life is in the hands of a mindless janitor!” And she sat down in a corner getting steamed, in body and in temper.

* * * * * *

We see Fozzie and Scooter approaching what looked like the entrance to a Japanese comedy club. “Are you sure this is the place, Fozzie?” asked Scooter.

“I’ve read that this comedy club is where a lot of Japanese comedians got their starts”, said Fozzie. “Maybe here in another country, I can be a much bigger star.” And the two of them entered the club.

The bear and the boy were at a table watching a young guy telling some jokes in Japanese. The audience was laughing out loud except for Fozzie and Scooter. “Do you have any idea what he’s saying?” asked Scooter.

“Hold on, I’m checking my translation book”, said Fozzie as he tried to keep track with every Japanese word the comedian was saying. “He’s going to fast”, sighed Fozzie.

“Hey, Fozzie. I think you’re next”, said Scooter as the comedian bowed and left the stage.

“Oh, good”, said Fozzie, “Go up there and give me a great introduction please.” Scooter got on stage and bowed to everyone.

“Hello, everyone”, said Scooter, “I am here to introduce a really funny comedian. You might’ve seen him on your TV on that American variety show, The Muppet Show, either subtitled or dubbed in Japanese. But now you get to see his first live Tokyo debut. And here he is, that fuzzy furry funny man, Fozzie Bear!” The crowd sat quietly as Fozzie danced onto the stage.

“Wocka Wocka! Thank you, thank you, and thank you! Or in your language, arigato, arigato, and arigato!” smiled Fozzie. “It’s great to be here in beautiful Tokyo, Japan. So far, my trip here’s been great, except for the over 10 hour long flight to get here. And it took me the whole trip to open up my bag of peanuts. And when the plane landed and I finally got the bag open, I found a full grown peanut tree in there. AHHHH?”

The crowd just looked puzzled and uninterested.

“Well, um”, said Fozzie, “And how about that airport security? Those security guys had me scanned from top to bottom wanting to see if I had anything dangerous in my clothes. Couldn’t they see I was mostly all bear? Get it, bear? Wocka wocka?”

The crowd was now yawning and whispering to each other.

“I’m losing them”, thought Fozzie, but then said, “How would you all like to hear a funny haiku? Let’s see, first 5 syllables, then 7, then 5 again.” Fozzie cleared his throat and recited, “Why chickens cross roads. It get’s them to other sides. Wocka, wocka, wock!”

“You call that a haiku?” called out a familiar old man’s voice.

“You seem more like a low kook!” said another familiar voice and then old men laughing was heard.

“Waldorf? Statler?” gasped Fozzie as he saw his old arch hecklers sitting at a table. “What are you two doing here in Japan?”

“We’re on vacation here”, said Waldorf, “To experience some Japanese culture.”

“Too bad culture split the minute you got on stage”, said Statler.

“You guys are here in Japan?” gasped Fozzie, “I’m shocked!”

“You should expect that since you’re a shock comic”, said Waldorf.

“I’m no shock comic!” protested Fozzie.

“Sure you are”, said Statler, “It’s a shock that they call you a comic.”

The two old men started laughing while some of the crowd did too.

“Look”, grumbled Fozzie, “I’m here to tell my jokes to all these good people, not you.”

“If they’re good people, why are you punishing them?” laughed Waldorf. Everyone started laughing while applauding to Waldorf and Statler.

“Thank you. Thank you”, said Waldorf and Statler. “We’ll be here all week”, said Statler. “As long as lousy comedians like that bear will keep coming here”, said Waldorf.

Fozzie rushed off the stage in humiliation as he sat back down at his seat next to Scooter.

“Sorry it didn’t go so well, Fozzie”, said Scooter.

“It never does”, wailed Fozzie while covering his face with his hat, “Those people would have to understand English heckling! Maybe I should just give up comedy all together!”

“I am afraid that would not be wise, young bear”, said a heavy accented old man’s voice. Fozzie looked up and saw someone sitting at the table next to his. It was an old panda bear wearing a red kimono. “We need the gift of comedy in this world of hardships to keep our spirits alive”, said the panda as he started munching on a bowl of bamboo sticks. “Bamboo stick?”

“No, thanks”, said Fozzie, “It’s just that every time I do my comedy acts, these two old guys heckle me and ruin my fun.”

“When life keeps throwing rotten tomatoes at you”, said the panda, “You must keep thriving until they eventually start throwing sugary sweet cream pies to rid the rotten vegetable smell from your spirit.”

“Wow”, said Fozzie, “That’s deep!”

“I’ll tell you what”, said the panda he clicked onto a bamboo stick revealing it was a blue marker pen and started writing on some giant cards, “You get back up on that stage and I’ll give you some lines to read that will help you out.”

“Are you sure about this?” asked Fozzie, nervously as he got up.

“Trust the old Wisdom Panda”, smiled the panda, “The master of Heckle Fu.”

“Heckle Fu?” asked Fozzie as he slowly approached the stage.

“Aren’t pandas like you supposed to be native to China, not Japan?” Scooter asked Wisdom Panda.

“And are American boys like you supposed to have orange yarn for hair?” asked Wisdom Panda.

“So that’s a taste of Heckle Fu, huh?” said Scooter rubbing his yarn-like hair.

“Hey, look Statler”, said Waldorf, “The bear’s getting back on stage!”

“Is he a glutton for punishment or what?” laughed Statler.

Fozzie didn’t know what to say until he saw Wisdom Panda in the back behind the two old guys holding up a cue card. Fozzie started reading it.

“You call me a glutton for punishment?” asked Fozzie, “You’re the ones who seem to like punishment when you somehow keep appearing in the places I perform!”

“What, the…?” gasped Waldorf and Statler who actually couldn’t think of a way to heckle him back.

“Now, wait just a minute!” demanded Waldorf.

“Why sure”, said Fozzie as he saw Wisdom Panda holding up another card and he read it, “You old geezers need all the minutes you can get.”

“What do you know about jokes?” shouted Statler.

“I know that I’m looking at two of them right now”, smiled Fozzie.

“We’ve seen comedians over the years that are funnier than you!” shouted Waldorf.

“I didn’t know dinosaurs were comedians”, smiled Fozzie who had suddenly came up with his own heckle.

The audience started laughing and cheering for Fozzie while Fozzie smiled and said, “Arigato! Or as we say in the U.S.A, Thank you! I love Japan! You’re a great audience!”

“Come on, Statler”, sighed Waldorf, “Let’s get out of here.”

“I’ll say”, said Statler, rubbing his arm, “That bear can really throw some powerful heckle blows. My nurse is gonna ask a lot of questions when she sees my condition.” And the two old guys left.

“Did you see me up there, Scooter?” asked Fozzie excitedly, “I actually outheckled Statler and Waldorf! And it’s all thanks to my new friend, Wisdom Panda!”

“Where is Wisdom Panda?” asked Scooter. He and Fozzie turned to the table next to them and found the panda gone.

“He left?” asked Fozzie, “Aw, I wanted to thank him.”

“He seemed to have left his pen behind and one last card”, said Scooter pointing to the table. Fozzie picked up the bamboo pen and read the small card.

“To Fozzie Bear”, he read, “I hope your first lessons in the art of Heckle Fu will help you in future comedy spots. Keep reaching for that glorious cloud shaped like a rubber chicken. Many happy days, Wisdom Panda.”

“Thank you, oh great heckling sensei”, sighed Fozzie as he looked at the bamboo pen he was holding.

* * * * * *

Johnny Fiama and his helper monkey, Sal, were standing in line waiting to get into this bar. “I hear this bar has a lot of cute babes constantly looking for dates”, said Sal reading a tour guide book.

“Stick with me, Sal, and you’ll have girls galore”, said Johnny. When the two finally reached the big strong bouncer standing in front of the door, he looked at the two Muppets.

“You with the green skin and elegant coat and tie”, said the bouncer, “You look cool and sophisticated. You may enter.”

“Thanks, pal”, said Johnny, “Come on, Sal.”

“Not so fast”, said the bouncer, “The monkey stays out here. No pets allowed.”

“Who are you calling a pet you big lummox?” growled Sal as he started to jump around making fists.

“Take it easy, Sal”, said Johnny as he turned to the bouncer, “Sal’s okay. He’s just my helper monkey.”

“I am sorry”, said the bouncer, “But he is still a smelly monkey. He could bring diseases into the bar if I allowed him in.”

“The only disease I’ll bring is a bad case of whooping on your butt if you don’t let me in!” shouted Sal.

“If my buddy Sal can’t come in”, said Johnny, “Then I don’t want any part of this bar!”

“Thanks, Johnny”, smiled Sal as he leaned his head on Johnny’s shoulder. “You’re a true friend.”

“Sure”, said Johnny, “We can find other places to get girls.” But then Johnny took a peek inside the bar’s window and discovered really pretty Japanese waitresses waiting on the customers and even flirting with them.

“And this is the place!” said Johnny excited, “Sorry, Sal. I know you won’t mind waiting out here like a good little helper monkey!”

“But we’re supposed to be buddies!” protested Johnny. “I’ll be all alone if you go without me!”

“Don’t worry”, said Johnny, “You’re surrounded by thousands of little buddies. Just check you fur.” And Johnny entered the bar while Sal saw the fleas on his furry arm.

“Oh great”, sighed Sal, “Fleas for buddies! At least you guys won’t ever leave me.”

“You all seem cool”, said the bouncer looking at the suit and tie wearing fleas with a magnifying glass. “You all can come in but the monkey stays out here.” The many fleas started bouncing off of Sal’s fur and headed into the bar.

“I don’t believe this!” grumbled Sal as he stormed through the street. “Here I am in Tokyo with no buddy, no girls, and no fleas! Actually, the third thing is kind of nice, but still I’d like to find some girl action somewhere.” Suddenly, Sal stopped when he came across a TV shop and saw a documentary on a large screen TV.

“If you’re ever in the Nagano area, we recommend that you visit the Jigokudani Monkey Park”, said a narrator’s voice, “With its beautiful valley and hot springs and most popular, it’s population of snow monkeys that come down from the cold mountains and bathe in the warm bubbly waters.”

“Snow monkeys?” gasped Sal as he saw a group of female monkeys relaxing in a bubbling hot spring.

“Hey, that’s like spending time at a winter lodge with a Jacuzzi and hot snow bunnies, er, monkeys”, smiled Sal. “Now how do I get there?” Sal turned around and suddenly saw a bus that had a sign above saying that it was going to the Jigokudani Monkey Park in Nagano. “Thank you!” whispered Sal with tears in his eyes as he got on the bus and it drove off.

* * * * * *

Sweetums was walking down the street with Bean Bunny on top of his head looking around Tokyo. “Oh, gee. This is swell!” smiled Bean. “Thanks for giving me a lift, Mr. Sweetie.”

“Anytime, kid”, said Sweetums, “And don’t call me Sweetie. It’s Sweetums.”

“Hey, look”, said Bean, “An arcade! Can we check it out, please?”

“Sure, why not”, said Sweetums as the two entered the video arcade. They found a bunch of video games, rides, and a claw machine game filled with lots of toy animals.

“Hey, look at that!” gasped Bean as he hopped off Sweetums and scampered over to the claw machine and saw one particular toy. It was a stuffed white rabbit with black beads for eyes and was wearing a blue dress with a pink flower on it. “I recognize that doll”, said Bean, “That’s Salutations Bunny. My favorite Japanese cartoon star! I gotta have it!” Bean took out some money and put it through the slot of the machine. He tried to guide the claw to grab the bunny toy, but instead, he ended up getting a stuffed doggie. “Oh, nutbunnies!” sighed Bean as he put in some more money and tried again. This time all he got was a stuffed mouse. Then he tried again and got a toy walrus.

“Are you sure you have enough money to keep playing?” asked Sweetums.

“Sure I do”, said Bean taking out a huge bag of money, “I’m gonna use my entire college fund until I get that doll!” and he put in some more money.

“Your parents will be proud of you, kid”, smiled Sweetums and then he left the bunny alone to look around the arcade.

“Hello”, said a sexy woman’s voice. Sweetums turned around and found a huge machine with a screen and two pretty mechanical eyes on top. “I am Vendadance”, said the machine in the same woman’s voice, “The ultimate dance video game. Just get on my dance floor and insert some money and if you can follow my dance instructions perfectly, you’ll win a big prize.”

“Cool, I’m game”, smiled Sweetums as he got on the dance floor with arrows pointing in eight different directions. He then put some money in the slot.

“Get ready to boogie”, said Vendadance as her screen started showing arrows going up, down, left, right, diagonally, and so forth. Sweetums tried to step on the arrows on the dance floor according to what the screen instructed, but he ended up missing most of them.

“Not too good”, said Vendadance, “You pretty much stink. Maybe you should take up rocking chair sitting instead.”

“Oh yeah!” grumbled Sweetums as he started stretching his legs. “Bring it on!” Sweetums, now limber, started to concentrate hard on the moving arrows on the screen and then moved his ogre feet like crazy on the right arrows on the floor.

“Not bad”, said Vendadance, “In fact, you’re now smoking! Somebody call the fire department. Or better yet, call a waiter! I think I’m about to get served!”

The moving arrows started going faster, but Sweetums was keeping up very well. And finally, it was over. The screen started flashing, “YOU WIN!”, while confetti busted out of the machine’s top.

“I did it!” said Sweetums panting trying to catch his breath. “I get the prize!”

“Indeed you get a prize for being the ultimate dancing machine”, said Vendadance as she suddenly ejected two metal arms from her sides. She then grabbed Sweetums and pushed him closer to her.

“What are you doing?” gasped Sweetums, “And where’s my prize?”

“Your prize is that you’ve won my love!” shouted Vendadance as the screen turned around revealing a huge pair of red mechanical lips that started smooching Sweetums non-stop.

“Hey, cut it out!” cried Sweetums trying to break free from the machine’s strong grasp. “This won’t work! I’m no machine like you!”

“I just proclaimed you a dancing machine”, said Vendadance, “And that’s all that matters to me!” and she continued to smooch Sweetums who was trying hard to escape. But Vendadance ejected some shackles from the dance floor clamping onto Sweetums’s ankles. “Now dance for me some more!” commanded Vendadance as she forced poor Sweetums to move his feet against his will.

Next, we see Bean covered in a mountain of stuffed animals trying to get his prize from the claw machine but with no success. The only toy that was left in the machine was the Salutations Bunny he really wanted. “GRRRRR!” grumbled Bean in a cute voice, “It’s like Salutations Bunny’s trying to avoid me! And I’m down to my very last money too!” He placed the money in and concentrated hard to get the claw in the right position. “This is it!” said Bean with determination. “I’m going for all the marbles and I might lose my marbles if I don’t get what’s coming to me!” Finally he got the claw in the right spot and ended up snagging the toy bunny by the ears. “Yes, I got you!” said Bean happily as he started to move the claw to the drop hole and release the doll. Bean became happy when he saw the toy bunny come out the slide door and into his presence.

“I did it!” shouted Bean, “I got a Salutations Bunny doll!” But then the toy bunny suddenly smiled a sinister smile, took out a remote control, and pushed a button. Suddenly, the claw came out through the slide door, snagged a surprised Bean, and dragged him into the machine trapping him inside. “What’s going on here?” cried Bean as he put his face and hands against the glass window of the machine.

“Finally, we’re free!” called out a voice. Bean looked down and saw Salutations Bunny standing outside the machine smiling wickedly at him.

“You’re alive?” gasped Bean.

“You bet your sweet carrot cake I am”, said Salutations in a snide voice. “And I’ve been waiting for a compulsive game player like yourself to keep playing until you end up freeing me and all of my little friends. Right guys?”

“YEAH!” shouted all the stuffed animals that suddenly got up from the floor.

“Come on, let’s blow this joint!” said Salutations as she and the other living toys started to head on out the exit.

“But you can’t just leave me in here”, wailed Bean, “You’re Salutations Bunny. You’re supposed to be a hero to young minds everywhere!”

“That’s just the personality of that lame cartoon bunny”, said Salutations, “I’m just another disgruntled assembly line toy”, and she turned around and showed off the barcode on her bottom. “But thanks for the freedom, fuzzy!” and she and the toys scampered out of the arcade.

“Sweetums, help!” cried Bean still trying to get out of the machine.

“Bean?” asked Sweetums who was still a prisoner of Vendadance. He turned around and saw that his little bunny buddy was too a prisoner of an arcade game. With determination, he managed to break free from the shackles that were holding his ankles.

“Sweetums, darling. Come back!” wailed Vendadance as she watched Sweetums tear open the claw machine, grab Bean, and watched them both rush out the door.

“He left me just like all the others!” cried Vendadance. “How I wish I could find my true love! If only there was some kind of wishing machine!” Suddenly, a couple of movers came in and set down a giant machine next to her. Vendadance turned her eyes and saw that the machine was something called Vendawish who winked his mechanical eye at the tear filled Vendadance.

* * * * * *

Meanwhile, Beauregard, holding a toolbox, rushed back to the jammed sauna door Miss Piggy was trapped behind. “It’s a good thing I found a hardware store next door”, said Beau as he inserted the broken doorknob back on the door and repaired it with his new tools. “That takes care of phase 1”, said Beau, “Now I need something to protect me from Miss Piggy’s karate chops.” Beau then put on some samurai armor and then slowly opened the door. “Miss Piggy?” asked Beau as the steam escaped the room, “Are you okay?” But when all the steam cleared, Beau was shocked to find a big strip of bacon wrapped in a towel sitting in the room.

“Oh no, Miss Piggy!” cried Beau as he rushed over and hugged the giant bacon. “You’ve become sizzled and it’s all my fault! Poor Kermit will now have to live with having a giant strip of bacon for a girlfriend!” and he started crying.

“Beauregard, what weird thing are you doing now?” called out Piggy’s voice.

“I’m trying to say how sorry I am for doing this to you!” cried Beau as he turned around and found Miss Piggy standing out of the sauna dressed in a pretty green kimono with her hair done up in a Japanese style. “Miss Piggy, you’re alive?” gasped Beau. “But how did you get out?”

“While you rushed off like a defective vacuum head”, explained Piggy, “The manager of this place saw my predicament and got the door open with a crowbar.”

“Then what’s this piece of bacon I’m holding doing in here?” asked Beau puzzled.

“Oh, that’s mine”, said the manager as he went over and took the bacon from Beau. “I was trying to break the record for cooking the world’s largest strip of tofu bacon and this steam room was the only place that was big enough. See you around, Miss. Piggy.”

“And Sayonara to you, Motoki”, smiled Piggy and then turned to a nervous Beau.

“Go ahead, Piggy”, sighed Beau as he took off his samurai armor. “Hit me as much as you want. I deserve it.”

“Aw, forget about it, Beau”, smiled Piggy, “After Motoki got moi out of that steam trap, he wanted to make up for it by treating yours truly to a massage, a mud bath, a facial, and a new hair style. It all felt so wonderful that I am going to forgive you.”

“Wheh! Thank you, Miss Piggy”, said Beau happily as he got down and started kissing Miss. Piggy’s feet.

“I just hope you remembered to brush those janitor teeth of yours”, sighed Piggy, “Or I might change my mind.”

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[Xerus]

Muppets Visit Japan

By Cullen Pittman

Chapter 3

With special guest star Masi Oka as Hiro.

In a sushi restaurant, we see Bunsen and Beaker having a sushi lunch. Beaker was trying to use his chopsticks to pick up the food, but was having a hard time mastering the sticks. “Mee, mee, meep!" said Beaker frustrated.

“Yes, Beaker”, said Bunsen, “It takes a lot of practice to learn how to use chopsticks. Until now, thanks to Muppet Lab’s new magnetic chopsticks.” Beaker became amazed when Bunsen pulled out two metal chopsticks that were connected together in the middle.

“Mee, Meep!" said Beaker looking at the blinking digital lights on the sticks.

“Thanks to the miracle of modern science, any food you want to eat will come right to the tips of these chopsticks and will stick there”, said Bunsen, “All you have to do is turn the dial to what you want to eat. Just watch.” Bunsen turned a knob on one of the chopsticks’ end and the word, rice balls, appeared. Suddenly, three rice balls leapt from a nearby bowl and pounced themselves on the tips of Bunsen’s chopsticks. “One, two, three, strikes and you’re out to lunch”, giggled Bunsen as he turned off the magnetic chopsticks to set the rice balls down on his plate.

“Mee, meep!" said Beaker impressed.

“And it can also work on seafood as well”, said Bunsen as he set the dial to shrimp. Suddenly, something zipped through the entrance door of the restaurant and stuck onto Bunsen’s sticks. “See Beaky”, said Bunsen, “Fresh shrimp delivered fast.”

“I am a King Prawn, okay?" grumbled Pepe who tried to pull his bottom free from the sticks. “You should program those chopsticks to get the right thing!"

“Oops, sorry Pepe”, said Bunsen as he released Pepe from his sticks causing the prawn to get dropped on the floor.

“Forget about it, okay?" grumbled Pepe as he got up and left the restaurant.

“Care to give them a try, Beaky?" asked Bunsen as he handed Beaker the chopsticks.

“Mee, mee, mee, meep”, said Beaker as he studied the two chopsticks and turned the dial to squid. The sticks sent out a magnetic beam that went out of the restaurant and into the sea. Suddenly, a giant white squid got pulled out of the ocean and started zooming through Tokyo and into the sushi restaurant landing on top of Beaker.

“Oh my!" gasped Bunsen as he saw a huge squid squeezing poor Beaker with its tentacles.

“MEEEEEP!" cried Beaker as his eyes started puffing up like balloons from all that squeezing. Then the squid started to crawl out of the restaurant dragging Beaker along.

“Uh oh”, said Bunsen, “No doubt that squid is going to take you back to its home in the sea. Whatever you do, Beaky, don’t drink the water. It’s salty!" and Bunsen left some money on the table and ran out of the restaurant to retrieve his assistant.

At another table, Sam was too busy reading a menu to pay any attention at what happened with Bunsen and Beaker. “Me, eating raw fish!" sighed Sam, “But I suppose if my primitive eagle relatives like catching raw fish, I should honor them by trying it.”

A waiter approached Sam, “I am ready to take your order”, said the waiter, “And where is the gentleman that was sitting next to you?"

“He said he had to do some business, but he’ll be back in a minute”, said Sam, “And I think I’ll start with a sushi sampler.”

“One sushi sampler coming up!" said a silly sounding voice. Suddenly, a flock of sushi started flying around in all sorts of directions causing everyone in the restaurant to duck down, including Sam and his waiter.

“What is the meaning of this?" shouted Sam. “Is this any way to run a dignified restaurant?"

“I do not know!" cried the waiter as he shielded himself from the sushi with a nearby tray. “We’ve never had anything like this happen here!"

“Okay fellas, come on back”, said the same sounding voice. “All of the sushi stopped its flying and returned to a small box that was carried by Lew Zeeland.

“Lew Zeeland!" shouted Sam, “I should’ve known! Just what do you think you were doing?"

“It’s my new act”, smiled Lew, “You remember my boomerang fish act? Well this here is my boomerang sushi. I throw the sushi away and they come back to me!"

“Is this lunatic a friend of yours?" the waiter asked Sam.

“I do not know this weirdo”, said Sam.

“Aw, come on, Sammy”, said Lew, “We’re supposed to be buddies. You even gave me this special bracelet.” And Lew showed off the silver bracelet that read, B.F.F. “B.F.F. Best friends forever!" he smiled.

“I only gave you that bracelet to stand for buffoonish fish freak!" grumbled Sam.

“Speaking of fish”, said Lew, “Now it’s time to bring out my grand finale”, and he put on a metal glove and took out a huge spiky blowfish.

“That’s a blowfish!" gasped the waiter. “You cannot throw that dangerous fish in here! If it hits someone, the poison could be deadly!"

“Relax”, smiled Lew, “Just like it takes a master chef to prepare a blowfish, it takes a master boomerang fish thrower like me to throw a blowfish. Watch!" Lew tossed the blowfish and everyone panicked as they ducked back down again. Luckily the spinning blowfish was making swift and graceful moves around the tables and the bar not touching any of the nervous customers or waiters. Then the blowfish landed safely back in Lew’s metal gloved hand. Everyone became relieved as they applauded the boomerang fish thrower. “Thanks everyone”, said Lew bowing. “You can check out more of my boomerang fish acts on my own website.

“I knew I should’ve gone to that teppanyaki and karaoke bar next door!" groaned Sam.

* * * * * *

In the teppanyaki and karaoke bar next door, we see Clifford seated at a table in front of a grill. “Are you sure you can handle teppanyaki cooking?" asked Clifford.

“Ya, ya, ya!" said the Swedish Chef who was standing in front of the grill. “Choop, choop, choop!" The Chef took out a pile of vegetables, dumped them on the sizzling grill and started chopping like crazy. Some of the green paste got splattered onto Clifford’s sunglasses.

“Aw, man!" grumbled Clifford as he pushed a button on the side of his shades and a couple of tiny windshield wipers cleaned off the mess. “I can only wonder what your main course will be!"

“Teriyaki Dook!" said the Chef as he picked up a quacking duck by the neck that was ruffling its feathers like crazy. “Foost, we steek de dook!" smiled the Chef as he took out a huge teriyaki stick and was about to stick it in the duck’s bill. But the angry duck suddenly karate chopped the stick causing The Chef to get surprised. Then the duck grabbed the Chef’s wrists and slammed him face first on the hot sizzling grill.

“YEOOOO!" shouted The Chef as he jumped off the grill with a red scorched face.

“You okay, Chef?" asked Clifford.

“Ya, ya”, sighed the Chef calming down, “Oofter I moorder dat dook!" and the angry Chef took out a cleaver and started looking around for that duck.

“QUACK!" shouted the duck as it kicked Chef on the bottom leaving a black web footed print on the Chef’s white pants.

“What der hey?" gasped Chef as he got back up and saw the duck wearing a warrior’s headband and holding two twin katana swords.

“Quack, quack, quack”, said the duck in a vicious voice while subtitled messages appeared saying, “Bring it on.”

“Yoo boot I vill you croozy dook!" shouted Chef as he tried to chop up the duck, but the duck easily blocked the chops with his blades.

“How come that duck gets to have subtitles but the Chef doesn’t?" wondered Clifford as he watched the Chef and duck battle it out.

“Oh no, this is terrible!" cried the manager as he watched the battle.

“I wouldn’t worry”, said Clifford, “Swedish Chef over there is a master of Kung Fu. He had to learn it to take on a pair of rogue dumplings one time.”

“I’m really worried about my customers!" cried the manager, “They might get frightened by this scene and never come back here again.”

Clifford looked at the customers and they did seem nervous as they watched the Chef and the duck fight and said, “I think I have an idea.” Clifford went over to a table where Dr. Teeth and Zoot were sitting. “Yo, you guys”, said Clifford, “I need your musical talents to help save this place.”

“Righteous”, said Dr. Teeth.

“Whatever”, yawned Zoot.

The Chef and the duck were still fighting. Chef tried to chop off the duck’s legs but the duck started flying over Chef’s head pulling on his mustache. “Teek thoot!" shouted Chef as he tried to slice the duck, but ended up chopping off half his own mustache making him even angrier.

The customers were about to leave until Clifford called out, “Yo, yo, yo! Isn’t this a great show these two are performing?" Everyone turned and saw Clifford standing on the karaoke stage with Dr. Teeth and Zoot behind him. “Yep, it’s all an act. And here’s a song that’ll make the show even more thrilling. Hit it, dudes!"

Zoot started playing his saxophone while Dr. Teeth turned on a synthesizer. Then Clifford started singing….

“Everybody was Kung Fu fighting!
Those kicks were fast as lightning!
In fact, it was a little bit frightening!
But they fought with expert timing!"

Clifford kept singing while the Chef and the duck kept fighting. The crowd now didn’t seem as nervous as they watched the two crazy Muppets fighting to the music. The duck flew higher up in the air and Chef tried to climb on top of something to reach it. But then Chef smelled something sizzling. He looked down and found he was standing on the grill and it was burning the soles of his shoes and also his feet.

“OOOOHHHHH!" shouted the Chef as he jumped off the grill, rushed to a soda dispensing machine, grabbed the sprayer and started spraying cola on his burned feet relieving them.

The duck approached the tired Chef with a sharp pointed sword. A scared Chef took his hat, attached it to a teriyaki stick and started waving it like a white flag. “I suroondoor!" he cried, “You ween!"

The duck bowed to the defeated Chef and flew out the restaurant through an open window.

Everyone in the bar cheered and applauded as Clifford, Dr. Teeth, and Zoot bowed to everyone. As Dr. Teeth and Zoot went over to collect a passed out Swedish Chef, the manager approached Clifford.

“Thank you for saving my restaurant”, smiled the manager, “I will be eternally grateful.”

“Think nothing of it”, smiled Clifford as he bowed to the grateful manager and left the place with his buddies.

* * * * * *

Back at the museum, Kermit and Robin were looking amazed at all of the Japanese artifacts and history while Koji the Frog was being their tour guide. “Wow, Mr, Koji”, said Robin, “Japan sure was a neat country in the past as well as the present.”

“I am quite proud of my homeland”, said Koji, “I’m glad I got to return to it.”

Just then, someone started to suddenly appear in the center of the museum like magic. It was a Japanese man wearing glasses.

“How did he appear like that?" asked Kermit.

“Wait, I recognize him!" said Robin, “He’s from that hit TV show, Heroes. It’s Hiro, the time traveling guy!"

“Konichiwa, Hiro-san”, said Koji bowing to the man.

“And Konichiwa to you, my dear friend, Koji-san”, said Hiro bowing back. And then he smiled and bowed to Kermit and Robin.

“Wow, Mr. Koji”, said Robin, “I didn’t know you knew the great Hiro.”

“We like to go to same restaurant a lot”, said Koji.

“If you’ll excuse me, I need to talk to Koji-san in private”, said Hiro to Kermit and Robin as he took Koji over to a corner of the museum. Hiro and Koji started speaking in Japanese while English subtitles appeared below them.

“Koji-san”, said Hiro, “You have to get these American Muppets to leave Japan right away!"

“Leave Japan?" asked Koji, puzzled, “Why?"

“One of them is going to bring a bad omen to our beloved Tokyo”, said Hiro, “I’ve traveled to the future and it’s a total disaster! And it’s all because of a certain Muppet.”

“Can you tell me which one so I can warn Kermit-san?" asked Koji.

“Well it’s…” said Hiro, but before he could answer, he found himself fading away. “Oh no!" cried Hiro, “My time travel powers are acting up again! I’ll be going off to another time and place and I can’t control it! Just remember, the one Muppet that causes the disaster is….." But then Hiro disappeared before he could answer.

“This does not seem good at all”, gasped Koji.

“Hey, where did Hiro go?" asked Robin. “I really wanted to talk to him.”

“He had to leave suddenly”, said Koji, trying to put on a calm happy face, “But hopefully, he will be back soon, very soon before it’s too late!"

“Say, what’s this statue over here?" asked Kermit pointing to a giant green statue that looked like a cross between a codfish and a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

“That is a statue of the fish-reptilian Codzilla”, said Koji shuddering, “The most fearsome creature in all of Japan. Many years ago, somebody foolish disturbed Codzilla’s 2 million year nap. That caused the monster to arise from his volcano home and cause terror and destruction to all of Tokyo. Luckily, a brave group of hero monsters came and defeated the terrible Codzilla, sending him back to his home and tucking him back in his little bed.”

“What an awesome story”, said Robin.

“Is Codzilla still around?" asked Kermit.

“He’s still sleeping in his home deep inside the volcano known as Mt. Fuji”, explained Koji. “And Tokyo will remain safe if Codzilla is not disturbed. After all, you’d have to be named crazy to do something that will wake up a terror like Codzilla.”

“Uncle Kermit”, asked Robin concerned, “Didn’t Crazy Harry come with us on this trip?"

“Yes he did”, gasped Kermit, “But I wouldn’t worry. Our own chief of security, Bobo Bear, is keeping an eye on him.”

“Isn’t that Bobo out there?" asked Robin pointing out the exit. Kermit and Koji looked outside and saw Bobo standing there by himself eating an ice cream bar on a stick.

“Bobo, what do you think you’re doing?" asked Kermit as he and the other two frogs ran outside to meet Bobo.

“I’m having an ice cream”, said Bobo, “Guarding Crazy Harry is tough hungry work.”

“But Harry isn’t with you!" shouted Kermit.

“Really?" asked Bobo as he looked at the handcuff attached to his wrist and found that his prisoner was missing. “I knew I shouldn’t’ve entrusted Harry the keys to my handcuffs”, said an embarrassed Bobo.

“What does this mean?" asked Robin.

“That means Crazy Harry is loose somewhere in Japan”, gasped Kermit, “Who knows what kind of trouble he could cause?"

“I think I remember Harry saying something about visiting some volcano”, said Bobo.

“Uh, oh!" thought Koji.

Suddenly, the giant TV attached to the building showed the Muppet Newsman. “This is a Muppet News Flash”, said the Newsman, “Dateline, Tokyo, Japan. We just received reports that a crazy man known as that Muppet Show star Crazy Harry was seen at the top of the famous volcano, Mt. Fuji. And he seems to be dropping a whole bunch of objects into the volcano.”

“He’s not dropping his dynamite in there, is he?" gasped Kermit.

“No, Harry wouldn’t do that”, said Bobo, “He gave me his word that he wouldn’t be taking any boom-boom thingies with him on this trip.”

“Then what’s that stuff he’s dropping into the volcano?" asked Robin.

The TV now had a close up of what Crazy Harry was throwing into the volcano. He was winding up a bunch of alarm clocks and tossing them in one at a time. “Rise and shine you great big beast! HEE HEE HEE HAA HAA!" cackled Harry as he continued his clock throwing.

“Why is that man throwing those clocks in Codzilla’s volcano?" gasped Koji.

“He wants to see time fly?" asked Bobo. Kermit and Robin look at Bobo with annoyed scrunched up mouths.

“Sorry”, said Bobo blushing, “I’ve been hanging around Fozzie a lot lately.”

“He’s actually planning on awakening the fearsome Codzilla!" cried Koji, “What kind of madness does your friend possess?"

“Harry likes being called crazy, not mad”, said Kermit, “He thinks mad is a term meaning angry and hostile.”

“So this Crazy Harry must be the bad omen Muppet Hiro was talking about”, thought Koji, nervously as he watched those loud ringing clocks drop down into the volcano one by one.

* * * * * *

Next, we see a giant fish reptilian sleeping in a fancy king sized bed with an eye mask ad a nightcap. He was suddenly awoken by a bunch of alarm clocks that were surrounding him.

“Oh dear”, said the mighty Codzilla in a cultured sounding voice as he removed his cap and mask. “I appear to have been awoken early once again. And I only have 5000 years of sleep left before I have to go to work in the morning. I suppose now I’ll have to act cranky and terrorize all of Tokyo. I really hate to do it, but it’s either mess with Tokyo or my little brother and mother will be furious if I mess with my brother.” Codzilla then cleared his throat and started to make a loud roar. Then he started to climb out of the volcano and slide down while roaring and growling like crazy.

“HEE HEE HAA HAA HAA!" cackled Crazy Harry as he saw the monster marching into the city, “Well, I’ve done what I wanted to do on this trip”, smiled Harry, “How about all of you?"

* * * * * *

Codzilla had entered the city of Tokyo. Kermit, Robin, Koji, and Bobo watched as they saw everyone fleeing in panic as the terrifying Codzilla was in the distance roaring, breathing fire, and stomping on the smaller buildings.

“This just in!" said the Newsman on the giant skyscraper TV, “The legendary fearsome monster from Japan, known as Codzilla, has entered Tokyo and is causing complete terror and destruction. Who knows who will be his next victim?"

Codzilla saw the giant TV. He tore it off the building and started chomping on it bite by bite while the Newsman backed into the corner of the TV trying to avoid getting eaten.

“Oh no, I’m monster chow!" cried Newsman.

“Why is he scared?" asked Kermit, “The monster’s only eating the TV, not him.”

“I think it’s that other monster in the studio with the Newsman”, said Robin. Sure enough, a giant purple monster known as Gorgon Heap had entered the studio and was eating up the Newsman while Codzilla was eating the giant TV.

“It’s a monster eat monster world”, said Bobo.

“I can’t believe my country has to relive this nightmare once again!" cried Koji as he and the other Muppets watched Codzilla continue his rampage.

“We’ve got find our friends and get them to a safe place!" shouted Kermit.

“But we don’t know where everyone is!" cried Robin.

“Wait, here comes some of them now”, said Kermit. Sure enough, to the left, Gonzo and Rizzo were heading their way, to the right came Pepe and Angel Marie, and right in front of our heroes were Fozzie and Scooter.

“Kermit, what is happening?" cried Fozzie in a panic.

“Yeah, what’s with that not so jolly green giant?" asked Pepe.

“That there is the monster known as Codzilla”, explained Koji, “He has been awoken from his sleep and will destroy all of Tokyo until there’s nothing left of it.”

“And I wanted to come back here next year”, sighed Gonzo, “Oh well. There’s always Detroit.”

“Mr. Koji”, asked Robin, “Didn’t you say that a brave group of hero monsters once defeated Codzilla many years ago?"

“Why, yes I did”, said Koji, “And I believe they might have a chance to do it again.”

“Where can we find them?" asked Kermit.

“I don’t know”, said Koji, “But I do have a friend who might be able to find them. Follow me everyone.” The group of Muppets left the scene while Bobo stayed behind looking down at the sidewalk. “Hey, a piece of chewing gum”, smiled Bobo as he saw the sticky stuff stuck to his foot, pulled it off, and started chewing it. “I wonder if any one else would have this luck like me today?" smiled Bobo as he continued chewing.

Meanwhile, Codzilla discovered he had stepped on a chewing gum factory. He pulled the giant wad of gum, bricks, wood, and screaming factory workers from his foot and stuck it to the side of a building and then left to cause some more destruction.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[Xerus]

Muppets Visit Japan

By Cullen Pittman

Chapter 4

Koji had led the group into a peaceful looking garden and in the center of the garden was an ancient looking temple. “Ah, here we are”, said Koji as he went to a gong near the front door and struck it making a loud vibrating sound.

“My sensitive fuzzy ears!” gasped Fozzie as he started wiggling his ears.

“This is why I switched from gongs to trumpets”, sighed Gonzo.

Just then, the temple doors opened and out stepped a panda in a red kimono. “Konichiwa, great Wisdom Panda”, said Koji bowing to him.

“Hey, it’s you!” smiled Fozzie.

“You know him?” asked Kermit.

“Fozzie and I met this guy today at a comedy club”, said Scooter.

“Yeah, he helped me outheckle Waldorf and Statler too”, said Fozzie, “Oh, thank you great master of Heckle-Fu”, and he bowed to Wisdom Panda.

“Heckle Fu?” asked Kermit.

“Wow”, said Robin, “He must be a great and wise panda if he can help Fozzie get the best of those two old guys.”

“Ah, hello again, my American bear student”, smiled Wisdom Panda, bowing, “And a hello to all of you too, including you my dear friend, Koji-san, what brings you to my temple?”

Koji silently pointed to the far distance and the panda saw the giant fish-lizard tearing up Tokyo.

“Oh, I see”, said Wisdom Panda, “Codzilla is up to his mischief again.”

“We need the help of Japan’s greatest hero monsters”, said Koji, “And they say that only you know how to contact them.”

“Yes, you are right about that”, said Wisdom, “But unfortunately, all 4 of the great monster heroes have passed on to the land of spirits and wind.”

“That’s just great, okay?”, sighed Pepe, “Does anyone here know the e-mail address to the land of spirits and wind?”

“But fear not”, said Wisdom as he turned around and turned back around again carrying a purple velvet pillow that had 4 sparkling rings on them.

“Cool, mood rings”, said Gonzo.

“These are no mere mood rings”, said Wisdom, “Before the great monster heroes passed on, they inserted their powers into these rings and whoever wears them will inherit their powers for a limited amount of time. Now all we need is to find a great and wise warrior who will wear the first ring and fight the monstrous Codzilla.” Wisdom looked at the group of Muppets and then took a good long look at Kermit.

“Why me?” gasped Kermit.

“You are the greatest and wisest of our Muppet family, Uncle Kermit”, said Robin.

“I’m not that great or wise”, said Kermit blushing.

“Then that settles it”, said Wisdom as he slipped the red ring on Kermit’s finger. “If this innocent young frog says that you’re the right stuff, I believe him.”

“Wait!” cried Kermit, “I didn’t say I would accept this power!” But it was too late. A red light suddenly covered up Kermit. Everyone backed away as they watched the red light grow into a huge giant. When the light vanished, our heroes became shocked at what they saw. It was a 40 foot tall Kermit dressed in red and white armor.

“What have you done to me?” cried an echo sounding Kermit as he was looking down at his friends and looked at his new armor.

“You are now known as Ultra-Kermit”, called out Wisdom. “You now possess the power of the first monster hero. Now go forth and defeat Codzilla, oh great hero.”

“How exactly am I supposed to do that?” demanded Ultra-Kermit as he pulled off a giant instruction manual from his back, “I can’t read these instruction manuals. They’re in Japanese.”

“Just try and drag Codzilla out of the city and to an empty field where he can’t cause any harm to the citizens when you two have your epic battle”, said Wisdom. “You’ll know what to do.”

“But”, protested Ultra-Kermit, but then looked down and saw his friends cheering, “Ultra-Kermit! Ultra-Kermit! Ultra-Kermit!”

“I can never turn down the requests of cheering crowds”, sighed Ultra-Kermit as he started to storm through the city, waving his metal arms shouting, “YAAAAAY!” in a booming sounding voice.

* * * * * *

Miss Piggy and Beauregard were rushing around the city trying to find a safe place. Actually, Beau was doing the running while carrying Piggy on his shoulders. “Faster, Beau!” shouted Piggy, “I don’t intend to become a monster snack!”

“I’m going as fast as I can”, cried Beau as he was trying his best to carry a heavy, I mean, big star like Miss. Piggy. “It’s a good thing I workout every morning with a couple of Hefty bags”, sighed Beau.

Just then, Beau stopped as he and Piggy saw a giant 40 foot Kermit clad from head to flipper in armor. “Kermie?” gasped Piggy.

“Oh, hi Piggy, hi Beau”, said Ultra-Kermit looking down at his friends, “I’ll explain later, right now I have to save a city”, and he stepped over the two surprised Muppets and ran off to battle.”

“Kermit must be eating foods with lots of iron”, said Beau.

“Holy guacamole!” gasped Piggy, “I have to get to the bottom of this!”

* * * * * *

Codzilla was busy slamming his hand in the street, pulling out a subway filled with panicking people and placing it inside a huge sub roll. He was about to chomp on it until Ultra-Kermit snatched it away from him. “Hold it right there you Jared wannabe!” said Ultra-Kermit as he placed the subway down on the street and watched everyone run out of it. “Now listen, Mr. Codzilla”, said Ultra-Kermit, “I don’t want to hurt you and if you would be so kind as to stop wrecking Tokyo and return back to your volcano home….”

Codzilla just growled and charged at the giant frog, “YIPE!” gasped Ultra-Kermit as he jumped high in the air missing Codzilla’s tackle. “I’ve never been able to jump that high before”, gasped Ultra-Kermit as he discovered he was flying in the air, thanks to the rockets that were attached to his metal flippers. “Wow, I have super frog powers”, smiled Ultra-Kermit, “I wonder if I can do this?” Ultra-Kermit shot out an extra long tongue snaring Codzilla. “Now do bwing you oud uv de cidy”, said a garbled sounding Ultra-Kermit as he started to fly away while his tongue was dragging away the bound and angry Codzilla out of the city.

* * * * * *

“Excellent”, said Wisdom Panda as he and the Muppets were watching Ultra-Kermit in the distance dragging Codzilla to an empty field. “He’s brought the monster out of harm’s way. But I’m afraid he might need some assistance.” Wisdom took the green ring and handed it to Fozzie.

“You want me to take on that monster?” gasped Fozzie, “But he’s so slimy!”

“You trusted me when I helped you outheckle those two old grumps, did you not?” asked Wisdom.

“But they only used words”, trembled Fozzie, “This big green guy uses teeth, claws, and other sharp hurty things!”

Just then, they saw Codzilla escaping from Ultra-Kermit’s tongue, grabbing it, and started swinging the poor frog around in circles. “YAAAAARGH!” shouted Ultra-Kermit in a painful garbled voice.

“Oh no, Kermit!” cried Fozzie as he slipped on the ring, “I gotta save my best friend!” Just then, green energy surrounded the bear causing him to go, “Whoa-ha-ha!” in a fuddled voice. Then all the other Muppets watched in surprise as Fozzie had become a giant 40 foot bear with green fur and wearing a giant turtle shell.

“What do you know?” said the giant Fozzie as he touched his shell, “I feel like I’m in some kind of soup. Turtle soup that is.”

“You are now known as Gamer-Fozzie”, called out Wisdom Panda. “You possess the power of rocket flight.”

“How do I do that?” asked Gamer-Fozzie.

“Reach into the glove department”, said Wisdom pointing to Gamer-Fozzie’s chest. Gamer-Fozzie opened up the hatch and found what looked like a wired video game pad.

“Neat! I got my own game system!” said Gamer-Fozzie, “Let’s see what A and B do.” Gamer-Fozzie pushed the two buttons and out popped two rocket boosters from his back bottom shell. “Hey, I got rockets in my pockets!” smiled the turtle-bear as he started shaking his bottom showing off his rockets.

“Please, Fozzie!” groaned Pepe, shielding his eyes, “There are some things that are too sensitive for a king prawn’s delicate eyes, okay?”

“I wonder what happens when I push this up button?” asked Gamer-Fozzie as he pushed the center button. Suddenly, the rockets blasted and sent the surprised turtle-bear into the sky. “WHAT THE….!” Gasped Gamer-Fozzie as he found himself hovering in the sky, “How do I get back down?” cried Gamer-Fozzie as he tried to push all the countless buttons on his game pad all at once. Gamer-Fozzie ended up getting pulled into his shell and the shell started to spin around in the sky and blast off into the opposite direction.

“Fozzie!” shouted Scooter, “The monster is that way!”

“I think he’s long gone!” said Gonzo as he saw the turtle shell fly off into the distance.

“Maybe I should’ve installed this simpler controlled instead”, said Wisdom as he took out a simple Atari 2600 joystick with a single button and plain stick.

“Who’s going to help Uncle Kermit now?” cried Robin.

“I still have two more rings left”, said Wisdom, “Who will volunteer next?”

“I’ll volunteer”, said Rizzo, stepping forward.

“How very brave of you, young rodent”, smiled Wisdom as he handed Rizzo the blue ring.

“Thank you”, smiled Rizzo, “And I’m brave enough to volunteer Gonzo!” and he slammed the ring on Gonzo’s beak.

“Rizzo, what are you doing?” gasped Gonzo as he tried to pull the ring off but it was stuck on his beak.

“Just a little payback for volunteering me into that Koozbanian match”, snickered Rizzo.

Just then, blue energy surrounded Gonzo as he morphed into another giant 40 foot monster. He still had his huge eyes and beak, only he now had a blue pterodactyl’s body and wings and a long point on the top of his head. “I’ve become even more of a whatever!” gasped Gonzo looking at his huge wings.

“You are now Ro-Gonzo”, called out Wisdom, “Now please go and help your friend, Ultra-Kermit before it’s too late.”

“Will do!” said Ro-Gonzo as he started flapping his wings and took off.

Ro-Gonzo looked down while flying and saw a grocery truck filled with clucking chickens in a cage wanting to get released. “Fear not, ladies”, said Ro-Gonzo as he swooped down, “You won’t become dinner items on a menu thanks to the Great Ro-Gonzo!” The chickens watched in silent as the huge pterodactyl landed, extended the claw that was attached to his wing and ripped open the top of the truck setting the chickens free. All the grateful chickens gathered around and hugged a smiling and blushing Ro-Gonzo.

“It was my pleasure my pretty chickies”, smiled Ro-Gonzo, but then he accidentally burped and let out a fiery breath covering the chickens. When the flames cleared, Ro-Gonzo became shocked when he saw a pile of lifeless roast chickens sitting on the street.

“Oh dear”, said Ro-Gonzo covering his face with his wing and stepping away slowly. “There are no witnesses around so none of this ever happened”, he mumbled as he took off into the sky.

* * * * * *

Codzilla now had Ultra-Kermit in a headlock and was giving him painful noogies on his metal head. Then the monster started slurping Ultra-Kermit’s metal head with his forked tongue. “Hey, I’m not a toad to be licked!” shouted Ultra-Kermit trying to break free from the headlock. But then the frog hero suddenly found himself free. He got up and turned around and found the mighty Codzilla being lifted up by his tail by a giant pterodactyl with a familiar beak. “Gonzo?” gasped Ultra-Kermit.

“That’s Ro-Gonzo”, said Ro-Gonzo as he was still flapping in the air holding onto Codzilla’s tail. “I got a monster makeover just like you.”

“And it shows”, said Ultra-Kermit, “But right now, we gotta get rid of this destructive lizard. I wonder what this button back here will do?” Ultra-Kermit pushed the button on the back of his neck and suddenly his ping pong ball like eyes started to glow. Then they started shooting glowing ping pong balls at Codzilla causing him to blow up to bits. When the smoke cleared, all you could see was Ro-Gonzo holding onto a broken off tail while the bits and pieces of Codzilla body parts were on the ground like a damaged robot monster suit.

“I guess that takes care of that”, said Ultra-Kermit rubbing his head. But then the damaged lizard pieces started to grow and morph into 4 Codzillas. Ro-Gonzo ended up dropping the tail in shock as the tail grew into a fifth Codzilla. “Oh no!” gasped Ultra-Kermit as 3 Codzillas tackled him.

“I think we just put Codzilla off the endangered species list”, gasped Ro-Gonzo as the other two Codzillas jumped on him bringing him to the ground.

* * * * * *

“Uh oh!” gasped Scooter, “Look’s like Codzilla’s brought in reinforcements!”

“More like gave birth to reinforcements”, said Rizzo.

“Poor Uncle Kermit and Gonzo!” cried Robin.

“I have one last ring left”, said Wisdom Panda holding the orange ring, “Who will be the last warrior that might end up saving the day?”

“Let me do it!” said Angel Marie happily, “The things I’m gonna make those monsters do to me once I defeat them”, and he took out a pair of panties and a bottle of Thousand Island Dressing.”

“On second thought”, said Pepe remembering Angel’s sick fantasies at the sumo arena, “I’d better take the ring, okay? We don’t need the kids of Japan seeing Angel Marie’s questionable aftermath, okay?”

“A very wise choice indeed”, said Wisdom, looking puzzled at the things Angel was holding. He slipped the ring on Pepe’s finger, actually his arm because of Pepe’s small size. Suddenly an orange glowing cocoon surrounded Pepe and it grew into a giant. Then the cocoon quickly hatched and out came a 40 foot Pepe with giant orange moth wings, giant feelers on his head, and red goggles over his eyes.

“This is totally awesome!” smiled Pepe as he found himself hovering over the air with his new wings.

“Wow”, said Rizzo, “You just went from shrimp to butterfly.”

“That’s king prawn, not shrimp, okay?” shouted Pepe, “And I’ve become a moth! Being a butterfly sounds too girly!”

“Then head off into battle, Moth-Pepe”, said Wisdom Panda, “May the great spirits protect you.”

“They’d better”, sighed Pepe, “I’ve become too handsome to die right now!” and he flew off to help his friends.

* * * * * *

The 5 Codzilla’s were now sitting on top of the overpowered Ultra-Kermit and Ro-Gonzo while growling cheers and hi-fiving each other.

“These guys sure do savor victory, don’t they?” groaned Ro-Gonzo.

“And I thought Doc Hopper was my toughest enemy!” groaned Ultra-Kermit.

Just then a huge wind ended up knocking the Codzillas off of our heroes. Ultra-Kermit and Ro-Gonzo looked up and saw that the wind came from the wings of a giant fluttering shadow. The shadow then sprayed some kind of silk string from its antennas tying up all the Codzillas sealing them into a huge ball of twine.

“Are you an angel from Heaven?” Ro-Gonzo asked the flying creature.

“I wouldn’t say I’m an angel”, said Pepe’s voice, “At least, that’s what all the ladies keep saying to me.”

“Pepe?” gasped Ultra-Kermit as his vision cleared and discovered a giant sized Pepe with moth wings.

“That’s Moth-Pepe, okay?” said Pepe proudly as he did sky acrobatics in the air. “Oh yeah! Oh yeah! No one can beat Moth-Pepe, okay?”

Just then, they heard a loud scream and Gamer-Fozzie came in spinning out control and crashed into Moth-Pepe causing them to both land on the ground.

“Fozzie?” gasped Ultra-Kermit as he saw his bear friend in a giant turtle suit.

“Pretty neat, huh”, said Gamer-Fozzie as he got back up and helped Moth-Pepe on his feet. “And you won’t believe how fast this shell can go. Look where I’ve been in the past few minutes.” Gamer-Fozzie turned around and showed everyone the back of his shell. There were stickers that had the words, London, Paris, Rome, Hong Kong, Rio, N.Y., and a lot of other places he ended up going thanks to his new rocket shell.

“That’s nothing”, said Moth-Pepe, “Look what I did to old fish face and his cronies over there, okay?” He pointed to the giant silk ball that had the monsters trapped inside. Just then, the ball started to crack open and a giant green claw started to claw its way out.

“Pepe”, gasped Ultra-Kermit, “Do you realize that you sealed those monsters inside a cocoon?”

“Aren’t cocoons those furry little guys with masks who raid garbage cans?” asked Moth-Pepe. But before Ultra-Kermit could correct him, the cocoon completely cracked open and out came only one Codzilla, but now 90 feet tall while our monster heroes were each only 40 feet tall.

“Uh oh!” gasped Ultra-Kermit as they saw the even bigger Codzilla stretch his limbs ready to continue his thrashing. “Now how do we stop that giant?”

“Fight him standing on stepladders?” asked Ro-Gonzo.

Just then, a movie camera suddenly ejected from Gamer-Fozzie’s front shell and a projection of Wisdom Panda appeared in the sky. “That’s neat, Fozzie”, said Ro-Gonzo, “How’d you do that?”

“I have no idea”, said Gamer-Fozzie, “But I wonder if I can hook up my old VCR to this shell?”

“Listen, my friends”, said Wisdom, “Now is the time for the 4 great warriors to become one.”

“Become one?” asked Ultra-Kermit, “How do we do that?”

“Just join hands and let the rest happen”, said Wisdom. Ultra-Kermit, Gamer-Fozzie, and Ro-Gonzo obeyed and joined hands. “Come on, Pepe”, said Ultra-Kermit, “Wisdom Panda says we have to join hands.”

“Forget it, okay?” said Moth-Pepe, “Joining hands seems too awkward.” But then he turned around and found Codzilla charging at them. “Awkward is better than getting flattened, okay?” shouted Moth-Pepe as he quickly grabbed his friends’ hands.

Suddenly, a glowing golden aura surrounded the four Muppet heroes and lifted then into the air. They suddenly found themselves making even more bizarre transformations. Gamer-Fozzie ended up pulling his head, arms, and legs back into his shell and it grew to a large size. Ultra-Kermit’s metal body started to transform into a pair of giant metal legs with a pelvis and they attached themselves to the bottom of Gamer-Fozzie’s shell. Ro-Gonzo covered himself with his huge wings while a blue hand ejected from the bottom forming a right arm. Moth-Pepe also covered himself with his huge wings and ejected a hand creating a left arm. Then the two arms attached themselves to the sides of the giant shell.

Codzilla watched in surprise for the four Muppet heroes were now one giant hero almost the size of him. The giant reptile was a little nervous at first, but then he noticed the hero was wobbling around not knowing where he was coming or going. Codzilla then realized that the hero had a strong shell, arms, and legs, but he lacked a head to guide him around. Codzilla then laughed and then growled and started to thrash the helpless headless Muppet hero.

* * * * * *

“Why doesn’t he have a head?” cried Koji as he and the other Muppets were watching the battle.

“Oh dear, I forgot”, said Wisdom Panda, holding a samurai’s helmet, “Somebody must don this magic helmet to become the head and guide the greatest hero to victory. Who will volunteer?”

Before anyone could speak and turn down, the helmet was grabbed by a pair of purple gloves. “Miss. Piggy?” asked Robin.

“Yes, Robin dear”, said Piggy, polishing the helmet with her hand, “My frog is out there as a pair of hunky sexy legs, putting his life in danger to save us all. I have to join him in battle and save Kermie!”

“What about our other friends who are out there fighting?” asked Scooter.

“Oh yeah, I gotta save the arms and turtle shell too”, said Piggy as she put on the helmet. “Here I come Kermie!” just then Piggy screamed as a pink aura surrounded her and blasted off like a comet.

Codzilla was still punching the headless Muppet hero around having a great time. Just then a pink flash landed on top of the hero causing Codzilla to pause for a minute. The Muppet hero now had the head of a tough looking female pig wearing a samurai helmet. Codzilla made a questionable grunt.

“What, what’s going on here?” gasped Piggy as she looked down at her giant new body that consisted of a green turtle shell, red and white metal legs, and weird looking arms covered with folded pterodactyl and moth wings. “If any paparazzi are around with their cameras, this picture of moi better not appear in any magazines, OR ELSE!” shouted Piggy. But then, she saw Codzilla started to charge at her.

“So you want a piece of the pig, eh?” shouted Piggy then looked down at her body. “Get ready boys because Miss Piggy’s gonna give you all a karate lesson! HYYYAAAH!” And Piggy made a flying kick knocking the mighty Codzilla off his feet. When Codzilla got back up, he was met with serious blows from the hands of Miss Piggy. Actually the hands of Gonzo and Pepe since they made the arms of the monster hero. Anyway, Codzilla tried his hardest to fight, but he seemed to be no match for the awesome karate moves of Miss. Piggy who had years of practice clobbering bad guys, not to mention her own friends. Then Piggy gave one final blow knocking Codzilla into the sea.

Everyone in Tokyo became silent and worried as they saw the giant Codzilla rise from the water, but then shrunk back down to his regular 40 foot size. The giant Piggy warrior stood in battle position but became surprised when Codzilla bowed to her.

“Noble and mighty Muppet warriors”, said Codzilla who was now speaking in his calm cultured voice again, “You have defeated me in battle with great strength and honor. But now I am very tired and must return to my home to continue my slumber. I still have 5000 years of sleep left before I can face the beautiful day again. Farewell.” And Codzilla turned his back and slowly marched back to his volcano home.

“That’s it?” grumbled Piggy, “But I was just getting warmed up. Come back here and fight you chicken of the sea!”

“Um, Piggy”, said her right hand that was speaking in Gonzo’s voice. “I think you should be satisfied that you won.”

“Yeah, for our sakes, okay?” said Piggy’s left hand that spoke in Pepe’s voice.

“Oh, all right!” sighed Piggy, “Anything to keep you two from talking. Hearing my new hands speaking is totally freaky!”

All of Tokyo watched Codzilla climb up the volcano and jump into it signaling that the mighty terror would be asleep for many centuries. Provided that no one foolish would wake him up again. Then all of Tokyo turned over to the mighty monster warrior that had the head of the famous Miss. Piggy and started cheering for her.

“Thank you, thank you, and Japanese kissie kissies for everyone”, smiled Piggy. “I may look weird in this new form but at least I’ve accomplished my dream and have become the biggest star in the world. And another bonus is that I’ve become a lot closer to my Kermie even more!” And she started stroking her metal leg causing it to make a familiar sounding, “SHEESH!”

Just then a pink aura surrounded the giant Piggy causing her to shrink down. Then Piggy found herself back to normal self and found herself sitting on top of Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, and Pepe who were back to their normal selves as well. “Oh well”, sighed Piggy, “At least I’m my petit size once again.”

“Petit and Piggy don’t actually mix, okay?” grumbled Pepe who was being crushed by Piggy’s weight.

All of the Muppets rushed over to help the Muppets back on their feet. “That was amazing Uncle Kermit”, said Robin. “Wait till I tell all of my friends back at school how cool my uncle is!”

“Aw, Robin”, said Kermit blushing.

“Kermie, you’re blushing”, smiled Piggy.

“I think that’s just the bruises from that battle”, said Kermit, rubbing his head.

“Say Gonzo”, said Rizzo, “How did it feel being a giant right fist knocking that creep around?”

“Let’s say my nose will never have such a wonderful moment like that again”, sighed Gonzo, rubbing his now battered beak.

“I guess I was lucky that Miss Piggy wasn’t a southpaw”, said Pepe who only had a few minor injuries.

“There rings are really neat”, said Fozzie, “I never felt such a boost of power and confidence”, then he turned around and saw his finger ringless. “Hey, my ring’s gone!” cried Fozzie.

“Mine is too”, said Kermit. Gonzo and Pepe found that their rings were missing as well.

“Miss Piggy is also missing her neat helmet too”, said Gonzo pointing to Piggy.

“It’s just as well”, said Piggy, “That helmet didn’t match my lovely hair.”

“The spirits of the great heroes reclaimed their powers”, explained Wisdom Panda who had arrived at the scene. “Codzilla had been defeated so hopefully, they won’t have to send back the rings nor the helmet to us for a long time, unless some certain crazy person tries to awaken the beast again.”

Everyone turned around and saw Crazy Harry in handcuffs being taken away by two policemen. “You will be sent to jail for a long time for awaking the great terror of Tokyo”, said the first policeman. Harry just replied by laughing like a mental case while the cops put him in their police car.

“Are you going to bail Crazy Harry out, Uncle Kermit?” asked Robin.

“What’s the point?” asked Kermit, “Harry always gets sent to jail and he always finds a way to bust out and make his way back to us. So why waste money on pointless bail?”

Just then, Hiro reappeared at the scene next to Koji, “Good, I am back”, said Hiro, “Koji-san, I must warn you about the bad omen Muppet.”

“Do not worry, Hiro-san”, said Koji, “Our American Muppet friends have saved the day and the bad omen Muppet is being sent away to prison.” Koji pointed to Crazy Harry who was still laughing from inside the police car.

“He is not the bad omen Muppet”, said Hiro, “He is!” Everyone turned around and saw Bobo Bear had opened up a huge crate of ice cream bars and had eaten every bar. “That foolish bear had eaten a whole shipment of Funtime Ice Cream Bars that was going to be delivered to our favorite restaurant!” cried Hiro, “Now we won’t be able to enjoy them!”

Everyone looked at Bobo with angry confused eyes. “Hey, this box was sitting near the restaurant unprotected”, said Bobo with a cream covered face. “It’s not my fault no one was guarding it while that giant monster thingy was terrorizing everyone. I was just following my park bear instincts!”

“You’ll have to forgive Bobo”, Kermit said to Hiro, “His parents were mischievous Yellowstone Park bears who stole food regularly and they passed their bad habits down to him.”

“No worries”, said Hiro, “I’ll just travel back in time to last month when the restaurant sold those Funtime Ice Cream Bars. That way, I can enjoy them after all!” And Hiro started up his time traveling powers.

“Wait, I’ll join you!” shouted Bobo as he rushed over and gave Hiro a bear hug. “I want more of that ice cream!”

“NOOOO!” shouted Hiro as he vanished while taking Bobo with him.

“That was weird”, said Gonzo, “Even for me.”

“Oh my”, said Koji looking at his watch, “Everyone, it’s almost time for my show to begin. So let us all head over to the theater for a private showing of my very own Muppet Show.”

“Yeah, that’s right. I almost forgot”, said Kermit, “Come on everybody!” And all the excited Muppets followed Koji to his theater.

TO BE CONCLUDED

 

[Xerus]

Muppets Visit Japan

By Cullen Pittman

Chapter 5

We see all the American Muppets sitting in theater seats inside Koji’s theater. Kermit was seated at the front along with Robin, Fozzie, Piggy, Gonzo, Rizzo, Pepe, and Angel Marie while the others were in the back rows. They were looking at a stage with a big red curtain and an orchestra pit with Japanese Anything Muppets tuning up their instruments. “It sure is a nice change to be in the audience and have someone else perform for us”, said Kermit.

“I almost feel like Waldorf and Statler”, said Robin

“Funny you should say that!” called out Waldorf’s voice. All the Muppets looked above and saw a theater box with who else but Waldorf and Statler sitting there.

“What are you two old grumps doing here?” asked Fozzie, “I thought this was supposed to be a private showing?”

“We thought this was a Japanese steak house”, said Statler, “Obviously Waldorf doesn’t read Japanese too well.”

“Lately I can’t read anything too well”, sighed Waldorf, “As long as we are here, let’s see how these Japanese Muppets do with a show.”

“Hey, Animal”, asked Rowlf who was still tugging on his dog leash that was held by Animal.” We’re not on the streets anymore. Why don’t you take this leash off of me?”

“Not yet!” said Animal.

“Well when then?” asked Rowlf.

“When time comes!” said Animal, “HEH HEH HEH!”

“I hope it’s not when I’m an old timer”, worried Rowlf.

Just then, the orchestra started playing and on stage came Koji the Frog dressed in a black tuxedo while the American Muppets applauded. “Domo, domo, or as you Americans say, thank you”, said Koji bowing. “I am so delighted to have the famous American Muppets here in Japan for the premiere of our version of The Muppet Show. We hope you will all enjoy the musical numbers, comedy spots, and the regular skits me and my talented friends will be featuring each week. And to start our show, here’s our regular piano player, Purz the Cat, bringing you a classic tune.”

As Koji left the stage, the curtain opened and there sat a white fluffy cat sitting at a piano.

“A cat playing a piano?” gasped Rowlf, “How ridiculous! Only dogs are good at that stuff!”

Purz the Cat just silently raised his furry paws and started playing a classic Japanese song on the piano while everyone just sat there amazed. Except for Rowlf, who was twitching in his seat like crazy. “I can’t hold it in!” whispered Rowlf, “Though that cat is talented, he’s still a cat and I’m a dog! Mother Nature’s rules!” Just as Rowlf was about to get out of his seat and start chasing after the cat, Animal tugged at his chain causing the poor dog to plunk back into his seat. “Thanks, Animal”, sighed Rowlf, “Now I see why I still needed the leash on.”

“Good doggie”, whispered Animal as he watched Purz continue playing.

“And now for my big finish”, said Purz as he wiggled his fingers and was about to play as hard as he could until he started coughing and hacking and suddenly the front of the piano was covered with a huge disgusting hairball. All the Muppets became silent for a few seconds and then they started cheering and clapping.

“BRAVO!” shouted Gonzo, “A true work of art!”

“What a cool cat!” said Floyd.

“Even I have to admit I can’t finish a piano performance like that”, said Rowlf. “Way to go, Purz!”

“But wait!” cried Purz, “That wasn’t my big finish! That disgusting shameful hairball was an accident. Please stop!” But the Muppets kept on cheering and applauding while the grumpy Purz just pushed his messy piano off the stage while the curtain closed and Koji hopped back on stage.

“I hope you enjoyed Purz the Cat’s unique performance”, said Koji. “Right now, it’s time for the comedy spot. And here he is, that fabulous furry funny fellow, Wise Guy Panda.”

Koji leaves the stage as the curtain opens revealing a bamboo forest background. And in steps Wisdom Panda wearing a flowered Hawaiin shirt, a white sailor’s hat, and holding a golf club. “Hiya, hiya, hiya”, said the panda now speaking in a wild comedian’s voice, “It’s great to be here everyone.”

“Hey, it’s Wisdom Panda”, gasped Scooter.

“Only he looks kind of different”, said Fozzie.

“And you’re too kind to mention that, Fozzie-san”, smiled the Panda, “I’m only Wisdom Panda from 10 to 6. But when I’m off duty, I’m the wild and funny Wise Guy Panda. That’s when I get to let myself go!” And he opened up his Hawaiin shirt letting his huge gut drop out. “Now this is what I call a gutbuster! AHHHH!” smiled Wise Guy Panda as he started wiggling his ears while everyone started laughing.

“Maybe I should grow a huge gut like that”, said Fozzie, patting his stomach.

“But seriously”, said Wise Guy Panda, “I’ve been a comedian for many years. In fact, a long time ago, I remember watching one of my past performances on my new color TV. But something was wrong with it. When I saw my old panda self on the screen, for some reason I was still black and white. HA HA HA HA! I’m too much!” Everyone started laughing at Wise Guy’s jokes, even Waldorf and Statler.

“Why are we laughing at that bear?” whispered Waldorf. “I didn’t really think it was that funny.”

“We could heckle him”, said Statler, “But after that Heckle Fu treatment we got today, we’d better not, especially with that other bear in the house.” The two old men looked down in the audience and they saw Fozzie giving them an evil eye of Heckle Fu.

“And I thought my evil eye was something”, groaned Waldorf.

When Wise Guy was finished with his act, everyone applauded. “Thank you, thank you”, smiled Wise Guy as he bowed, “You’re truly a great audience, especially you, Fozzie-san. And remember….” Wise Guy started speaking in his Wisdom Panda voice again, “Always keep the joy in your life as much as you keep the joy in your buzzer.”

“Whoa!” said Fozzie looking very trippy, “It’s like he can see into my funny bone.”

When the curtain closed over the panda, Koji entered the stage once again. “I’m so glad you found our comedy spot very merry”, said Koji, “And now it’s time to hear a song from our own lovely and talented singing diva, Miss Cranie.”

“Miss Cranie?” asked Kermit.

“Sounds like someone who came from a construction site”, said Miss. Piggy unimpressed.

The curtain opened and a beautiful Japanese garden setting was revealed. And in the center was a pretty white snow crane with long black hair and wearing a pink dress while holding a pink umbrella. “Smoochie, smoochie, my adoring fans”, said the crane in a pretty Japanese accented voice. “I am indeed Miss. Cranie, the most beautiful songbird in all of Japan.”

“Oh brother, what an ego!” grumbled Piggy and then she took out a mirror and started looking at herself. “Now you’re worth looking at”, smiled Piggy as she giggled at her reflection.

“I’d like to dedicate this song to my one and only true love”, smiled Cranie as she pushed a button on her umbrella and the handle suddenly shot out like a fishing pole and dragged a surprised Koji on the stage.

“Cranie-san, what are you doing?” asked Koji as he found himself trapped in Cranie’s feathery hug.

“Why I’m going to sing a love song about you, my boyfriend”, smiled Cranie.

“Boyfriend?” gasped the Muppets in the audience including Koji himself.

“Hit it!” shouted Cranie. Suddenly the orchestra started to play and a group of frog chorus singers came in and started to sing a melody of croaks and ribbit-ribbits. Then Cranie started to sing her song where the beginning went like this.

“Oh, I’m in love with a big blue frog. A big blue frog loves me.
It’s not as bad as it appears, he wears glasses and he’s six foot three.”

“Yes, I do wear glasses”, said Koji, “But I’m not exactly six foot three. Let me get you a tape measure and I’ll show you my exact height.” Koji tried to leave but Cranie was holding on tight to his arm preventing him from escaping. Cranie continued to sing her Big Blue Frog song to the end and when she was finished, she pounced on Koji and started kissing him non-stop, actually pecking him since she had a beak instead of lips. Then the curtain closed while the Muppets applauded.

“Is that frog henpecked?” asked Waldorf.

“More like crane damaged!” said Statler. And the two old men laughed.

Next, a big green octopus with a black goatee and a black tuxedo crawled onto the stage. “Greetings my good American audience”, said the octopus in a deep cultural sounding Japanese accent. “My name is Ozaki the Octopus and it is my job to bring culture and dignity to this how you Americans call, “weird”, show. The things I have seen so far were just painful to my large sensitive eyes.”

“Now this octopus has a lot on the ball”, said Sam.

“Octopus balls, YUM!” said Animal.

“I will pretend I did not hear that”, said Ozaki insulted, “Right now, I am proud to have a brand new singing duo right here on our stage, the very talented and very loving Jez and Junzo.”

Ozaki crawled off the stage, the curtain opened, and there was a Japanese Muppet couple standing in front of a wall of colored hearts. Jez was a guy dressed in a white tuxedo and Junzo was a girl dressed in a red kimono. The two of them started to sing the song, All You Need is Love. But Jez accidentally stepped on Junzo’s foot causing her to yelp, but then continued to sing. Junzo smiled a wicked smile and jabbed Jez in the stomach with her elbow. Then Jez started to give her a gentle slap on the cheek which led to Junzo socking Jez in the face. Then it led to an all out karate battle while they continued to sing, All You Need is Love. Junzo launched a flying kick in the air hitting Jez in the face causing a tooth to get knocked out and land into the audience. Robin ended up finding the tooth and said, “Oh boy! I’m gonna get my very first visit from the toothfairy!”

Ozaki, who was watching backstage, became shocked and stretched his tentacles out on the stage snaring the fighting couple and dragging them off as the curtain closed.

“I never knew that was a way to express love”, said Gonzo, “I gotta try that with Camilla.”

Koji then hopped back on the stage, “I am truly sorry for that horrid and violent act you had to witness”, said Koji, “Hopefully, our future acts will not be so out of control like that.”

“Funny, those were my same exact words when I first started showbiz”, said Kermit.

“But maybe this next act will be pleasing to all of you”, said Koji as he went to the curtain, “Is everything all right back there?”

“Oh, hai, hai, hai!” said a deep sounding voice from behind the curtain.

“Good”, said Koji as he faced the audience. “Now it’s time for our show’s artist who has come up with a very, um, interesting act. Here he is, Nezbro the Neat!”

The curtain opened and we see an orange furry thing with huge eyes and a curly beak dressed in a yellow tuxedo. “Hello art lovers”, said Nezbro bowing, “And have I got an artistic act for you? I am going to eat this live beehive to the music of The Flight of the Bumblebee! Music, Maestro.” Then Nezbro started nibbling onto the top of the beehive while the music played and the sounds of angry bees were heard.

“That’s just like your first act, Gonzo”, Rizzo whispered to Gonzo.

“Only I ate a rubber tire to the same music”, said Gonzo, “What this guy’s planning isn’t art. It’s dangerous, especially to those poor bees.”

Nezbro had finally eaten the entire beehive. All the Muppets in the audience looked puzzled and shocked.

“Come on, guys”, said Kermit standing up, “Let’s be kind and give Nezbro a round of applause.” Everyone obeyed Kermit and started applauding.

“Thank you, thank you”, smiled Nezbro as he started bowing. “Are there any questions?”

“I have one”, said Robin, “Won’t all those bees sting your mouth, not to mention your stomach?”

“Don’t worry”, smiled Nezbro, “After many years of questionable acts, I’ve developed a strong immune system.

“Just like I did”, said Gonzo

“Any more questions?” asked Nezbro.

“Yeah”, said Janice, “Like, how’s the queen bee going to react that you ate her hive and her with it?”

“Aw, don’t worry about the queen”, smiled Nezbro, “I didn’t eat her at all. Queen bees are a bit too much for my digestive system. So I gave her a free coupon to a beauty spa. Once she left, I took her hive and ate it. Trust me, Queenie doesn’t even know where I am right now.”

Just then, a loud buzzing was heard. And in came a giant queen bee that was the size of a blimp looking very angry at Nezbro. “Your majesty”, said Nezbro bowing nervously. “You’re back from the spa and gotten much healthier and huger as well. Must be all that vitamin B they’ve been putting in those pools.”

The queen bee interrupted Nezbro with some loud angry buzzing.

“Oh, I suppose you’re wondering where your hive is, not to mention your subjects”, said Nezbro, “It’s a funny story, you see…” But just then, a couple of bees flew out of his mouth. The queen bee’s many eyes grew red with rage. “Heh, heh, heh”, said Nezbro embarrassed as he rushed off the stage smashing a hole through the wall while the queen bee flew after him smashing an even bigger hole.

“Now that’s what I call a closing act!” shouted Gonzo, “Nezbro the Neat, you’re truly an artist!”

“What do you suppose that queen bee is going to do to him?” asked Statler.

“Put him through a sting operation?” asked Waldorf and the two guys started laughing.

Koji hops back on the stage again. “Don’t worry about my friend, Nezbro”, said Koji, “He always seems to bounce back every time he does this stuff. So right now, why don’t we laugh while we watch one of our regular comedy skits, Vet’s Clinic?”

Koji hopped off the stage as the curtain opened and there were Miss. Cranie, Purz the Cat, and Junzo all dressed in surgeon uniforms while looking at bed with a green sheet over it. An announcer says, “Now it’s time for Vet’s Clinic. The continuing story of a quack who’s a real cat’s meow.”

“Nurse Cranie”, said Purz, “Who’s today’s patient?”

“It’s a snail, Dr. Purz”, replied Cranie as she pulled back the sheet and showed off a large pink snail shell.

“Oh great!” groaned Purz, “I hate having snails for patients!”

“Why, Dr. Purz?” asked Junzo.

“Because they always pay in slugs!” said Purz and they all start laughing.

“But this snail has a good job”, said Cranie, “He’s a lawyer.”

“Of course”, said Purz, “He’s all slimy!”

“This snail hasn’t come out of his shell in 5 years”, said Junzo.

“He doesn’t need a hospital”, said Purz, “He needs a shell station!”

“It’s a mental problem”, said Cranie, “This snail refuses to come out and face the world.”

“So he’s a total shut-in, eh?” asked Purz as he picked up the shell and started to shake it around. “Come on out, snail!” he shouted.

“Dr. Purz!” shouted Junzo, “What are you doing to him?”

“Showing him it’s not so hot living a shell-tered life!” laughed Purz then he put the shell down. “Perhaps these will do the trick”, said Purz taking out two electric paddles.

“Dr. Purz!” gasped Cranie, “What are you going to… Wait, don’t tell me, you’re going to give him a shell shock!”

“Aw, you stole my best joke!” groaned Purz.

“When did you ever have a best joke?” said Junzo.

“Charging up”, continued Purz as he started charging up his paddles.

“Wait, Dr. Purz!” called out Cranie as she turned over the shell. “This shell is empty!”

“You’re kidding?” asked Purz as he put down the paddles and peeked inside the shell. “Where’d the snail go?”

“He must’ve cured himself and decided to leave home when we weren’t looking”, said Junzo.

“I guess alls shell at ends shell”, laughed Purz while the others laughed too.

Then the announcer said, “And so we come to the end of the very first and hopefully the last Vet’s Clinic. Tune in next week when we hear Nurse Cranie say….”

“We must’ve done every bad shell joke we can think of in this sketch”, said Cranie.

“Not so”, said Purz, “I have one more.”

“Why do it?” asked Junzo.

“Oh, just for the shell of it”, laughed Purz and the two nurses started laughing as the curtain closed.

Koji hopped back on stage again and said, “Wasn’t that funny?” asked Koji. “And now just like your Muppet Show in the USA, this show will also feature guest stars. And we were in luck to get us a guest star at the last minute. Here she is, that loveable plush toy star of Japan, Salutations Bunny!”

“WHAT?” gasped Bean as Koji hopped off the stage and the curtain opened revealing certain bunny whom Bean had a displeasure of meeting at the arcade along with her plush gang holding musical instruments.

“Hello all you little sweeties”, smiled Salutations in a sweet little voice. “Me and my friendly little back up singers are going to sing our new hit song, It’s Nice to be Nice!”

“Why do I suddenly feel cavities forming?” asked Waldorf.

“You won’t”, grumbled Statler, “You left your false teeth back at our hotel room!”

Just as Salutations was about to sing, Bean leaped up and shouted. “You’re not the real Salutations Bunny! You’re that mean stuffed bunny who had me locked in a claw machine!”

“Bean?” gasped Kermit confused and so were all the other Muppets.

“Yeah, that’s right!” shouted Sweetums as he got out of his seat.

“Hurry you mooks, the jig is up, let’s amscray!” shouted Salutations back in her nasty voice. She and her plush gang ran off the stage and tried to run out the exit. Just then, a huge net slammed on top of the plushes and were scooped up by Sweetums.

“Nice catch, Sweetums”, smiled Bean as he hopped over to his huge friend who was proudly holding the net filled with angry squeaking plush toys.

“What you say we take these fluffy fugitives back to the claw machine at the arcade so you can get your money back?” Sweetums asked Bean.

“Sounds good to me”, smiled Bean as he and Sweetums walked out the exit.

“You’ll be sorry for this!” shouted Salutations from inside the net. “My sharp claws are lethal weapons compared to the one in that machine!” But then Salutations realized she only had fluffy paws with pink hearts sewn on them. “Oh, stinky-poo!” she grumbled.

“Well, that was unusual”, said Koji as he got back on stage all confused, “Why don’t we move on to the finale before any more disasters happen? And here they are, those lovely ladies of dance, The Japanese Tai-Chi, Karate, and Chowder Society!”

Koji left the stage again and the curtain opened again revealing three geisha girls dressed in kimonos doing a traditional Japanese dance.

“I remember those girls”, said Kermit, “They performed on one of our old shows. I’ve been wondering what ever happened to them?”

“Boy would I like to share a hot tub with goes girls, okay?” said Pepe excitedly, “What do you say, Angel? Um, Angel?” Pepe turned to the seat next to him and found it empty. “Now where did my odd ogre like friend go off to?” wondered Pepe, “Oh, never mind, okay? I see him dancing on the stage WITH THOSE GIRLS?”

Sure enough, Angel Marie was on stage wearing a kimono and a black wig and he was using his huge bottom to bump all 3 geishas off the stage. Then he started singing the song, “I Enjoy Being a Girl!”

“I didn’t know Angel Marie was a girl”, said Fozzie.

“To tell you the truth”, sighed Pepe, “I could never figure out that Muppet’s true gender.”

“Why me?” wailed Kermit as the geishas tried their best to get back on the stage only to be bumped off by the singing Angel. Soon the geishas came back in karate uniforms and started beating Angel Marie to death and then they threw him into the orchestra pit where he landed head first in a huge tuba.

“I also enjoy being a girl who got beat up by other girls”, mumbled Angel from inside the tuba.

The American Muppets started applauding for that unusual performance while a confused Koji got back on stage. “Well, I must say”, said Koji, “Our very first show has been an interesting one and I’m amazed that we actually gotten through the end of it. Normally, before we go, we would thank our special guest star, Salutations Bunny, but she has left. I heard that huge fellow Sweetums saying that he was taking her to a place called Arcadia. I hear that’s a pleasant place and I hope to go there someday. But how about I bring out our Muppet cast and we’ll say we hope you’ll keep watching our version of the Muppet Show!” All of the Japanese Muppets came on stage, including Nezbro whose face was covered with bee stings and bandages. They all bowed to everyone as the American Muppets cheered and applauded, except for Waldorf and Statler.

“Do we really want to subscribe to the Japanese channel for this?” asked Waldorf.

“Sure we do”, said Statler, “It’ll keep us from having to watch that original American Muppet Show.” And they started laughing while leaving the theater box. Just then, they ran into two elderly Japanese Muppets.

“Pardon us”, said the first elderly Muppet, “We just wanted to check out this theater box.”

“We plan to come here and watch this show regularly”, said the second elderly Muppet.

“And practice our Heckle Fu out of these beginner Muppet performers!” said the two elderly Muppets while making battle poses.

“It looks like we’re leaving this show in good hands”, smiled Waldorf while he and Statler started laughing along the two elderly Japanese Muppets.

* * * * * *

After the show, Koji invited the American Muppets backstage to have a party. The American Muppets were getting along great with their Japanese counterparts. Except for Rowlf who had broken free from Animal’s leash and ended up chasing Purz the Cat up the stage curtain. “WOOF WOOF! Sorry about this”, said Rowlf, “Dog instincts, you understand? WOOF WOOF WOOF!”

“HISS HISS! I understand perfectly my canine friend”, said Purz, “HISS HISS!”

Gonzo was showing a photo of his girlfriend to Nezbro. “This is my Camilla who’s waiting for me back in the States”, said Gonzo proudly.

“A very fine grade of American poultry indeed”, said Nezbro. “I too have a lovely poultry girlfriend.”

“Really?” asked Gonzo, “Do you have a picture?”

“Better yet, she’s here in this theater right now”, said Nezbro, “Oh, Suki!”

“Quack, quack!” called out a voice. The Swedish Chef became shocked as he turned around and saw Nezbro hugging a certain lady duck he recently had a battle with.

“Roovenge is mine!” shouted Chef as he took out his frying pan and started battling the duck who was defending herself with her bow staff causing them both to battle themselves out the exit door.

“Don’t hurt him too badly, Suki-chan”, called out Nezbro.

“Cool, you got a girlfriend whose a fighter”, said Gonzo, “All that Camilla can do is tickle me with her feathers.”

“Can you believe the outrageous foolishness I have to witness working in this theater?” Ozaki the Octopus asked Sam.

“I feel for you, my friend”, said Sam, “Culture can never be free from weirdness no matter what country it’s in.”

Bunsen was escorting a traumatized Beaker over to a buffet table. “Don’t worry about that awful squid that attacked you today”, said Bunsen, “Just be thankful you escaped before it dragged you off to sea.”

“Mee mee meep”, said Beaker in an uneasy voice.

“Just have some delicious Japanese cuisine to take your mind off of it”, said Bunsen as he opened up a nearby cooking pot.

“Meep?” said Beaker smelling what was inside the pot but then got seized by the same squid that had jumped out of the pot. “MEEEEP!” cried Beaker who was getting squeezed to death again.

“Oh my”, said Bunsen as he saw Beaker getting dragged away by the squid.

“What are you doing with my wife?” demanded Ozaki as he rushed after the squid and Beaker.

Kermit and Koji were watching their groups of Muppets having conversations, silliness, and Wise Guy Panda and Fozzie were showing off their collection of rubber chickens, squirt flowers, and whoopee cushions.

“I must say, Koji”, said Kermit, “I’m quite impressed by your version of our Muppet Show. I really enjoyed it.”

“It was that good?” asked Koji puzzled, “I thought a lot of the acts went all wrong.”

“Trust me”, said Kermit, “Things seem to go wrong on our show a lot too. Just take what you got and fly with it.”

“Take what you got and fly with it?” asked Koji, “Where did you learn such wisdom?”

“From a dear friend named Jim”, sighed Kermit looking up in the sky.

Just then, both frogs were tackled by their respected girl stalkers. “Kissie, kissie, Kermie!” said Piggy.

“Smoochie, smoochie, Koji-chan”, said Miss. Cranie wrapping her wings around Koji and pecking him with her beak.

“That’s not smoochie smoochie you’re doing to your frog”, said Piggy, “That looks more like peckie peckie!”

“And that’s looks more like snoutie, snoutie you’re doing to your frog”, said Cranie.

“Are you saying I have a big nose?” demanded Piggy getting annoyed.

“Oh no”, said Cranie, “Your bottom is much bigger.”

“Why you snow coated turkey!” shouted Piggy, “You want a piece of me?”

“Sorry, but I don’t eat sausage”, said Cranie.

“AAAAAH!” shouted Piggy with rage as she tried to karate chop the crane but Cranie knew some karate moves too and started blocking her moves.

“I am so sorry for all of this, Kermit-san”, sighed Koji.

“Don’t apologize”, said Kermit, “We both know it’s hard to raise divas.”

Robin saw Johnny Fiama standing there having a drink, “Hey, Mr. Fiama”, said Robin, “Where’s Sal? I thought you never went anywhere without your helper monkey.”

“Sal’s missing?” asked Johnny surprised as he looked around, “I wondered why it didn’t smell funny around here. Now where do you suppose he went to?”

* * * * * *

At the Jigokudani Monkey Park, we see Sal relaxing in a hot spring with two female snow monkeys cuddling next to him feeding him fruit. “You gals are lucky that you met me”, said Sal. “I have huge connections and I can get you all sorts of neat stuff if you stick with me. See, I have Johnny Fiama’s credit card. HA HA HA! Take that, oh so generous and not knowing it Johnny!” And Sal continued relaxing with the snow monkeys while the closing credits rolled.

THE END

 

[Xerus]

AUTHOR’S FINAL NOTES:

Well, that’s my Muppets Visit Japan series. And I want to give out the following thanks.

The fanfic sites that have taken my Muppet story.

All those who have commented my story.

My friend Shimauta who reviewed my story and gave me lots of knowledge of Japan which helped improve this story.

Jim Henson and his talented crew for creating the wonderful Muppets.

The singers and songwriters who wrote all the songs for this story.

Tim Kring for creating the sci-fi series, Heroes, along with Masi Oka for his role as Hiro.

My Dad who took me on my dream vacation to Japan a few years ago.

And most of all to God my Heavenly Father for giving me the gift of imagination.

Thank you for reading and I bid you all a kind sayonara.

 

[Muppetfan44]

Very creative story, definitely clever, funny, and cute. Great Job!

 

[Xerus]

Very creative story, definitely clever, funny, and cute. Great Job!

Thank you very much for reading and enjoying it.