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Uh...WOW. Time flies, doesn't it? My fellow MC Forum members, after five years away from writing Muppet Show outlines...I have a BRAND-NEW one to present today! Here is a new outline with the singer who fronted the Four Seasons, and became the inspiration for the smash hit Broadway musical Jersey Boys!
Cold Open:
(Scooter knocks on the door.)
Scooter: Frankie Valli! Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Valli!
Frankie Valli: Thanks, Scooter.
Scooter: Everything all right, Frankie? You look a bit uncomfortable.
Frankie: You know, Scooter, it’s really strange not having the Four Seasons here with me tonight.
Scooter: You want the Four Seasons? Oh, we can fix that! (A Whatnot string quartet pops up, playing “Spring” from Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons.) Better?
Frankie: Not quite what I had in mind, but I’ll settle for it. (The audience laughs as Frankie begins conducting the Whatnot orchestra.)
Opening Theme:
Kermit the Frog: It’s the Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Frankie Valli! YAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!! (The audience applauds as the curtain rises and the Season 4 theme plays.)
It’s time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational, celebration-al, Muppet-tational…
This is what we call THE MUPPET SHOW!!!!
Gonzo’s horn: The horn makes a thunderclap sound, startling Gonzo.
Introduction/Opening Number:
Kermit: Thank you, everyone! Welcome again to another Muppet Show. And boy, it’s going to be a great one because our special guest star is one of the most popular singers of all time, known as the leader of the Four Seasons. He’s a really great--- (Miss Piggy pokes her head out from behind the curtain.)
Miss Piggy: Psst, Kermie? (Kermit turns around.)
Kermit: Uh, Piggy, what are you doing? You’re supposed to be getting ready for the opening number!
Miss Piggy: I know, mon cherie. But I must tell you something first.
Kermit: Okay, what is it?
Miss Piggy: Francesco and I are ONLY friends. No matter what happens in the next number, moi still only has eyes for vous.
Kermit: Uh, thanks…thanks, Piggy. I think…
Miss Piggy: Wonderful! Oh, the frog understands! Be still, my beating heart! Oh! I have--- (Kermit stares at her as she goes on dramatically, and then Piggy stops and stares back at him.) What are you staring at, flipper face? Introduce me already! (The audience laughs as Piggy goes back behind the curtain.)
Kermit: Uh, so much for that. Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, here’s the one and only Frankie Valli! YAAAAAYYYY!!! (Kermit exits and the audience cheers as the curtain opens.)
Frankie is sitting alone at a café when Miss Piggy walks by. He stops and stares at her, completely enamored. He breaks into his song “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You,” and dances around the stage, trying to win Miss Piggy’s heart. Frankie is backed by a group of tuxedoed Whatnot singers. The number ends with Frankie holding Miss Piggy in his arms as the audience applauds wildly.
Balcony:
Statler: Wonderful! Wonderful! Ah, that number reminds me of when I was a young man in love.
Waldorf: Really? It does?
Statler: Yes, I remember it clearly. I was in love with a girl named Joan.
Waldorf: You must be talking about Joan of Arc! HOHOHOHOHOHO!!! (Statler scrunches his mouth as Waldorf laughs loudly.)
Backstage Scene #1:
(Miss Piggy enters the backstage area, with Kermit and Floyd Pepper at the desk.)
Kermit: Piggy! That was a great opening number you did with Frankie.
Miss Piggy: Merci beaucoup.
Floyd: Hey, what does that jive lingo mean?
Miss Piggy: It’s French for “thank you very much,” you uncultured turkey! (The audience chuckles as Floyd blinks at the camera.) Now if you’ll excuse moi, I am going to spend some time with a truly cultured gentleman…oh, Francesco! (Piggy races off to Frankie’s dressing room.)
Floyd: Since when has the pig learned to speak French?
Kermit: Well she spent some time in Paris, Floyd…and she kinda absorbed their language and culture, y’know.
Floyd: I still think there’s more culture in a cup of yogurt than in that pig. (The audience laughs, and Kermit goes to the intercom.)
Kermit: Alright, Muppet Labs is on next! Bunsen and Beaker, on for Muppet Labs! (Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker push in a large machine. Floyd and Kermit stare at the machine and then at each other.)
Bunsen: (more cheerfully than usual) Hello, Mr. Kermit! Hello, Mr. Pepper!
Kermit: Uh, Dr. Honeydew, if you don’t mind me asking as politely as possible---
Floyd: (interrupting) What in the name of Wes Montgomery is THAT?
Bunsen: I’m so glad you asked. This is our latest invention from Muppet Labs! It is called the Storm-O-Matic 3000!
Kermit and Floyd: The Storm-O-Matic 3000?
Bunsen: Indeed! Have you ever needed instant weather for any occasion?
Kermit: Uh, in a word, no.
Bunsen: Well, now you can have it! No longer will you need to use buckets of water or soap flakes to create your own weather. This little doodad can produce actual snow, rain, wind, and hail for all your meteorological desires! (Beaker meeps affirmatively.)
Kermit: Well…well, I don’t know what to say.
Floyd: (to Kermit) Better not say too much, my froggy honcho. You might encourage them further!
Bunsen: Wonderful! Okay, Beaker, let’s go. We must present our meteorological breakthrough to the masses! (They push the machine onstage.)
Floyd: I don’t know about you Kermit, but I think we’re about to get some major rain on this parade.
Muppet Labs:
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew presents the Muppet Labs Storm-O-Matic 3000, which makes instant precipitation. Beaker accidentally pulls the lever off, causing nonstop rain.
Balcony:
(Statler and Waldorf are holding umbrellas.)
Waldorf: Well what do you know! It’s really raining in here.
Statler: Yes, and that last bit really proved something.
Waldorf: What’s that?
Statler: The Muppets are all washed up!
Both: Hohohohohohohohohoho!!!
Backstage Scene #2:
(It is raining inside the Muppet Theatre. Kermit is ordering Fozzie Bear, Beauregard, and Rowlf to cover the floors with blankets.)
Fozzie: Boy, this is quite a slippery situation, isn’t it? Haaaahhh!!
Beauregard: You can say that again!
Fozzie: Boy, this is quite a slippery situation! Haaaahhh!! (Suddenly, Fozzie slips, knocking over everyone else in a domino-like effect. They all get up.)
Kermit: Sheesh. Hey guys, can you go cover the floors in the canteen?
Beauregard: Sure thing! (As they leave, Frankie emerges from his dressing room and is clearly baffled by what he’s seeing.)
Frankie: KERMIT! It’s raining in my dressing room! What’s going on?
Kermit: Frankie! I’m sorry about this, but the Muppet Labs weather machine broke, and Bunsen and Beaker are trying to fix it.
Frankie: Well, I hope you can do something about it! Everything’s getting wet, and I don’t like this one bit!
Kermit: Frankie, I’m sorry about this. But I promise that the show will go on, weather or not it gets fixed. (Bunsen and Beaker enter.) How’s it going with your machine, Bunsen?
Bunsen: Very well, Mr. Kermit! Beaker and I seem to have figured out the problem. We must replace the lever with a new one. Then we will be able to stop the rain!
Kermit: Good! Where is the new lever?
Bunsen: Beaker has it. (Beaker looks at Bunsen and meeps in confusion.) Beaker? Where is the replacement lever?
Beaker: Meep-meep!
Bunsen: You don’t have it? Why not?
Beaker: Mee-mee-mee-moop-moop-meep-MEEP!
Bunsen: You thought I had it?! No Beaker, you were supposed to have it! (The two scientists begin arguing.)
Frankie: There doesn’t appear to be a silver lining in this cloud right now.
Kermit: Well there’s only one thing to do then… (Kermit goes to the intercom to call the next act.)
Musical Number:
A Whatnot (performed by Jerry Nelson) sings B.J. Thomas’s “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head” in a downpour while Bunsen, Beaker, and Kermit tamper with the Storm-O-Matic 3000 backstage. Bunsen finally succeeds in making the rain stop, but the precipitation changes to snow. After another adjustment, autumn leaves start falling on the Whatnot’s head. Finally, a wild gust of wind blows the Whatnot offstage and pandemonium ensues.
Muppet News Flash:
Newsman: HERE IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH!!! A wild windstorm has made its way to the Muppet Theatre. (The Newsman’s phone goes flying.) According to one unnamed source, the windstorm was caused by another Muppet Labs invention gone wrong. (The microphone and backdrop get blown away.) Uhhh, we will do our best to keep you updated on this situation before…AAAAAHHHH!!! (The Newsman gets blown away.)
Musical Number:
(Kermit struggles to enter the stage)
Kermit: And now…aaaggghh…here’s Frankie Valli! WHOOOAAA!!! (Kermit gets blown offstage as the curtain opens.)
Frankie sings, “Gone with the Wind” while the wind continues to wreak havoc on the Muppet Theatre. Loud applause at the end.
UK Spot:
Floyd, Zoot, and Dr. Teeth perform Harry Warren & Mack Gordon’s jazz standard “There Will Never Be Another You.”
Backstage Scene #3:
(Everything is blowing around backstage. Various props, costumes, chickens, rats, and penguins are flying through the air. In the background, Beauregard is grabbing onto a trunk; up front, Kermit is clutching his desk for dear life as Scooter enters.)
Scooter: Hey boss! When is the wind gonna stop? The theatre is a mess, and my uncle’s not gonna be happy! (Scooter gets blown away, as Lew Zealand comes in.)
Lew Zealand: Mr. Kermit! My boomerang fish aren’t coming back because the wind here is blowing them all away! I can’t go on like this! (Lew gets blown away as Miss Piggy enters in a rage.)
Miss Piggy: KERMIT!! Where are those mad scientists? They better do something about this wind because it’s ruining my hair! (She gets blown away afterwards, and Bunsen and Beaker enter with the out-of-control machine.)
Kermit: BEAKER! BUNSEN!! Do something!
Bunsen: We’re trying! We’re trying! (Bunsen finally attaches the replacement lever, and pulls it. The machine finally stops whirring, and the wind stops.)
Kermit: Whew! Thank goodness that the wind is gone. Now we can continue with the show. (Suddenly, a loud thunderclap is heard. Kermit looks up in confusion.)
Kermit: W-w-what was that?
Bunsen: Well Mr. Kermit, we had to modify the Storm-O-Matic 3000 by creating another type of precipitation.
Kermit: Which one is that? (Several Muppet animals start falling from the sky, and Kermit realizes what that means.) BUNSEN! BEAKER! You made it rain cats and dogs?! (He furiously pushes Bunsen, Beaker, and the Storm-O-Matic 3000 away.) Get out! Get out! OUT!!! (The audience laughs as the scene cuts.)
Dressing Room Scene/Musical Number:
(Frankie hears a knocking on his dressing room door.)
Frankie: Come in! (Link Hogthrob enters.) Hey, Link! What’s up?
Link: Hi, Frankie. Not much…I mean, the sky is up, and the clouds, and the birds…
Frankie: (laughs) That’s good enough for me.
Link: Frankie, I wanted to ask you a question.
Frankie: Shoot!
Link: Shoot? Well, I can’t because I don’t have a pistol! (The audience laughs.) Maybe a pea-shooter might work…
Frankie: No, I meant go ahead! Ask me your question, Link.
Link: Oh! Well, I’ve been listening to your music and watching you perform for a long time, and I want to know something as a fellow macho man and teenage idol! (Audience laughs and Frankie looks amusedly at the camera.) Frankie, how do you manage to stay so manly, even when you sing with such a squeaky little voice?
Frankie: Well…part of it comes from my walk. The way I carry myself when I’m performing. It’s all about confidence, you know?
Link: I think I understand…but not completely.
Frankie: You gotta have an attitude, Link! You can’t let anybody get you down, so just keep your head high and walk tall! (Link looks at him blankly.) Well, maybe if I explain it differently, you’ll understand. (Frankie sings, “Walk Like a Man” and Link joins in. Audience applauds at the end.)
Gonzo’s Stunt:
Kermit: And now, back on our stage by demand---even though he’s the only one making this demand to me---ladies and gentlemen, here is the unbelievable, the unshakable, and unidentifiable Gonzo the Great! (The curtain opens, showing Gonzo in a cowboy outfit. He is carrying a safe and sitting atop a Muppet horse played by Jerry Nelson.)
Gonzo: Thank you! Thank you! Tonight, I will perform a feat, the likes of which have never been seen before!
Waldorf: And hopefully we’ll never see anything like it again! Hohohohohohoho!!!
Gonzo: Anyways, tonight I will be cracking into a safe while reciting the Fibonacci sequence and riding a wild horse. Fasten your seat belts, folks! Here goes!
(Gonzo proceeds with his stunt, but the wild horse is too much. Eventually, Gonzo gets thrown off the horse with a crash, and the audience erupts in jeers and boos.)
Waldorf: Do you think Gonzo is really serious about his acts?
Statler: No, sometimes he just seems to be HORSING around!
Both: HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!
Muppet Musical Number:
Rowlf plays Robert Schumann’s “Traumerei” from “Scenes from Childhood” as several Whatnot babies watch him. At the end, Rowlf is overcome with emotion and the babies hug him.
Final Number:
Kermit: And now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally seem to have gotten everything under control with the weather. (A stray dog and cat fall from the sky, landing inches away from Kermit.) For the most part. (The animals get up.) Are you okay?
Wolfhound (played by Steve Whitmire): Yeah, I’m good. But being a dog can really be “ruff” sometimes.
Catgut (played by Frank Oz): Yeah, don’t you wish that you had nine lives like me? (Audience laughs as the cat and dog leave together.)
Kermit: Uh, since we’ve gotten back on track, let’s close the evening in style! Ladies and gentlemen, here is Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem with our very special guest star, Mr. Frankie Valli! YAAAAAYYY!!! (Kermit flails his arms and exits the stage as the curtain opens.)
Frankie Valli sings, “December 1963 (Oh What a Night)” backed by the Electric Mayhem. Floyd, Janice, and Dr. Teeth provide co-lead vocals with Frankie. At the end, the audience gives a huge ovation for the performers.
Curtain Call:
Kermit: Well, that’s all the time we have for this week…but before we go, let’s hear it one more time for our incredible guest star, Mr. Frankie Valli! Yaaaaayyyyy!!! (Audience cheers as Frankie comes onstage.)
Frankie: Thank you, Kermit. I had a great time, even with the weird weather.
Kermit: Yeah…next thing you know, it’ll rain meatballs or something! (A thunderclap is heard, and Frankie and Kermit look up.) What was that?
(Scooter rushes onstage.)
Scooter: Hey chief, you better take cover! The guys at Muppet Labs just made it rain meatballs!
Kermit: What?! (Meatballs start raining down.) I’m so sorry about this, Frankie.
Frankie: Don’t worry Kermit, it’s not all bad. I’m Italian, after all! (He picks up a meatball and eats it as Kermit chuckles.)
Kermit: We’ll see you next time on the Muppet Show! (The audience applauds as the closing theme plays. Fozzie Bear, Lew Zealand, the Wolfhound, and a chicken join Frankie, Scooter, and Kermit onstage. Lew gives a large umbrella to Frankie, who holds it over the rest of the Muppets.)
Balcony Closing:
Statler: I think it makes sense that Frankie’s last name is Valli.
Waldorf: Why, Statler?
Statler: By doing this show, he’s hit a new low!
Both: HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!
(Final notes: Da-da-da-da-da-DAT! Zoot’s final note: BLAAAAT!)
THE END
The Muppets:
Frank Oz as Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, Catgut, and Others
Jerry Nelson as Floyd Pepper, Lew Zealand, Whatnot Singer, Wild Horse, and Others
Richard Hunt as Beaker, Scooter, Statler, Janice, and Others
Dave Goelz as Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Gonzo, Beauregard, Zoot, and Others
Steve Whitmire as Wolfhound and Others
And
Jim Henson as Kermit, Rowlf, Link Hogthrob, Waldorf, Dr. Teeth, the Newsman, and Others
THE MUPPET SHOW
With special guest star Frankie Valli
(early season 4)
With special guest star Frankie Valli
(early season 4)
Cold Open:
(Scooter knocks on the door.)
Scooter: Frankie Valli! Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Valli!
Frankie Valli: Thanks, Scooter.
Scooter: Everything all right, Frankie? You look a bit uncomfortable.
Frankie: You know, Scooter, it’s really strange not having the Four Seasons here with me tonight.
Scooter: You want the Four Seasons? Oh, we can fix that! (A Whatnot string quartet pops up, playing “Spring” from Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons.) Better?
Frankie: Not quite what I had in mind, but I’ll settle for it. (The audience laughs as Frankie begins conducting the Whatnot orchestra.)
Opening Theme:
Kermit the Frog: It’s the Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Frankie Valli! YAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!! (The audience applauds as the curtain rises and the Season 4 theme plays.)
It’s time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational, celebration-al, Muppet-tational…
This is what we call THE MUPPET SHOW!!!!
Gonzo’s horn: The horn makes a thunderclap sound, startling Gonzo.
Introduction/Opening Number:
Kermit: Thank you, everyone! Welcome again to another Muppet Show. And boy, it’s going to be a great one because our special guest star is one of the most popular singers of all time, known as the leader of the Four Seasons. He’s a really great--- (Miss Piggy pokes her head out from behind the curtain.)
Miss Piggy: Psst, Kermie? (Kermit turns around.)
Kermit: Uh, Piggy, what are you doing? You’re supposed to be getting ready for the opening number!
Miss Piggy: I know, mon cherie. But I must tell you something first.
Kermit: Okay, what is it?
Miss Piggy: Francesco and I are ONLY friends. No matter what happens in the next number, moi still only has eyes for vous.
Kermit: Uh, thanks…thanks, Piggy. I think…
Miss Piggy: Wonderful! Oh, the frog understands! Be still, my beating heart! Oh! I have--- (Kermit stares at her as she goes on dramatically, and then Piggy stops and stares back at him.) What are you staring at, flipper face? Introduce me already! (The audience laughs as Piggy goes back behind the curtain.)
Kermit: Uh, so much for that. Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, here’s the one and only Frankie Valli! YAAAAAYYYY!!! (Kermit exits and the audience cheers as the curtain opens.)
Frankie is sitting alone at a café when Miss Piggy walks by. He stops and stares at her, completely enamored. He breaks into his song “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You,” and dances around the stage, trying to win Miss Piggy’s heart. Frankie is backed by a group of tuxedoed Whatnot singers. The number ends with Frankie holding Miss Piggy in his arms as the audience applauds wildly.
Balcony:
Statler: Wonderful! Wonderful! Ah, that number reminds me of when I was a young man in love.
Waldorf: Really? It does?
Statler: Yes, I remember it clearly. I was in love with a girl named Joan.
Waldorf: You must be talking about Joan of Arc! HOHOHOHOHOHO!!! (Statler scrunches his mouth as Waldorf laughs loudly.)
Backstage Scene #1:
(Miss Piggy enters the backstage area, with Kermit and Floyd Pepper at the desk.)
Kermit: Piggy! That was a great opening number you did with Frankie.
Miss Piggy: Merci beaucoup.
Floyd: Hey, what does that jive lingo mean?
Miss Piggy: It’s French for “thank you very much,” you uncultured turkey! (The audience chuckles as Floyd blinks at the camera.) Now if you’ll excuse moi, I am going to spend some time with a truly cultured gentleman…oh, Francesco! (Piggy races off to Frankie’s dressing room.)
Floyd: Since when has the pig learned to speak French?
Kermit: Well she spent some time in Paris, Floyd…and she kinda absorbed their language and culture, y’know.
Floyd: I still think there’s more culture in a cup of yogurt than in that pig. (The audience laughs, and Kermit goes to the intercom.)
Kermit: Alright, Muppet Labs is on next! Bunsen and Beaker, on for Muppet Labs! (Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker push in a large machine. Floyd and Kermit stare at the machine and then at each other.)
Bunsen: (more cheerfully than usual) Hello, Mr. Kermit! Hello, Mr. Pepper!
Kermit: Uh, Dr. Honeydew, if you don’t mind me asking as politely as possible---
Floyd: (interrupting) What in the name of Wes Montgomery is THAT?
Bunsen: I’m so glad you asked. This is our latest invention from Muppet Labs! It is called the Storm-O-Matic 3000!
Kermit and Floyd: The Storm-O-Matic 3000?
Bunsen: Indeed! Have you ever needed instant weather for any occasion?
Kermit: Uh, in a word, no.
Bunsen: Well, now you can have it! No longer will you need to use buckets of water or soap flakes to create your own weather. This little doodad can produce actual snow, rain, wind, and hail for all your meteorological desires! (Beaker meeps affirmatively.)
Kermit: Well…well, I don’t know what to say.
Floyd: (to Kermit) Better not say too much, my froggy honcho. You might encourage them further!
Bunsen: Wonderful! Okay, Beaker, let’s go. We must present our meteorological breakthrough to the masses! (They push the machine onstage.)
Floyd: I don’t know about you Kermit, but I think we’re about to get some major rain on this parade.
Muppet Labs:
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew presents the Muppet Labs Storm-O-Matic 3000, which makes instant precipitation. Beaker accidentally pulls the lever off, causing nonstop rain.
Balcony:
(Statler and Waldorf are holding umbrellas.)
Waldorf: Well what do you know! It’s really raining in here.
Statler: Yes, and that last bit really proved something.
Waldorf: What’s that?
Statler: The Muppets are all washed up!
Both: Hohohohohohohohohoho!!!
Backstage Scene #2:
(It is raining inside the Muppet Theatre. Kermit is ordering Fozzie Bear, Beauregard, and Rowlf to cover the floors with blankets.)
Fozzie: Boy, this is quite a slippery situation, isn’t it? Haaaahhh!!
Beauregard: You can say that again!
Fozzie: Boy, this is quite a slippery situation! Haaaahhh!! (Suddenly, Fozzie slips, knocking over everyone else in a domino-like effect. They all get up.)
Kermit: Sheesh. Hey guys, can you go cover the floors in the canteen?
Beauregard: Sure thing! (As they leave, Frankie emerges from his dressing room and is clearly baffled by what he’s seeing.)
Frankie: KERMIT! It’s raining in my dressing room! What’s going on?
Kermit: Frankie! I’m sorry about this, but the Muppet Labs weather machine broke, and Bunsen and Beaker are trying to fix it.
Frankie: Well, I hope you can do something about it! Everything’s getting wet, and I don’t like this one bit!
Kermit: Frankie, I’m sorry about this. But I promise that the show will go on, weather or not it gets fixed. (Bunsen and Beaker enter.) How’s it going with your machine, Bunsen?
Bunsen: Very well, Mr. Kermit! Beaker and I seem to have figured out the problem. We must replace the lever with a new one. Then we will be able to stop the rain!
Kermit: Good! Where is the new lever?
Bunsen: Beaker has it. (Beaker looks at Bunsen and meeps in confusion.) Beaker? Where is the replacement lever?
Beaker: Meep-meep!
Bunsen: You don’t have it? Why not?
Beaker: Mee-mee-mee-moop-moop-meep-MEEP!
Bunsen: You thought I had it?! No Beaker, you were supposed to have it! (The two scientists begin arguing.)
Frankie: There doesn’t appear to be a silver lining in this cloud right now.
Kermit: Well there’s only one thing to do then… (Kermit goes to the intercom to call the next act.)
Musical Number:
A Whatnot (performed by Jerry Nelson) sings B.J. Thomas’s “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head” in a downpour while Bunsen, Beaker, and Kermit tamper with the Storm-O-Matic 3000 backstage. Bunsen finally succeeds in making the rain stop, but the precipitation changes to snow. After another adjustment, autumn leaves start falling on the Whatnot’s head. Finally, a wild gust of wind blows the Whatnot offstage and pandemonium ensues.
Muppet News Flash:
Newsman: HERE IS A MUPPET NEWS FLASH!!! A wild windstorm has made its way to the Muppet Theatre. (The Newsman’s phone goes flying.) According to one unnamed source, the windstorm was caused by another Muppet Labs invention gone wrong. (The microphone and backdrop get blown away.) Uhhh, we will do our best to keep you updated on this situation before…AAAAAHHHH!!! (The Newsman gets blown away.)
Musical Number:
(Kermit struggles to enter the stage)
Kermit: And now…aaaggghh…here’s Frankie Valli! WHOOOAAA!!! (Kermit gets blown offstage as the curtain opens.)
Frankie sings, “Gone with the Wind” while the wind continues to wreak havoc on the Muppet Theatre. Loud applause at the end.
UK Spot:
Floyd, Zoot, and Dr. Teeth perform Harry Warren & Mack Gordon’s jazz standard “There Will Never Be Another You.”
Backstage Scene #3:
(Everything is blowing around backstage. Various props, costumes, chickens, rats, and penguins are flying through the air. In the background, Beauregard is grabbing onto a trunk; up front, Kermit is clutching his desk for dear life as Scooter enters.)
Scooter: Hey boss! When is the wind gonna stop? The theatre is a mess, and my uncle’s not gonna be happy! (Scooter gets blown away, as Lew Zealand comes in.)
Lew Zealand: Mr. Kermit! My boomerang fish aren’t coming back because the wind here is blowing them all away! I can’t go on like this! (Lew gets blown away as Miss Piggy enters in a rage.)
Miss Piggy: KERMIT!! Where are those mad scientists? They better do something about this wind because it’s ruining my hair! (She gets blown away afterwards, and Bunsen and Beaker enter with the out-of-control machine.)
Kermit: BEAKER! BUNSEN!! Do something!
Bunsen: We’re trying! We’re trying! (Bunsen finally attaches the replacement lever, and pulls it. The machine finally stops whirring, and the wind stops.)
Kermit: Whew! Thank goodness that the wind is gone. Now we can continue with the show. (Suddenly, a loud thunderclap is heard. Kermit looks up in confusion.)
Kermit: W-w-what was that?
Bunsen: Well Mr. Kermit, we had to modify the Storm-O-Matic 3000 by creating another type of precipitation.
Kermit: Which one is that? (Several Muppet animals start falling from the sky, and Kermit realizes what that means.) BUNSEN! BEAKER! You made it rain cats and dogs?! (He furiously pushes Bunsen, Beaker, and the Storm-O-Matic 3000 away.) Get out! Get out! OUT!!! (The audience laughs as the scene cuts.)
Dressing Room Scene/Musical Number:
(Frankie hears a knocking on his dressing room door.)
Frankie: Come in! (Link Hogthrob enters.) Hey, Link! What’s up?
Link: Hi, Frankie. Not much…I mean, the sky is up, and the clouds, and the birds…
Frankie: (laughs) That’s good enough for me.
Link: Frankie, I wanted to ask you a question.
Frankie: Shoot!
Link: Shoot? Well, I can’t because I don’t have a pistol! (The audience laughs.) Maybe a pea-shooter might work…
Frankie: No, I meant go ahead! Ask me your question, Link.
Link: Oh! Well, I’ve been listening to your music and watching you perform for a long time, and I want to know something as a fellow macho man and teenage idol! (Audience laughs and Frankie looks amusedly at the camera.) Frankie, how do you manage to stay so manly, even when you sing with such a squeaky little voice?
Frankie: Well…part of it comes from my walk. The way I carry myself when I’m performing. It’s all about confidence, you know?
Link: I think I understand…but not completely.
Frankie: You gotta have an attitude, Link! You can’t let anybody get you down, so just keep your head high and walk tall! (Link looks at him blankly.) Well, maybe if I explain it differently, you’ll understand. (Frankie sings, “Walk Like a Man” and Link joins in. Audience applauds at the end.)
Gonzo’s Stunt:
Kermit: And now, back on our stage by demand---even though he’s the only one making this demand to me---ladies and gentlemen, here is the unbelievable, the unshakable, and unidentifiable Gonzo the Great! (The curtain opens, showing Gonzo in a cowboy outfit. He is carrying a safe and sitting atop a Muppet horse played by Jerry Nelson.)
Gonzo: Thank you! Thank you! Tonight, I will perform a feat, the likes of which have never been seen before!
Waldorf: And hopefully we’ll never see anything like it again! Hohohohohohoho!!!
Gonzo: Anyways, tonight I will be cracking into a safe while reciting the Fibonacci sequence and riding a wild horse. Fasten your seat belts, folks! Here goes!
(Gonzo proceeds with his stunt, but the wild horse is too much. Eventually, Gonzo gets thrown off the horse with a crash, and the audience erupts in jeers and boos.)
Waldorf: Do you think Gonzo is really serious about his acts?
Statler: No, sometimes he just seems to be HORSING around!
Both: HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!
Muppet Musical Number:
Rowlf plays Robert Schumann’s “Traumerei” from “Scenes from Childhood” as several Whatnot babies watch him. At the end, Rowlf is overcome with emotion and the babies hug him.
Final Number:
Kermit: And now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally seem to have gotten everything under control with the weather. (A stray dog and cat fall from the sky, landing inches away from Kermit.) For the most part. (The animals get up.) Are you okay?
Wolfhound (played by Steve Whitmire): Yeah, I’m good. But being a dog can really be “ruff” sometimes.
Catgut (played by Frank Oz): Yeah, don’t you wish that you had nine lives like me? (Audience laughs as the cat and dog leave together.)
Kermit: Uh, since we’ve gotten back on track, let’s close the evening in style! Ladies and gentlemen, here is Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem with our very special guest star, Mr. Frankie Valli! YAAAAAYYY!!! (Kermit flails his arms and exits the stage as the curtain opens.)
Frankie Valli sings, “December 1963 (Oh What a Night)” backed by the Electric Mayhem. Floyd, Janice, and Dr. Teeth provide co-lead vocals with Frankie. At the end, the audience gives a huge ovation for the performers.
Curtain Call:
Kermit: Well, that’s all the time we have for this week…but before we go, let’s hear it one more time for our incredible guest star, Mr. Frankie Valli! Yaaaaayyyyy!!! (Audience cheers as Frankie comes onstage.)
Frankie: Thank you, Kermit. I had a great time, even with the weird weather.
Kermit: Yeah…next thing you know, it’ll rain meatballs or something! (A thunderclap is heard, and Frankie and Kermit look up.) What was that?
(Scooter rushes onstage.)
Scooter: Hey chief, you better take cover! The guys at Muppet Labs just made it rain meatballs!
Kermit: What?! (Meatballs start raining down.) I’m so sorry about this, Frankie.
Frankie: Don’t worry Kermit, it’s not all bad. I’m Italian, after all! (He picks up a meatball and eats it as Kermit chuckles.)
Kermit: We’ll see you next time on the Muppet Show! (The audience applauds as the closing theme plays. Fozzie Bear, Lew Zealand, the Wolfhound, and a chicken join Frankie, Scooter, and Kermit onstage. Lew gives a large umbrella to Frankie, who holds it over the rest of the Muppets.)
Balcony Closing:
Statler: I think it makes sense that Frankie’s last name is Valli.
Waldorf: Why, Statler?
Statler: By doing this show, he’s hit a new low!
Both: HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!
(Final notes: Da-da-da-da-da-DAT! Zoot’s final note: BLAAAAT!)
THE END
The Muppets:
Frank Oz as Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, Catgut, and Others
Jerry Nelson as Floyd Pepper, Lew Zealand, Whatnot Singer, Wild Horse, and Others
Richard Hunt as Beaker, Scooter, Statler, Janice, and Others
Dave Goelz as Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Gonzo, Beauregard, Zoot, and Others
Steve Whitmire as Wolfhound and Others
And
Jim Henson as Kermit, Rowlf, Link Hogthrob, Waldorf, Dr. Teeth, the Newsman, and Others
