muppet 007

[MartyMuppets]

To make a little bit of a long story short James was able to track Goldfinger's secret headquarters in his Aston Marty. Leaving the car parked he changed into dark clothes and snuck through the defenses making his way through the trees and foliage to the window of a big warehouse. Inside he sees gold being melted down to be transformed into a new limousine for smuggling it out of the country. He also overhears Goldfinger talking to some oriental-looking guy, played by The Amazing Mumford. Goldfinger promises him that Operation Grand Slam will be carried out as agreed as long as Mumford's character keeps his part of the bargain.

While Bond takes a few photos and muses over what he has heard, his intuition tells him that somebody is creeping around nearby. He turns around back into the shadows and listens carefully to noises of cracking twigs and rustling branches. Soon he makes out a figure in black with a sniper's rifle and he wrestles the stranger. The gun goes off into the air and he pulls it free tossing it aside. The figure turns out to be Tilly Masterson played by Spamela Hamderson.

Tilly: Let me go. I want to kill Goldfinger.

James: Sorry but I want him alive for now.

Tilly: I want him to die. He had my sister killed.

James: Jill Masterson?

Tilly: What? How do...

James: I briefly knew your sister before she died. My name is James. Let me help you.

Tilly: Just let me kill...

James: Listen. Goldfinger is up to something I've been sent to investigate. I need him alive if I'm to get to the bottom of it. I'll help you avenge Jill in the end. Will you trust me Miss...?

Tilly: Tilly. Very well James. What do you want to do?

James hears voices nearby.

James: I was afraid they'd have heard the gunshot. First we must get out of here. Hurry. To my car.

They both quickly run for the Aston Marty. Voices pursuing them angrily.

 

[MartyMuppets]

Just as they are almost in reach of the Aston Marty a deadly missile comes spinning through the air and breaks Tilly's neck. James instinctively stops to help her but he knows it's too late. His teeth clench until his jaw aches. He never even got to know this sister of Jill's. As he cradles her body various muppet show monsters like Behemoth, Boppity, Gloat, Beautiful Day Monster, Doglion, Big Mama and Luncheon-Counter Monster surround him led by Oddjob who retrieves his deadly hat and seizes the pig's body out of James's arms indicating to the others to surround Bond while he goes aside for a little snack.

Some of the monsters have a couple of cars nearby. Bond is to drive his own car in-between them with Luncheon-Counter keeping a gun on him. They all head off as soon as Oddjob is ready, him driving the lead car with Doglion, Behemoth and Beautiful Day. Boppity, Gloat and Big Mama take the end car. While Luncheon-Counter rides in the passenger seat, Bond casually pushes the hidden button. Luncheon-Counter is sucked out through the exhaust pipe and crashes into the rear car, causing it to go out of control and smash into a tree bursting into flames.

James turns the Aston Marty around and drives off down a side-way as the other car turns in pursuit. During the chase Bond suddenly seems to see a new car appearing out of nowhere ahead of him. He fires the ink pellet gun and it seems to fire back at him. Then before he knows what's happening there is a huge crash and he blacks out. The car that was pursuing him stops and Oddjob gets out. He opens Bond's door and he slumps out unconscious. Oddjob looks up at the big mirror set up upon the dead end wall that had fooled Bond and smiles.

Bond is captured.

Stay tuned for the classic confrontation.
"Do you expect me to talk?"
"No Mr. Bond. I expect you to die."

 

[D'Snowth]

Hey Marty, I promise to read your story in full when I log on tomorrow night.

Yeah, keep in mind, as I've said before, the fanfic community is very insular and cliquish... if you don't crank out fanfics regularly like others do, your work suffers, like how my "Back to Sesame's Future" fic failed epically, and didn't even make it past Chapter Two due to lack of interest.

 

[MartyMuppets]

Okay Snowthy. Thank you.

I can understand your point. It's been a long time since I last did fan fiction and there are a couple I even left abandoned myself.

But I really want to pursue it again and I love this concept of casting Muppet characters in the movie Goldfinger, so I'm determined to persevere with it.

 

[D'Snowth]

Okay Marty.

I've read "Muppet 007" as promised, and I must say I'm really liking this so far; really good casting as well, it's funny, but before I resumed reading the story and saw you settled on Pa Gorg as Goldfinger, I would've suggested either maybe Cookie Monster or Telly (couldn't you just see those two gawking over golden cookies, or golden triangles, respectively?). Maybe even Big Bird, since he's big and "golden" himself, lol.

My only minor quibble is that the chapters seem rather short, but I guess this is to ensure that the quanity of the chapters is greater, eh?

But again, really good stuff Marty, I hope others would take the time to give it a gander as well.

 

[MartyMuppets]

Okay Marty.

I've read "Muppet 007" as promised, and I must say I'm really liking this so far; really good casting as well, it's funny, but before I resumed reading the story and saw you settled on Pa Gorg as Goldfinger, I would've suggested either maybe Cookie Monster or Telly (couldn't you just see those two gawking over golden cookies, or golden triangles, respectively?). Maybe even Big Bird, since he's big and "golden" himself, lol.

My only minor quibble is that the chapters seem rather short, but I guess this is to ensure that the quanity of the chapters is greater, eh?

But again, really good stuff Marty, I hope others would take the time to give it a gander as well.

Thank you Snowthers.

True the chapters are short and I have also condensed down the story, partly because it's been a long time since I've watched Goldfinger and I can't remember all the details precisely and partly because this being the first time I've done a fic like this, I don't fully feel confident trying to reproduce the entire movie with muppets. I would admit myself that this is indeed an amateur adaptation, but I'm putting the best effort into it that I can. I hope others will appreciate it also.

And as for your thoughts on who could have played Goldfinger, I must be honest and say I really couldn't see any of your suggestions in the role personally. Especially not Big Bird. He's much too nice a character to ever play a villain in my opinion. LOL!

But I'm very glad you are enjoying the story Snowthers and I'll be adding more to it as soon as I can.

 

[D'Snowth]

I can see your point, and although I would agree that they wouldn't seem like the villainous type of characters, it IS amusing sometimes whenever groups of characters like this do parodies, and the least-likely is cast as a villain... I can't recall exactly, but I believe during "The Chipmunks Go to the Movies" season of their show, one parody cast Theodore, of all characters, as the villain, lol. But that said, like I said, those were who I was going to suggest before I got to reading the story, and I do agree Pa Gorg is the better choice, lol.

You know something Marty? I think a James Bond parody, although already having been done by Mike Myers with those funny Austin Powers movies, would've made a great actual Muppet movie, ala MCC and MTI. I do know they did do a video game like it before... I'll have to play that again sometime, lol.

 

[muppet baby]

Hi Marty

I really love this story very well thought out plot good casting on the muppets i think you should do more bond stories with the muppets , not only gold finger but based on other bond flims also , i am a big james bond fan LOL so glad to see this love you sweetheart , sorry it took so long for me to read it , have not been here much in the last several weeks not feeling to great with a cold as you know but geting better better love you very much

 

[MartyMuppets]

Bless you sweet Michelle.

At the moment I'm thinking of this as a one off fan-fic, mostly because Goldfinger seemed to my mind the easiest of the Bond films to work with. But if I get inspiration I may try another one sometime.

Delighted you're getting better sweetie. I'm praying for you. I love you so much and I'll actually update my story very soon.

 

[MartyMuppets]

My apologies for delaying things so long, but I've had plenty of things occupying my life. I'm ready to carry on now though.

Bond wakes up to find himself strapped to a golden table with a laser above him. Goldfinger is standing nearby and after bandying a few words back and forth Goldfinger has Oddjob turn the laser on. The beam burns the edge of the gold table and slowly creeps up towards Bond's open legs.

Goldfinger: I have always been in love with gold Mr. Bond. Its brilliant colour fascinates me. See how my laser cuts through the thick slab of gold you're lying on?

Bond: You've made your point Goldfinger. You can turn it off now you've shown me how it works.

Goldfinger: Choose your next witticism carefully Mr. Bond. It may be your last.

Goldfinger turns and walks away. Bond calls out: Do you expect me to talk?

Goldfinger: No Mr. Bond. I expect you to die. Oddjob will get two meals out of you.

Oddjob laughs.

Bond: Wait! If I don't report to my friends they'll investigate further.

Goldfinger: They won't be any more successful in finding out anything than you.

Bond: Operation Grand Slam.

Goldfinger and Oddjob both look at each other for a moment.

Goldfinger: Something you may have overheard, but it is of no matter to me whatsoever.

Bond: Can you afford to take the chance?

Goldfinger muses for a moment then at a gesture from him Oddjob switches off the laser inches away from beginning to come into contact with Bond.

Goldfinger: You're right Mr. Bond. You are more valuable to me alive. For now.

Lew Zeeland suddenly appears and at Goldfinger's indication throws a boomerang fish at Bond's head which bounces off back at Lew who catches it in his hand. Bond slumps unconscious.

I'll be back regularly to update from now on.