Thanks, gang.
There've been tons of emails of my MC friends giving me some backing, and it does make things better.
Like I said to someone in an email, into every life some rain must fall. I quote myself by saying to people who are going through bad times, "Above every storm cloud the sun still shines." Well, right now it's just a little hard to catch a glimpse of that sun even though I know it's there.
As electricmayhem says above, that sun I'm trying hard to find right now will still be there when the storm is over, and that rainbow will come shining down.
Right now, well, you know how when you walk toward a rainbow that you see, it always stays the same distance from you, and you can't actually get to it, or catch it; and sometimes it goes away before you can think you're any closer? I feel like that. I feel like I'm in a period of space and time where the harder you try the worse things get; and when you lay back to 'go with the flow' you find yourself floating over a waterfall!
Sometimes, things just aren't meant to go right, whether it's work, relationships, or whatever. All you can do when you sink is just to really keep your head above water and things will work out fine.
Me, for example, I know what's going on, where things will lead, and what I should do to make things better. Just that dispersing the advice to others is tons easier than practicing what you preach. Indeed, I'm a hipocrite of my own psychology because I cannot follow my own advice.
I DO have my vices (as we all do), but I always thought I was generally a good person. I do tons of volunteer work for the Ronald McDonald House, I always have been cheerful and tried hard as heck to rub that off on others, and if I had made someone laugh during the day my whole day was worth waking up for then. I love everybody, and treat everybody right, and equal, I hold doors open for strangers and smile, I thank people and am very appreciative of all the things folks do for me. While I do get a little adult in joking sometimes, I don't throw cuss words all over the place. I'm helpful and always there for other people. I make sacrifices and compromises on a constant basis to ensure that everyone can be happy and that things will work out for the benefit of everyone involved. Still, the little things go good and I'm thankful for that; but the important big things will never fail to just go wrong and make me miserable!! I've never understood why I always end up in these situations?
What's wrong with me?
Then I wonder, why am I dumping all this here? I've suddenly become one of those people that I always feel sorry for, and now I'm just throwing a big fat pity party. TMI!
Perhaps there will be a lesson to be learned from all this. Maybe the fact that I've just poured my guts out in a message board during a bad time in my life will soon see me posting how great things are, and the fact that I can fall so low-down and will soon be able to be happy again and just get over it will be an inspiration to someone else.
Yes, I'm sure that's what I have to look forward to--being someone's inspiration to being happy regardless what their problem is!
Maybe "I" can be someone's rainbow at the calm of the storm! Maybe "I" can be that sunshine above their dark clouds!
Maybe "I" can be happy again soon and be that person who makes others feel good about waking up in the mornings. That will definitely be worth MY waking up in the mornings, it always has been.
Yep, I've given myself a little hope with the help of all my friends here. Through my complaining and whines, I've seen that there must be a purpose for things to go wrong for me so much of the time: It's not only to make me better appreciate when things go right, but also to remind me how many others feel rather often and will help me better help them learn to deal and cope.
And you know what?
I think I see a rainbow starting!!
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