Let's all be thankful this was never made

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Drtooth

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An animatic of the unproduced Stretch Armstrong movie was leaked.

Watch it... I'll give you a few minutes.


REALLY?!?! This is clearly a movie for a target audience that is too old to want to buy Stretch Armstrong toys (in a non-collector sort of way), with a tone waaaay too dark for the silly subject material of a wacky toy. If this was a Plastic Man/Elongated Man/Reed Richards movie, I could see it looking a lot like this. But Stretch Armstrong?!? The fact that they have an obvious Easter egg of the 1990's toy's commercial only furthers the fact this was a stupid idea. Now, I've never quite seen the original 70's edition of the toy, and if you're like me, you'll remember this goofy, exaggerated face:

A face that came with a Dudley Do-Right voice in the commercials. Now, making that thing dark and edgy like something out of a wannabe Marvel movie is the height of insanity. I mean, that makes Battleship the movie look reasonable. And I'm sure Battleship was the reason it was abandoned. If Hasbro wants to bring Stretch back, they'd be better off with a cartoon series. And unlike Transformers or G.I. Joe, there would be no movie to stand in the way of marketing said cartoon.
 
mr3urious

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Yep, this is definitely something that's taken WAAAAAAY too seriously for its own good (like with Once Upon a Time), and feels more like a generic action flick with a famous brand slapped on it. Something more tongue-in-cheek would have been much more appropriate.
 
Muppet fan 123

Muppet fan 123

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Exactly. Once Upon a Time is created way to seriously. It's fairy-tales, with a Lost format to it. it just doesn't work, no one takes the show seriously, since there's no chance of them ever killing off a famous fairy tale character, and to make it all serious, they bring in new characters just to kill them off. It ends up being a ridiculous comedy.
 
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Drtooth

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While I'd rather talk about how grateful I am this film never got made, I also just don't get Once Upon a Time. It's one thing to use the Disney versions of the characters, but to make it deadly serious as that... I just don't get it. Sleepy Hollow (supposedly) and Grimm are at least playful.

Anyway, I'm just getting a huge Monkey D. Luffy vibe in this trailer. The bullets bouncing off of him, the Gum Gum Fist punches. I still think there's potential for a Plastic Man movie here if they redo the script. But a toy kids bought to play with for an hour and then cut open to see how it works? No. Even the profitable movies based on Hasbro properties aren't that good (Mr. Potatohead in Toy Story doesn't count). But their cartoon shows have been great lately. I mean, I'm ticked about how they screwed over G.I. Joe Renegades (because of the movie), but they've been doing good there lately, and a Stretch Armstrong cartoon series would be a much better way to invigorate the franchise. Make it corny and hokey and tongue in cheek as possible, though.
 
Slackbot

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I dunno. If you disconnect it from the toy it doesn't look that bad, in a goofy superhero kinda way. I liked the way he picked up speed while running by lengthening his limbs. But otherwise it just looks like typical superpower-battle stuff with related cliches. I wouldn't see it, but then superhero movies bore me, period.
 
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Drtooth

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If you have to disconnect it from the toy, then they pretty much failed. Same thing for Battleship. If you're going to make a movie that's essentially a 2 hour toy commercial, you need the toys to stand up for themselves. There are things fundamentally wrong with the Transformers and G.I. Joe movies, but the toy based aspects aren't one of them. The again, both franchises have been well established as cartoon shows capable of sustaining an audience. Movies, even bad ones, aren't terribly out of the question.

That said, Hasbro would make a fortune with a theatrical MLP:FIM movie (though, if they made them CGI, I'm sure the fan base would whine about it and then see it and like it anyway), and there was loose talk of a theatrical Transformers Prime film (clearly not going to happen now). If Stretch and Battleship had cartoons before the film, the worst they'd have to deal with is unfair comparisons to the cartoon shows. Instead, we have plotlines connected to toys that don't really have stories. At least stories compelling enough to be told outside of the back of the package.

But you have to hand it to Hasbro. They've become a massive media empire for a toy company. Meanwhile, Mattel swears that the He-Man film will be made one day. At least they have DTV Barbie and occasional Hot Wheels films.
 
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Drtooth

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A funny, satirical Stretch Armstrong movie would have actually been brilliant. There is no way to take the character seriously, especially with younger movie goers remembering him as the big chinned doofus from the 90's toy line (over the 70's toy line which looked unintentionally ridiculous). Preferably the role would go to someone comedic, so as not to take this whole thing seriously. But they totally screwed up making this a dark and gritty film. Dark and gritty does work for comic book super heroes because they have had dark story lines in the past (look at Batman). But for a goofy kid's toy, it just doesn't make any sense. The merchandise would be all Taylor Laughtner (sp?) looking stuff with fat, goofy bodies full of the goo that makes the figure stretch and bend... Uncanny Valley already boiling in my mind.

Actually, that makes 2 good things about this film not being made. The crappy film itself, and the ugly merchandising it would spawn.
 
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