She pointed a finger at Rowlf to start the song. “IIIIIII don’t want a lot for Christmas,” she started to sing, “There is just one thing I need. I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas isssssss…yoooouuuuuuuuu.”
Dr. Teeth started banging away on his keyboard like a man possessed. Every other musician on stage took the same cue and started playing away as if their lives depended on it, which in this case it just may have. “I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need. I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree,” Piggy sang in a far more professional and enthusiastic manner than her predecessors, which had the effect of the audience actually getting into the song, “I don’t need to hang my stocking there upon the fireplace. Santa Claus won’t you make me happy with a toy on Christmas Day…”
“Something’s not right here,” Janice said out loud, apparently noticing an accelerated pace in the song. Piggy was in fact singing a little faster than Mariah Carey had, although still at a reasonable enough pace so that the song didn’t lose its tempo. “I just want you for my own,” she went on, “more than you could ever know. Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is you.”
“Too fast,” Rowlf was noticing the same excessive pacing. Piggy failed to slow up. “I won’t ask for much this Christmas, I won’t even wish for snow. I’m just going to keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe...”
“You’re not waiting for us, hamhock!” Floyd Pepper yelled in distaste, his voice drowned out by the music except for those already on stage, “You’re going to break our wills to play!”
“I’ll definitely break something, pal! HIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAA!” Piggy spun around and karate-chopped him senseless, leading to a high out-of-tune note as Floyd landed on top of his guitar. “…just want you here tonight, holding on to me so tight,” the pig continued, “What more can I do, all I want for Christmas is you.”
“Can’t we slow down?” Dr. Teeth complained, sweat pouring down his face as he pounded his keyboard hard to keep up with the breakneck pace. Piggy was too caught up in singing the song perfectly to back attention. “All the lights are shining so brightly everywhere,” she went on, “and the sound of children’s laughter fills the air…”
“And the sound of dog’s fingers going numb,” Rowlf howled, looking ready to collapse.
“And everyone is singing…” Piggy apparently didn’t hear him over the audience’s loud clapping in rhythm with the song.
“Santa won’t you bring me…” a dazed Floyd Pepper staggered to his feet and leaned toward Piggy.
“HIIIIYAAAAA!” Piggy chopped him down again. “OOOh, I don’t want a lot for Christmas, this is all I’m asking for,” she took a diving slide the length of the stage and lay on her back to sing the rest of the song, “I just want to see my froggie standing just outside me door…”
“Nice,” Kermit flinched and took a large step away from the stage.
“Oh I just want him for my own,” Piggy sang with increased gusto as the song reached its climax, “more than he could ever know, make my wish come true…”
“To just end this song!” Zoot was on the verge of collapse.
“All I want for Christmas is YOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!” Piggy squealed out the long last note. And then without warning, she launched herself at Kermit, kissing him madly. “Say you love me Kermie, say you love me!” she squealed. Kermit broke loose and climbed up the tree, which had been set back upright, as fast as he could. “Somebody get protective custody for me!” he cried out. The song finally ended, punctuated by everyone on stage falling to the floor, gasping for air. The audience gave a standing ovation. “Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Piggy bowed crazily in all directions, “Oh you love me, you really love me! Let me do another one!”
“NO!” the Electric Mayhem recoiled at the prospect.
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Christmas Music
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