It Looks Like Christmas...

[Convincing John]

I visited my local Kohl's store a couple weeks ago (checking to see if any new Muppet shirts came in). When what did my wondering eyes should appear...but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer...and several other things.

Yes, folks, it's that time of year again. I feel that if this trend keeps up, our beloved "Muppet Christmas Carol" may have to be updated. I can just see it now...

(Scrooge's clock rings a quarter to the hour)

Scrooge:..."Hm?" (One eye blinks open and glances at the clock. Scrooge notices a light shining on it from outside his bed curtains. Suddenly the light from outside bursts into Scrooge's bedchamber and a hearty "Ho Ho Ho!" echoes from Jerry--er, I mean the Ghost of Christmas Presents).

Scrooge peeks out through his curtains to see the Ghost of Christmas Presents laughing heartily among all kinds of delicious food: roast turkey, fresh fruit, spice cakes and bottles of wine. Wrapped boxes of all shapes, sizes and colors are piled high alongside the food.

Ghost of Christmas Presents: "Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! I am the Ghost of Christmas Presents! Come in and know me better, man!"

Scrooge: "Did you say...presents, spirit?"

The Ghost puts his index finger to his temple, then chuckles as he leans forward.

Ghost: "I guess I did, didn't I? That's right, Scrooge...presents! I am here to show you how much people care about Christmas LOOONG before it starts! Ho ho ho ho! Come in and know me better, man!"

Scrooge: "How can people care about Christmas before it even starts? Christmas is but once a year, and it is upon us now."

Ghost: "Ah, you mean my cousin who is concerned with the here and now has not arrived yet?"

Scrooge: "No...Jacob Marley said..."

Ghost: "That he would arrive at the stroke of two? We are a rather absent-minded family, you know! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! He shall be along shortly, but as long as I'm traveling through the neighborhood, I will show you a time where Christmas lasts and lasts because of the presents people find for one another! Ho ho ho ho ho!"

Scrooge: "But spirit...Christmas only lasts but one day."

Ghost: "Not from where I come from! Now come and know me better, man!" (The Ghost offers Scrooge to touch his robe. They are transported to an an overwhelming and amazing place to Scrooge's eyes).

Gonz--er, Charles Dickens: "It was a wondrous place that Scrooge had never seen before. It was a sprawling display of colored lights, decorated trees and items of all kinds. There were enough for a thousand people, for all of London...and it was all in one gigantic room! When Scrooge looked out of one of the massive windows, he noticed that the weather was not one bit cold. The leaves on the trees had not yet fallen or even changed color. Not one snowflake could be seen and people young and old had not one coat among them."

Rizzo: "Hey, all right! Now 'dis is more like it! I'm gonna hit the food court!"

Dickens: "No, not yet! You'll miss the ridiculous parodic musical number!"

Rizzo: "Aw, all right. Hey someone dropped a candy cane! I call dibs!" (Munch munch)

Dickens: (Sigh) "Good grief."

Ghost: "Welcome to the Christmas season before the Christmas season, Scrooge! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!"

(A musical overature swells as the Ghost leads Scrooge down an aisle of a huge store, filled with Muppet shoppers)

Ghost: "It's where they used to have the charcoal and fryers.
Past automotive where you buy chains for tires.
It's true, in all the biggest stores, it looks like Christmas."

(Shot of Behemoth, Scred and Uncle Deadly in a depleting Halloween display. Uncle Deadly is holding a Christmas wreath adorned with a black bow and tiny skulls).

Behemoth: "Overshadowing the costumes and ghoulies"

Scred: "Are all the blinking lights on big, plastic pine trees."

Uncle Deadly: "Yes, in the stores October 1st, it looks like Christmas."

Ghost: "Avoid the day known as Black Friday.
Do all your shopping early.
You'll find a parking space!"

(Quick shot of frowning Whatnots circling full parking lots like NASCAR drivers)

Ghost: "Avoid when tempers turn real rotten.
Thanksgiving is forgotten
Except in Macy's case!"

(Quick shot of Piggy relaxing at home in front of the TV with Foo Foo)

Piggy: "It's in the shopping you can do from the TV."

Muppet QVC Host: "Preorder hula Santas now from QVC!" (Piggy gives the camera an open mouthed smile and dials).

Kermit (frowning at his unfurling credit card statement): "And when the bills get really high, it looks like Christmas. Sheesh."

(Shot of Robin and Norman (Frog Scout) with school backpacks and textbooks. Sweetums is carrying them to school wearing a Santa hat)

Robin: "In all the mall displays we'll always remember"

Norman: "Christmas decorations there in September."

Sweetums: "'Cause even though it's barely fall, it looks like Christmas."

Ghost (now leading Scrooge to a toy display): "It is the season of the Red One.
He causes lots of chaos.
They scalp him on Ebaaaayy!"

(Scrooge points questioningly to a Santa. The Ghost shakes his head in mid-note and gestures down an aisle).

Ghost: "When seen, the parents all groan "Oh no!"
"They've made another Elmo!""

Elmo: "Pre-order right awaaaayyyyy!"
(As Elmo sings a store clerk sticks a price tag and barcode on Elmo's back with a price gun).

Whatnot Shopper #1: "Hey! There's one!"

Whatnot Shopper #2: "It's mine! Outta my way!"

Elmo: "What the--" (notices price tag) "No no no! Elmo not an Elmo! Elmo mean, Elmo's not an Elmo Elmo! Elmo's just Elmo! Help!" (Elmo runs off with now a dozen crazed shoppers in pursuit).

Ghost: "It's where they used to have the charcoal and fryers.
Past automotive where you buy chains for tires.
It's true, in all the biggest stores, it looks like Christmas."

(Ghost leads Scrooge just outside the store's front doors. An ariel shot pulls back, revealing a bright, warm early fall afternoon. Children are running around in shorts and t-shirts. One has a soccer ball and is running through an adjacent, bright green lawn where a man is grilling steaks. Summer birds tweet and flutter from green, leafy branches).

Ghost: "It's true, in all the biggest stores..." (a bird lands on the Ghost's finger momentarily before flying away).

Ghost (and assorted Muppets in the parking lot): "It looks like Christmas!"

Cast: "It looks like Christmas!

Ghost: "It looks like Christmas! Ho ho ho ho ho ho!"

(Whatnots carry bags of mixed Halloween and Christmas decorations to their cars. Elmo, now being chased by at least 30 people, screams and heads for the hills).

Ghost: "It looks like Chriiiiiistmaaaaaaas...."

(Final ariel shot shows a single brown leaf falling from the sky and into Scrooge's hand).


Anyone else noticing that it's "looking like Christmas"?

Convincing John

 

[Drtooth]

Know what I hate? Hallowwen stuff comes out the second week of September... a whole week AFTER the Christmas stuff... I have no problem with Christmas at all, but for the love of Pete.... let us have Halloween first. Christmas decorations are cute and everything... but what other Holiday lets you get away with tossing plastic disembodied limbs in the front yard, stick grave stones all over the place, and chase at people with fake chainsaws in hockey masks? And that behavior is welcomed, and considered normal. Much more interesting in Teddy Bears wearing snowflake sweaters...

Lemme hang up my skeletons before I have to put the tree up.

 

[Convincing John]

Exactly!

I asked a Wal-Mart employee about it and they just stocked the stuff and had no say what came in. (I knew that beforehand, but I just wanted their opinion).

They said (and this makes sense) that she didn't mind Christmas-related fabrics and patterns being available super early. It gives people time to sew or knit the quilt or whatever in time for Christmas. I suppose it does take a lot of time. But the fabrics are different. They aren't draped all over the store. They're folded up and out of the way on a shelf. Still available but 95% hidden from view.

The Kohl's I was in had NO and I repeat NO Halloween stuff, but about a half dozen decorated pine trees, ornaments galore and a metropolis of those light up houses. That's what I heard first...the tinkling music box music of "O Christmas Tree" coming from one of these things. Sure it was cute, but not when it's still 60 degrees out on September 13th!

I just needed to blow off some steam about that. Following Jim's playful approach to life in general, I wrote that Muppet parody song/scene.

There are a few Halloween specialty shops around that people can go to to get their "ghoulie fix". Our mini-mall has a Halloween shop set up right now. Spencer's has a lot of just Halloween stuff too...even Ernie and Bert costumes. (someone contact Tough Pigs and let 'em know! It'd make a great contribution to one of their Halloween articles).

Convincing John

 

[D'Snowth]

Halloween is the end of October, so quit stocking Halloween decorations in SEPTEMBER, and stock them in October!

Thanksgiving is towards the end of November, so quit stocking Thanksgiving decorations in OCTOBER, and stock them in November!

Christmas is towards the end of December, so quit stocking Christmas decorations in AUGUST, and stock them in December!

Valentines is is the middle of February, so quit stocking Valentines decorations in JANUARY, and stock them in February!

St. Patricks Day is in the middle of March, so quit stocking St. Patrick's Day decorations altogether because nobody really celebrates that holiday anyway.

 

[Drtooth]

A month in advance is no big problem. That's when they SHOULD stock holiday merchandise. But considering Halloween gets the pass up for Christmas every single year lately... it's disappointing.

 

[redBoobergurl]

I love the holidays - I'm the person who decorates her house for Christmas on the day after Thanksgiving. But that's my point exactly - it's the day AFTER Thanksgiving. We need to celebrate ONE holiday at a time! The thing that really got me last year was a commerical for I think Lowe's who was selling a Thanksgiving anamatronic turkey - wearing a SANTA hat. I sometimes wonder why they don't rename the holiday Thankschristmas. Seriously.

 

[Skye]

Lol, I've noticed that too. Christmas decorations seem to be coming into stores earlier and earlier every year!

I am always really excited about the holidays. And for some reason, this year, I'm extra extra excited about them. But really, Christmas decorations in August/September is a little much, lol.

Christmas is my favorite holiday, but of course, each holiday has something special and fun to offer. I agree that we do need to be able to celebrate one holiday at a time, otherwise it can be kind of overwhelming. I like the idea of about one month or so beforehand... and then stores can really go nuts with their holiday merchandise!

 

[bazooka_beak]

I love the "big 3" holidays. Even if I know how I celebrate it will probably be boring or disappointing, I get excited anyway, just because it's coming. I think it's the feelings and events around that time that sells it for me.

But, you know, I don't want to get into it too early. I don't want to hear Christmas music before Halloween (or even Thanksgiving if I can help it). I don't want to see pumpkins for sale before it's even October. I can understand stocking craft stuff early, because making clothes or decorations take time, and I'm sure they want to have enough time left to really USE the items before the holiday comes. For everything else, give it a rest!

 

[tutter_fan]

I love how you did that Convincing John! That was HILARIOUS!

 

[AnimatedC9000]

Ghost (now leading Scrooge to a toy display): "It is the season of the Red One.
He causes lots of chaos.
They scalp him on Ebaaaayy!"

(Scrooge points questioningly to a Santa. The Ghost shakes his head in mid-note and gestures down an aisle).

Ghost: "When seen, the parents all groan "Oh no!"
"They've made another Elmo!""

Elmo: "Pre-order right awaaaayyyyy!"
(As Elmo sings a store clerk sticks a price tag and barcode on Elmo's back with a price gun).

Whatnot Shopper #1: "Hey! There's one!"

Whatnot Shopper #2: "It's mine! Outta my way!"

Elmo: "What the--" (notices price tag) "No no no! Elmo not an Elmo! Elmo mean, Elmo's not an Elmo Elmo! Elmo's just Elmo! Help!" (Elmo runs off with now a dozen crazed shoppers in pursuit).

*dies from the uncontrollable laughter* XD

*comes back from the dead* Hoo boy, that part just killed me!