I just don't know anymore...

[Drtooth]

I think the greatest question in my life will be, "when am I never going through something?"

Sure, I could ramble on about misfortunes and all that, but I'd rather not. I can gripe about my life going nowhere and actually going backwards the harder I try. The point is, I love to read the story of Sisyphus... I just don't like living it. Now this is clearly just painting a backdrop for what I'm going to say, so no pitty or harassment (going at either ends).

I'm really wondering where things are fitting into my life now. I'm almost 30, and that's a long time to be unsure about things. I'm unsatisfied with doing unappreciated fan arts and poop videos. I feel I'm too old for that anyway. Things personally haven't been going so well. I do not want to ellaborate, but it is quite a heavy burden.

What I'm saying is I'm considering leaving. Not just MC, but deviantart and Youtube and all that. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even within theyear (though it is likely I would). I'm not saying this as a "I'm goin' home!" slam of the door, but as a thoughtful "what else can I do?" pacing about.

Sure, I'd love to say, I got some great, innovative stuff coming up, and things are going to be absolutely AWESOME for me... but that's not happening or even on the horizon. Not that I'm not trying, but again, Sisyphus.

So this is just a head's up. There will be a point where one day I'll say enough and just leave. I'm not doing it quite yet, and it isn't personal... just too many things to sort out, and at one point I'm going to need all the time in the world to do so. Or I'll just need to move on completely. Will I return? I haven't even decided when I'd tend to leave yet, so it's not up to me at the moment.

I hope I shed a little light on this. And please... don't give me any suggestions on how to get things to work. That's something I have to figure out myself.

 

[CensoredAlso]

I'm almost 30, and that's a long time to be unsure about things.

No it's not, ask a 50 year old. ; )

 

[CensoredAlso]

What I'm saying is I'm considering leaving. Not just MC, but deviantart and Youtube and all that.

Hey as much as I like the Internet, it can encourage entropy. It might help to take a break for awhile to sort things out.

 

[charlietheowl]

I think you have to whatever is best for yourself in regards to your future. I wish you the best of luck in sorting things out.

 

[D'Snowth]

I kind of know what you're saying, and I get where you're coming from... in regards to things like fan art and poops and such, you know, when you really think about it, the sad truth is, there just doesn't seem to be much room for true creativity and originality on the internet, like recently when I launched a new webcomic miniseries, it's been over a month now, and it STILL hasn't gotten any favorites, any comments, any ratings (aside from two or three people telling me personally), whereas there's tons of other comics on the same host that has hundreds and even thousands of favorites, comments, ratings, fans, etc and they're each so far like maybe into two or three comics, but you know why? Because they're either manga, stolen video game sprites, or even gay comics. Same with YouTube, people don't usually go in search of originality on that site, they basically go to see long-lost episodes of their favorite shows that still have yet to be released on DVD and such.

I know you're frustrated and flustered, and I wish I knew what to say or do that could help, but I just don't know what that could be, because you do seem to go through spells like this every few months or so for quite a while now, so I don't know... I think it's safe to say there is at least one thing we can agree on: life ain't fair.

 

[charlietheowl]

That's awful that you are being harassed like that, it's a real shame when people have nothing better or more constructive to do with their lives than troll people.

 

[charlietheowl]

I only use my DA account to favorite things and the like, but I can tell they are more concerned with hyping their gear and coming up with contests then cleaning up bullying and harrassment and general misbehavior. I really hope you get this resolved without having to do anything you'll regret. I know chances are there isn't anything I could do for you, but let me know if you need anything.

 

[beaker]

Because of my "controversial" political views(being a liberal during the early Bush years) there was times I had hundreds of people in forums or elsewhere flaming me or getting really nasty. It led me to have my own podcast and briefly with a stint in talk radio and kind of fueled a fire of sorts. I guess maybe it's because Im old now, but a part of me thrived on the attention. But I understand personal work is different. If I had someone being a meanie and spamming my stuff(Ive had it before, but it was literal spambots/foreigners paid to spam) now days, Id probably turn the thing into a big work of performance art or a comic strip.

I stopped using Deviant Art in 2003, and just got my own site.

You really should move onto tumblr dude, aint a bunch of immature people. I swear, I post one little thing on tumblr, and instantly a ton of people comment and repost it.

Anyways, James...maybe its time to reinvent yourself? Im 34 in a couple weeks, aand I had to reinvent myself a number of times. **** my hard drive crashed and had to reformat my hard drive around new years day...now Im putting out what I consider is my best art and music to date.

I say take a break and think about what you TRULY want to do, reinvent yourself...LET this be a grand opportunity and excuse to reinvent and evolve.

 

[Drtooth]

Anyways, James...maybe its time to reinvent yourself? Im 34 in a couple weeks, aand I had to reinvent myself a number of times. **** my hard drive crashed and had to reformat my hard drive around new years day...now Im putting out what I consider is my best art and music to date.

I say take a break and think about what you TRULY want to do, reinvent yourself...LET this be a grand opportunity and excuse to reinvent and evolve.

That would require expensive, extensive re-education to do something completely different with my life. Something I have not the money or patience to do.

I HATE painting with real paint... that's out. I kinda want to get out of any kind of creative field there is. I'm not too handy with math, otherwise I'd be some sort of accountant. At least those people get work counting rich snots money.

The problem was, for the past 3 years I used that wretched site, I actually got nothing but praise and positive feed back. only thing that was mildly negative was someone giving me a critical suggestion of cleaning up the line art better. Most people were disappointed when I said I may have to close the account.

I cannot deal with a high school relapse. What happened there completely and utterly ruined me. I have had revenge fantasies since, starting out with Doug Quailman type stuff, which, the older I got, mutated into Saw type stuff. I shouldn't think like that ever.

I've regretted the fact I went to college the past couple years... everything I learned I completely forgot due to disuse. I'm starting to regret even liking cartoons PERIOD. Even adult stuff that I'm supposed to be watching.

This year already started and it already sucks completely worse than the last one. YAY! The Maurice LeBlanc estate is going to lose the copyright that hounded Lupin III. Even as a huge Lupin III fan, that's not good enough.

 

[beaker]

Right, I mean I never really went to college. I don't know math well. Im just saying you should use this opportunity to raze the old and erect the new. Trust me, I was right where you were with self frustration.

Also, serendipitiously I found this which really blew my noodle
"How To Translate An Idea Into Reality"

Anyways, back in 2003-2005 I had one of the top geek/gamer related webcomics on the internet. I remember flying out to an invite in feb 2004 to meet with the guy behind spongebob who invited me to spend the day at nickelodeon studios in burbank, often times id have 9000-12,000 unique ip visitors a day on any given day, i was being invited to speak or have a booth at anime and comic related cons across the US, always had fanart and comments flooding my email, even my my first *actual* physical girlfriend from that venture. It was an amazing time, but due to a hard drive crash in 2005 and subsequent deep depression, it just kind of ended. Pulled the plug so to speak.

So I know what its like to go from having good comments on an art stuff and then have it find of melt away from whatever circumstance.

Ive written lengthy responses to you about directing frustration energy toward getting into a militant mindset for positive changes and thinking, and going for things and I think I just made you more upset or something. I just like to think outside the box, BUT sometimes just practicality works...we have one shot on this planet, why not close the door on the past 30 years and open up a big new door to your amazing new start. Small steps, however immeasurable works. Visualization, writing stuff out, etc