How to let go of the past?

[Fuzzhead]

This might be a depressing subject, and I'm not looking for sympathy or attention. I want to know if anyone has had bad experiences as a child or maybe even as an adult, which have affected your life in a negative way. And if so, how were you able to get over it. I am asking because I still find myself thinking about all the bad experiences I had as a child in school. Elementary through eighth grade was an absolute nightmare for me. First of all, I was a very overweight kid. I realize that was my own fault, but I don't think that should be a reason to treat a person like dirt. I was kicked or punched at least once a day, called a fat piece of crap by almost everyone, my clothes were stolen in the gym locker room every week and all sorts of other fun things. I never had a date, never went to a party, never did any of the "normal" things that are part of growing up. Because of this, I don't have any confidence or self esteem as an adult. I still believe all those people who told me I was a loser. How do I get over that? I have been to therapists, but none of them have helped. They all just blame my parents and recommend books for me to read. Even though I went to art school for two years, lost 100 pounds, and had a GREAT time there, I still can't seem to get passed those early school days. I still see myself as that fat loser. I always let people push me around and step on me. I always feel like I am beneath everyone or not worthy of anything. Is there a simple solution to all of this? My Dad tells me to just get over it, but it's not that simple. Sorry for the
deep subject, I just can't think of anywhere else to turn.

 

[jellyman kelly]

somebody once advised me (it was called visualisation therapy as i remember) to picture my "problems" as balloons attached to me by long strings, anyway the idea was to visual yourself cutting the strings, the balloon flies away, yada yada yada...seems kind of dumb now that i say it outloud, but the idea is good.
i think you have to want to let go of that stuff. i dont believe there is a cure out there, people can either get over this sort of stuff or they cant, no easy answer im afraid.
i hope you can make peace with yourself, good luck.

 

[Ernie101]

I think the most important and first thing you should think about is yourself at the moment. You say you have no confidence and low self esteem, well.. find ways to bring it up.. Try doing things that brings out what a good person you are, and really let other people see it.

Not sure if the people you hang around may have something to do with this? Go new places, meet new people. People who may also be able to bring out the best person in you...

I really hope this helps, and I think it's at least a start.

 

[Ilikemuppets]

Well, I wrote a really long story about how I went through similar stuff (I could write a book) but my Internet connection went out and I accidentally erased it to make matters better. I was so up set about that, I mean I spilled my heart out and what I'm about to write will be nowhere as good.

But I'll write something anyway so I guess what I'll say is it's all about what you think about your self. I know this sounds a little cliche, but people can only mess with you as long as you let them and if you know what they say isn't true then it does not matter what they think or say.

Listen, I hope you get this very deep and complex Issue solved and that the rest of your life goes better then what already has happened.

 

[MGov]

I agree with some of what jellyman said. You have to want to let it go. And, good or bad, it was what defined you as a person for a huge chunk of your life. It's awfully hard to let that go even if you want to. It means coming up with a new and better definition of who you are. One that you have created for yourself rather than one that others imposed on you. And it's always easier to hold on to the known than to face the unknown.

 

[Fuzzhead]

Thanks, everyone for the words of advice. I think the key thing is wanting to let go. MGov, you made a good point. I guess it is easier to stay in the victim role instead of creating a new one. I also just want to say I posted this thread when I was feeling particulary depressed. It was just a spur of the moment thing that I kind of regret doing. if it is deleted, that would be cool.

 

[Ilikemuppets]

You can have it deleted if you want, but I think sometimes a little intervention is a good thing.

 

[melissa@muppet]

i was once told get a journal and write down everything that has hurt you in your past get it all of your chest then burn that journal. u will be letting go of the past so it can't effect you anymore. u won't forget but u won't be dwelling on the past.

 

[peachesncream]

i don't drink milk because of something that happened in my childhood. jello too for that fact.