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Sam and Friends BookSomeone said they'd like to see another EW parody, so without further ado:
(Cue Elmo’s World theme:
Elmo (in high, squeaky voice): Hi, welcome to Elmo’s World. Elmo’s so happy to see you. Guess what Elmo’s thinking about today. La-da-da-da! (Hears a knock)Just a minute. (He opens it, a girl of about 14 steps in) Oh, hi, it’s Elmo’s babysitter, Kiersten. And Kiersten’s wearing all white. That means Elmo must be thinking about…la da da da! Nurses!
Kiersten: No, I don’t’ want to be a nurse. I thought I did when my older sister became one at first, but not now.
Elmo: Oh. Okay. La da da da! Doctors!
Kiersten: No…should I just tell them?
Elmo: If Kiersten wants to tell them.
Kiersten: Well, I’m thinking about veternarian because I love horses, but right now, I’m being a speech pathologist.
Elmo: Oh, okay. Guess what Elmo’s thinking a-…wait a minute. (He shakes his head slightly) Elmo can't be thinking about that. Elmo doesn’t know what that is.
Kiersten: It’s someone who works with someone to cure a speech impediment.
Elmo: Oh. Well, come on, I bet Mr. Noodle can help. Oh, shade. (Shade opens) Oh, hi, Mr. Noodle. Mr. Noodle, do you have a speech impediment? (He nods his head) Really? Why? (Somehow, a chicken comes flying out of Mr. Noodle’s mouth - muppet of course - then a cow, followed by an elephant!)
Elmo (as shade closes the scene shifts back to him): Ha ha ha. Oh, that Mr. Noodle, no wonder he couldn't talk. Elmo wonders if he’s related to that old lady who swallowed a fly. Remember, she swallowed a bunch of animals, too.
Kiersten: That’s right, she did. Excellent.
Elmo: Yeah, that’s a funny song. Does Kiersten know that song?
Kiersten: Do you know that song?
Elmo: Elmo sure does, it’s so funny.
Kiersten: No, I mean, it’s do you remember that song, Kiersten?
Elmo: Elmo’s name is Elmo; Kiersten is Kiersten.
Kiersten (holding out her hands): Elmo, look. Say my name.
Elmo: Kiersten.
Kiersten: Very good. Now, say the word “she.”
Elmo: She. This is a strange game Kiersten's playing.
Kiersten: Well…it’s called the name changing game.
Elmo: Oh, oh, Elmo knows. Elmo wants to change his name to…Big Bird.
Kiersten: No!
Elmo: Okay, Elmo will be Telly Monster, then.
Kiersten: Elmo, no, you can only have one of two different names int his game. I or me.
Elmo: I or me, I or me. Hmmm, okay, got it.
Kiersten: Now, let me tap you on the head. (she taaps him)
Elmo: Oh, is this like tag?
Kiersten: No, I just want you to say that I tapped you on the head with your new name of me.
Elmo: Oh, okay. Hmmm, let’s see…Kiersten tapped me on the head.
Kiersten (claps her hands excitedly): Very good, Elmo!
Elmo: But, why did Elmo’s name change?
Kiersten: Because Elmo was the person you were talking about. You said something happened to you.
Elmo: Who is this you person?
Kiersten: Elmo! (To the camera) Now I know why I like horses, they understand me when I talk to them. (Back to Elmo): Do you understand what I just said?
Elmo: Nay.
Kiersten: Okay, let’s try it this way…
Elmo: Wait, Elmo’s World is over half over, and Elmo still hadn’t asked a baby.
Kiersten (hands on hips): And just what do you want to ask a baby?
Elmo: Hmmm, good question. (He starts to think) Think, think, think, think…
Kiersten: Don’t bother, the baby can’t answer you, anyway!
Elmo: Okay, Elmo will ask Kiersten a question instead. What should Elmo ask?
Kiersten: Okay, this is good - now we’ll use two different names. You will repeat the same question, but you will call yourself “I” and call me “you.”
Elmo: Call Kiersten Elmo?
Kiersten: No, I mean instead of the name Kiersten, you will say “you.” Understand - what should I ask you?
Elmo: Elmo doesn’t know what Kiersten should ask. (To the audience) ANd now, Elmo has a question forrrrr you!
Kiersten (excited): Elmo, that's just how you shoudl say it.
Elmo: What is?
Kiersten: What you just said to the audience. You called them you.
Elmo: Well, of course, becasue Elmo doesn't know their names.
Kiersten: Even if you knew their names, it's how you should call someone when you're talking to them - you call them "you."
Elmo: Is that part of that name changing thing.
Kiersten: Yes, yes it is. You should call me by the name of "you."
Elmo: Oh, okay, got it. (Bob enters the room)
Bob (excitedly): Hi, Elmo, boy, what a great day out there, why don't you come out and play with us.
Elmo: In a minute. (Points to Kiersten) Bob, this is you.
Bob: Huh?
Kiersten: Well, that's about all the time we have; it looks like if I would become a speech pathologist, though, this would be one tough case. Bye.
-------------
(Flash to Oscar and Slimey)
Oscar: What's that, Slimey? Yeah, yeah, I know. She'd have her work cut out for her. But I'm glad she didn't take an even tougher job. I'd hate for a nice girl like that to mess up my system and try to be a maid in my trash can.
(Cue Elmo’s World theme:
Elmo (in high, squeaky voice): Hi, welcome to Elmo’s World. Elmo’s so happy to see you. Guess what Elmo’s thinking about today. La-da-da-da! (Hears a knock)Just a minute. (He opens it, a girl of about 14 steps in) Oh, hi, it’s Elmo’s babysitter, Kiersten. And Kiersten’s wearing all white. That means Elmo must be thinking about…la da da da! Nurses!
Kiersten: No, I don’t’ want to be a nurse. I thought I did when my older sister became one at first, but not now.
Elmo: Oh. Okay. La da da da! Doctors!
Kiersten: No…should I just tell them?
Elmo: If Kiersten wants to tell them.
Kiersten: Well, I’m thinking about veternarian because I love horses, but right now, I’m being a speech pathologist.
Elmo: Oh, okay. Guess what Elmo’s thinking a-…wait a minute. (He shakes his head slightly) Elmo can't be thinking about that. Elmo doesn’t know what that is.
Kiersten: It’s someone who works with someone to cure a speech impediment.
Elmo: Oh. Well, come on, I bet Mr. Noodle can help. Oh, shade. (Shade opens) Oh, hi, Mr. Noodle. Mr. Noodle, do you have a speech impediment? (He nods his head) Really? Why? (Somehow, a chicken comes flying out of Mr. Noodle’s mouth - muppet of course - then a cow, followed by an elephant!)
Elmo (as shade closes the scene shifts back to him): Ha ha ha. Oh, that Mr. Noodle, no wonder he couldn't talk. Elmo wonders if he’s related to that old lady who swallowed a fly. Remember, she swallowed a bunch of animals, too.
Kiersten: That’s right, she did. Excellent.
Elmo: Yeah, that’s a funny song. Does Kiersten know that song?
Kiersten: Do you know that song?
Elmo: Elmo sure does, it’s so funny.
Kiersten: No, I mean, it’s do you remember that song, Kiersten?
Elmo: Elmo’s name is Elmo; Kiersten is Kiersten.
Kiersten (holding out her hands): Elmo, look. Say my name.
Elmo: Kiersten.
Kiersten: Very good. Now, say the word “she.”
Elmo: She. This is a strange game Kiersten's playing.
Kiersten: Well…it’s called the name changing game.
Elmo: Oh, oh, Elmo knows. Elmo wants to change his name to…Big Bird.
Kiersten: No!
Elmo: Okay, Elmo will be Telly Monster, then.
Kiersten: Elmo, no, you can only have one of two different names int his game. I or me.
Elmo: I or me, I or me. Hmmm, okay, got it.
Kiersten: Now, let me tap you on the head. (she taaps him)
Elmo: Oh, is this like tag?
Kiersten: No, I just want you to say that I tapped you on the head with your new name of me.
Elmo: Oh, okay. Hmmm, let’s see…Kiersten tapped me on the head.
Kiersten (claps her hands excitedly): Very good, Elmo!
Elmo: But, why did Elmo’s name change?
Kiersten: Because Elmo was the person you were talking about. You said something happened to you.
Elmo: Who is this you person?
Kiersten: Elmo! (To the camera) Now I know why I like horses, they understand me when I talk to them. (Back to Elmo): Do you understand what I just said?
Elmo: Nay.
Kiersten: Okay, let’s try it this way…
Elmo: Wait, Elmo’s World is over half over, and Elmo still hadn’t asked a baby.
Kiersten (hands on hips): And just what do you want to ask a baby?
Elmo: Hmmm, good question. (He starts to think) Think, think, think, think…
Kiersten: Don’t bother, the baby can’t answer you, anyway!
Elmo: Okay, Elmo will ask Kiersten a question instead. What should Elmo ask?
Kiersten: Okay, this is good - now we’ll use two different names. You will repeat the same question, but you will call yourself “I” and call me “you.”
Elmo: Call Kiersten Elmo?
Kiersten: No, I mean instead of the name Kiersten, you will say “you.” Understand - what should I ask you?
Elmo: Elmo doesn’t know what Kiersten should ask. (To the audience) ANd now, Elmo has a question forrrrr you!
Kiersten (excited): Elmo, that's just how you shoudl say it.
Elmo: What is?
Kiersten: What you just said to the audience. You called them you.
Elmo: Well, of course, becasue Elmo doesn't know their names.
Kiersten: Even if you knew their names, it's how you should call someone when you're talking to them - you call them "you."
Elmo: Is that part of that name changing thing.
Kiersten: Yes, yes it is. You should call me by the name of "you."
Elmo: Oh, okay, got it. (Bob enters the room)
Bob (excitedly): Hi, Elmo, boy, what a great day out there, why don't you come out and play with us.
Elmo: In a minute. (Points to Kiersten) Bob, this is you.
Bob: Huh?
Kiersten: Well, that's about all the time we have; it looks like if I would become a speech pathologist, though, this would be one tough case. Bye.
-------------
(Flash to Oscar and Slimey)
Oscar: What's that, Slimey? Yeah, yeah, I know. She'd have her work cut out for her. But I'm glad she didn't take an even tougher job. I'd hate for a nice girl like that to mess up my system and try to be a maid in my trash can.
But, once I get time & more inspiration, I might come up with something there, too.