Yes keep it all here in one single story thread, makes it easier to follow. So post more now please?
Like, done and done!
Chapter III
“Hey everyone! Thank you so much for being here tonight and to those of you watching at home, thanks for watching. My name is Amanda Cosgrove and I am happy to greet you all to tonight’s program.
“For some of you, you’re turned in to the very famous Muppet Show and are probably wondering where’s the show.”
“No we weren’t!” cried a voice from the upper balcony.
“We were wondering what took so long for you to get rid of it!” called his seat mate.
“Well,” the Whatnot continued, ignoring the two older gentlemen seated above her left; she had been warned by Scooter that they could be a problem. “The Muppets being the great people they are..”
“Great people?” continued the pair.
“They certainly are,” said the counterpart. “They are great at being
grating…on our nerves!”
“Isn’t there a retirement home the two of you need to be gracing with your presence?” the night’s host retorted. Returning her attention back to the audience, she continued with, “As I was saying, the Muppet Show has not only allowed us to present tonight’s tournament here from the Muppet Theatre, but as an extra treat, several of them are going to show off their pool skills.”
“That’s assuming they had any skills to begin with!”
“So why don’t we start of right with the first set of the singles placements? It’s Andy Schweeb versus Link Hogthrob! And to present this billiard battle, I give you the Muppet Show’s opening number!”
As Amanda walked off to stage left, the red curtain opened to show a large pool table in the middle of the stage, along with various equipment normally associated with the game of 8 ball pool. A purple Whatnot dressed in a loud Hawaiian shirt held a pool cue stick in his hands and appeared to be the first to make the first break.
Link Hogthrob, dressed elegantly in a dark blue smoking jacket that was wrapped around a black ascot tied to his neck, watched from one side of the table.
In the orchestra pit, the rocking sounds of an electric guitar were easily heard even for those in the back of the theater. As the second spot light hit the pit, the audience easily saw the blonde lead guitarist of the Electric Mayhem, Janice, starting out said rift.
She was replaced with the smooth sounds of a harmonica that was held by Rowlf, who sat on the stage, while Scooter laid down a groovin’ bass beat.
The spotlights converged to present not only the first set of the pool tournament, but that of the opening number that was such a standard in every Muppet Show piece. Sitting on stage were that of Kermit, who played banjo, and Rowlf on harmonica; in the pit itself was Animal at his normal place on drums, Dr. Teeth who sat at the familiar upright piano that usually saw the brown dog sit, Janice on lead guitar, and Scooter playing bass.
As the song began, Scooter took a deep breath and began to sing.
“
Now listen just a minute while I sing this song,
Don’t you worry, baby, it won’t take long
I’m just about ready to draw the line,
So don’t be surprised when I leave this time.
"Well’ I’m goin’ north and I’m goin’ south
Don’t want no more of your lyin’ mouth
I’m hittin’ the road, gonna ring some bells,
Better know I can do it well.”
The entire group sang the chorus, while Link stood back and watched his chances of making it past the first round began to evaporate.
“
Midnight train, ramblin’ ramblin’
All night long I’m gamblin’, gamblin’
Been losin’ all my money and it’s really funny, umm badda dum
Midnight train, ramblin’ ramblin’
All night I’m gamblin’, gamblin’
Well tell you what baby, well you better be movin’ on”
As Dr. Teeth took the next lyric, Link was finally able to get his one shot in when Schweeb missed his mark. It didn’t help Link any, however, as he managed to completely miss the seven and hit the eight ball in the corner pocket, ending the game.
“
Well, I really don’t know where I’m goin’ for sure,
Ain’t gotta map, it ain’t no tour
Just headin’ out to the open sky
Who knows, might even die. Go head, Lady J!”
Janice took her cue and sang in her light, happy voice. “
Well don’t you worry your pretty little head,
Like you never gave a dang what I did or said.
That’s why I’m packin’ to leave this place.
Can’t stand to look at your cheatin’ face. Fer rully.”
They repeated the chorus again, while Schweeb put his arm around the sobbing Hogthrob, comforting him after his loss. Link really was on the verge of hysteria, crying into a silk blue hanky that had his initials monogramed on it. And when it seemed the small hanky wouldn’t do, the male diva just pulled his ascot from his jacket and used that for tissue instead.
Kermit took the last verse, as the two players walked off stage, allowing for some of the professional players assembled to show off some of their style and tricks.
“
Well you treated me like a little boy
And played around like I was a toy
Guess you thought I’d have the blues,
Look whose cryin’, guess you lose.”
The chorus repeated as balls clanked and ricocheted off the sides of the pool table, trick shots bounding back and forth; those in the audience were able to view the tops of the pool table by the use of a drop down projection screen, lowered whenever a close up of a shot needed to be shown.
With the song finished, those who needed to be out of the orchestra pit quickly left, making their to backstage left; all except for Kermit, who just used his position from the stage to stand and greet the audience proper.
“Hi-ho everyone!” he exclaimed. “Nice opening number. And congratulations to Mr. Schweeb for his win! No worries, folks, Link will be okay.” Suddenly, the sounds of loud sobbing could be heard from backstage. “After he has his nightly cry. Up next, how about a little song and dance with our very own tap dancing duo, Abe and Bernie! YAAAAAAAY!”
Backstage, Scooter had quickly donned his customary headset and was directing the cameras that were set up on stage, effectively making sure that they captured both Abe and Bernie and that of the current lieu in pool activity. Amanda sported him as she made her way through to introduce the first of the doubles round, stopping when she caught his eye.
“That was a great set you guys did,” she replied.
“Oh!” Scooter sputtered, fighting to contain the blush he was sure was already sprouting on his face. “Well…it was…it was…um…”
“I didn’t know you played bass.”
“Oh, well…uh…” came the stutter.
“Like, Scooter’s an awesome bass player!”
“You think that’s good, you should hear him play guitar.”
“You play guitar, too?” Amanda asked, her face lighting up. “I’ve always wanted to learn how to play, but I don’t think I have the fingers for it.”
“Nonsense,” said a voice to Scooter’s right, the third which had joined the conversation. “All it takes is practice. Scooter didn’t know and was taught; quite simple.”
“Fer sure,” replied the voice to this left. “Like, Scooter is so totally musically inclined. But you would have to be to work around here, right?”
Amanda giggled, a sound that seemed like heavenly bells for the besotted go-fer. “Well, it was great,” she whispered, green eyes trained on the stage manager. “I should probably go out and introduce the next round. You guys are up next.” And with a lingering smile to Scooter, the pool organizer headed off to the stage.
By the time Scooter remembered to blink again, there was a plastic cup in front of his face, being held by a lavender satin glove. “If you’re going to melt into goo,” replied the same voice that Scooter finally recognized as Miss Piggy. “Could you at least melt into this cup? That would certainly make Beau’s job a lot easier.”
Scooter groaned and tried to ignore the friendly, furry arm that was slung over his shoulders and the hair tousling he was receiving from the Electric Mayhem’s lead guitarist.
“Aw,” Janice cooed. “Like, our little Scootie has a crush!”
“Oh I think it’s more than that,” Piggy chuckled. “I think he’s a little
love sick. Don’t you think so, Dr. Bob?”
Rowlf also chuckled, stating, “Maybe you need to be our patient today.”
The muffled groaning that had started at their arrival that was full parts embarrassment had now receded into annoyance. “Is there no where the Peanut Gallery is going to torment me today?”
The three troublemakers behind him laughed in good humor. “Did you forget where you worked?” Piggy asked.
“Or like, who you work
with?” Janice added.
“Don’t the three of you need to be doing something?”
As soon as the question left Scooter’s mouth, Kermit’s statement of, “Hey, Larry, Moe, Curly! Don’t you need to be on stage?” rang out from the small desk that was kept backstage.
“Like, soitenly!”
“We’re going, we’re going,” the dog pianist laughed, patting the stage manager on the shoulder as all three left.
Both Kermit and Scooter watched the trio headed to the stage, two of them participating in the first of the doubles matches, while the third went to her place on stage with the rest of the Electric Mayhem for their musical set.
To be honest, this was the part that Kermit had been dreading since discovering that nearly all of tonight’s acts would be participating in the pool tournament, especially in light of who those acts and participants were. While he never doubted the group’s overall abilities to perform on stage, as well as their inherent abilities to ad-lib their way through a
bad performance, he always doubted their abilities to do both
at the same time.
Especially when he hadn’t been informed beforehand in order to go over these little details before the show.
Looking at the schedule that sat on his desk, he knew that Veterinarian’s Hospital would be the next sketch, followed by Fozzie’s act, and only one act stood between that and Gonzo’s. Maybe that’s what was bothering him – all of these acts had been known to fall apart in the past.
Vet’s Hospital, with its hurricane of puns flying everywhere, could easily go from groan to downright giddy giggling; it had happened once, when Piggy – ever the consummate performer – had barely been able to deliver the next line in a routine because she was laughing so hard. In the end, she had ad-libbed it, which caused her fellow castmates to laugh hysterically too.
In times like those, Kermit blamed himself. He really should insist that they read off the script like some of the other acts, even when he knew they wouldn’t do it anyway. He was convinced the three sat around scheming on which inappropriate, inanimate object or person would be their next patient, just to see how many puns they could get in on their short segment.
He had tried calling their bluff once, asking if he should even bother to give them a script next time –
“Oh,” Piggy replied, with a grin. “You should bother.”
“We just won’t bother to read it,” Rowlf chuckled.
Looking around, Kermit noted he didn’t see the normal hospital equipment that was usually backstage in order to change sets, which of course worried him. Of all the cast members he thought wouldn’t suddenly break into ad-libbing or act crashing, it had been those three.
Had, being the appropriate word at the time, until that Swedish Chef act with the percolator. He still wasn’t sure whose idea that was, though his money was on Rowlf; it seemed he always bet on Rowlf when it came to something like that.
And then there was Fozzie.
Fozzie Bear, whom Kermit loved like a brother no doubt, would normally not strike gold until it was least expectant. And while Kermit had sometimes been the unofficial guinea pig when it came to testing out said jokes, the frog couldn’t deny the bear had a tenacity and determination that warranted his going on stage, night after night, with the prospect of his every joke falling on deaf and humorless ears.
There were no words that even came close to describing the torment and terror that Gonzo could put him through.
Shaking his head, Kermit stepped closer to the curtain to get a better look at how the act and pool playing was going.
And certainly not to gaze at Piggy’s legs when she took a shot.
And, for anyone who would like to know what song this is - here ya go!
Sadly, the TV version of this isn't featured on any Monkees albums (I know, I've looked) and personally, I think this is the superior version versus that of the original (which I have)
More acts and more songs coming up next!
Welcome to the Muppet Central Forum!
Jim Henson Idea Man
Back to the Rock Season 2
Bear arrives on Disney+
Sam and Friends Book
Trust me, you'll like it! Oh and a big thanks to Newsmanfan for the suggestion of Rizzo, whom I didn't even think to add. So hopefully, this lives up to the hype. For the moment.
Whoever that guy was I'll never know. BTW: Why do they call him 'Minnesota Shorts'?
