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I'll combine the rest of the reviews into one long post since they’re so short.
***They Call the Wind Korea***
Written by David Issacs and Ken Levine
Directed by Charles Dubin
A Manchurian wind threatens to cancel Charles’ plans for R&R in Seoul so he enlists Klinger to take him there. I have no memory of this episode.
***Major Ego***
Written by Larry Balmagia
Directed by Alan Alda
Charles’ ego inflates when a reporter comes to the 4077th to do a story about him after he saves a life in the OR. This is the first of many episodes to not feature Gary Burghoff as his contract was very close to expiring. Also, this is the third episode to highlight Charles’ ego. We still have four and a half more seasons to go, folks. Hoo boy.
***Baby It’s Cold Outside***
Written by Gary David Goldberg
Directed by George Tyne
During a cold snap, Charles makes everyone jealous with his winter coat while Hawkeye must treat a patient with severe hypothermia. Again, we are at the point in the series where the writers are repeating themselves; this exact plot was done in The Longjohn Flap and None like It Hot (and needless to say, it won’t be the last).
***Point Of View***
Written by David Issacs and Ken Levine
Directed by Charles Dubin
The 4077th is seen through the eyes of a patient (aka the camera) suffering from a throat injury. This is radical avant-garde television purely for the sake of it and you know it’s due to the control that Alan Alda had over the show at this point. Another unfortunate trend that will be a mainstay for the remainder of the series.
***Dear Comrade***
Written by Tom Reeder
Directed by Charles Dubin
Charles’ new houseboy is actually a Korean spy sent to discover the secret of the 4077th in medicine. Fair.
***Out Of Gas***
Written by Tom Reeder
Directed by Mel Damski
Father Mulcahy volunteers to deal with black marketeers when there’s a shortage of sodium pentothal. Fair.
***An Eye for a Tooth***
Written by Ronny Graham
Directed by Charles Dubin
Father Mulcahy is unhappy about not being promoted while BJ and Hawkeye heighten the prank war with Charles and Margaret. I don’t remember much of this one.
***Dear Sis***
Written and Directed by Alan Alda (I’m surprised I like it so much)
It’s almost Christmas as Father Mulcahy writes to his sister about feeling useless at the 4077th but his deeds convince him otherwise. The toboggan cap that Charles receives actually belonged to David Ogden Stiers.
***BJ Papa San***
Written by Larry Balmagia
Directed by James Sheldon
BJ cares for a poor Korean family while a general is unamused by Hawkeye’s bedside manner. Hate it.
***Inga***
Written and Directed by Alan Alda
A female Swedish surgeon proves herself superior to Charles and Hawkeye who vie for her affection. Hate it.
***The Price***
Written by Erik Tarloff
Directed by Charles Dubin
BJ and Hawkeye keep a Korean draft dodger hidden while Klinger tries to bribe his way out of the Army and Sophie disappears. Below average.
***The Young and the Restless***
Written by Mitch Markowitz
Directed by William Jurgensen
Potter and Charles are envious of a brilliant youngster who bruises their ego. Below average.
***Hot Lips Is Back In Town***
Written by Larry Balmagia and Bernard Dilbert
Directed by Charles Dubin
Margaret gets divorced from Donald while Radar tries to assert himself with a young attractive nurse. I have no memory of this episode.
***CAVE***
Written by Larry Balmagia and Ronny Graham
Directed by William Jurgensen
The 4077th takes shelter in a cave during a shelling but it doesn’t do anyone any good…especially a claustrophobic Hawkeye. A nice change of pace.
***Rally Round the Flagg Boys***
Written by Mitch Markowitz
Directed by Harry Morgan
Colonel Flagg accuses Hawkeye of being a Communist for giving surgical priority to a wounded North Korean. This was Colonel Flagg’s last appearance of the series and I can’t help but feel that the whole reason for its existence is so Flagg and Charles can square off.
***Preventative Medicine***
Written by Tom Reeder
Directed by Tony Mordente
Hawkeye plots to put a visiting commanding officer with the highest casualty rate in Korea off duty while also wrestling with BJ about the situation’s ethics. I have no memory of this episode.
***A Night at Rosie’s***
Written by David Issacs and Ken Levine
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
The whole camp seeks refuge at Rosie’s to escape from the war. One of my all-time favorite episodes.
***Ain’t Love Grand? ***
Written by Ken Levine and David Issacs
Directed by Mike Farrell
Klinger falls for a classy nurse while Charles tries to reform a Korean business girl at Rosie’s. Hate it.
***The Party***
Written by Burt Metcalfe and Alan Alda
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
BJ tries to arrange a party for the staff’s stateside families, amid skepticism that it’ll ever happen. One of my absolute favorite episodes.
***Too Many Cooks***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
The 4077th tries to save a wounded private who knows his way around a kitchen better than a foxhole. I like this one a lot.
***Are You Now, Margaret? ***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Charles Dubin
A visiting Congressional aide gets close to Margaret during what he claims is a routine fact-finding tour. Below average.
***Guerilla My Dreams***
Written by Bob Colleary
Directed by Alan Alda
A South Korean officer harasses a wounded woman he claims to be an enemy guerilla. 3rd of 4 appearances by Mako and far and away his best.
***Goodbye Radar***
Written by David Issacs and Ken Levine
Directed by Charles Dubin
Radar goes home, what else is there to say? The absolute best ‘goodbye’ episode in television history.
***Period of Adjustment***
Written by John Rappaport and Jim Mulligan
Directed by Charles Dubin
BJ and Klinger both show their frustration and jealousy for Radar, which is very uncharacteristic for both of them which make this episode a bust.
***Nurse Doctor***
Written by Sy Rosen, Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Charles Dubin
Father Mulcahy mentors a nurse in training who makes a pass at him. I have a very limited memory of this episode.
***Private Finance***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
A Korean woman accuses Klinger of disgracing her daughter while Hawkeye finds it hard to keep a promise to a dying soldier. One of my favorites.
***Mr. and Mrs. Who? ***
Written by Ronny Graham
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Charles tries to remember a night of R&R in Tokyo. A rather pointless endeavor.
***The Yalu Brick Road***
Written by Mike Farrell
Directed by Charles Dubin
Hawkeye and BJ get lost in enemy territory on their way back to camp with antibiotics and pick up a North Korean prisoner. This is the first appearance of Sgt. Rizzo. Lord, give me strength.
***Life Time***
Written by Alan Alda and Walter Dishell
Directed by Alan Alda
The surgeons race against time to save a patient as a small analog clock appears at the bottom of the screen. I look at this as a companion piece to Point of View, which is a very good thing indeed.
***Dear Uncle Abdul***
Written by Jim Mulligan and John Rappaport
Directed by William Jurgensen
Klinger writes to Uncle Abdul about his company clerk duties. I don’t remember much of this one.
***Captains Courageous***
Written by Thad Mumford and Dan Wilcox
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
The surgeons take care of Rosie’s after she’s hurt in a brawl while Father Mulcahy finally gets his frigging promotion. I’m so glad we spent two episodes on this.
***Stars And Stripes***
Written by Dennis Koening
Directed by Harry Morgan
Charles and BJ have a clash of the egos when they are asked to collaborate on a medical article. I don’t remember much of it.
***Yessir that’s Our Baby***
Written by Jim Mulligan
Directed by Alan Alda
The 4077th tries to find a home for an abandoned half-Korean half-American baby. Genuinely emotional.
***Bottle Fatigue***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Hawkeye swears off drinking for a week. Fair.
***Heal Thyself***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Mike Farrell
MUMPS!!!!! One of my very favorites.
***Old Soldiers***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
Potter gives a tontine to his friends, old and new alike. MASH at its emotional best.
***Morale Victory***
Written by John Rappaport
Directed by Charles Dubin
Charles takes a patient with only one hand under his wing (too little, too late, Chuckie) while Hawkeye and BJ are put in charge of morale. Below average.
***Lend a Hand***
Written and Directed by Alan Alda
Hawkeye must work together with a know-it-all surgeon (played by Alan Alda’s father, Robert) who he doesn’t see eye to eye with. Alda acting with his father? This can’t possibly be cloying and preachy.
***Goodbye Cruel World***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Charles Dubin
Sidney returns to the 4077th to treat a soldier for a suicide attempt. Clearly no one involved with this episode has ever researched or dealt with a suicide attempt because this is by far the most inaccurate and unconvincing portrayal of attempted suicide I’ve ever seen.
***Dreams***
Written and Directed by Alan Alda
After a few consecutive sleepless nights, the surgeons have anything but pleasant dreams. This is the most polarizing episode of the entire series. Some think it’s a masterpiece, still others say it’s overrated and unnecessary. I think it’s mighty good.
***War Co-Respondent***
Written and Directed by Mike Farrell
BJ tries to stay faithful to his family despite his attraction to a female war correspondent. This exact plot was done before in Hanky Panky.
***Back Pay***
Written by Thad Mumford, Dan Wilcox and Dennis Koenig
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Hawkeye decides to bill the Army for his own medical services. This one’s mighty good.
***April Fools***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
A hot-tempered colonel arrives at the 4077th on April Fool’s Day. I like this one a lot.
***The Best of Enemies***
Written by Sheldon Bull
Directed by Charles Dubin
Hawkeye is captured by a North Korean who forces him to save his comrade. This episode exemplifies an ongoing problem I’ve always had with the show and that is how fast and loose the writers are with which Korean characters speak English. There seems to be absolutely no rhyme or reason behind it.
***Letters***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
The camp answers letters from fourth graders in Hawkeye’s hometown. Ham-fisted as all get-out.
***Cementing Relationships***
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Charles Dubin
Klinger supervises the creation of a cement floor in the OR. More padded than a Kardashian’s bra.
***Father’s Day***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by Alan Alda
Margaret’s father finally visits the 4077th. Even though Howitzer Al is a completely formulaic character, it was satisfying somehow to finally get to meet a character that has literally had nine seasons of buildup.
***Death Takes a Holiday***
Written by Mike Farrell, John Rappaport and Dennis Koenig
Directed by Mike Farrell
The 4077th throws a potluck dinner for the orphanage. Below average.
***A War for All Seasons***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
The lives of the 4077th are seen through all four seasons of 1951. I like this one a lot.
***Your Retention Please***
Written by Erik Tarloff
Directed by Charles Dubin
Klinger decides to reenlist after learning Laverne’s marrying his best friend. I like this one a lot.
***Tell It to the Marines***
Written by Hank Bradford
Directed by Harry Morgan
Hawkeye fights for the cause of an immigrant marine about to be discharged. Ham-fisted as all get-out.
***Taking the Fifth***
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Charles Dubin
Hawkeye uses a battle of wine as bait for a date with a nurse. Fair.
***Operation Friendship***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Rena Down
Charles indebts himself to Klinger for saving his life during an explosion while a specialist is brought in to treat BJ for an injury. The Charles plot has been done so many times in television but there’s no better portrayal of a compartment hemorrhage, so I’m torn.
***No Sweat***
Written by John Rappaport
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
The 4077th deals with a sudden heat wave in their own personal ways. Hate it.
***Depressing News***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Alan Alda
Klinger decides to start a camp newspaper and Hawkeye builds a memorial out of tongue depressors. Fair.
***No Laughing Matter***
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Charles confronts the colonel who sent him to Korea. Unnecessarily padded.
***Oh How We Danced***
Written by john Rappaport
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Hawkeye plans a surprise for BJ’s wedding anniversary. Genuinely emotional.
***Bottoms Up***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Alan Alda
Margaret is worried that one of her nurses has a drinking problem. Hate it.
***The Red/White Blues***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Gabrielle Beaumont
The camp feels they need to walk on eggshells in order to keep Potter’s blood pressure down. Needlessly padded.
***Bless You Hawkeye***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Nell Cox
Hawkeye can’t stop sneezing; that’s the whole episode. If any actor wants to see a textbook case of shameless over the top acting, check this out. It’s downright uncomfortable to watch.
***Blood Brothers***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Harry Morgan
Hawkeye discovers that a young patient (played by Patrick Swayze) has leukemia. After Swayze’s passing, this one’s obviously a tough sit.
***The Foresight Saga***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
An optometrist comes to camp and Margaret flirts with him so that the other men in the camp won’t find out she needs glasses. Margaret’s behavior in this episode makes Miss Piggy look like Mother Teresa.
***The Life You Save***
Written by Alan Alda and John Rappaport
Directed by Alan Alda
Charles becomes obsessed with death after he is nearly shot in the head. This episode touches on some very existential issues while still maintaining some integrity.
***That’s Show Biz***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Charles Dubin
A USO troupe visits the 4077th. This is a two part episode and as such wears out its welcome.
***Identity Crisis***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by David Ogden Stiers
A wounded corporal makes an odd confession to Father Mulcahy. I have no memory of this episode.
***Rumor at the Top***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Charles Dubin
A general’s aide starts a rumor that the 4077th is breaking up. I don’t remember much of this one.
***Give Em **** Hawkeye***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
Hawkeye writes a letter to President Truman. This has the exact same plot as Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde.
***Wheelers and Dealers***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Charles Dubin
BJ becomes addicted to gambling (because why not?) and Potter learns to drive. This episode is the most tolerable Rizzo is but then again we’re dealing with a very narrow margin here.
***Communication Breakdown***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by Alan Alda
Charles receives a Boston newspaper from home and is appalled when his fellow surgeons are interested in reading it. Yet another episode dealing with Charles’ ego because clearly the people have spoken.
***Snap Judgement***
Written by Paul Perlove
Directed by Hy Averback
Klinger is accused of stealing a camera. Hate it.
***Twas the Day after Christmas***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Hey kids, you thought the Charlie Brown Arbor Day special was random? Well, this one’s about Boxing Day!...I’m at a loss.
***Follies of the Living, Concerns of the Dead***
Written and Directed by Alan Alda
Delirious from a high fever, Klinger communicates with a dead GI who doesn’t believe he’s dead. Another potboiler episode in the same vein as Point of View and Life Time.
***The Birthday Girls***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by Charles Dubin
Margaret goes to Tokyo for her birthday while the surgeons work hard to save a pregnant wounded cow. I want so badly to hate this episode, but there’s something so delightfully bizarre about it.
***Blood and Guts***
Written by Lee Grant
Directed by Charles Dubin
A famous war correspondent arrives to write about the wounded and gets caught in a battle of wits with Hawkeye and BJ. A pretty standard episode but the actor who plays Kibbee is so ‘go hard or go home’ with his performance that it’s refreshing.
***A Holy Mess***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
EGGS!!! THEY EAT EGGS!!! THAT’S THE WHOLE EPISODE!!! WE’VE STILL GOT A WHOLE SEASON AND A HALF OF THIS PLEASE LET ME GO HOME!!!
***The Tooth Shall Set You Free***
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Charles Dubin
Hawkeye forces a major to resign because he’s a racist. This is my absolute most hated episode of the series because it is insultingly hypocritical. It’s basically saying that racism equals anti-Americanism. I’ll just say it flat out: Racism is a part of America. It’s a horrible and disgusting part of our history but it’s never going away, therefore it’s a part of us. And for Hawkeye to ruin a man’s career because he is a racist in the name of patriotism is so wrong and so narrow-minded that I am both nauseous and furious as I type this.
***Pressure Points***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Charles Dubin
Sidney returns to the 4077th yet again. I have a feeling that the reason for this episode was that in reality Alan Arbus was seriously considered being brought onto the series as a regular.
***Where there’s A Will, There’s A War***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Alan Alda
Hawkeye makes out his will as he’s filling in at a frontline aid station. Hate it.
***Promotion Commotion***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
The surgeons hobnob amongst each other when it comes time for promotions. I only have a very limited memory of this episode.
***Heroes***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Nell Cox
A former boxing champ visits the 4077th as part of a goodwill tour but suffers a stroke shortly after he arrives. This is another episode that I very badly want to hate but I found myself taken in completely by its charm.
***Sons and Bowlers***
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Hy Averback
Hawkeye plays phone tag with a Maine hospital after he discovers his father’s been admitted. Genuinely charming and emotional.
***Picture This***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Potter wants to paint a portrait of his new friends to send home to Mildred, only his friends won’t cooperate. Hate it.
***That Darn Kid***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by David Ogden Stiers
A goat eats some x-rays (because the writers clearly aren’t trying anymore) and Rizzo rides Charles’ back over a loan. I hate this one just a little less than The Tooth Shall Set You Free.
***Hey Look Me Over***
Written by Alan Alda and Karen Hall
Directed by Susan Oliver
Nurse Kellye is jealous of Hawkeye’s flirtatious ways. It’s just as random as it sounds and yet it’s one of my very favorites.
***Trick or Treatment***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
The 4077th’s Halloween party is sidetracked by incoming wounded. Fair.
***Foreign Affairs***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Charles Dubin
Charles falls for a French Red Cross volunteer. This episode is everything ‘Inga’ should have been.
***The Joker Is Wild***
Written by John Rappaport and Dennis Koenig
Directed by Dennis Metcalfe
Holy Hannah, another episode about pulling pranks? The Three Stooges played plumbers less frequently!
*** Who Knew? ***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Harry Morgan
Hawkeye delivers a eulogy for a nurse that no one in the camp actually knew. One of my very favorites.
***Bombshells***
Written by Thad Mumford and Dan Wilcox
Directed by Charles Dubin
A rumor emerges that Marilyn Monroe will be passing through the 4077th. This plot was done before in Big Mac.
***Settling Debts***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Michael Switzer
Potter gets miffed when Mildred sends a letter to Hawkeye. I have no memory of this episode.
***The Moon Is Not Blue***
Written by Larry Balmagia
Directed by Charles Dubin
Hawkeye and BJ campaign to have a blue movie sent to the 4077th. Fair.
***UN the Music and the Night***
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Harry Morgan
A group of delegates from the United Nations visit the 4077th. Fair.
***Strange Bedfellows***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by Mike Farrell
Potter discovers that his son in law has been unfaithful. I would hate this one but quite frankly it’s not worth the energy.
***Say No More***
Written by John Rappaport
Directed by Charles Dubin
Margaret develops laryngitis before she’s to have a big date. Hate it.
***Friends and Enemies***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by Jamie Farr (Who’s going to direct the next couple episodes, Odessa Cleveland? I know she was only in the first couple seasons but hopefully you get my point)
BJ sets Charles and Margaret against each other. Hate it.
***As Time Goes By***
Written by Thad Mumford and Dan Wilcox
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
The last half hour length episode. Margaret arranges for the construction of a 4077 time capsule.
***Goodbye Farewell and Amen***
Written by Alan Alda, Burt Metcalfe, John Rappaport, Karen Hall, Dan Wilcox, Thad Mumford, David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Alan Alda
The penultimate episode. It’s basically split into three plots: Hawkeye gets put into a mental hospital and has to convince Sidney to let him free, Klinger plans his wedding to a local girl and Charles sets up a band with some locals.
***They Call the Wind Korea***
Written by David Issacs and Ken Levine
Directed by Charles Dubin
A Manchurian wind threatens to cancel Charles’ plans for R&R in Seoul so he enlists Klinger to take him there. I have no memory of this episode.
***Major Ego***
Written by Larry Balmagia
Directed by Alan Alda
Charles’ ego inflates when a reporter comes to the 4077th to do a story about him after he saves a life in the OR. This is the first of many episodes to not feature Gary Burghoff as his contract was very close to expiring. Also, this is the third episode to highlight Charles’ ego. We still have four and a half more seasons to go, folks. Hoo boy.
***Baby It’s Cold Outside***
Written by Gary David Goldberg
Directed by George Tyne
During a cold snap, Charles makes everyone jealous with his winter coat while Hawkeye must treat a patient with severe hypothermia. Again, we are at the point in the series where the writers are repeating themselves; this exact plot was done in The Longjohn Flap and None like It Hot (and needless to say, it won’t be the last).
***Point Of View***
Written by David Issacs and Ken Levine
Directed by Charles Dubin
The 4077th is seen through the eyes of a patient (aka the camera) suffering from a throat injury. This is radical avant-garde television purely for the sake of it and you know it’s due to the control that Alan Alda had over the show at this point. Another unfortunate trend that will be a mainstay for the remainder of the series.
***Dear Comrade***
Written by Tom Reeder
Directed by Charles Dubin
Charles’ new houseboy is actually a Korean spy sent to discover the secret of the 4077th in medicine. Fair.
***Out Of Gas***
Written by Tom Reeder
Directed by Mel Damski
Father Mulcahy volunteers to deal with black marketeers when there’s a shortage of sodium pentothal. Fair.
***An Eye for a Tooth***
Written by Ronny Graham
Directed by Charles Dubin
Father Mulcahy is unhappy about not being promoted while BJ and Hawkeye heighten the prank war with Charles and Margaret. I don’t remember much of this one.
***Dear Sis***
Written and Directed by Alan Alda (I’m surprised I like it so much)
It’s almost Christmas as Father Mulcahy writes to his sister about feeling useless at the 4077th but his deeds convince him otherwise. The toboggan cap that Charles receives actually belonged to David Ogden Stiers.
***BJ Papa San***
Written by Larry Balmagia
Directed by James Sheldon
BJ cares for a poor Korean family while a general is unamused by Hawkeye’s bedside manner. Hate it.
***Inga***
Written and Directed by Alan Alda
A female Swedish surgeon proves herself superior to Charles and Hawkeye who vie for her affection. Hate it.
***The Price***
Written by Erik Tarloff
Directed by Charles Dubin
BJ and Hawkeye keep a Korean draft dodger hidden while Klinger tries to bribe his way out of the Army and Sophie disappears. Below average.
***The Young and the Restless***
Written by Mitch Markowitz
Directed by William Jurgensen
Potter and Charles are envious of a brilliant youngster who bruises their ego. Below average.
***Hot Lips Is Back In Town***
Written by Larry Balmagia and Bernard Dilbert
Directed by Charles Dubin
Margaret gets divorced from Donald while Radar tries to assert himself with a young attractive nurse. I have no memory of this episode.
***CAVE***
Written by Larry Balmagia and Ronny Graham
Directed by William Jurgensen
The 4077th takes shelter in a cave during a shelling but it doesn’t do anyone any good…especially a claustrophobic Hawkeye. A nice change of pace.
***Rally Round the Flagg Boys***
Written by Mitch Markowitz
Directed by Harry Morgan
Colonel Flagg accuses Hawkeye of being a Communist for giving surgical priority to a wounded North Korean. This was Colonel Flagg’s last appearance of the series and I can’t help but feel that the whole reason for its existence is so Flagg and Charles can square off.
***Preventative Medicine***
Written by Tom Reeder
Directed by Tony Mordente
Hawkeye plots to put a visiting commanding officer with the highest casualty rate in Korea off duty while also wrestling with BJ about the situation’s ethics. I have no memory of this episode.
***A Night at Rosie’s***
Written by David Issacs and Ken Levine
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
The whole camp seeks refuge at Rosie’s to escape from the war. One of my all-time favorite episodes.
***Ain’t Love Grand? ***
Written by Ken Levine and David Issacs
Directed by Mike Farrell
Klinger falls for a classy nurse while Charles tries to reform a Korean business girl at Rosie’s. Hate it.
***The Party***
Written by Burt Metcalfe and Alan Alda
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
BJ tries to arrange a party for the staff’s stateside families, amid skepticism that it’ll ever happen. One of my absolute favorite episodes.
***Too Many Cooks***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
The 4077th tries to save a wounded private who knows his way around a kitchen better than a foxhole. I like this one a lot.
***Are You Now, Margaret? ***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Charles Dubin
A visiting Congressional aide gets close to Margaret during what he claims is a routine fact-finding tour. Below average.
***Guerilla My Dreams***
Written by Bob Colleary
Directed by Alan Alda
A South Korean officer harasses a wounded woman he claims to be an enemy guerilla. 3rd of 4 appearances by Mako and far and away his best.
***Goodbye Radar***
Written by David Issacs and Ken Levine
Directed by Charles Dubin
Radar goes home, what else is there to say? The absolute best ‘goodbye’ episode in television history.
***Period of Adjustment***
Written by John Rappaport and Jim Mulligan
Directed by Charles Dubin
BJ and Klinger both show their frustration and jealousy for Radar, which is very uncharacteristic for both of them which make this episode a bust.
***Nurse Doctor***
Written by Sy Rosen, Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Charles Dubin
Father Mulcahy mentors a nurse in training who makes a pass at him. I have a very limited memory of this episode.
***Private Finance***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
A Korean woman accuses Klinger of disgracing her daughter while Hawkeye finds it hard to keep a promise to a dying soldier. One of my favorites.
***Mr. and Mrs. Who? ***
Written by Ronny Graham
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Charles tries to remember a night of R&R in Tokyo. A rather pointless endeavor.
***The Yalu Brick Road***
Written by Mike Farrell
Directed by Charles Dubin
Hawkeye and BJ get lost in enemy territory on their way back to camp with antibiotics and pick up a North Korean prisoner. This is the first appearance of Sgt. Rizzo. Lord, give me strength.
***Life Time***
Written by Alan Alda and Walter Dishell
Directed by Alan Alda
The surgeons race against time to save a patient as a small analog clock appears at the bottom of the screen. I look at this as a companion piece to Point of View, which is a very good thing indeed.
***Dear Uncle Abdul***
Written by Jim Mulligan and John Rappaport
Directed by William Jurgensen
Klinger writes to Uncle Abdul about his company clerk duties. I don’t remember much of this one.
***Captains Courageous***
Written by Thad Mumford and Dan Wilcox
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
The surgeons take care of Rosie’s after she’s hurt in a brawl while Father Mulcahy finally gets his frigging promotion. I’m so glad we spent two episodes on this.
***Stars And Stripes***
Written by Dennis Koening
Directed by Harry Morgan
Charles and BJ have a clash of the egos when they are asked to collaborate on a medical article. I don’t remember much of it.
***Yessir that’s Our Baby***
Written by Jim Mulligan
Directed by Alan Alda
The 4077th tries to find a home for an abandoned half-Korean half-American baby. Genuinely emotional.
***Bottle Fatigue***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Hawkeye swears off drinking for a week. Fair.
***Heal Thyself***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Mike Farrell
MUMPS!!!!! One of my very favorites.
***Old Soldiers***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
Potter gives a tontine to his friends, old and new alike. MASH at its emotional best.
***Morale Victory***
Written by John Rappaport
Directed by Charles Dubin
Charles takes a patient with only one hand under his wing (too little, too late, Chuckie) while Hawkeye and BJ are put in charge of morale. Below average.
***Lend a Hand***
Written and Directed by Alan Alda
Hawkeye must work together with a know-it-all surgeon (played by Alan Alda’s father, Robert) who he doesn’t see eye to eye with. Alda acting with his father? This can’t possibly be cloying and preachy.
***Goodbye Cruel World***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Charles Dubin
Sidney returns to the 4077th to treat a soldier for a suicide attempt. Clearly no one involved with this episode has ever researched or dealt with a suicide attempt because this is by far the most inaccurate and unconvincing portrayal of attempted suicide I’ve ever seen.
***Dreams***
Written and Directed by Alan Alda
After a few consecutive sleepless nights, the surgeons have anything but pleasant dreams. This is the most polarizing episode of the entire series. Some think it’s a masterpiece, still others say it’s overrated and unnecessary. I think it’s mighty good.
***War Co-Respondent***
Written and Directed by Mike Farrell
BJ tries to stay faithful to his family despite his attraction to a female war correspondent. This exact plot was done before in Hanky Panky.
***Back Pay***
Written by Thad Mumford, Dan Wilcox and Dennis Koenig
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Hawkeye decides to bill the Army for his own medical services. This one’s mighty good.
***April Fools***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
A hot-tempered colonel arrives at the 4077th on April Fool’s Day. I like this one a lot.
***The Best of Enemies***
Written by Sheldon Bull
Directed by Charles Dubin
Hawkeye is captured by a North Korean who forces him to save his comrade. This episode exemplifies an ongoing problem I’ve always had with the show and that is how fast and loose the writers are with which Korean characters speak English. There seems to be absolutely no rhyme or reason behind it.
***Letters***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
The camp answers letters from fourth graders in Hawkeye’s hometown. Ham-fisted as all get-out.
***Cementing Relationships***
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Charles Dubin
Klinger supervises the creation of a cement floor in the OR. More padded than a Kardashian’s bra.
***Father’s Day***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by Alan Alda
Margaret’s father finally visits the 4077th. Even though Howitzer Al is a completely formulaic character, it was satisfying somehow to finally get to meet a character that has literally had nine seasons of buildup.
***Death Takes a Holiday***
Written by Mike Farrell, John Rappaport and Dennis Koenig
Directed by Mike Farrell
The 4077th throws a potluck dinner for the orphanage. Below average.
***A War for All Seasons***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
The lives of the 4077th are seen through all four seasons of 1951. I like this one a lot.
***Your Retention Please***
Written by Erik Tarloff
Directed by Charles Dubin
Klinger decides to reenlist after learning Laverne’s marrying his best friend. I like this one a lot.
***Tell It to the Marines***
Written by Hank Bradford
Directed by Harry Morgan
Hawkeye fights for the cause of an immigrant marine about to be discharged. Ham-fisted as all get-out.
***Taking the Fifth***
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Charles Dubin
Hawkeye uses a battle of wine as bait for a date with a nurse. Fair.
***Operation Friendship***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Rena Down
Charles indebts himself to Klinger for saving his life during an explosion while a specialist is brought in to treat BJ for an injury. The Charles plot has been done so many times in television but there’s no better portrayal of a compartment hemorrhage, so I’m torn.
***No Sweat***
Written by John Rappaport
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
The 4077th deals with a sudden heat wave in their own personal ways. Hate it.
***Depressing News***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Alan Alda
Klinger decides to start a camp newspaper and Hawkeye builds a memorial out of tongue depressors. Fair.
***No Laughing Matter***
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Charles confronts the colonel who sent him to Korea. Unnecessarily padded.
***Oh How We Danced***
Written by john Rappaport
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Hawkeye plans a surprise for BJ’s wedding anniversary. Genuinely emotional.
***Bottoms Up***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Alan Alda
Margaret is worried that one of her nurses has a drinking problem. Hate it.
***The Red/White Blues***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Gabrielle Beaumont
The camp feels they need to walk on eggshells in order to keep Potter’s blood pressure down. Needlessly padded.
***Bless You Hawkeye***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Nell Cox
Hawkeye can’t stop sneezing; that’s the whole episode. If any actor wants to see a textbook case of shameless over the top acting, check this out. It’s downright uncomfortable to watch.
***Blood Brothers***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Harry Morgan
Hawkeye discovers that a young patient (played by Patrick Swayze) has leukemia. After Swayze’s passing, this one’s obviously a tough sit.
***The Foresight Saga***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
An optometrist comes to camp and Margaret flirts with him so that the other men in the camp won’t find out she needs glasses. Margaret’s behavior in this episode makes Miss Piggy look like Mother Teresa.
***The Life You Save***
Written by Alan Alda and John Rappaport
Directed by Alan Alda
Charles becomes obsessed with death after he is nearly shot in the head. This episode touches on some very existential issues while still maintaining some integrity.
***That’s Show Biz***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Charles Dubin
A USO troupe visits the 4077th. This is a two part episode and as such wears out its welcome.
***Identity Crisis***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by David Ogden Stiers
A wounded corporal makes an odd confession to Father Mulcahy. I have no memory of this episode.
***Rumor at the Top***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Charles Dubin
A general’s aide starts a rumor that the 4077th is breaking up. I don’t remember much of this one.
***Give Em **** Hawkeye***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
Hawkeye writes a letter to President Truman. This has the exact same plot as Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde.
***Wheelers and Dealers***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Charles Dubin
BJ becomes addicted to gambling (because why not?) and Potter learns to drive. This episode is the most tolerable Rizzo is but then again we’re dealing with a very narrow margin here.
***Communication Breakdown***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by Alan Alda
Charles receives a Boston newspaper from home and is appalled when his fellow surgeons are interested in reading it. Yet another episode dealing with Charles’ ego because clearly the people have spoken.
***Snap Judgement***
Written by Paul Perlove
Directed by Hy Averback
Klinger is accused of stealing a camera. Hate it.
***Twas the Day after Christmas***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Hey kids, you thought the Charlie Brown Arbor Day special was random? Well, this one’s about Boxing Day!...I’m at a loss.
***Follies of the Living, Concerns of the Dead***
Written and Directed by Alan Alda
Delirious from a high fever, Klinger communicates with a dead GI who doesn’t believe he’s dead. Another potboiler episode in the same vein as Point of View and Life Time.
***The Birthday Girls***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by Charles Dubin
Margaret goes to Tokyo for her birthday while the surgeons work hard to save a pregnant wounded cow. I want so badly to hate this episode, but there’s something so delightfully bizarre about it.
***Blood and Guts***
Written by Lee Grant
Directed by Charles Dubin
A famous war correspondent arrives to write about the wounded and gets caught in a battle of wits with Hawkeye and BJ. A pretty standard episode but the actor who plays Kibbee is so ‘go hard or go home’ with his performance that it’s refreshing.
***A Holy Mess***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
EGGS!!! THEY EAT EGGS!!! THAT’S THE WHOLE EPISODE!!! WE’VE STILL GOT A WHOLE SEASON AND A HALF OF THIS PLEASE LET ME GO HOME!!!
***The Tooth Shall Set You Free***
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Charles Dubin
Hawkeye forces a major to resign because he’s a racist. This is my absolute most hated episode of the series because it is insultingly hypocritical. It’s basically saying that racism equals anti-Americanism. I’ll just say it flat out: Racism is a part of America. It’s a horrible and disgusting part of our history but it’s never going away, therefore it’s a part of us. And for Hawkeye to ruin a man’s career because he is a racist in the name of patriotism is so wrong and so narrow-minded that I am both nauseous and furious as I type this.
***Pressure Points***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Charles Dubin
Sidney returns to the 4077th yet again. I have a feeling that the reason for this episode was that in reality Alan Arbus was seriously considered being brought onto the series as a regular.
***Where there’s A Will, There’s A War***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Alan Alda
Hawkeye makes out his will as he’s filling in at a frontline aid station. Hate it.
***Promotion Commotion***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
The surgeons hobnob amongst each other when it comes time for promotions. I only have a very limited memory of this episode.
***Heroes***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Nell Cox
A former boxing champ visits the 4077th as part of a goodwill tour but suffers a stroke shortly after he arrives. This is another episode that I very badly want to hate but I found myself taken in completely by its charm.
***Sons and Bowlers***
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Hy Averback
Hawkeye plays phone tag with a Maine hospital after he discovers his father’s been admitted. Genuinely charming and emotional.
***Picture This***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Potter wants to paint a portrait of his new friends to send home to Mildred, only his friends won’t cooperate. Hate it.
***That Darn Kid***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by David Ogden Stiers
A goat eats some x-rays (because the writers clearly aren’t trying anymore) and Rizzo rides Charles’ back over a loan. I hate this one just a little less than The Tooth Shall Set You Free.
***Hey Look Me Over***
Written by Alan Alda and Karen Hall
Directed by Susan Oliver
Nurse Kellye is jealous of Hawkeye’s flirtatious ways. It’s just as random as it sounds and yet it’s one of my very favorites.
***Trick or Treatment***
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles Dubin
The 4077th’s Halloween party is sidetracked by incoming wounded. Fair.
***Foreign Affairs***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Charles Dubin
Charles falls for a French Red Cross volunteer. This episode is everything ‘Inga’ should have been.
***The Joker Is Wild***
Written by John Rappaport and Dennis Koenig
Directed by Dennis Metcalfe
Holy Hannah, another episode about pulling pranks? The Three Stooges played plumbers less frequently!
*** Who Knew? ***
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Harry Morgan
Hawkeye delivers a eulogy for a nurse that no one in the camp actually knew. One of my very favorites.
***Bombshells***
Written by Thad Mumford and Dan Wilcox
Directed by Charles Dubin
A rumor emerges that Marilyn Monroe will be passing through the 4077th. This plot was done before in Big Mac.
***Settling Debts***
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Michael Switzer
Potter gets miffed when Mildred sends a letter to Hawkeye. I have no memory of this episode.
***The Moon Is Not Blue***
Written by Larry Balmagia
Directed by Charles Dubin
Hawkeye and BJ campaign to have a blue movie sent to the 4077th. Fair.
***UN the Music and the Night***
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Harry Morgan
A group of delegates from the United Nations visit the 4077th. Fair.
***Strange Bedfellows***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by Mike Farrell
Potter discovers that his son in law has been unfaithful. I would hate this one but quite frankly it’s not worth the energy.
***Say No More***
Written by John Rappaport
Directed by Charles Dubin
Margaret develops laryngitis before she’s to have a big date. Hate it.
***Friends and Enemies***
Written by Karen Hall
Directed by Jamie Farr (Who’s going to direct the next couple episodes, Odessa Cleveland? I know she was only in the first couple seasons but hopefully you get my point)
BJ sets Charles and Margaret against each other. Hate it.
***As Time Goes By***
Written by Thad Mumford and Dan Wilcox
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
The last half hour length episode. Margaret arranges for the construction of a 4077 time capsule.
***Goodbye Farewell and Amen***
Written by Alan Alda, Burt Metcalfe, John Rappaport, Karen Hall, Dan Wilcox, Thad Mumford, David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Alan Alda
The penultimate episode. It’s basically split into three plots: Hawkeye gets put into a mental hospital and has to convince Sidney to let him free, Klinger plans his wedding to a local girl and Charles sets up a band with some locals.