Dealing with depression and anxiety

[charlietheowl]

Your parents' issues are THEIR issues. They have no right to ruin your life over them......You CAN tell those two little toddlers labeling themselves parents to go grow up. I did, and it was quite freeing.

It's hard for me to try and conceive doing that, because I just feel so bad every time I talk to them that I almost naturally start playing the doormat role. But I think I have finally reached my limit. No one's patience is boundless, and I'm pretty much going to have to make sure my parents know their boundaries soon.

 

[RedPiggy]

It's difficult. I only got the courage to do it in my late teens, and even then I would've thought twice before telling off the Ol' Man in person, as it was awhile before I could rival him in strength and willingness to injure. Fortunately this was a phone conversation and dear ol' dad was too cheap and lazy to come in person. It's not going to kill them to grow up. Oh, sure, YOUR life will be unpleasant (unless you change the locks/your phone number) for a bit, but it's the best thing for all involved to go ahead and draw the line and say "thou shall not pass".

My father tried to pop in every once in awhile, though just through phone calls and emails. I changed my number and blocked his email address and messenger ID. I don't tolerate people who only want to be loved ones when they can pencil you in. I've lived like that for far too long. My adulthood belongs to me. I never got help from anyone growing up, and I'll be danged if I let my adulthood be ruined.

 

[CensoredAlso]

It's hard for me to try and conceive doing that, because I just feel so bad every time I talk to them that I almost naturally start playing the doormat role. But I think I have finally reached my limit. No one's patience is boundless, and I'm pretty much going to have to make sure my parents know their boundaries soon.

Being confrontational isn't really my cup of tea either, lol. You don't have to stop being supportive, but you actually have a good excuse that you have midterms to study for and you want to be the responsible grown up and get them done.

 

[newsmanfan]

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So very sorry you have to deal with this right now. You're right: you don't need any more stress than you already have, period. Turning off the phone, or just refusing to take their calls beyond a "I'm really sorry you guys are going through this but it is not MY problem, it is YOUR problem, and I have tests and other stress to deal with so please don't call me for a week" response, is a very good idea. DO NOT allow them to make you their dumping grounds. If you're not able yet to stand up and tell them off, that's okay; it takes time, like RedPiggy said. But for now, I urge you to simply tell them you cannot deal with their stuff and shut it all down. Remove yourself from that equation -- which is something YOU do have full control over!

What do you do when the world is black? And you cannot afford in time or money to simply walk away for a while? Well...yeah, ducking your head and plowing through it can work, but it doesn't ease your stress. Take time to unwind, even if that's only a couple hours here and there. Make yourself incommunicado. Plunge into something you want to do just for the halibut, even if that means doing nothing whatsoever. Remember that no one is allowed to take control of you, ever. Period. Your parents sound very codependent and have designated you the person to whine at. Refuse. Suggest THEY get counselling. "Mom, I care and I'm sorry, but I can't solve this for you and I have enough to deal with as it is. Why don't you go find a professional to help you through this? It's helped me some."

Hugs.
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[charlietheowl]

I did talk to both my parents this evening, and expressed several of my desires in a gentle enough way that I didn't feel bad about it. I told them I had four midterms next week, and would only like to be contacted if it was a dire situation, and they agreed to that. My mother began saying things like "we have a lot to deal with" and phrases like that, and I said to her that comparatively she, my father, and my sister had a lot more to work on with this than me. I have been the most mature person in dealing with all of this, and it was about time they stepped up to the plate and did things. My mother also mentioned (without prompting from me) that she was planning up entering therapy; I will obviously follow up on that. So I got some space and things appear to be slowly moving in a positive direction. Possibly.

 

[Gonzo's Hobbit]

That's great to hear Chris. I hope the positive trend is able to keep going. That's great that they listened to you.

 

[charlietheowl]

Feeling very anxious this morning, and I'm having a hard time unpacking my thoughts to figure out why I'm anxious, which leads to more anxiety. Hoping I can shake this mood as early as possible.

 

[newsmanfan]

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Get out those grad school brochures and start organizing what you need to do. Productive, distracting, AND helps secure your own future. Hang in there Charlie.
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[RedPiggy]

What do you do when the world is black?

Wear black yourself so you're not an instant target.

charlietheowl: My mother also mentioned (without prompting from me) that she was planning up entering therapy

Good for her. This is a very positive sign. Mine would rather die first.
You are always welcome to PM me and vent if you need to.

 

[charlietheowl]

Good for her. This is a very positive sign. Mine would rather die first.
You are always welcome to PM me and vent if you need to.

I'm hoping that she has followed up on this. I'm going home for spring break and at some point am going to find out if she has actually followed up on it. I'll have my fingers crossed.

And thanks for saying I can vent to you if I need to. I appreciate it.