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theprawncracker
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Everyone...I...Well I have a terrible awful confession to make...This confession may haunt me for the reat of my natural life...I...Well...*sniffs* I, Ryan, theprawncracker...Your Prawnie, your basket of Prawn Fritters...I...I'm *whispers something*
What? You didn't hear me? I said I'm *whispers*
*nods* Yup, I've been proven *whispers*
I'M USHY GUSHY!!!!!!!! *falls to knees* Here...Just read...
Kermit sat at the desk with a pen, autographing a copy of "Before You Leap," his new book. HIS book, his biography, no one else’s (Except for the occasional pushy pig, furry funny man or geriatric jerk).
"Thank you so much Kermit, I love what you do," the fan said, taking her book from Kermit’s flippers.
The Frog smiled. "Thank you, erm, Lisa, right?"
The fan nodded her head so fast it looked as if it would fall off. "Kermit the Frog remembered my name!!" she squealed.
Kermit frowned a bit. "Uh, yeah, next!" he shouted to the enormous line forming behind "Lisa," who was holding it up.
Lisa held the book close to her chest and skipped off as the line moved forward.
Behind Lisa stood a woman in a straw hat. She wasn’t tall, or thin for that matter. But lovely nonetheless. Her long blonde hair flowed over her white blouse, every inch had an individually colored flower. "Hello, mister the frog."
Kermit gulped. "Oh, um, hello there ma’am. Would you like a book signed?"
"Oh, no, I just had a teency question for, ahem, such a super star as yourself," the woman said without turning around.
Kermit breathed onto his hand and sniffed. "Um, yes? What is it?"
"JUST WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH THAT GIRL?!" the woman shouted furiously as she spun around, revealing her face. Miss Piggy. Snout tucked, fists curled.
Kermit’s chair almost tipped over. "Piggy?! What are you doing here? This is my book remember?"
"Ha! Think again frog! Check pages 183-186!" Piggy smirked.
Kermit frowned and grabbed one of the books from a display behind him. He opened it and skimmed to page 183. Miss Piggy’s...Secret to Success." Kermit read. "Sheesh, they actually put that in?"
"And what do you mean by that?!" Piggy growled down at Kermit.
Kermit cowered beneath her. "Um, uh..."
"Stop before you hurt yourself Kermit," Rowlf the Dog’s voice said from behind the frog.
Kermit turned around. "Rowlf, when did you get here?"
"I’m with the band," the dog pointed behind him to where the Electric Mayhem were setting up a stage.
"What on Earth-Dr. Teeth this is a book store!" Kermit shouted at the band.
"Actually, it’s a book/music store green stuff," Floyd Pepper responded with a bass guitar in his hand.
"Indeed Kermit, you of all people should know that, being such a smart frog, with his own book and all. Kudos to you my friend, very respectable, like I myself try to be."
Kermit’s face smothered itself in confusion. "Who...Who was that?"
Animal stepped forward from the group casually. "It was I Kermit by fine fellow," Animal said.
"A-Animal...?" Kermit stuttered with words.
"Yes, it is I. Sir A. Nimal."
Kermit tried to get words out. But needless to say, he couldn’t.
Piggy knocked on Kermit’s desk. "Kermie!"
Kermit turned around and stared at the pig. She knocked again. "KERMIE!" her voice grew louder and harsher. "KERMIE OPEN UP!"
"But I did open up, that’s what the book was for."
"HIIIIII-YAAA!"
"Kermie, listen to me! Robin is missing!" Miss Piggy shouted at the groggy frog.
Kermit rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "But, he should be in his bed...I tucked him in..."
"He's not there!" Piggy reiterated. "Come on frog! Now!"
Kermit shot out of his bed. He followed Piggy out the door, she was surprisingly well dressed for two in the morning.
Piggy began to head downstairs with her hair bouncing behind her. "Piggy, Robin's room is up here!" Kermit said through his reckless breaths.
"Oh, Kermie, I have already searched Robin's room most thoroughly dear, he's definitely not there," the diva stared at her frog with her glowing eyes.
Kermit stared back. He could never look past those eyes. "Okay, where haven't you looked?"
"Outside, now come on!" she rushed the amphibian along.
The couple ran down the stairs. Kermit followed Piggy, not for the first time. He’d follow her anywhere. And he assumed she’d do the same with him.
The lower half of the Muppet boarding house was just as quiet as the upper. Not a creature was stirring, and lord knows they have them all, so none stirring is a rare occurrence.
Kermit mentally checked all of the little nooks and crannies searching for his nephew, who was nowhere in sight.
Miss Piggy led him through the kitchen, where the mess made by The Swedish Chef at dinner still stood. "Piggy, are you sure you’ve checked everywhere but outside?"
"Not never you fear dear, you can trust moi, I have searched everywhere," Piggy reassured him, but not stopping to do so.
She pushed open the back door and the two of them ran out into the backyard. Kermit was in awe. The fence was strung with white Christmas lights, and in the corner of the yard sat a gazebo, and inside the gazebo was a wooden swing.
Piggy stepped in front of the frog and flipped her hair. "I, don’t think he’s out here either Kermie," she said sweetly.
Kermit smirked. "Robin’s in his bed, isn’t he?"
"Mm hm," Piggy nodded.
"Robin’s been in his bed, hasn’t he?"
"Mm hm."
"You’ve tricked me again, haven’t you?"
"Just like in the movies dear," Piggy extended her purple gloved hand, complete with glistening ring.
Kermit grabbed her hand with his and pulled her close. "When did we get the swing?" Kermit asked, leading her over towards the gazebo.
"Oh, it’s just a little something moi had Beauregard and George throw together during the four hours vous were out at the theater."
The two of them sat down on the swing, arm in arm. Kermit looked up into Piggy’s sky blue eyes. Her eyelashes blew lightly in the evening breeze, she stared back at him lovingly. "Oh Kermie," she swooned over her frog prince.
"Oh Piggy," he swooned back. There was no sarcasm or want to leave in his voice.
The back door creaked open. Kermit stared up at it. A small green head poked half of itself out. "Uncle Kermit?" it whispered.
"Robin? What are you doing out of bed?" Kermit asked. It had been an hour since the lovers had left the boarding house, no five year old frog should be up at 3 AM.
Robin the Frog hopped outside in his red pajamas that matched his uncle’s. "I had a bad dream about turning left," he said, climbing up in the swing next to his Kermit.
Kermit wrapped his arm around his little nephew. "And you’re better now?"
Robin nodded. "And uh, are you okay?" he stared down at Miss Piggy.
Kermit smiled. "Very okay Robin."
Robin scrunched up his face. "Really?"
Kermit chuckled. "Oh yes Robin, really."
"Well..." Robin "That’s, um...That’s nice."
Kermit nodded and looked at the now snoring Piggy. "Yes, nice is a good word for it."
"I think it’s a nice word for it," Robin smiled.
"Well that too of course. I’m just trying to keep cool."
"And friendly-like?"
"Uh...Well, that is to say that..." Kermit stuttered.
Robin had his hands folded in his lap. "Um, Uncle Kermit, if you were busy, I’ll go back upstairs."
Kermit looked back down at the pig and over to Robin. "I have a better idea."
Kermit pulled Robin to his side and lay his head on top of his nephew’s. All three of them huddled near and the two frogs drifted off to sleep.
What? You didn't hear me? I said I'm *whispers*
*nods* Yup, I've been proven *whispers*
I'M USHY GUSHY!!!!!!!! *falls to knees* Here...Just read...
Kermit sat at the desk with a pen, autographing a copy of "Before You Leap," his new book. HIS book, his biography, no one else’s (Except for the occasional pushy pig, furry funny man or geriatric jerk).
"Thank you so much Kermit, I love what you do," the fan said, taking her book from Kermit’s flippers.
The Frog smiled. "Thank you, erm, Lisa, right?"
The fan nodded her head so fast it looked as if it would fall off. "Kermit the Frog remembered my name!!" she squealed.
Kermit frowned a bit. "Uh, yeah, next!" he shouted to the enormous line forming behind "Lisa," who was holding it up.
Lisa held the book close to her chest and skipped off as the line moved forward.
Behind Lisa stood a woman in a straw hat. She wasn’t tall, or thin for that matter. But lovely nonetheless. Her long blonde hair flowed over her white blouse, every inch had an individually colored flower. "Hello, mister the frog."
Kermit gulped. "Oh, um, hello there ma’am. Would you like a book signed?"
"Oh, no, I just had a teency question for, ahem, such a super star as yourself," the woman said without turning around.
Kermit breathed onto his hand and sniffed. "Um, yes? What is it?"
"JUST WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH THAT GIRL?!" the woman shouted furiously as she spun around, revealing her face. Miss Piggy. Snout tucked, fists curled.
Kermit’s chair almost tipped over. "Piggy?! What are you doing here? This is my book remember?"
"Ha! Think again frog! Check pages 183-186!" Piggy smirked.
Kermit frowned and grabbed one of the books from a display behind him. He opened it and skimmed to page 183. Miss Piggy’s...Secret to Success." Kermit read. "Sheesh, they actually put that in?"
"And what do you mean by that?!" Piggy growled down at Kermit.
Kermit cowered beneath her. "Um, uh..."
"Stop before you hurt yourself Kermit," Rowlf the Dog’s voice said from behind the frog.
Kermit turned around. "Rowlf, when did you get here?"
"I’m with the band," the dog pointed behind him to where the Electric Mayhem were setting up a stage.
"What on Earth-Dr. Teeth this is a book store!" Kermit shouted at the band.
"Actually, it’s a book/music store green stuff," Floyd Pepper responded with a bass guitar in his hand.
"Indeed Kermit, you of all people should know that, being such a smart frog, with his own book and all. Kudos to you my friend, very respectable, like I myself try to be."
Kermit’s face smothered itself in confusion. "Who...Who was that?"
Animal stepped forward from the group casually. "It was I Kermit by fine fellow," Animal said.
"A-Animal...?" Kermit stuttered with words.
"Yes, it is I. Sir A. Nimal."
Kermit tried to get words out. But needless to say, he couldn’t.
Piggy knocked on Kermit’s desk. "Kermie!"
Kermit turned around and stared at the pig. She knocked again. "KERMIE!" her voice grew louder and harsher. "KERMIE OPEN UP!"
"But I did open up, that’s what the book was for."
"HIIIIII-YAAA!"
~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~
Kermit shot up in his bed as his bedroom door crashed to the wooden floor of the Muppet Boarding House. Kermit looked at his alarm clock. His regular alarm clock with minty green numbers, with black hands with minty green stripes and FOSSIL in the middle. 2 AM...What was Piggy doing karate chopping his door down at 2 AM?
"Kermie, listen to me! Robin is missing!" Miss Piggy shouted at the groggy frog.
Kermit rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "But, he should be in his bed...I tucked him in..."
"He's not there!" Piggy reiterated. "Come on frog! Now!"
Kermit shot out of his bed. He followed Piggy out the door, she was surprisingly well dressed for two in the morning.
Piggy began to head downstairs with her hair bouncing behind her. "Piggy, Robin's room is up here!" Kermit said through his reckless breaths.
"Oh, Kermie, I have already searched Robin's room most thoroughly dear, he's definitely not there," the diva stared at her frog with her glowing eyes.
Kermit stared back. He could never look past those eyes. "Okay, where haven't you looked?"
"Outside, now come on!" she rushed the amphibian along.
The couple ran down the stairs. Kermit followed Piggy, not for the first time. He’d follow her anywhere. And he assumed she’d do the same with him.
The lower half of the Muppet boarding house was just as quiet as the upper. Not a creature was stirring, and lord knows they have them all, so none stirring is a rare occurrence.
Kermit mentally checked all of the little nooks and crannies searching for his nephew, who was nowhere in sight.
Miss Piggy led him through the kitchen, where the mess made by The Swedish Chef at dinner still stood. "Piggy, are you sure you’ve checked everywhere but outside?"
"Not never you fear dear, you can trust moi, I have searched everywhere," Piggy reassured him, but not stopping to do so.
She pushed open the back door and the two of them ran out into the backyard. Kermit was in awe. The fence was strung with white Christmas lights, and in the corner of the yard sat a gazebo, and inside the gazebo was a wooden swing.
Piggy stepped in front of the frog and flipped her hair. "I, don’t think he’s out here either Kermie," she said sweetly.
Kermit smirked. "Robin’s in his bed, isn’t he?"
"Mm hm," Piggy nodded.
"Robin’s been in his bed, hasn’t he?"
"Mm hm."
"You’ve tricked me again, haven’t you?"
"Just like in the movies dear," Piggy extended her purple gloved hand, complete with glistening ring.
Kermit grabbed her hand with his and pulled her close. "When did we get the swing?" Kermit asked, leading her over towards the gazebo.
"Oh, it’s just a little something moi had Beauregard and George throw together during the four hours vous were out at the theater."
The two of them sat down on the swing, arm in arm. Kermit looked up into Piggy’s sky blue eyes. Her eyelashes blew lightly in the evening breeze, she stared back at him lovingly. "Oh Kermie," she swooned over her frog prince.
"Oh Piggy," he swooned back. There was no sarcasm or want to leave in his voice.
~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~
She had fallen asleep on his lap. He ran his flippery fingers through her silky golden hair. Her head lay in between his thin legs which were covered by his red pajamas. He hummed "Right Where I Belong" from underneath his pig.
The back door creaked open. Kermit stared up at it. A small green head poked half of itself out. "Uncle Kermit?" it whispered.
"Robin? What are you doing out of bed?" Kermit asked. It had been an hour since the lovers had left the boarding house, no five year old frog should be up at 3 AM.
Robin the Frog hopped outside in his red pajamas that matched his uncle’s. "I had a bad dream about turning left," he said, climbing up in the swing next to his Kermit.
Kermit wrapped his arm around his little nephew. "And you’re better now?"
Robin nodded. "And uh, are you okay?" he stared down at Miss Piggy.
Kermit smiled. "Very okay Robin."
Robin scrunched up his face. "Really?"
Kermit chuckled. "Oh yes Robin, really."
"Well..." Robin "That’s, um...That’s nice."
Kermit nodded and looked at the now snoring Piggy. "Yes, nice is a good word for it."
"I think it’s a nice word for it," Robin smiled.
"Well that too of course. I’m just trying to keep cool."
"And friendly-like?"
"Uh...Well, that is to say that..." Kermit stuttered.
Robin had his hands folded in his lap. "Um, Uncle Kermit, if you were busy, I’ll go back upstairs."
Kermit looked back down at the pig and over to Robin. "I have a better idea."
Kermit pulled Robin to his side and lay his head on top of his nephew’s. All three of them huddled near and the two frogs drifted off to sleep.
That Piggy sure is sneaky,huh?Between dressing up in a straw hat so her green ball of passion wouldn't recognize her. Then that night,she woke Kermit up w/the excuse that Robin was missing just to get Kermit alone!