Controversial Topics

[dwayne1115]

Ok let's shift gears here and talk about something else, rasing kids. Now I am a parent, and I find punishing a kid is one of the hardest things to do.Not only because i hate to see my kids in pain or sad, but then there is if you hit your child it is child abuse. Then I'll see these kids hit kick swear and throw things at there parents, and all the parent does is take it. Kids ar in total control, and back in the day things where way differnet. what do you all think about punishing a child?

 

[frogboy4]

Ok let's shift gears here and talk about something else, rasing kids. Now I am a parent, and I find punishing a kid is one of the hardest things to do.Not only because i hate to see my kids in pain or sad, but then there is if you hit your child it is child abuse. Then I'll see these kids hit kick swear and throw things at there parents, and all the parent does is take it. Kids ar in total control, and back in the day things where way differnet. what do you all think about punishing a child?

Very good topic.

When I was a kid, nothing sent more paralyzing fear into me than to be shouted at in public. I definitely think that should be avoided unless a child is completely out of control.

Groundings, removing phone and electronics privileges are practical solutions. Sometimes a swat or two to the backside is what it took to correct my behavior at a young age, but that was so rare.

A lot of bad behavior stems from a young person's lack of choices so it's helpful to compartmentalize the times when they are given options and the times they must obey. A little bit of freedom is good because it provides more of a sense of responsibility rather than overly harsh discipline. Those people make for some messed-up adults. So does too much freedom. It's important for a kid to know where he or she stands.

I do believe in rewarding good behavior with little gestures and things, but actions shouldn't always be dependent on receiving things. Also, explaining things - results, incentives and consequences - can be helpful for understanding. That can go a long way. The incentive for studying for a class that a child doesn't care about is that the grade could help or hinder their non-related pursuits in the future and that there's no way of knowing how things will work out.

The last thing is what I believe to be the most important. Never repeat to a child or anyone that "Life isn't fair" cliché. However true, I always found it to be the lame excuse used by those hosing you when they don't really have to.

Just my thoughts. Kids today can't even go to the movies without talking and texting throughout the entire 90 minutes. Talking in a movie should result in water boarding...but I digress.

 

[Drtooth]

Just my thoughts. Kids today can't even go to the movies without talking and texting throughout the entire 90 minutes. Talking in a movie should result in water boarding...but I digress.

Tell me about it. I had like the WORST movie experience ever when I went to see Bolt. These little kids were running around in the theater jumping all over the seats, and even poking me in the back of the head. I had to scold the mother twice.

Sure, raising a kid is the toughest and most expensive thing you'll ever do if you so choose. I don;t want to do it, I think I'd be terrible at it, and even if I was capable of a relationship, I'd make sure NEVER to have one.

That said, too often the parents try too hard to be the kid's friend. And if the kids act wild or make bad choices, they take the passive aggressive "It's not my fault, they shouldn't advertise anything on kid's TV" route... and I don't mean just junk food. I've been on this soap box forever now, and all I can say is that we have a generation of parents who can't raise their kids. I swear, some of the upper class ones (the kind to name their kids "Madison" or "Taylor") have them for fashion reasons. I once read that it's trendy to have twins, fueling a bunch of yuppie schmucks to have more kids than they can handle. Which I SWEAR was the case when I saw that movie. It was like, "Madison, if you don't consider that you're disturbing the movie, you may not get your healthy organic Munf Munf. How many times do I have to calmly whisper it as a suggestion?"

It's frustrating. They then turn all their poor parenting on everybody else, leading kids to have to raise themselves when it comes to the not positive stuff. And it spills out in such annoying manners.... like that whole "It's illegal to sell kids meal premiums" bull legislation. Again, it's hard. It's not anything I'd ever want to do ever. I wouldn't be responsible enough to take care of a small pet. But this reminds me of those people who have dogs, and never clean up after them. You can't have a dog and NOT expect to have to clean up after it... it's irresponsible.

 

[RedPiggy]

Not only because i hate to see my kids in pain or sad, but then there is if you hit your child it is child abuse.

Well, today it is in the United States.
I'm torn on the subject. I have a cousin who could be grounded, have privileges taken away, or beaten to a pulp -- nothing. She is much like her parents (and my immediate family) ... God forbid you learn that screwing up means negative consequences.
My brother and I were both punished in the ways mentioned above. We're only slightly psycho, LOL. The weird thing is, we turned out 180 degrees different from my cousin. No matter where we work, we usually get the impression that we are the only ones with any fundamental ethics.
It's something I told my fourth-grade students back when I was a teacher: You have a bad childhood? Join the club. You don't have a choice for how you grow up ... but you CAN choose to be just like your moronic parents or you can choose to be BETTER. Part of the reason my bro and I got Bear and Sarah (our Lab pups) was to prove to ourselves that we could parent better. The dogs are usually described by others as well-behaved despite the fact we didn't have the money to go for formal training. We got them at 5 weeks and treated the care like a newborn baby ... toilet every two hours (I was out of school during last summer, so that made it feasible), take them outside to go, teach them "walk" and "sit" as early as possible, etc. They're a little rambunctious, but they're good kids, almost to the point of being a bit too naive, according to their day camp staff.

A lot of bad behavior stems from a young person's lack of choices so it's helpful to compartmentalize the times when they are given options and the times they must obey.

I hesitate to agree or disagree since there are whole textbooks' worth of causes for bad behavior, ranging from bad parenting to medical conditions.

The incentive for studying for a class that a child doesn't care about is that the grade could help or hinder their non-related pursuits in the future and that there's no way of knowing how things will work out.

The problem with this is that it's psychologically inappropriate. Children (and to a lesser extent, teens) can't think that far ahead. The long-term future is a mystical dream to them. I can appreciate the newest "pay for good grades" concept. A lot of people complain that students should learn for the sake of learning -- but that's hypocritical considering adults want their paycheck for going to work. We don't work for free and we shouldn't expect our children to. It's not sending a coherent message.

Sure, raising a kid is the toughest and most expensive thing you'll ever do if you so choose. I don;t want to do it, I think I'd be terrible at it, and even if I was capable of a relationship, I'd make sure NEVER to have one.

Yeah, I don't want one either. Parenting the dogs is enough, LOL. I realize that means I'll probably die alone, but I don't like the idea of having children to ensure my comfort at the elderly stage either. I once got into a heated argument on beliefnet over parenting and whether people had kids for selfless reasons. A lot of people were mad at me for suggesting that parents want an insurance policy at least. I asked, "If your child grows up and tells you to go to you-know-where when you need care, would you be mad?" They said yes. I nodded. "Then you expected your kids to be your insurance policy. Stop being in denial." After having to deal with a class full of unparented or badly parented children, the thought of having my own kids just gives me nightmares, LOL.

I've been on this soap box forever now, and all I can say is that we have a generation of parents who can't raise their kids.

What I've always found amusing is that the Baby Boomers (my Mom's generation) griped about how awful their strict parents were ... but who really raised me and my brother with half an ounce of sense? My maternal grandparents. We learned more about how to live adult lives from them when we visited (and later had to live with after the divorce because my Mom couldn't afford her own place) than from our own parents. My father was going to just kick us out of the house at 18 regardless of how ready we were. My mother has trouble dealing with the idea that babies grow up and what worked at age 2 doesn't help when you're 32. So, yes, I'll call it ... the sixties really messed up our society (that's not to say pre-sixties were all that grand ... but I bet I can trace a lot of our current issues to the sixties ... unless of course you count that the sixties rebelled against the fifties ... ugh ... head ... hurt).

How many times do I have to calmly whisper it as a suggestion?"

See, my younger brother doesn't have this problem. Children are terrified of him, even though he's really sweet. He just gives off the air of "mess up and you'll die", LOL.

 

[dwayne1115]

I didn't have my kids for insurances i had them for the Tax deduction LOL (I'm kidding)

Now my past is a liitle odd, because when I was a young kid (1-16) My mom really never had to correct me and my younger brother much. We where for the most part good kids. We then got involved in a chuch that taught heavly how to rasie a child. They taught that "to Spare the Rod you Spoil the child" When my mom started learing that things started to change. One of the church memberes made our mom this wooden padlle that looked like a cricket stick. I was never "paddled" with it but my brother was, there was even one time that a man from the chuch had to come over and do that because my mom was not strong eough to do it. Now was this abuse? I don't know, but I do know that it has had an effect on my brother. All of the young people in that chuch had little or no freedom, and when they became teens it was the same way, they where suppost to be little adults. When they finaly moved out of the house they started living like teens. trying to find themself, and who they where. So Ya know I'still don't know sometimes the teaching that we got trinkle into my own parenting, and I hate that because I don't want my kids to turn around and hate everything I taught them.

 

[RedPiggy]

Well, my biggest parenting pet peeve is hypocrisy. I like to think I'm generally open-minded. I can accept that everyone has their own opinion on how things should work. However, what I hated growing up was the realization that a lot of the rules we were taught never to break were broken with regularity by our family. No lying? Pssht, yeah, right. Driving rules? They're more like "suggestions". You have to work hard to earn your living -- spoken by people who inherited money. I think the idea that adult morality was largely a matter of whim was the most devastating lesson I ever had to learn growing up.

You can be a saint or a monster -- I really don't care. Just pick a side.

 

[Drtooth]

Well, today it is in the United States.
I'm torn on the subject. I have a cousin who could be grounded, have privileges taken away, or beaten to a pulp -- nothing. She is much like her parents (and my immediate family) ... God forbid you learn that screwing up means negative consequences.
My brother and I were both punished in the ways mentioned above. We're only slightly psycho, LOL. The weird thing is, we turned out 180 degrees different from my cousin. No matter where we work, we usually get the impression that we are the only ones with any fundamental ethics.

See... the psychological thing that EVERYONE forgets to think about is that EVERY child is different. Some will tend to do whatever they want because punishment isn't that bad... and if they're really bad kids, they'll find a way to manipulate the system, so even under strictest of punishments, they'll manage to stay comfy, waiting for him to get caught again. As Fearless Leader once said "Rules are only there to keep honest people out! If you're a crook, you sneak in anyway."

Take it from me. No matter how good your intentions are, no matter how hard you try, things can get messed up. You just have to hope you have enough glue to fix it.

See, my younger brother doesn't have this problem. Children are terrified of him, even though he's really sweet. He just gives off the air of "mess up and you'll die", LOL.

HAH! I dunno why, but that's pretty funny stuff.

But really... there was some stupid magazine saying how it was the hippest new trend to have Twins a while back. Twins aren't like growing an ugly beard or pretending to like whiny sounding acoustic music or wanting 6 dollar cupcakes. They're KIDS you have to RAISE. It's like how there are all these chihuahuas in shelters because people got sick of them.

 

[Gelfling Girl]

Kids today can't even go to the movies without talking and texting throughout the entire 90 minutes.

And exactly why are all these kids getting cell phones so young? I happen to be a teenage girl who doesn't have a cell phone and doesn't want one. In my opinion, it would be a good idea if they were teenagers driving themselves to school alone, but then you see all these kids still in elementary school either running around with cell phones or begging their parents for one. It's just crazy.

 

[D'Snowth]

And exactly why are all these kids getting cell phones so young?

Because the cell phone has become a necessity for everyday people, much like computers and internet.

I had my first cell phone at 11 (back when cell phones were big and bulky and didn't have video games and apps and such)... but I was RESPONSIBLE. I kept it under wraps, and I only used it when ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY... like one day when our crappy bus broke down, and I used it to call my mom to let her know what happened... and other kids were able to use it to call their parents as well... so really, the cell phone saved the day in this case since was in responsible hands.

One the other hand, I don't need or use a cell phone to text message and such... if I want to chat with someone via text, I'll log onto to forums and PM with friends, or a fire up YIM! and chat with one of my contacts.

 

[Kiki]

And exactly why are all these kids getting cell phones so young? I happen to be a teenage girl who doesn't have a cell phone and doesn't want one. In my opinion, it would be a good idea if they were teenagers driving themselves to school alone, but then you see all these kids still in elementary school either running around with cell phones or begging their parents for one. It's just crazy.

Yeah, I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. I don't own one (I don't know about you, but over here a teen without a mobile/cell phone is considered unusual in tech-savvy Australia, and I'm the only one I know without one), and frankly- I don't miss it. For starters, I don't want to be contacted wherever I go, *lol*, that sounds horrible, I know, but it's the truth. I like that lack of... not identity as such, goodness no, but... huh, I can't find the word. I know kids under the age of nine with phones, and when my dad's friends' 12-year old son popped over for tea one time at our place, all he did was fiddle with his phone. I know that's probably normal, but we're talking the whole time, even when eating. Yeah... I guess that's a norm now, huh? I find it rather lol-worthy how people Don't Know How I Survive without a mobile... they make out I ive under a rock or something, and that I don't Live Life. I don't understand.