Well that's the kind of thing I still wrestle with. I hear people talk about "making peace" with the idea that you might always be single. I feel like they're not being honest, especially for women. I can't see myself making peace with becoming the 50 year old cat lady (except with a dog) survived by no one when I die (sorry to get morbid). I have no siblings, so my obit's pretty much going to read, "Survived by relatives she didn't get to see much." There's no dignity in that. I saw an obit like that recently and it terrified me, it just looked so pathetic. Our society is built on achieving certain goals and there's no reward for failure (again, especially for women). Yeah, feminists try to tear down those societal norms, but that doesn't make me feel any better. In a way, that's like being a sore loser, "Oh if I can't be married, let's make marriage unimportant for everyone!" I personally enjoyed having a guy around to tell me I was attractive. Now I feel like it probably didn't count since he's such a weirdo. Again, people tell me I don't need a guy to tell me that, I can tell myself I'm attractive. But what the heck is the point of that? Again, let's be honest, that isn't what anyone hopes for. They hope to share themselves with another person. And there's just no way to make that better if it doesn't happen. At least not for me. I see all the mean girls from my childhood on Facebook with their husbands and/or children. They don't even remotely deserve to be happy, yet they got it. And yes, I get that they have problems themselves, but they still have a comfort I may never have. And their problems don't make my problems any less real.
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: I'm sorry. I was feeling better yesterday, but now it's all crashing in again. I mean, people are telling me I just need to work harder at it (the same way I had to go through a lot of lousy jobs to finally find a good one), but I'm just so nervous that none of it is going to matter.