Canada Goes To War!

[Buck-Beaver]

Canada Goes To War! (well, not really)

I've posted this in a few of the forums I frequent. This is such a bizarre little story that I had to share. It's kind of funny, kind of sad and really highlights the problems with Canada's military.

Here in Canada we're all ticked off and having a military dispute with - get this - Denmark. Apparently, Greenland isn't a big enough chunk of frozen wasteland for the greedy little Danes, so they've decided to try to seize Canada's Hans Island, a barren rock about 1 km x 4 km in the middle of the Arctic.

Now normally we'd be all set to dispatch soldiers and ships to teach these Danish guys (and possibly girls) a thing or two except, uh, we don't have any boats that go through the ice up there. That's right, despite the fact that parts of the country spend half the year frozen there's not one ice-capable boat in the whole flippin' Canadian navy!!!

Just as a funny little sidebar to this - the West Edmonton Mall (sort of our version of the Mall of America) actually has three fully functional submarines. The Canadian Navy? They've got one. So while we have no way to fend off a Danish invasion of the north, God help anyone who tries to conquor one of our Old Navys.

Fortunately we do have a few military options. We've got some spiffy planes we could use to bomb the Danish, except that we "forgot" to order new bombs to replace the ones we fired in the Gulf War. You know, the first one. Ooops. Someone must've left it off the air force's shopping list.

So in typical Canadian fashion while Denmark threatens us not to deploy troops on our own Island we've decided to try to reach a peaceful, non-violent solution. Because we have no option at this point until either some ice melts, or we can find a way send a few dozen guys on Dogsleds with canoes to reach the island (I wish I was making this up).

Jeez.

Sometimes I really wonder about the people who run this country up here. I mean if some European country dared to lay claim to, oh I don't know, just one square foot of Alaska all heck would break loose. Not only would the U.S. Marines evict the Danish soldiers, they'd invade Denmark, overrun it's government, discover it really wasn't Denmark who attacked them in the first place and set up an occupation and assure the American public that "the Danish people are better off today then they were a year ago."

But we're not goint to do that. Because we can't. So to protest Denmark's attempts to seize Canada's Hans Island I propose Canada and it's NATO allies change the name of all Danishes to "Freedom Pastries".

Yeah, that'll show `em.

 

[jediX]

Man...lol...if you aren't a writer you dang well ought to be.

 

[muppet_dk]

Come on US this is the chance to get rid of those Canadians. Lets invade Canada together We apperantly alrealdy have made the first move.


I was actually not aware of this. I do however know that the danish and canadian goverments are working togther to solve this so called conflict.

To everbody that don't know what's it about. The Island in question i pretty important as a part of claming the marine rights in the area.

edit: Heres a picture of the flag and some members of the crew of the ship "Vædderen" http://www.sok.dk/pr/svnori/images/02/302/Hans_3.jpg

 

[Beebers]

omg. ROFLMAO. Buck, am I allowed to lie collapsed on my floor laughing for awhile? I don't want to offend any neighbors to zee North, oh man, the MALL OWNS 3 SUBMARINES, I can't decide which part of this is killing me the most *falls off chair, is taken away laughing uncontrollably.* DENMARK? omgomgomg. This hurts, to laugh this hard, reallyreally hurts lol.

P.S., if one visits Buck's site you'll see he is indeed a good writer lol.

 

[Fozzie Bear]

So, let me get this straight:

Denmark wants more land, so they seize a piece of frozen rock in the ocean? Does anybody even live there? What are those folks called, Rockers? So what, it gives people more claim to water travel, right? So why not just start a cruise line?? They seem to have big boats that can go anywhere!! LOL!!

But we're not goint to do that. Because we can't.

You know, if this were the days of yore and the English were doing this to the Irish, the Irish would have been fighting off an invasion with shovels and pick-axes to their death. Does nobody live on this little rock in the ocean? I mean, if there are people there and they don't like it then fight back. What did the Danes come there with as a weapon? A flag? What does this mean for property values now? If someone lives on a frozen rock that is invaded by a foreign country does it increase their property value or does it decrease it, and when they seize the land does it also mean that someone loses their property to the invaders?

Why not just ask for water rights? Why try to seize land? Won't this cause Denmark to get dumped out of NATO or the UN?

I don't know what to laugh at (though it's not a laughing matter)? That Denmark wants a frozen rock, or that Canada can't defend themselves.

Forget Freedom Pastries, I'm gonna go eat an eclair!

 

[Fozzie Bear]

So, I just did some research. Come to find out, it IS uninhabited and has always been the point of dispute between Canada and Denmark.

Hans Island
Hans Island is a small, uninhabited island located at the northernmost tip of western Greenland, in the Kennedy Channel between Ellesmere Island and Greenland. The island is disputed between Canada and Denmark.

This article (which I didn't want to sign up for) said that Canada was to reclaim the land on March 25th. What happened?

Article from The Gazette: Western's Daily Student Newspaper. You can tell it was written by a student, actually.

NATIONAL POST ARTICLE.

 

[Buck-Beaver]

Yeah, the National Post broke the story up here a few days ago. Alot of Canadians have taken real offense because the Island has always been part of Canadian territory and are furious a European nation is doing this because hundreds of thousands of Canadians (and Americans too of course) served and died defending Europe over the past 100 years. It's sort of the same as America's outrage over France's opposition to the War in Iraq, but not nearly the same kind of situation.

The real problem is that Denmark is exploiting the fact that Canada's military was cut so far back in the early 90s that a lot of old equipment hasn't been replaced and we have a limited miltary presence in the north. The thing about not having ice-capable boats is absolutely true. We are however planning a major military exercise in a few months and the armed forced have been planning a massive sensor system for Canada's Arctic territory to track when ships come and go.

There's a lot of disputes in the Arctic. The U.S. has been trying to grab portions of the ocean off the coast of Alaska that are in Canadian territory for years. The Russians (who still like to think they own Alaska) dispute much of the north. Because our Northern area is rich in natural resources and sparse in population there have always been problems like that.

We actually have these really cool divisions of Army Rangers to police and protect the North - they're reservists drawn from the Native Communities. They're trained in modern military tactics but base most of what they do on their traditional Aboriginal way of life. They have to use antique weapons, which I was going to mock until I found out that they're much more reliable in extreme cold. Apparently the M-16 doesn't do you much good at the North Pole.

We've recently ordered a bunch of those Predator spy planes that the CIA uses to blow up terrorists to use in the North though so some progress is being made. The new gov't here has made re-arming the military a big priority so watch out - COME ON CANADA!!!

Once we send Denmark packing some Canadians think we shouldn't stop there....some have a dream of Candian World Domination.

 

[Beebers]

So, let me get this straight:

Denmark wants more land, so they seize a piece of frozen rock in the ocean? Does anybody even live there? What are those folks called, Rockers? So what, it gives people more claim to water travel, right? So why not just start a cruise line?? They seem to have big boats that can go anywhere!! LOL!!



You know, if this were the days of yore and the English were doing this to the Irish, the Irish would have been fighting off an invasion with shovels and pick-axes to their death. Does nobody live on this little rock in the ocean? I mean, if there are people there and they don't like it then fight back. What did the Danes come there with as a weapon? A flag? What does this mean for property values now? If someone lives on a frozen rock that is invaded by a foreign country does it increase their property value or does it decrease it, and when they seize the land does it also mean that someone loses their property to the invaders?

Why not just ask for water rights? Why try to seize land? Won't this cause Denmark to get dumped out of NATO or the UN?

I don't know what to laugh at (though it's not a laughing matter)? That Denmark wants a frozen rock, or that Canada can't defend themselves.

Forget Freedom Pastries, I'm gonna go eat an eclair!

ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL . . . . .

 

[Drtooth]

If somehow you get drafted... you can cross the boarder and crash with me!

(get it... Americans who are drafted usually cross the boarder to Canada to escape the draft... so naturally a Canadian would have to.... awwww forghet it!)

 

[Beebers]

Um . . . there is no draft in the U.S.
Hasn't been for quite a long time. All military service is voluntary.