Calendar Oneshots: September Schooling

[The Count]

It was a breezy late morning in the Muppets' corner of the world. Both the calendar and climate had changed, cooler temperatures were felt as the days started to shorten, the nights beginning to increase as autumn was approaching. At the boarding house, Sam, a particularly patriotic eagle attempted to keep the auburn leaves off of his Kentucky bluegrass lawn. Those dern hippies kept trampling his new-mowed grounds. And now, just to add to his humiliation, leaves scattered each time he turned his back as the smaller Muppets—and more juvenile in the eagle's mind—jumped into the neat piles. Giving up in a huff, he threw the rake aside, storming indoors for a cup of tea to soothe his troubles. (Yes, he knew tea was the "British" drink, but he would never touch that loathesome soda) stored in the kitchen's refrigerator.

On his way there, he found their newest member laughing at some cockamamy cartoon on the television. It wasn't that Walter was such a bad kid, it's just that he derived such myrth in what their troop passed off as entertainment. And why was Walter spending his time here at the boarding house? Didn't he have classes to attend? "I suppose you find that funny," the eagle groused. "Oh hey Sam," he replied. "Yeah, it's a great show." "You obviously have no taste young man. And why are you home from school?" "Aw Sam, I learned everything I need from watching you guys. And besides, I graduated from eighth grade already." "Oh, do you have a diploma?" "Sure." "From what school, the one your brother's girlfriend taught at? Pfft, Smallville USA. That's not even a state. I bet you don't even know all the states of this nation of ours." "Sure I do Sam," the kid defended. "In fact, I'll show you through song." Walter scrambled to his room looking for a box stashed somewhere. He searched under the bed, he checked inside the closet, he looked on his desk's drawer. "Where did I put…oh yeah, now I remember!"

When Walter returned to the impatient eagle he laid down a box festooned with Mickey Mouse icons. As an avid Muppet fan, Walter had gotten the chance to visit Disneyland a few times in the last year. And of course, like any fan, he craved to get his hands on Muppety merchandise. Luckily for him, Monty Maldovan had created a new 2012 set of pins featuring the cast, fashioned in the shape of the states with magnetic edgings and a large map backer board. Thanks to his persisent nature, Walter managed to get the whole collection, trading a few extras for the hard-to-get completers. When the map had been set up in the living room, he began his tune, placing the pins where they belonged.

"Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
Indianapolis, Indiana.
And Columbus is the capital of Ohio.
There's Montgomery, Alabama.
South of Helena, Montana.
Then there's Denver, Colorado.
Under Boise, Idaho.
Texas has Austin, then we go north.
To Massachusetts' Boston, and Albany, New York.
Tallahassee, Florida, and Washington D.C.
Santa Fe, New Mexico, and Nashville, Tennessee."

"Elvis used to hang out there a lot, ya know."
"Thank ya, thank ya," the Elvisses said.

"Trenton's in New Jersey, north of…
Jefferson City, Missouri.
You've got Richmond in Virginia.
South Dakota has Pierre.
Harrisburg's in Pensylvania.
And Augusta's up in Maine.
And here is Providence, Rhode Island.
Next to Dover, Delaware.
Concord, New Hampshire, just a quick jaunt.
To Montpelier, which is up in Vermont.
Hartford's in Connecticut, so pretty in the fall.
And Kansas has Topeka, Minnesota has St. Paul."

"Along With Minneapolis, they're called the Twin Cities."

"Juneau's in Alaska.
And Lincoln's in Nebraska.
And it's Raleigh out in North Carolina and then.
There's Madison, Wisconsin.
And Olympia in Washington.
Phoenix, Arizona, and Lansing, Michigan.
Here's Honolulu, Hawaii's a joy.
Jackson, Mississippi, and Springfield, Illinois.
South Carolina with Columbia down the way.
And Annapolis in Maryland on Chesapeake Bay."

" They have wonderful clam chowder!"
"Chust keep the cocktails sauce away from me okay," quipped Pepe as he passed by.

"Cheyenne is in Wyoming.
Or Perhaps you make your home.
In Salt Lake City out in Utah.
Where the buffalo roam.
Atlanta's down in Georgia.
And there's Bismarck, North Dakota.
And you can live in Frankfurt.
In your old Kentucky home.
Salem in Oregon, from there we join.
Little Rock in Arkansas, Iowa's got Des Moines.
Sacramento, California, Oklahoma and its city.
Charleston, West Virginia, and Nevada, Carson City."

"That's all the capitals there are?" asked the eagle, amazed at the young Muppet's knowledge.
"Not quite," Walter replied. "There's the insular territories."
"Wha?"
"Here, let me show you. There's Pago Pago, American Samoa, Hagatña in Guam, and Saipan out on the Northern Mariana Islands." He added the pins with the MTI pirates out to the left of the contiguous states, somewhat spaced from Marvin Suggs bonking the Muppaphones as the Hawaiian islands. "And there's San Juan, Puerto Rico," he put up a pin of Pepe sipping a piña colada to the east of the Floridian keys. "And Charlotte Amalie in the U.S. Virgin Islands." The pin of Spamela lounging in her deck chair made him blush inwardly as she was the lad's romantic interest—if you believed what Fleet Scribbler wrote, printed in those tabloid mags sold at the local supermarkets. Dumbstruck, Sam acknowledged that perhaps, just perhaps, Walter wasn't so bad a kid after all.

 

[Slackbot]

As soon as I read the first line of that song I heard Jess Harnell's voice.

Walter is a kid? I thought he was about the same age as Gary, who's at least in his mid-twenties. It is nice to see him incorporated into fanfics, whatever his age.

 

[The Count]

To be honest, I was looking for a "youngish" Muppet to cast other than Robin given his appearance mainly in my June entry. Maybe it's the naivety and charm Walter has that makes me think of him being one rank beneath Scooter in the troop's pecking order. Meh, I think this worked for what I wanted, and the players at HV will recognize a few references also. Glad you liked it.

BTW: I'll probably come back later and post the list of my ideas for that pin set. .

 

[MissMusical12]

This was such a fun oneshot to read! Excellent job! We need more stories/one shots with Walter.....

 

[newsmanfan]

-----------
"Auburn leaves on Kentucky bluegrass" is a wonderful line!

I know that song. How do I know that song? *headscratch; braindead*

Very very cute. I can absolutely see Sam and Walter interacting just like this. And I agree, the kid stays in the picture!

Er...you do know you're late, though, right Ed?
---------------

 

[The Count]

Thanks guys. It may be late Kris, but at least it got posted. And I'm happy with this one as it turned out. Like I said, I'll post the pin list later.

 

[TheWeirdoGirl]

Very nice. Like others have said, it's good to see Walter in a story. And I loved that you used that song.

 

[WebMistressGina]

-----------

I know that song. How do I know that song? *headscratch; braindead*

---------------

It's the US Capitols song from Animaniacs. Wakko sings it when they were playing Jeopardy in school (sadly, he got the answer wrong cause he didn't frame it the form of a question)

Here it is (I actually managed to get the whole skit too!) -

And Counts, you get a double Jeopardy for not only doing Wakko's US, but including what looked like Yakko's World for Walter too!

 

[The Count]

Thanks guys.

At Gina: Actually, since I used to watch Jeopardy back then as well, that's not why Whacko got the answer wrong. He said that Jefferson was the capital of Missouri, when it's Jefferson City. Ms. Flamiel was incorrect to buzz him out for failing to frame his response in the form of a question, since it was First Jeopardy, you're allowed to do that, so long as your answer's correct. The host should then remind you to phrase your reply in the form of a question before moving along in the game. It's Double Jeopardy when failing to do this results in automatically being buzzed out as wrong.

*Ish a nerd sometimes. *Hands out pumpkin cookies.

 

[The Count]

This is the list of ideas for the Muppet States pins, bear in mind these aren't real, though I'd love it if Disney did make them.

Delaware: Rowlf The Dog sniffing a cherry blossom tree on a white state shape.

Pennsylvania: Dr. Teeth wailing on his keyboard as the Liberty Bell sways behind him on a white state shape.

New Jersey: Dr. Phil van Neuter holding a Muppet killer tomato on a white state shape.
Georgia: J.P. Grosse with a cigar in his hand and noshing on a slice of Georgia peach pie on a white state shape.
Connecticut: Robin the Frog munching on a cinnamon stick on a white state shape.
Massachusetts: Nigel the Conductor waving his baton high as if conducting the band on a pink state shape.
Maryland: Uncle Deadly with a raven perched on his shoulder on a pink state shape.
South Carolina: Annie Sue dressed as a Southern belle drinking a glass of sweet iced tea on a pink state shape.
New Hampshire: Waldorf seated in his armchair, grape vines entwined around the arms, on a pink state shape.

Virginia: Link Hogthrob seated in his comfy armchair with a football helmet at its side on a pink state shape.
New York: Miss Piggy on a red state shape.
The traditional depiction could be the oft-used Piggy in her Statue of Liberty costume.
But a suitable alternate could be her buying some bling at the posh jewelry store (implied though not necessarily Tiffany's).

North Carolina: Floyd Pepper playing his right-handed bass upon either Blueberry or Chapel Hill on a red state shape.

Rhode Island: Camilla the chicken with her nest tied by an anchor to the red state shape.

Vermont: Statler seated in his armchair, maple leaves clustered around the arms, on a red state shape.

Kentucky: Dolores, The Trumpet Girl playing her trombone in a dixie bandstage on a red state shape.
Tennessee: The Elvisses rocking on their guitars in a classic Elvis pose on an orange state shape.
Ohio: Scooter manning the popcorn machine on an orange state shape.

Louisiana: Lips happily blowing his trumpet at the jazz square on an orange state shape.
Indiana: Lew Zealand tossing his fish at a bucket set up beneath a basketball hoop on an orange state shape.

Mississippi: The Jim Henson Muppet strumming his banjo on an orange state shape.

Illinois: Zoot tooting on his saxophone beneath the L-train on a yellow state shape.

Alabama: Clifford sampling his faved sweet potato pie on a yellow state shape.
Maine: Fozzie Bear wearing a lobster bib ready for lunch on a yellow state shape.

Missouri: Pops falling asleep at his desk beneath the Golden Archway on a yellow state shape.
Arkansas: Louis Kazagger with microphone in hand and the famed Baseball Diamond on a yellow state shape.
Texas: Sweetums standing proud at his giant cattle-skulled ranch on a green state shape.

Florida: Kermit The Frog playing his banjo on a lilypad on a green state shape.

Michigan: Gonzo the Great zipping along holding onto the towline from his motorboat on a green state shape.

Iowa: Crazy Harry grinning as he's got a few watermelons to blast open on a green state shape.

Wisconsin: Rizzo the Rat hefting his prized cheesehead wheel of Swiss on a green state shape.

California: Janice playing her left-handed guitar under the Hollywood sign on a blue state shape.

Minnesota: The Swedish Chef waving his cleaver about as he preps some Swedish meal on a blue state shape.

Oregon: Walter holding up his "The Muppets" bannerflag courtside on a blue state shape.

Kansas: Mrs. Emily Bear holding a fresh-baked apple pie out of the oven on a blue state shape.
West Virginia: Gladys pouring a cup of coffee from the perkilating pot on a blue state shape.
Or should she be switched for Theresa from The Coffee Song?
Nevada: Johnny Fiama, flanked by Sal Minella, singing at the glittering lounge setting on an indigo state shape.

Nebraska: Seymour the Elephant reaching up to reap an ear of corn from its stalk on an indigo state shape.
*If you get this reference, then you're already thinking like Batman when tracking down the Riddler.
*If you don't get this reference, then listen to MCR for a song sung by Ray Charles.
Colorado: Bobo the Bear snacking on a pot of honey caramel on an indigo state shape.
North Dakota: The Snowths watering the flowers at their peaceful garden on an indigo state shape.
South Dakota: Big Mean Carl trying to carry, and eventually eat all of Mount Rushmore on an indigo state shape.
Montana: Mahna Mahna zooming by the open wheat fields on a violet state shape.
Washington: Droop sulking in the rainstorm at the base of the Space Needle on a violet state shape.
Idaho: Beauregard sweeping some potatoes clean of dust on a violet state shape.

Wyoming: Bean Bunny poking out of his bunny hole at the foot of Devil's Tower on a violet state shape.
Utah: Skeeter in her archaelogist clothes at a dig site at Monument Valley on a violet state shape.
*Note: If Skeeter's off-limits for some reason, and I don't rully see why, then Wayne and Wanda singing with the arches crumbling around them would be the Utah pin.
Oklahoma: Animal banging on his tribal drums on a black state shape.

New Mexico: Dr. Bunsen Honeydew tries to attach some uranium rod candles onto Beaker's coat like a human candelabra on a black state shape.

Arizona: The Newsman at his desk with a view of the Grand Canyon behind him on a black state shape.

Alaska: Winky Pinkerton emerging from his ice block igloo home on a black state shape.

Hawaii: Marvin Suggs wearing a lei around his neck bonks the Muppaphones on their podium on a black state shape.

American Samoa: Bad Polly eats a samoa sandwich cookie on a golden insular shape.
Guam: Clueless Morgan blows some bubble gum bubbles on a golden insular shape.
Northern Mariana Islands: Mad Monty retrieves a treasure chest from the beach on a golden insular shape.
District of Columbia: Sam the Eagle stands proudly in front of the White House on a silver state shape.

Puerto Rico: Pepe the King Prawn sips a piña colada on a silver insular shape.

U.S. Virgin Islands: Spamela Hamderson lounging dreamily on her open deckchair on a silver insular shape.