- Joined
- Jul 12, 2002
- Messages
- 31,285
- Reaction score
- 2,940
It was a breezy late morning in the Muppets' corner of the world. Both the calendar and climate had changed, cooler temperatures were felt as the days started to shorten, the nights beginning to increase as autumn was approaching. At the boarding house, Sam, a particularly patriotic eagle attempted to keep the auburn leaves off of his Kentucky bluegrass lawn. Those dern hippies kept trampling his new-mowed grounds. And now, just to add to his humiliation, leaves scattered each time he turned his back as the smaller Muppets—and more juvenile in the eagle's mind—jumped into the neat piles. Giving up in a huff, he threw the rake aside, storming indoors for a cup of tea to soothe his troubles. (Yes, he knew tea was the "British" drink, but he would never touch that loathesome soda) stored in the kitchen's refrigerator.
On his way there, he found their newest member laughing at some cockamamy cartoon on the television. It wasn't that Walter was such a bad kid, it's just that he derived such myrth in what their troop passed off as entertainment. And why was Walter spending his time here at the boarding house? Didn't he have classes to attend? "I suppose you find that funny," the eagle groused. "Oh hey Sam," he replied. "Yeah, it's a great show." "You obviously have no taste young man. And why are you home from school?" "Aw Sam, I learned everything I need from watching you guys. And besides, I graduated from eighth grade already." "Oh, do you have a diploma?" "Sure." "From what school, the one your brother's girlfriend taught at? Pfft, Smallville USA. That's not even a state. I bet you don't even know all the states of this nation of ours." "Sure I do Sam," the kid defended. "In fact, I'll show you through song." Walter scrambled to his room looking for a box stashed somewhere. He searched under the bed, he checked inside the closet, he looked on his desk's drawer. "Where did I put…oh yeah, now I remember!"
When Walter returned to the impatient eagle he laid down a box festooned with Mickey Mouse icons. As an avid Muppet fan, Walter had gotten the chance to visit Disneyland a few times in the last year. And of course, like any fan, he craved to get his hands on Muppety merchandise. Luckily for him, Monty Maldovan had created a new 2012 set of pins featuring the cast, fashioned in the shape of the states with magnetic edgings and a large map backer board. Thanks to his persisent nature, Walter managed to get the whole collection, trading a few extras for the hard-to-get completers. When the map had been set up in the living room, he began his tune, placing the pins where they belonged.
"Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
Indianapolis, Indiana.
And Columbus is the capital of Ohio.
There's Montgomery, Alabama.
South of Helena, Montana.
Then there's Denver, Colorado.
Under Boise, Idaho.
Texas has Austin, then we go north.
To Massachusetts' Boston, and Albany, New York.
Tallahassee, Florida, and Washington D.C.
Santa Fe, New Mexico, and Nashville, Tennessee."
"Elvis used to hang out there a lot, ya know."
"Thank ya, thank ya," the Elvisses said.
"Trenton's in New Jersey, north of…
Jefferson City, Missouri.
You've got Richmond in Virginia.
South Dakota has Pierre.
Harrisburg's in Pensylvania.
And Augusta's up in Maine.
And here is Providence, Rhode Island.
Next to Dover, Delaware.
Concord, New Hampshire, just a quick jaunt.
To Montpelier, which is up in Vermont.
Hartford's in Connecticut, so pretty in the fall.
And Kansas has Topeka, Minnesota has St. Paul."
"Along With Minneapolis, they're called the Twin Cities."
"Juneau's in Alaska.
And Lincoln's in Nebraska.
And it's Raleigh out in North Carolina and then.
There's Madison, Wisconsin.
And Olympia in Washington.
Phoenix, Arizona, and Lansing, Michigan.
Here's Honolulu, Hawaii's a joy.
Jackson, Mississippi, and Springfield, Illinois.
South Carolina with Columbia down the way.
And Annapolis in Maryland on Chesapeake Bay."
" They have wonderful clam chowder!"
"Chust keep the cocktails sauce away from me okay," quipped Pepe as he passed by.
"Cheyenne is in Wyoming.
Or Perhaps you make your home.
In Salt Lake City out in Utah.
Where the buffalo roam.
Atlanta's down in Georgia.
And there's Bismarck, North Dakota.
And you can live in Frankfurt.
In your old Kentucky home.
Salem in Oregon, from there we join.
Little Rock in Arkansas, Iowa's got Des Moines.
Sacramento, California, Oklahoma and its city.
Charleston, West Virginia, and Nevada, Carson City."
"That's all the capitals there are?" asked the eagle, amazed at the young Muppet's knowledge.
"Not quite," Walter replied. "There's the insular territories."
"Wha?"
"Here, let me show you. There's Pago Pago, American Samoa, Hagatña in Guam, and Saipan out on the Northern Mariana Islands." He added the pins with the MTI pirates out to the left of the contiguous states, somewhat spaced from Marvin Suggs bonking the Muppaphones as the Hawaiian islands. "And there's San Juan, Puerto Rico," he put up a pin of Pepe sipping a piña colada to the east of the Floridian keys. "And Charlotte Amalie in the U.S. Virgin Islands." The pin of Spamela lounging in her deck chair made him blush inwardly as she was the lad's romantic interest—if you believed what Fleet Scribbler wrote, printed in those tabloid mags sold at the local supermarkets. Dumbstruck, Sam acknowledged that perhaps, just perhaps, Walter wasn't so bad a kid after all.
On his way there, he found their newest member laughing at some cockamamy cartoon on the television. It wasn't that Walter was such a bad kid, it's just that he derived such myrth in what their troop passed off as entertainment. And why was Walter spending his time here at the boarding house? Didn't he have classes to attend? "I suppose you find that funny," the eagle groused. "Oh hey Sam," he replied. "Yeah, it's a great show." "You obviously have no taste young man. And why are you home from school?" "Aw Sam, I learned everything I need from watching you guys. And besides, I graduated from eighth grade already." "Oh, do you have a diploma?" "Sure." "From what school, the one your brother's girlfriend taught at? Pfft, Smallville USA. That's not even a state. I bet you don't even know all the states of this nation of ours." "Sure I do Sam," the kid defended. "In fact, I'll show you through song." Walter scrambled to his room looking for a box stashed somewhere. He searched under the bed, he checked inside the closet, he looked on his desk's drawer. "Where did I put…oh yeah, now I remember!"
When Walter returned to the impatient eagle he laid down a box festooned with Mickey Mouse icons. As an avid Muppet fan, Walter had gotten the chance to visit Disneyland a few times in the last year. And of course, like any fan, he craved to get his hands on Muppety merchandise. Luckily for him, Monty Maldovan had created a new 2012 set of pins featuring the cast, fashioned in the shape of the states with magnetic edgings and a large map backer board. Thanks to his persisent nature, Walter managed to get the whole collection, trading a few extras for the hard-to-get completers. When the map had been set up in the living room, he began his tune, placing the pins where they belonged.
"Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
Indianapolis, Indiana.
And Columbus is the capital of Ohio.
There's Montgomery, Alabama.
South of Helena, Montana.
Then there's Denver, Colorado.
Under Boise, Idaho.
Texas has Austin, then we go north.
To Massachusetts' Boston, and Albany, New York.
Tallahassee, Florida, and Washington D.C.
Santa Fe, New Mexico, and Nashville, Tennessee."
"Elvis used to hang out there a lot, ya know."
"Thank ya, thank ya," the Elvisses said.
"Trenton's in New Jersey, north of…
Jefferson City, Missouri.
You've got Richmond in Virginia.
South Dakota has Pierre.
Harrisburg's in Pensylvania.
And Augusta's up in Maine.
And here is Providence, Rhode Island.
Next to Dover, Delaware.
Concord, New Hampshire, just a quick jaunt.
To Montpelier, which is up in Vermont.
Hartford's in Connecticut, so pretty in the fall.
And Kansas has Topeka, Minnesota has St. Paul."
"Along With Minneapolis, they're called the Twin Cities."
"Juneau's in Alaska.
And Lincoln's in Nebraska.
And it's Raleigh out in North Carolina and then.
There's Madison, Wisconsin.
And Olympia in Washington.
Phoenix, Arizona, and Lansing, Michigan.
Here's Honolulu, Hawaii's a joy.
Jackson, Mississippi, and Springfield, Illinois.
South Carolina with Columbia down the way.
And Annapolis in Maryland on Chesapeake Bay."
" They have wonderful clam chowder!"
"Chust keep the cocktails sauce away from me okay," quipped Pepe as he passed by.
"Cheyenne is in Wyoming.
Or Perhaps you make your home.
In Salt Lake City out in Utah.
Where the buffalo roam.
Atlanta's down in Georgia.
And there's Bismarck, North Dakota.
And you can live in Frankfurt.
In your old Kentucky home.
Salem in Oregon, from there we join.
Little Rock in Arkansas, Iowa's got Des Moines.
Sacramento, California, Oklahoma and its city.
Charleston, West Virginia, and Nevada, Carson City."
"That's all the capitals there are?" asked the eagle, amazed at the young Muppet's knowledge.
"Not quite," Walter replied. "There's the insular territories."
"Wha?"
"Here, let me show you. There's Pago Pago, American Samoa, Hagatña in Guam, and Saipan out on the Northern Mariana Islands." He added the pins with the MTI pirates out to the left of the contiguous states, somewhat spaced from Marvin Suggs bonking the Muppaphones as the Hawaiian islands. "And there's San Juan, Puerto Rico," he put up a pin of Pepe sipping a piña colada to the east of the Floridian keys. "And Charlotte Amalie in the U.S. Virgin Islands." The pin of Spamela lounging in her deck chair made him blush inwardly as she was the lad's romantic interest—if you believed what Fleet Scribbler wrote, printed in those tabloid mags sold at the local supermarkets. Dumbstruck, Sam acknowledged that perhaps, just perhaps, Walter wasn't so bad a kid after all.