Bill Bubble Guy's updated muppet show outline

[MartyMuppets]

MUPPET SHOW SEASON ONE STYLE
SPECIAL GUEST STAR TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR

FOZZIE JOKE: I asked out a lollipop lady but had to call it off on account of her boyfriend. He had me well and truly licked.

Gonzo swings at the O stopping just in time as he realizes it's a mirror saying "Whew. That was close. I don't need 7 years of bad luck."

INTRODUCTION
Kermit:Hi-ho. Hi-ho. Welcome to yet another muppet show. Folks we had a spectacular show planned for you tonight. We tried to book as guest stars the great British trio of comedians who had their very own television series, The Goodies. Unfortunately two of them had prior commitments. But we did get one of them at least.
Statler:calling down) Well two out of three isn't a bad score frog.
He and Waldorf laugh
Kermit briefly scrunches up his face then shrugs it off
K:As I said we have one of the Goodies with us tonight. Mr. Tim Brooke-Taylor.
But first Dr.Teeth and the Electric Mayhem. Yaay.
Electric Mayhem perform Livin' next door to Alice

 

[MartyMuppets]

BACKSTAGE

Fozzie asks Tim to share his monologue with him. However Tim says no because after sharing the spotlight with his partners for so long he wants to do his comedy alone for a change. Fozzie is bitterly disappointed.

SWEDISH CHEF

The Chef prepares a tossed salad and literally tosses it all over the place.

DRESSING ROOM

Scooter: Mr. Brooke-Taylor we're very happy to have you with us.
Gonzo: And we want to do all we can to make you feel at home.
Tim:That's very nice thank you.
Hilda:Would you like anything done for you to help you relax before your first sketch?

 

[MartyMuppets]

Tim thinks for a moment: Well Hilda. A nice soothing massage would really hit the spot.
Hilda:Very well. Gonzo go and get a masseur for Tim Brooke-Taylor.
Gonzo:Check
He leaves and reappears five seconds later with Sweetums.
Gonzo:I ran into Sweetums just outside. He's volunteered.
Scooter, Hilda and Gonzo exit and close the door as Sweetums prepares to massage Tim.
Outside the three of them hear sounds of thumping while Tim cries out Ow and Oof and Mummy. After half a minute Sweetums exits saying it's done.
The trio go inside to see how Tim is. Tim is bent double over a chair, rubbing his back. Looking up with a pained expression he says
That was the oooh best uh massage I ever ugh had.

 

[MartyMuppets]

SONG

A male rabbit sings In your Easter Bonnet to a female rabbit.

TIM'S FIRST SKETCH

Tim plays a waitor in a posh restaurant having trouble with Behemoth. While poor Tim is trying to do his job Behemoth keeps eating napkins, silverware even the pencil and paper he snatches out of Tim's hands as he tries to write down one of the other customers orders.
Finally everybody else in the restaurant leave to find a better enjoyable place to eat. Tim vainly pleads with them to stay promising to do something but Behemoth still keeps eating things stubbornly ignoring Tim's threats then pleas to behave himself politely.

 

[MartyMuppets]

TALK SPOT
K:Tim I thought I'd ask you when you made that television series with Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie did you have a particularly favourite moment in any episode?
T:Well Kermit. There was a very unique moment in one episode when Graeme was upsetting me when I was talking about all you muppets
K:Really? We were the subject involved?
T:Yes you see Graeme was telling me that you muppets were only dollies.
K:taken aback) What? Dollies?
T:Now now Kermit. It was only a joke. Graeme always knew just as much as I that the muppets were real.
K:calming down) Oh yeah. Heh-heh

 

[MartyMuppets]

Tim puts his hand on Kermit's shoulder :That was part of our comedy routine. Graeme was trying to explain to me what muppets supposedly really are and I was getting so aghast as I listened to him. It was actually really funny Kermit. As part of the gag Graeme said you were really just a green sock on somebody's hand. Now isn't that ridiculous? (starts to laugh)
Kermit begins to see the funny side of it : Yes. What nonsense (they both laugh together)
T:Oh Kermit. Even sillier. Do you know what Graeme considered Miss Piggy to be?
K:Tell me Tim
Tim bursts into a fit of hysterical laughter and screams: Miss Piggy is an old mop head attatched to a clotheshanger! Hahahaha!
Piggy races angrily onstage: I heard that! What's the idea of calling me names?
Tim and Kermit desperately try to explain. She won't listen and karate chops Tim
Help. Wild pig. Tim runs offstage chased by Piggy

 

[MartyMuppets]

BACKSTAGE

Fozzie is still brooding over Tim's refusal to work with him while Gonzo is practicing tap dancing with banana skins glued to his shoes. He slides into Fozzie and Kermit with a big crash

VET'S HOSPITAL
Hilda is the patient(I still hope for help in putting this together in a future edition)

PANEL-RELAXATION THERAPIES

Tim plays Professor Melvin Clampton an expert on such therapy techniques.
On Kermit's left Uncle Deadly asserts that for him the best way to relax is to either hang upside down inside an old musty wardrobe or better yet lay down in a coffin filled with scorpions. The female What-not next to Kermit is feeling un-relaxed. She fears Deadley may try to bite her neck. He assures her he's a gentleman but she's only half convinced

 

[MartyMuppets]

On the other side Prof. Clampton attempts to talk about serious relaxation techniques including soothing music therapy. He quotes the proverb Music hath charms to soothe the savage beast. Animal suddenly lifts a small drum kit up on the table and starts banging. The Prof. angrily yells at him to stop and dares to try to take them away from him. Animal objects violently and the discussion ends in pandemonium

MONOLOGUE

Tim is supposed to be having his own momologue before Fozzie but the bear boldly comes on stage. He tells Tim he's a big fan of the Goodies and he's always dreamed of working with one of them. Furthermore Tim is his favourite.
Hearing this said in front of the audience Tim reluctantly agrees to work with Fozzie and together they banter some words with Statler and Waldorf.

 

[MartyMuppets]

BACKSTAGE AFTER MONOLOGUE

Tim found he actually enjoyed working with Fozzie and praises him
Tim:I've never had such a big charge come so close to blowing me away before.
Crazy Harry:This time the charge will blow you away.
Tim and Fozzie scream then BLAM
Tim appears blackened with soot and his clothes tattered when the smoke clears. Setting his arms like a teapot handle and spout he starts tipping himself over and over. I'M A TEAPOT. I'M A TEAPOT. I'M A TEAPOT.

WAYNE AND WANDA

Sam:Ladies and Gentlemen. Wayne and Wanda are going to perform a wonderful rendition of Somewhere over the Rainbow from the glorious musical The Wizard of Oz. Enjoy.

curtain opens revealing Wayne and Wanda standing in a beautiful garden with a rainbow painted in the background. They start to sing together "Somewhere over the rainbow..."
Then a large house lands on top of them. The door opens revealing a little girl carrying a dog who says "Toto I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

 

[MartyMuppets]

TIM'S SECOND SKETCH

This time Tim is playing a primary schoolstudent among boy and girl muppets at their desks. The teacher what-not is bantering with Tim because he is wearing a Union Jack Waistcoat. It is not considered appropriate to wear instead of the school uniform. Tim cries upset "But I'm proud to be a british student."

Talking Houses
House 1 I have to go to a funeral tomorrow.
House 2 Oh dear. What's happened?
House 1 My best friend's grandfather was condemned and demolished