I'm here for the day for this one post, maybe a couple more, but other than that, don't be mistaken that I'm coming back for good or even temporary.
While I cannot safely say that things were looking up that much, things were being handled. I'm still having a miserable go, but things were moving in some direction at a glacial speed. There was a semblance of progress amid things that actually got worse since I left a few months ago. Yep. Things did get worse as expected. I've got non-fatal bad medical news because I finally got insurance again. I was apparently as an adult told I had mild autism all along and had the excuse "well, they just didn't have the diagnoses back in the 80's." But I was getting help with my ever growing depression and things were actually starting to look, shockingly enough, almost kinda up. I mean, I had a great time at a convention I desperately needed. Even bumped into fellow MC'er Muppetdude. It was great meeting him. Even went out of my socially awkwardness and talked to a lot more people recently. Otherwise, I'd say if you met me in real life I'd just give you a nod and a "mmmm-hhhmmm" if you talked to me.
Heck, things were looking good. I almost considered coming back here in a while once I got enough stuff together to start doing internet critic video reviews (being late to the party as always). Something that would have been very difficult for me to want to do otherwise.
And you can see where this is going.
Major set back today.
Woke up to some nice abuse on my Deviant art page. Yeah. So if you were planning to follow me there, I'm giving that one up too. And aforementioned video cartoon reviews? You can forget about that as I have. I just can't take the internet outside of watching videos anymore. Maybe I'm too thin skinned, maybe I've taken too much abuse by others as a kid and teenager. But if we're going for the old "straw that broke the camel's back" metaphor, said camel has been crushed flat by an infinite and steady stream of straw long ago. I really really want to say I can handle this, but...well...I'm not so much a broken man so much a man that was pulverized into dust, had the dust mixed with water to become clay, only to be shaped into the same form to be broken and pulverized again.
I wish, WISH, I came back saying "everything is great, and the only reason I'm not returning full time is because I'm too darned busy with great stuff." Rather than saying essentially "If you were worried about me before, you're really gonna hate this..."
And yes, I'll take the time to appreciate the "Aw, sorry to hear that"'s in advance while already expecting the trollish "Nyeh heh heh. I'm really a 40 year old that lives in his parents basement or some spoiled fatso 13 year old with terrible parents because cheap laughs are the best" comments.
So yeah. That.
While I cannot safely say that things were looking up that much, things were being handled. I'm still having a miserable go, but things were moving in some direction at a glacial speed. There was a semblance of progress amid things that actually got worse since I left a few months ago. Yep. Things did get worse as expected. I've got non-fatal bad medical news because I finally got insurance again. I was apparently as an adult told I had mild autism all along and had the excuse "well, they just didn't have the diagnoses back in the 80's." But I was getting help with my ever growing depression and things were actually starting to look, shockingly enough, almost kinda up. I mean, I had a great time at a convention I desperately needed. Even bumped into fellow MC'er Muppetdude. It was great meeting him. Even went out of my socially awkwardness and talked to a lot more people recently. Otherwise, I'd say if you met me in real life I'd just give you a nod and a "mmmm-hhhmmm" if you talked to me.
Heck, things were looking good. I almost considered coming back here in a while once I got enough stuff together to start doing internet critic video reviews (being late to the party as always). Something that would have been very difficult for me to want to do otherwise.
And you can see where this is going.
Major set back today.
Woke up to some nice abuse on my Deviant art page. Yeah. So if you were planning to follow me there, I'm giving that one up too. And aforementioned video cartoon reviews? You can forget about that as I have. I just can't take the internet outside of watching videos anymore. Maybe I'm too thin skinned, maybe I've taken too much abuse by others as a kid and teenager. But if we're going for the old "straw that broke the camel's back" metaphor, said camel has been crushed flat by an infinite and steady stream of straw long ago. I really really want to say I can handle this, but...well...I'm not so much a broken man so much a man that was pulverized into dust, had the dust mixed with water to become clay, only to be shaped into the same form to be broken and pulverized again.
I wish, WISH, I came back saying "everything is great, and the only reason I'm not returning full time is because I'm too darned busy with great stuff." Rather than saying essentially "If you were worried about me before, you're really gonna hate this..."
And yes, I'll take the time to appreciate the "Aw, sorry to hear that"'s in advance while already expecting the trollish "Nyeh heh heh. I'm really a 40 year old that lives in his parents basement or some spoiled fatso 13 year old with terrible parents because cheap laughs are the best" comments.
So yeah. That.