A Nest Divided: A Sam the Eagle Story

charlietheowl

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I'm a bit late with this one, but hopefully no one noticed.

Chapter Ten
"Miss Hillary! Miss Hillary!"​
"Yes, Jerome?"​
"Can you help me with my english homework?"​
"Sure."​
"Good." Jerome tossed a book at Hillary, who let it bounce off her arm.​
"The Feminine Mystique: Middle School Edition. Why'd you have to throw it at me? That's a pretty large book."​
"I need you to read that, and tell me what it's about so I can write a report about it."​
Hillary shook her head and smiled. "Oh no, you're not getting off that easy. Let's sit down and talk about this report."​
"But this book is boring! There aren't even any pictures, let alone a chart or a graph. I'd take a diagram even! A diagram! Even if I have to read a footnote to understand it!" Jerome slid off his seat and rolled onto the floor, writhing in mock-pain.​
"Come on, Jerome." Hillary bent down, getting eye-level with the displeased leopard. "We can do this."​
"But…too many words...not enough pictures."​
"Let's sit up and then go from there, okay."​
Watching from afar, Rowlf smiled. Hillary had been an excellent hire for the after school program. The program's needs had shifted since the school year began; the principal had made it clear that grades needed to be improved and homework needed to be completed before any extra music lessons should proceed. So the books had to be hit before the instrument cases could be opened.​
Rowlf was disappointed, but he knew where the principal was coming from. Grades were important; it didn't matter if you could play the violin or trumpet well if you were failing classes. School had to come first.​
He flashed to his middle school days, when he was cruelly separated from his piano for two weeks because of a C-minus in social studies. He could never keep straight all the presidents and their same names; was there that much of a difference between James Madison and James Monroe? Evidently his teachers were not only aware of the differences between the two, but avid fans of them, so he had to get special tutoring sessions. This nearly killed him then, being separated from those 88 keys, but looking back on it, it was important to learn.​
Especially because the other night the Final Jeopardy question was about the Monroe Doctrine and he won thirty bucks from Floyd and a lunch from Statler.​
"You put off reading this whole book until the night before the report was due! Exactly how did you think that would work out?"​
"I don't like to fret about that sort of thing, Miss Hillary. Things have to work themselves out."​
"Well, I suggest you start reading now, and prepare yourself to ask for an extension from Mrs. Bradley."​
"Mrs. Bradley won't give me an extension, she's a little-"​
"SNACK TIME IN TWO MINUTES! Please start cleaning up your homework and backpacks."​
Rowlf's voice cut through the din of the homework and chatting, and all the students scampered to straighten up their work area.​
"Hillary, if you don't mind going into my office, I've got a cart with juice boxes and apples for everyone."​
"No problem."​
Rowlf turned to face the class while Hillary scampered out of the room.​
"Mister Rowlf," asked a young hyena, "why can't we have a fun snack? Like ribs."​
"Ribs? You want me to cook ribs for 20 people?"​
"Some potato salad would be good as well." A cheer went up from the crowd of students.​
"And rolls!"​
"Goodness! You guys know this is an after-school program and not a hotel, right?"​
"So then no hot towels, Mister Rowlf? My neck is stiff."​
"Nope, sorry. Michael, you have a question?"​
"Can I go to the lavatory?"​
"Michael, you just went ten minutes ago."​
The persnickety turkey shook his head. "I was checking out the surroundings, making sure they met my standards. I can't use just any lavatory?"​
Rowlf sighed. "Do they?"​
"Begrudingly. The stalls could be a lot wider and cleaner. And the automatic soap dispenser does not provide me the adequate amount of soap to clean my wings. But it's useable."​
"Well, I guess you can go then."​
"Before I go, do you think any changes could be made to the quality of the lavatory? Is that on the agenda?"​
Rowlf was stumped. "Umm, you'll have to attend a Board Meeting, I think."​
Hillary came in with the cart of snacks, which stopped conversation mercifully. Any food, even if it wasn't ribs, was good if it was free.​
"Students in Row A and B can come get their snacks. Hey! Hey! Tom, you're in Row C. Wait your turn."​
After all the snacks had been served, and everyone was sitting and talking, Rowlf sidled up to Hillary.​
"Things are going pretty well today."​
"Well, one problem."​
"What?"​
"Mandy and Jarrett had to be separated twice today."​
"How come? They were the closest of friends yesterday."​
Hillary shook her head. "They broke up today at lunch. Evidently Jarrett gave his pudding cup to another female and denied it, until she came up and said thanks. Mandy wasn't too pleased. She dumped her lunch tray on his head."​
"Did it get stuck in his antlers?"​
"More than likely. But they need to stay on separate sides of the room for the rest of the day, or at least until they get back together again."​
As if on cue, an argument broke out between the two of them.​
"Mandy, I'm sorry, Julia really needed my pudding cup."​
"I don't care! You're just like all the other deer in the world! All about food."​
"I need you, Mandy, baby."​
Rowlf stepped in to break up the lover's quarrel. "All right, you guys, that's enough." He escorted Jarrett to the other side of the classroom to help him clean up the snack cart.​
Meanwhile, Hillary was getting the class organized. "Now that snack's over, let's head to the music room."​
A din of excitement erupted from the student body, who promptly lined up at the door, nearly trampling each other.​
"Everybody ready to leave?"​
"YES!"​
"Let's go!" Hillary opened the door, and a rush of students whizzed past her, running down the hallway, nearly knocking over a custodian who had the misfortune to be sweeping up in their path.​
The music room was at the other end of the school, a beautiful room, neatly carpeted and soundproofed, with plenty of room for all sorts of instruments. Most striking was a large bay window, which over looked the school's backyard and a small parking lot.​
Rehearsals went nicely, Hillary taking the time to listen to the students play their latest chords and notes, while Rowlf helped a small, frustrated mongoose learn some basic piano chords. Everything went well until Jerome, who had been absorbed in his cello practice, suddenly burst out laughing.​
"Hahahaha! Look at that doofy bear and eagle outside! They crashed their bike into someone's car. Hillary, that eagle kinda looks like you. Less hair though."​
"An eagle?", asked Rowlf and Hillary incredulously. Looking outside, they saw Sam and Fozzie next to a crushed up bike, arguing. The soundproof window prevented them from hearing the argument, but it was clear that Fozzie was losing.​
"What in the world?" asked Hillary.​
"Looks like they're okay," said a relieved Rowlf. Both ran outside, followed by a trail of students.​
"Fozzie! Sam! What are you two doing here?"​
Sam cleared his throat before speaking. "I needed to talk to you Hillary about some news I heard this morning from Annie Sue."​
"What?"​
"She told me you resigned from your job at the Four Seasons Market this morning. Why would do such a thing?"​
"Dad, I didn't want to work somewhere that treated my brother so badly. He got fired after giving them weeks of hard work. I can't support that kind of behavior."​
"But how are you going to earn any money?"​
"Rowlf has arranged for me to be paid, and I can help out more in the planning process of the lesson plans, meeting with teachers during the day."​
"Well, fine, then." Sam seemed unusually flustered. Both his children had left the jobs he took great care to set up for them. It had barely been a few weeks, and all his plans were cast aside with the wind. What good had he actually done?​
Rowlf stepped into the conversation. "How come you guys took the bike over here?"​
Fozzie answered. "Well, Sam's car kind of doesn't work, because there was an accident with it when I borrowed it yesterday. I needed to pick up a prop for my act, an inflatable dentist's chair, and the box was too big for my car, so Sam said I could borrow his truck if I filled it up on my way home."​
"An accident?! You put diesel fuel in a gas car!"​
"All the pumps look the same! I didn't see the signs! I'm sorry!"​
Sam just shook his head.​
Rowlf put his arm around a discouraged Fozzie. "Accidents happen, it's okay."​
"So he said I was responsible for getting him to the middle school today. Only thing was Gonzo was using my car."​
"Why did he have your car?"​
"Nigel had his, since Floyd borrowed Nigel's, and Rizzo borrowed Floyd's-"​
Rowlf shook his head. "I get the idea."​
"So we had no other choice but to use the tandem bike. I don't like riding in the front, I have to make all the decisions about if we stop or not, take a turn or stay straight. Too stressful!"​
"He was just awful out there. I thought I was going to die of a heart attack when sitting on the back of that bike! Weaving in and out of traffic, stopping short at every light. I don't know how you ever got your driver's license!"​
"Sorry, Sam."​
Rowlf looked at the flustered Sam and the saddened Fozzie. "Well, how about you guys stay for the rest of the day, and then I'll drive you guys home. Hillary, bring everyone inside, and have them play some songs for the two of them."​
The kids ran inside, followed by Sam and Fozzie. Rowlf stayed outside to move the bent-up bike out of the parking lot. It had turned out to hit the back of his car, but he didn't want to upset Fozzie even more.​
"Only a few scrapes. Nothing too major. Still, I never thought I'd see the day when Sam and Fozzie rode a bike together. I guess things are changing around here."​
********​
Coming up in Chapter Eleven: Showtime at the Muppet Theater with guest star Paul McCartney and Andrew getting a special job with the backstage crew.​
 

The Count

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Well, you posted an update, so that's good enough for me.
:insatiable: Just like cookies.
Yeah, now go ask the nice librarian if he has any.
:insatiable: Okay. *Leaves to bother librarian.

Interesting schtuff with the foibles of school-aged kids. Why does the argument between Jared Deer and Mandy remind me of those Subway commercials with Todd and Samantha? Book without any pictures, you get a mushroom point for that. And then there's the car game going on between the Muppets which is why Fozzie and Sam ended up on the bike built for two.

Nice, please post more when possible.
 

newsmanfan

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*still giggling at the idea of Freidan editing her classic tome for middle-schoolers*

Very very fun! Love the whole chain-of-borrowing-cars. Original and very Muppety.

Poor Sam...he's going to need a shot of Ego when this is all over. Hope he comes to realize his kids' successes in what THEY are good at should make him proud.

All the antics with the various kids....ack. Muppet animal kids are apparently WORSE than grownup Muppets. Didn't realize that was possible. And for some reason I love it that you named a young buck Jarrett.

Keep going!
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charlietheowl

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The kid complaining about having to read The Feminine Mystique is basically me last school year. Had to read it for a class, saw it was 600-plus pages and said nope. I printed a summary from somewhere and read it the morning of the class discussion. The professor said I had a "fresh perspective" on it from my contributions in class. Victory was mine.

Thanks for reading, guys!
 

newsmanfan

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LOL! I did that to a few short stories (skim, paraphrase, BS aloud) in American Lit (particularly the really early stuff, which is dull as Sam's perfectly aligned #2 pencil collection) but never a whole book!

I heard 'em clank, dude...
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charlietheowl

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Chapter Eleven

"Gee Kermit, the theater is jam-packed. I can't remember ever having a crowd this big. There are even some humans in the audience!"

"Well Scooter, let's give them a great show tonight and hope they come back."

The Muppet Theater was abuzz with excitement; tonight they were filming with none other than Paul McCartney, and word had gotten out. They actually had to turn people away from the ticket booth, which was something that never happened. Consequently, Kermit wanted everything to go right.

Everyone was abuzz backstage as well. Last minute changes were being tossed around, ideas bouncing from person to person, alterations on costumes being snipped and trimmed, last minute meals being scarfed down over a copy of the script.

Kermit and Scooter were talking over the Kermit's customary spot, his crowded and messy desk.

"What do you need now, Chief?"

"Before your next task, I have an announcement for you. You've got a new assistant."

"Did Walter quit?" Scooter looked shocked.

"No, I just figured you could use another one."

"Who is it boss?"

Before Kermit could say anything, Andrew came running up the stairs, carrying a box full of fruit.

"I caught Statler and Waldorf with this in the parking lot! They might have tried to throw it at us."

"Thanks, Andrew. You can bring that to Gladys later, might as well be put to good use."

"Andrew's my new assistant?" Scooter sighed and shook his head.

"Look, he's an extra set of hands, and he'll be willing to do anything."

"Okay."

"That's good. Now off to make sure Paul's doing well." Kermit shuffled off to the stairs, encouraging some penguins to get out of the way first.

Scooter sized up Andrew, an unkempt, slightly sweaty, disheveled eagle. His brown mop of hair looked like it had lost a fight with the wind, and his official Muppet Show t-shirt seemed to be a bit tighter than necessary. Still, extra help always, erm, helped.

Walter came running in, carrying two giant boxes of coffee. "Just got back from Starbucks! Hopefully no one missed the coffee machine."

"Except for Animal throwing a chair at Gladys, everyone made do just fine."

"Great!" Walter ran to the kitchen.

"All right, he's going off to the kitchen. So what do I need you to do? Oh yeah! I need you to go back to the prop closet- it's the second door on the left past the men's room- and get the fake guns for the Rocky Raccoon number. Beauregard and Beaker are setting up the set right now, so you can bring the guns to them."

"Will do chief!" Andrew attempted to salute Scooter in a sign of loyalty, but only succeeded in knocking the clipboard out of his hands.

"Oh boy," Scooter whispered to himself as he picked up his clipboard.

Scooter went out to the set, which was adorned like a old-time Western saloon; swinging doors, bar with liquor shelved behind it, wood-paneled walls, old-timey piano where Rowlf was sitting, going over his music, and tables full of cowboy and cowgirl background characters. Beauregard was putting the last tables and chairs into place as Scooter walked over to him.

"Everything looks great!"

"Thanks, Scooter. I had no idea we had so many chairs!"

"Well, we want the bar to be crowded, it will make for a better standoff scene."

"If you want a standoff, why'd you have me bring in all the chairs!?"

"Never mind, Beau."

Meanwhile, Andrew was lost backstage.

"Did he say second door to the left with the men's room or past the men's room? Hmmm."

"Are you lost?!!?!"

Crazy Harry happened to careen on by, sipping wildly out of a 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew.

"Do you know where the prop room is? I need to get the guns for the Western number."

"Guns! I've got some guns, just come with me!"

"Okay, thanks!"

As Andrew and Harry headed to the bowels of the Muppet Theater, Kermit and Paul were heading out of the dressing room.

"I still can't believe you're doing the show."

"Well, my agent said your network paid well."

"That always helps. You're sure you want to watch from backstage until your first number? You're welcome to stay in your room until we need you."

"Nah, that's fine. I like to get a feel for the show before I go on, read the crowd."

"Hopefully they'll stay in the stands after the first number…" Kermit swallowed hard. The set for the Rocky Raccoon number was so elaborate that they needed to open with something simple. Unfortunately, the only number they could find for the start was almost too simple.

Scooter returned backstage. "We hung up the backdrop for the rag mops. You want to go introduce them?"

"I guess so." Kermit made his way to the front of the stage.

"Good evening everyone! Welcome to another night at the Muppet Theater. Tonight we have a living legend, one of the great songwriters of the past fifty years, not to mention a great singer and bass player. He's none other than Paul McCartney and we're thrilled to have him here!"

The crowd erupted in thunderous applause.

"But first, one of the most indifferently received acts to ever hit the Muppet Theater stage, performing their dance to Ebony and Ivory, the Rag Mops!"

Kermit walked off as the curtain raised to reveal another silver curtain, in front of which were the mops, performing their static dance moves in front of an impatient crowd.

"Mops? Mops? That's who I'm following?"

"Sorry, Paul. We owed them a favor. Their cousins really helped clean up the theater over the summer."

"Well, you can't beat a good clean-up crew."

Their conversation was interrupted by the gasping Andrew, who came backstage in a huff.

"Kermit! Kermit! I've got the guns for the number."

Andrew came back into sight, triumphantly raising the guns in the air, followed by Harry, still tossing back sips of Mountain Dew.

"Thanks, Andrew. Did you have an easy time finding the prop closet? I know Scooter's not the best with directions sometimes."

"Well, I did have a hard time, but Harry helped me find some guns."

Kermit choked. "Did you get THOSE guns from crazy Harry?"

"Yeah, why?"

"They're probably not prop guns then! They're probably the real thing!"

"What?" Andrew looked at the guns in his hand. "I don't think so, they feel so light." He picked up the gun and held it out.

"Aaah!" Kermit yelled and hit the deck, followed by several other Muppets and Paul. "Would you put that down?"

"Sorry!" Andrew tossed the guns on the table; they skittered across, knocking over Kermit's coffee cup.

"Scooter! Get the prop guns please! Walter! Call the police and have them pick up these guns before anything else happens!"

"Yes chief!" The two spoke in virtual tandem and then ran off on their respective errands.

"Everybody get in their places! The mops are done!" Kermit ran onto the stage to make his next introduction.

"We would now like to you take you back to the Wild West, a place where cowboys and cowgirls made their own rules, a place where a game of cards could decide life and death, and a place where we hope you ignore that Gonzo's in a racoon suit. Enjoy!"

The curtain raised onto the same bar as before, bustling with card games, Skeeter and Annie Sue serving drinks made by Beauregard, and Rowlf ticking the ivories. At a lone table in the corner, the only one without a gang of Muppets sitting around, Paul McCartney sat with his guitar and began to sing.

"Now somewhere in the black mountain hills of Dakota
there lived a young boy named Rocky Raccoon"

Gonzo, in an oversized raccoon suit complete with fringed cowboy shirt and twenty-gallon hat, burst through the saloon doors, nearly getting smacked by them on the return swing. The saloon crowd gasped when they saw him.

"and one day his woman ran off with another guy
hit young Rocky in the eye Rocky didn't like that"

Right after Paul sang that, a water balloon came out of nowhere and splashed across Gonzo's eyes. "Ouch! Tap water!"

His woman, Camilla, could be seen in the arms of Fozzie Bear, also wearing a cowboy vest and hat, though a slightly smaller one.

"He said I'm gonna get that boy.
So one day he walked into town
booked himself a room in the local saloon"

Beauregard puffed on his harmonica in the pauses.

"Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
only to find Gideon's bible"

A giant lion stalked up to Gonzo menacingly. "I'll take my bible back!"

"Sorry, Gideon." Gonzo rifled through his pockets, coming up with a well-worn bible. Gideon grabbed it and slinked back to his table.

"Rocky had come equipped with a gun
to shoot off the legs of his rival"

"That might hurt!" squeaked Fozzie from across the room.

"His rival it seems had broken his dream
by stealing the girl of his fancy"

Camilla cooed and waved her wings.

"Her name was M'Gill and she called herself Lil
but everyone knew her as Nancy
now she and her man who called himself Dan
were in the next room at the hoe down"

"We only had enough space for one room, sorry Paul," apologized Fozzie from across the room.

"It's okay, guys." Paul sighed, shook his head and went back to singing as Gonzo suddenly burst towards Fozzie's table, brandishing a gun.

"Rocky burst in and grinning a grin
He said Danny boy this is a showdown"

Fozzie stood up, waving his gun, while the crowd in the saloon dived under their tables. Rowlf plunged under the piano bench, still trying to play with a lone paw.

"But Daniel was hot, he drew first and shot
and Rocky collapsed in the corner"

Shots were fired, and Gonzo clutched his chest. He then proceeded to drag out his death scene in a way that would make any soap opera actress proud as Paul strummed his guitar and Rowlf gradually made his way back to the piano bench. He flung himself around from table to table, knocking off glasses and poker chips in his death throes.

"The lights! The lights! They're fading! i've been defeated! Vanquished! And I never finished my needlepoint! Oh what a shame!"

Paul shook his head again. "I'd better get onto the next verse before this gets out of hand."

"Now the doctor came in stinking of gin
and proceeded to lie on the table"

Link Hogthrob walked in, carrying a bottle and doctor's bag, wearing the same scrubs that Rowlf wore in Veterinarian's Hospital.

"Hey! That's my costume!" Rowlf objected from the piano bench.

"You're the piano player now buddy. I'm the doctor today."

"he said Rocky you met your match
And Rocky said, Doc it's only a scratch
and I'll be better-I'll be better doc as soon as I am able"

While Link tried to investigate Gonzo's injuries, only to get his arm stuck in the strap of the doctor's bag, Paul got up from his seat and moved to the middle of the bar to finish out the song.

"And now Rocky Raccoon feel back in a swoon
only to find Gideon's bible"

Gonzo was hit in the face with the bible, which came flying from Gideon's table. "I think you need it more than me now!"

"Gideon checked out and he left it no doubt
To help with good Rocky's revival, ah"

The final jam played out while Link continued to look over Gonzo with a confused look.

"Well, Doc, am I gonna make it?"

"Make it where? Are you leaving town on the next horse?"

Gonzo sighed and leaned back on the table.

"the story of Rocky Raccoon….."

****************​
Rocky Raccoon is copyright to John Lennon and Paul McCartney. I made a small change in the final verse to make the setting work better, I hope no one minds.​
Coming up in Chapter Twelve: Piggy heads back to the drawing board, and Andrew reveals a hidden talent.​
 

Slackbot

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*chuckles* Fun chapter! Love the cameos by Walter and Skeeter. Amy Mebberson would approve. And I'm glad that Andrew dropped a mention of the source of the guns, otherwise Gonzo's indestructibility might have been put to the test.

Somehow I missed last chapter. Whoops! The car-swapping was wonderfully Muppetty, and I'm pleased that Sam actually shaddapped about Hillary's job once he saw she was getting paid. I kind of wish we'd seen the bike ride on camera, but that would have taken the focus away from the school.

Always happy to read this, and I'll looking for the next slice, whenever it appears.
 
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