Yikes, this one took me awhile. "One Shining Moment" is by David Barrett Hodges, and has been sung by Luther Vandross, Teddy Pendergrass and Jennifer Hudson, amongst others.
Chapter 19
The monotonous thump of a dribbling basketball filled the backstage of the Muppet Theater, thump, thump, thump, thump.
"Good to see you've got the hang of dribbling now Walter."
"Gee, thanks Kermit! I never was too good at this in gym, the ball tended to be too big for me."
"They didn't let you use a smaller ball?"
"No, our school couldn't afford one. Once I tried to make a chest pass and launched myself with the ball across the court. I ended up skidding into the gym mats. After that I stuck to tennis."
"I don't blame you for that."
Walter dribbled on his way back to the main stage while Kermit scanned the scripts on his desk. This episode was a bit of a challenge for the cast, as Charles Barkley, though willing to do just about anything they asked of him, did not have a very good singing voice, which was putting it mildly. So they had to be creative about how to use him. But one thing was obvious; any sketch he was in would be basketball-themed.
So ideas were bounced around, and digging through some basketball message boards, Scooter found a song called "One Shining Moment" which would make for a good number. So they built a mini-court for a set, got some bleachers, cheerleading outfits, basketball uniforms, and Charles could be the coach.
Beauregard walked past Kermit carrying a pile of pom-pons.
"Kermit! I was nervous about carrying these because I couldn't tell if they were alive or not."
"Why would you think they were alive?"
"Well, we have so many different monsters here I thought it might have been a giant pile of hair or something."
"No, that's Martin. Hee's coming on in two weeks. You don't have to worry."
"Gee thanks!" Beauregard made his way to the stage with the pom-pons, where he was met by his cheerleaders, Piggy, Janice, and Miss Mousey.
"Here you are! And don't worry, the pom-pons won't bite."
Piggy gave Beau a strange look while he walked away, while Janice eyed the pom-pons suspiciously.
Meanwhile, Walter was wandering backstage, still dribbling, trying to round up the rest of his basketball team.
"Scooter! Gonzo! Sam! Rowlf! Come on, it's almost time."
"I'm not coming out of the dressing room! I refuse!"
"But Sam," Walter said as Scooter emerged from his office and Gonzo came out of the air conditioning vent. "It's time to film."
"But this uniform! The shorts are too short!"
Seemingly out of nowhere (or the nearby canteen), Rowlf ran in and shouted "You hardly have any legs to show off!"
"You're not exactly Mr. Fit either in those shorts!"
"Hey! Hey!" Scooter cut in. "Come on, Sam, you promised you'd be in the sketch. If you can't go, then we'll have to put Fozzie in there and he can't dribble a ball."
"Fine. I guess I can't let everyone else down."
Scooter then lined up the troops. "Let's get out there and meet our coach."
As they proceeded to the set, no one heard the soft ringing of a cell phone coming from the dressing room. The phone rang and rang until a voicemail message picked up.
"Good day. You have reached the telephone of Sam the Eagle. I am not available right now, so if you are a telemarketer, teenager, or member of the Muppet theater, please hang up. If not, please leave a message if you must."
"Hello Sam. You know I told to change that message before, it's not very friendly. Anyway, this is me, Matty. I wanted to let you know that I talked to Hillary and Andrew the other day, and they both suggested to me that I should come out for Thanksgiving. I'm not really going to be doing anything else, and I think it would be fun to see all you guys. I talked to Kermit and he said it would be fine if I came for a few days, so I'll be flying in on Monday. See you then!"
***************************
Back on the stage, Kermit was about to introduce the next act with a pained look on his face.
"Well, I hope you enjoyed Rizzo's take on "Lucky Man" by Emerson, Lake and Palmer. If you're not familiar with that band name, you might think it's a law firm, which is exactly what we're going to need after that performance."
Kermit gulped and went onward.
"Well, if there's one thing I can say or do without getting sued, it's that our guest star, Charles Barkley, was a great basketball played. However, is he a good coach as well? Let's find out right now."
The curtain opened and cut to the Newsman and Louis Kazagger standing court side.
"Welcome back to tonight's matchup between the Muppet All-Medocrities and the Rag Mops. Now Louis, these Mops have cut out a huge lead with their post defense. Is there anything the Muppets can do to win?"
"Well Newsie, after watching the first half, talking to opposing scouts, coaches, and players, extensive anecdotal research of NBA message boards, and doing a small amount of peyote, I've come to my conclusion."
"Which is?"
"No."
"And there you have it! Let's get back to the game."
Charles huddled his team around before the start of the second half.
"Now guys, the other team is up by 32 points tonight."
"It's actually 33," Walter chimed in.
"Yeah, that's what I saw when I called my bookie to make a bet on the game at halftime," said Gonzo.
"You're betting on a game you're playing in! They're not paying me enough to coach this team," sighed Charles.
"Anyway, go out there and hustle! Give 100 percent and then some! Make your families proud! Make me proud! Make the bus driver proud, because he might not drive us home if we lose."
"Let's do this," yelled Walter, as he led the starting five back onto the court.
Meanwhile, Piggy, Janice and Miss Mousey began their routine and song.
"The ball is tipped, and there you are
you're running for your life and you're a shooting star"
Rowlf ran down the court with the ball and threw a perfectly-aimed pass to Walter, who let the ball bounce off his hands out of bounds.
"and all the years no one knows
just how hard you worked but now it shows"
The mops quickly brought the ball down to the other end of the court, where Gonzo stood ready to defend, only to be so absorbed in watching the mops that he failed to see Sam running along side of him. The two collided in a mess of feathers while the mops scored.
"in one shining moment, it's all on the line
one shining moment, there frozen in time"
Scooter attempted to throw the ball in-bounds but ended up smacking the referee, Sweetums, with the ball.
"Sorry, Sweetums."
"It's okay," he said with a sigh.
Charles tried to motivate his team. "Come on guys! You're almost there! We're only down 42….for goodness sakes, what am I doing? We can't possibly win this."
"but time is short, and the road is long
in the blinking of an eye, that moment's gone
and when it's done, win or lose,
you always did your best cause inside you knew…"
Gonzo tried to take a jump shot, but his shot was swatted so viciously by the mops that the ball bounced off his head and nearly took off Charles' head on the sidelines.
"Is this for real? We're losing to people without arms, guys! No arms! I don't even know how they shoot the ball! I'm out of here, we're down by 51 and I'm hungry. I'm going to Buffalo Wild Wings."
"that one shining moment, you reached deep inside,
one shining moment, you knew you were alive"
Walter yelled after his coach.
"Coach, come back! Coach! I almost hit the rim last shot! Almost!"
"and when it's done, win or lose
you always did your best, cause inside you knew
one shining moment, you reached for the sky
one shining moment, you were willing to try!"
*********
Coming up next in Chapter 20: You wouldn't believe this, but everyone has an opinion on Matty coming for Thanksgiving, and Sam doesn't like any of them.
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