A Green and Red Christmas

[The Count]

Yaey! Please let Maddie know we're thinking of her and hope she can return soon.

 

[The Count]

Now that it's December and Christmas season... We demand an update! Don't make us fire the muffin and penguin cannons at ju. Post the story and nobodies gets hurt.

 

[PuppyLuver]

*puts up the anti-muffin/penguin shields* Take yer best shot! XD

Okay, seriously. I'll get to work on that. I can't make any guarantees, though. I already promised ch9 of Scoop within the next two weeks. And with school... *sigh*

 

[The Count]

*Sneaks up behind Jes and hugs her. Post when you can.

 

[PuppyLuver]

Gaaaah! How'd you get past my shields?

Since ch9 of Scoop is coming along smoothly, I'm pretty sure I can get ch8 of this done and posted at least before the month/year's out. Here's hoping~!

 

[The Count]

Yes... Here's hoping it can get posted as well! *Leaves hot chocolate and number 21 cookie for Jes.

 

[PuppyLuver]

Whoops.

Got on a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon/Animal Crossing/Samba de Amigo/Wii Fit/NiGHTS into Dreams kick. Completely forgot about this whole thing. Sowwy.

 

[PuppyLuver]

Yeah, I know, it’s nowhere near Christmas. I don’t think updates to something should wait until a certain time if the updates are ready to go unless a) you need a buffer for regular updates in case of emergencies or b) it’s a very special update.

There’s a reference to the origin of Weirdies(my roleplay with Maddie) in here. I doubt anyone would catch it on normal circumstances, so I’ll tell you: it officially started with Dimentio and Luna warping into the Muppet Theater and David Bowie happened to be the guest star. Intense clinging action ensued.

And sowwy for the way-too-long hiatus on this one, too. I know it’s way past when this stuff should get updated and I’m so, so sorry. I’m a notorious procrastinator.

------------------

A Green and Red Christmas

by PuppyLuver and ZootyCutie

The curtain soon rose again, revealing Miss Piggy in a skimpy dress resembling Santa’s typical outfit. She began to sing in a somewhat seductive way. “Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree, for me
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, a fifty-four convertible too, light blue
I'll wake up for you dear
Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the froggies that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be just as good
If you'd check off my Christmas list(ba-doo-bee-doo)

Santa baby, I want... a yacht(I don't think that's asking a lot, do you?)
Been an angel all year
Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa honey, one little thing I really need, the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight

Ooh
Santa cutie, I'll fill my stocking with a duplex... Oh, and checks!
Just, uh... sign your X on the line right there...
Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me too

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring
I don't mean a phone
Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight

Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry... tonight!” When she was finished, she winked at the audience and received a ton of applause. “I'll be waiting up for you~!” she said at the close, no doubt having replaced the real St Nicholas with a certain frog in her mind’s eye.

Surprisingly, even Statler and Waldorf were clapping... at least, for a while. “Well, I really didn't like it,” Statler said.

“Me either,” Waldorf agreed. They both ended up getting tazered by an angry lady pig.

Meanwhile, backstage, David wasn’t exactly thrilled about his current situation. “It's just like last time I was here...” the glam rock star sighed. He propped his leg up on a table, revealing Dimentio clinging to his leg.

“I knew they were hiding you!” Dimentio squealed happily. (Really, can you picture a guy like him squealing in delight? Very strange.) “But now that I've found you, I won't let you out of my sight until the show's over.” He hugged a little tighter, which David found to be more than he could stand any longer. “KERMIT!”

“Oh, David, I'm so sorry,” said Kermit, running up to the exasperated glam rock star. “I thought we had gotten rid of him!”

Dimentio laughed. “I'm like overdue taxes,” he said, grinning maniacally. “I never go away.”

“How can I get him off of me?” David moaned in desperation.

Kermit thought for a bit. Then he came up with a brilliant idea. “Well, maybe if you two do a number together, he'll leave you alone,” he suggested.

David considered the notion. “Hmm... I've wanted to perform a Christmas song since that one with Bing Crosby...”

“I would perform any song with my idol~!” It was obvious that Dimentio would need no convincing.

“How about... Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer?”

“Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer?” Truly it was not a song you’d expect the once-great David Bowie to perform. Then again, the guest star did have the last say in what he or she performed(most of the time) and it seemed to appease the annoyance known as Dimentio, so Kermit had to allow it. “Okay then,” he said, “I think we can find somewhere to, um, squeeze that in. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer... sheesh...”

At that moment, Misty came in, wearing a more feminine version of Strong Bad’s outfit. “I heard that jester,” she said somewhat threateningly. “Where is he?”

“It's okay! It's alright!” Kermit shouted, at an attempt to stave off violence. “He's only doing a number with the guest star!”

“Yeah, I'm only doing a number with the guest star!” Dimentio echoed mockingly.

David moaned. “Why do I get the sinking feeling this isn't going to end well...?”

“Because you're with The Muppets!”

Right on cue, Scooter came in to interrupt this weird-fest. “Boss, 15 seconds to the next number!” he exclaimed.

“Oh, good grief!” Kermit started to leave, but briefly stopped. “Here, David, use this if he gets clingy again.” He handed David a crowbar, then ran out onto the stage.

“Good luck!” Misty told the glam rock star. Then, under her breath, she added, “He's gonna need it!”

On stage, Kermit was busy introducing the next number. “Okay, moving right along now,” he said, “here's Gonzo the Great and Rizzo the Rat wishing you to have a most wonderful time of the year.” He left as the curtains rose and the music started. Gonzo and Rizzo were sitting at a Charlie Brown-style brick wall. “Y'know, Gonzo?” Rizzo asked.

“What, Rizzo?” Gonzo replied.

“Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think Christmas is one of the top ten times of the whole year.”

Gonzo laughed. “Hello! Christmas is the best!”

“Well, it's definitely a great time of year, right?”

“C'mon! It's the most wonderful time of the year
With the kids jingle belling
And everyone telling you "Be of good cheer"
It's the most wonderful time of the year”

Rizzo smiled. “You're so right! You know what else?”

“What?”

“It's the hap-hap-happiest season of all
With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings
When friends come to call
It's the hap-hap-happiest season of aaaaaaallllllllll”

“Nice vibrato,” Gonzo said. He continued. “There'll be parties for hosting”

“Marshmallows for toasting”

“And caroling out in the snow”

“There'll be scary ghost stories” (At this, Rizzo visibly shook.)

“And tales of the glories of
Christmases long, long ago”

“Together!” Rizzo exclaimed. So they sang in unison. “It's the most wonderful time of the year
There'll be much mistletoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When love ones are near
It's the most wonderful time of the year”

“Hey, Gonzo,” Rizzo said, “I'm having some second thoughts.”

“What, what?” Gonzo asked.

“Well, I mean, there's always a nice Mexican cheese on Cinco de Mayo~!”

“But Christmas has roasted chestnuts!”

“Tamales!”

“Candy canes!”

“Taquitos!”

“Eggnog!

“Burritos!”

“Fruitcake!”

“Frijoles!”

“Candied yams?”

Rizzo finally caved in. “Ah, when you’re right, you’re right,” he said. “There'll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting
And caroling out in the snow”

“There'll be scary ghost stories[
And tales of the glories of[
Christmases long, long ago”

“It's the most wonderful time of the year
There'll be much mistletoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When love ones are near
It's the most wonderful time
It's the most wonderful time
It's the most wonderful time of the year”

“Buy me some Figgie pudding?” Rizzo asked.

“Done.”

“Alright.”

The number ended with applause. As Gonzo and Rizzo made their way backstage, Fozzie congratulated them. “Nice job, guys!” he told them. Then he went up to Kermit, who was at his desk. “Hey, Kermit?”

“Yes?”

“When do I go on?” Fozzie asked sweetly.

“You don't.” The shock on Fozzie’s face said all that needed to be said. “Well, I never put a part for you on the show!” Kermit exclaimed.

“But my mom's in the audience!” Fozzie cried.

Kermit did his “scrunchy-face” again. “The last time that happened, you took over the show, and your mom only fell asleep,” he said.

“But I promised Misty that I'd do one!”

Kermit finally gave in. “Skeeter!”

Skeeter came in. “Yeah, boss?” she asked.

“Get Zoot off the stage,” Kermit replied. “His "Too Many Ostriches" skit's being pulled. Fozzie's taking his place.”

“Will do.”

Onstage, Zoot was surrounded by more ostriches than possible to count. He was wearing a gray suit, and talking in a slightly sad voice. “Why are there so many ostriches?” he asked forlornly. “The brochure said there would only be a few! This is a terrible vacation!” He was dragged off by a cane as Kermit came onstage to introduce Fozzie’s comedy bit. “Okay, are all you elves and reindeer ready?” Kermit asked. “Put your hands, paws, and hooves together for a big North Pole welcome for Fozzie Bear!”

“Thank you, Kermit!” Fozzie exclaimed as he ran onstage. He turned to the audience. “Thank you, thank you and thank you! How's everybody doing tonight?” He cleared his throat and began. “So, why does Santa take presents to all the children of the world? ... 'Cuz the presents won't take themselves!” The audience groaned. “Um, where does Santa stay when he's out on the road? ... At a ho-ho-hotel! Wocka wocka!” More groaning. “What do you get when Santa comes down the chimney while the fire's still burning? ... Crisp Kringle!” Even more groaning. However, not everyone thought that Fozzie’s jokes were so bad. Backstage, Misty was laughing her head off. “You're killing me, Fozzie!” she exclaimed between chuckles.

“When does the show start?” Waldorf moaned.

“I've got a better question,” Statler said, “when does it end?” They both laughed their trademark laugh.

Meanwhile, Fozzie was trying to continue the jokes. “Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, the elves! How do elves say hello to each other? ... "Small world, isn't it?" Ahh!” The audience groaned some more. “Um, why did the elf put his bed in the fireplace? ... He wanted to sleep like a log!” More groaning, coupled with some eye rolling. “Sleep like a log, get it?” Fozzie had the sinking feeling that he was losing the crowd. “How many elves does it take to change a lightbulb? Ten. One to change the lightbulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!” More groans, this time with booing added in.

“Those jokes are older than me!” Statler cried.

“Yeah, and you're older than Christmas itself!” Waldorf said. They laughed. Misty still loved the jokes, however. “You're doing good, Fozzie!”

Fozzie heard Misty’s words of encouragement and felt he could keep going. “And what's the story with those reindeer? I mean, why do they always wear fur coats? Probably because they look silly in snowsuits!” The audience mildly booed him. “Oh, don't turn on me now, folks...” he cried in desperation. “Say, when should you give reindeer milk to a baby? ... When it's a baby reindeer! Wocka wocka!” The groaning began again, with medium-strength booing. “What do you call a reindeer wearing earmuffs? ... Anything you want, because he can't hear you!” The audience could take no more. They gave him the harshest booing of the evening.

“I wish I couldn't hear you!” Statler shouted.

Waldorf sighed. “I'm enjoying this act a lot more now,” he said.

“You're kidding!”

“No, I turned down my hearing aids three jokes ago!” They laughed at their own jokes more than they ever did Fozzie’s.

Fozzie could read the signs. The audience wasn’t liking his material. Best to back out before the tomatoes came. “It's time for me to go now, hope you liked it!” he exclaimed. “Happy holidays, everyone! Wocka wocka!” He made his way backstage, where Misty was waiting for him. “You did good out there!” she told him proudly.

“Thank you!” Fozzie smiled.

“Yeah, great,” Kermit said. But under his breath, he added, “Not...”

“What was that, Kermit?” Misty asked.

“Um, just needed a breather.”

“Right.” Misty made her way to the dressing room. “Well, don't forget, that the band still has their final number,” she reminded the amphibious MC.

Kermit moaned. “How did we manage to get them on three times in one show?” he asked himself.

“Remember, Miss Piggy gave me lessons,” Misty said threateningly.

“Oh, r-right.”

 

[The Count]

Yeah Kerm... And the band's her family... Gotta push for more Mayhem when she can. Interesting that you kept Fozzie's jokes, but cut the song instead. Wait a sec... Final number! The album/show's only half over. Sheesh. Post more please.

 

[The Count]

*Bump! Now that MC's embraced the holiday season with their annual Christmas music playlist, I thought we could maybe coax PuppyLuver and ZootyCutie to update hish please? Thankses and happy holidays to all.