2007 Muppet Presidential Election Part 3

[MrsPepper]

What a close race!

 

[Luke]

Lewis Kazagger: You heard it here first... The Honeydew camp has resorted to bribing rats for their political endorsement with promises of free cheese that are only flim-flammery on the filching scientist's part, as the rats have yet to receive their desired dairy products.

*Ahem* Says someone who has been offering clubhouses, cakes, luggage sets, free makeovers, concerts, the Pussycat dolls and free soda.

Official Honeydew Camp Spokesrat We at the Honeydew camp do not need to bribe rats, there are many rats working for the team. We are a real imaginary political party, we know how things are done in government as far as rats are concerned. Infact Dr Bunz is the only candidate officially endorsed by rats, sharks and moles.

 

[The Count]

The moles? That's a bald-faced lie, the moles have been long-standing supporters of the Piggy campaign... Especially thanks to Mabel, our mole cuisine staffer who's been helping us out after leaving her restaurant in Vegas well taken care of while she helps us here with the campaign.

 

[The Count]

And to clarify the matter once and for all... What we have been offering the public are just that, offers of what we can provide them. We haven't said that this is all subject to their voting for us, we know that a person can vote for whosoever they choose. But according to the statement Rizzo just made a while ago, one could imply that it's your camp that's been bribing the voters from the beginning with promises of cheese and meaningless workout videos that haven't materialized. And listening to that proposal, you'd have the votors live in blank soulless white compartments with no food, no water or anything to drink, no entertainment, and no amusement of any sorts. Face facts, we're running a campaign here and it's been nothing but hostilities from your camp from the start. So let the voters decide the matter and we'll do what we can to try to earn their votes.

 

[Luke]

Dr Bunz Deep Throat Representative : Rizzo got a cheese donation for making an announcement, he's already a signed up Dr Bunz voter, and he does the Dr Bunz workout video every night while listening to the Mice Girls on MPFree. Dr Bunz sees this campaign as a bit of fun, a bit of a good old fashioned political skirmish. Every time he originally made any kind of campaign announcement with a few tongue in cheek jibes here and there it's been trashed by Piggys campaign team so his band of campaign minions went on the defensive. Piggy herself has said very little. This campaign was supposed to be about MC members asking candidates questions about how they would handle the Muppety issues but only a few have. I think Dr Bunz is seriously thinking about changing careers to a celebrity chef!

I think the best idea for the next round would be for someone to host a debate between the final two and THEN open the polls for people to vote. I think Dwayne is probably the best person considering this election was his idea and the rules stated he'd be asking the questions.

 

[Ruahnna]

Miss Piggy, Presidential Candidate: Debate? Moi loves to debate! Moi will argue with anyone at the drop of a hat--especially if it is a cute one!
Kermit: When she's right, she's right! Does anyone have any questions for Miss Piggy?
Unidentified speaker with muffled voice and big hat over head: When are you two finally gonna get married?!
Kermit: Um, er, *gulp* um, that is, questions about the campaign, you know--the, um, presidential campaign....oh shheesh.
(Sounds of crickets chirping. Kermit happily eats the crickets and avoids the question. AGAIN.)
Miss Piggy, Presidential Candidate: C'mon--are you a constituency or a statuary? Don't you have any questions for little ol' Moi?
Lady on the front row: Where did you get those darling shoes? Do they come in narrow sizes?
Miss Piggy, Presidential Candidate: (clearly delighted) Ooh! Ooh! You know, I was so surprised at how well these go with EVERYTHING--especially campaigning! I got them at Saks, 40% off. Ooh ooh! And they had them in midnight blue, too!
Lady on the front row: What about narrow sizes?
Miss Piggy, Presidential Candidate: Moi would have no idea whether anyone stocked anything in narrow sizes. Ask one of their very helpful saleswomen.
Ruahnna: Oh, well, um--thank you for the question. I think. Does anyone else have any questions for Miss Piggy? What about education? Doesn't anyone want to know where she stands on education?
Fozzie: (wearing Groucho Marx glasses and reading off a cue card) Yes. I. Would. Like. To. Hear. More. About. Miss. Piggy's. Stand. On. Education.
Floyd: (to Dr. Teeth) I don't care where she stands, as long as it isn't on my feet! Heh heh heh!
Ruahnna: Floyd--hush! Um, thank you kind-sir-whom-I-do-not-room-with-and-have-never-seen-before. Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy, Presidential Candidate: Moi has a very strong stand on education. I believe that everyone should be required to learn not to ask stupid questions. In fact, Moi is planning on outlawing stupid questions just as soon as she is elected!
Unnamed janitor on the fouth row back: Um, why would you want to do that?
Miss Piggy, Presidential Candidate: I rest my case. Any other questions?
Floyd: Sure! Say--how much do you weigh, anyway? I've got a bet riding on--
Miss Piggy, Presidential Candidate: Oh! Ha ha! Look at the time--and all these nice entertainers waiting to entertain you in so many, er, entertaining ways...oh, forget it. I'm out of here. (She exits through the curtains, but pokes her head back out almost immediately.) Vote for Moi! Kissy kissy! I love all of you--especially those of you I don't have to share stage time with! Kissy kissy!
(Ruahnna appears on stage.)
Ruahnna: Miss Piggy would like to gratefully acknowledge all the support of her campaign team and to assure the greater MC public that she has nothing but respect for her two esteemed colleages, even if one of them is--Piggy! For the last time, stop writing on my notes! Um, let's see, where was I....support...MC public--Oh! Oh, here I am. One last note. Miss Piggy and her campaign staff would like to point out that we are not actually offering the Pussycat Dolls--just their music. The rest is entirely up to them. We're just glad to be enjoying their, um, music.
Rizzo: Sure. We'll go with that.
Floyd: Better go quick. Mz. Presidential Porkrind will karate-chop you into next week she finds you here. Best move along, Rizzo. And take the shrimp.
Pepe: Hi am not a shrimp! Hi am a king prawn!
Floyd: Yeah? Well, Piggy will king you if she catches you here.
Rizzo: After the Hex girls.
Pepe: Si. They are hot womens, h'okay?
Floyd: Suit yourself. I don't care one way or the other. Just remember I tried to warn you. Now, later dudes--we're ankling.
Ruahnna: (struggling for control of the situation) Miss Piggy and her campaign do not endorse any of these sexist and purely--
Rizzo and Pepe: Get out of the way! Si si--ju are blocking the stage, h'okay.
Ru: (sighing) Um, thank you--and please vote for the candidate who's going to support your ideals best!

 

[The Count]

Scooter, whispering in Catherine's ear: Uh, we didn't get the Pussycat Dolls... We got Josie and the Pussycats instead, you know... That group of girl singers from the 70's? Oh never mind. Just get Piggy her speech, she's got that address to deliver on TV tomorrow night.
*Hands over the finished corrected speech to Ru and sits back down for the next act of the night.

 

[Ruahnna]

Catherine (whispering back): Oh--then I guess some of the guys will be disappointed.
Scooter: I don't know--Josie and the Pussycats are pretty hot, too!
Ru/Cat: Oh good. Now everyone's happy. Well, mostly everyone. Piggy's grumping that the television appearance will cut into her spa time. But I convinced her that the camera loves her.
Scooter: Yeah--almost as much as she loves...um, loves to give speeches about her candidacy.
Ru/Cat: (ruefully <how else? LOL!>) Nice save.
Scooter: Um, yeah. Gotta go! The guys are saving me a seat!

 

[The Count]

*From the audience's front row: Hey Scoot, over here!

Mmm, I wonder how those Christmas and New Year's shows in Vegas are going. Oh well, we'll find out in ru time.

 

[Erine81981]

Herry: *pushes a piano on stage* Here you go Ernie. It's time for a sing-along from you! Maybe this will help Grover get some more votes.